17/20 

I think the only thing better than reading Tina Fey - is listening to your boyfriend read Tina Fey.  Especially if it is her memoir of coming of age, being a woman in the comedic workplace, becoming a mother and the rest of the hysterical (pun? social critique? historical allusion?) aspects of womanhood. And ESPECIALLY if he laughs harder at it all than you do. Beau, you're just the best.  :)

I have worked 51 hours in 4 days.  

Tell me that's not kind of impressive.  

I need to hear it - because currently I'm making stupid mistakes, and I need to remember why. 

"...The real romantics are the boring ones — they let another heart bore a hole deep into theirs. 

Be one of the boring ones. Pray to be one who get 50 boring years of marriage – 50 years to let her heart bore a hole deep into yours. 

Let everyone do their talking about 50 shades of grey, but don’t let anyone talk you out of it: committment is pretty much black and white. Because the truth is, real love will always make you suffer. Simply commit: Who am I willing to suffer for? 

Who am I willing to take the reeking garbage out for and clean out the gross muck ponding at the bottom of the fridge? Who am I willing to listen to instead of talk at? Who am I willing to hold as they grow older and realer? Who am I willing to die a bit more for every day? Who am I willing to makeheart-boring years with? Who am I willing to let bore a hole into my heart? 

Get it: Life – and marriage proposals — isn’t not about one up-manship — it’s about one down-manship. It’s about the heart-boring years of sacrifice and going lower and serving. It’s not about how well you perform your proposal. It’s about how well you let Christ perform your life.... 

I’m praying, boys — be Men. Be one of the ‘boring” men – and let your heart be bore into. And know there are women who love that kind of man. 

The kind of man whose romance isn’t flashy – because love is gritty.The kind of man whose romance isn’t about cameras — because it’s about Christ.The kind of man whose romance doesn’t have to go viral — because it’s going eternal.No, your dad did not get down on one knee when he proposed – because the romantic men know it’s about living your whole life on your knees.

There are Fridays. And the quiet romantics who will take out the garbage without fanfare. There will be the unimaginative calendar by the fridge, with all it’s scribbled squares of two lives being made one. The toilet seat will be left predictably up. The sink will be resigned to its load of last night’s dishes. 

And there is now and the beautiful boring, the way two lives touch and go deeper into time with each other. 

The clock ticking passionately into decades."

[From A Holy Experience - as kindly shared by Linda - a woman who has always championed real romance to a once hopeless romantic. Thank you Linda - for telling me about love.]

16/20 

CS Lewis's The Problem of Pain. Fascinating. Challenging. Surprising. 

Lewis is an evolutionist.  Chew on that.  

Thinking about this man again today, and his lovely wife. The picture of he and I at my high school graduation is my phone lock screen.  I see him there dozens of times a day.  I don't want to forget him.  I want to resolve in my heart that he is gone. I want to process, heal, and grow.  I want to grow into a woman that lives a lot like he did. I want to remember him in my actions, in my thoughts and in my heart. 

While "No-plans-ember" has been a bit more restful than normal months, so far it hasn't been much of a change in our day to day.  We'd already committed to a certain number of things back before this idea, and the conviction to follow it struck us.  From tonight on out, we finally reach the point where we really aren't doing much - a soccer game, one bar tending night, a wedding.. and it's Thanksgiving.

While we might still have things to do - we both have felt a weight off of us.  It just feels good. Something about knowing we have to, and get to, say "no" to basically EVERYTHING is so darn freeing! (It's also so stupid hard - we've turned down a couple amazing invites.)

We have already gotten to address some big house projects (well, one), and have had a few more hours to rest than usual.  Rest.

The contemplation of this month has been enough to make me more committed to a long term life style change.  And if that wasn't enough, this article Beau just sent me certainly helps.  I understand that rest is important.  And I get that families have to set time aside.  But I think it struck me anew that the habits we build early in our relationships, are the ones we'll keep in our marriages, parenting and over all family development.  I'm about living where you are - enjoying the season you're in... but I also think we won't magically become something new. We have to choose today to be who we want to be in ten years when we're stewarding little hearts and eyes, not to mention a big heart of some goofy, brilliant man. ;) We have to learn to steward the "family" we're building for now - and a huge part of that is learning to schedule and protect your time.

I want to own my time - and be able to give it wholeheartedly wherever, whenever called, rather than ending days and weekends feeling like it slipped through my hands or was wrenched by strange commitments I didn't even know I'd made. I want to see my time deepening me as a person and deepening me and John as a couple, and furthermore that my time is allowing John to deepen as an individual too.

Marriage isn't for you.  [ <- click="" it.="" p="">

A great article my Beau just forwarded. 

November is here!  And I feel like we just barely made it.  Here's to the long awaited 30 days of saying no to all the extras - to things we love and time with those we care for and almost always give first spot to - at the expense of so much.  Here's to a month of us re-centering, finding where we are and where we should be today, of resting, of re-figuring how to live. Of putting first things first and not ignoring dreams and long term goals.  Of being still.

The first time I heard this song, it got me.  I've played it over and over since.... I think it's my November mantra.

Let's be still.