I have some friends that hate when people hide things.  And I not only understand that, but I love that they feel that way.  I love that they are so passionate about people being open and honest and real that they'd much rather hear bad news than see a smiling, dishonest face.

I've got to say, I'm not one of those people.  I feel very strongly about being who you really are, being honest and sincere.  But I feel equally strongly that your core does not belong to them. You do not belong to them.  You belong to few.  You belong to one. You belong to you. You belong to who you choose to share you with... and that is wildly beautiful to me.  I like looking at a person I know somewhat, and knowing they are concealing things from me - beautiful things, sincere things, their things.  I admire those people.

It makes it that much more wonderful when one of your few share one of those concealed pieces with you - maybe it's only for a moment, a timely secret, painful or happy, or maybe it's forever, a piece of them.

My world has grown so much smaller in the past few years.  Less ears, less voices.  In my old world, we used to always have to tell everything, to almost everyone, and everyone else would tell the rest anyways.  Talking.  Telling.  Sharing.  So little keeping.

I love the keeping.

I turn 30 in a couple months.  And I have a lot of time to think about it right now, which I think is good.  I haven't had a lot of "thinking" time over the past 10ish years, you know, time to just uncomfortably sit in myself so to speak.  So we've been doing that, we've been thinking and feeling.  We've been looking at situations from an older, different angle and we've been giving ourself room to feel things - feel wronged and feel wrong.  Feel happy, feel powerful, capable, pretty or not pretty. Feel shame. Feel injustice. All the feels. (All the royal we's as well.)

Lately I've been sitting with a big ? - like a REALLY big question mark.  I'm pretty tired of most everything there is to see, do, consume on a daily basis.  Yesterday I scrolled through the "explore" section of Instagram, looking for something refreshing - something that isn't puppies (I have a lot of those on my feed!), pretty moms in very gradient-colored homes with children dressed in fancy linen onesies (I follow a lot of those), house plants, white subway tile... I genuinely like all of these things, but I'm just sort of...full.  I need something refreshing, like sorbet to my Instagram, and my Facebook, and my days!

I'm a writer, but I don't want to write more of all the same. I don't want to start a blog on tiny homes or being a puppy mom or a newly wed.  So, the question mark.... and the looking, or waiting, and sitting.

We take a lot of walks when it's not pouring rain (the pup and me, not the royal we), and I've been reading. We've done some house projects.  We clean.  We think about how we are two months away from 30 - and we don't want to waste our life.  Nor this season of life where I get to course correct - where I get to catch up - where I can move nearly any direction I want to go! It's a good life.  And I don't want to be a consumer - so I try to buy less, shop less, try to not fill my time with pastimes that require purchases.  Because purchases are not progress.

30 in a couple months... and here's what I know that I didn't know ten years ago, or even five. You're stuck with you.  You aren't stuck with anyone or anything else. Relationships are a gift we hope and pray we are blessed to keep, but deep down you only have so much control of that. When you have a spouse, care for them like hell, but while you're waiting you should know - you're still always going to be with you. When you're 20, 30 or 90. Somehow, being married, I feel like the "me" is even harder to ignore in the room now than when I was single.  And I love that I have a husband that fully supported my goal for this year to be a healthier me - mentally, physically and spiritually. So two months left - we've made some progress, we have more to make... and we have a big question mark as to what this healthier, truer me is really all about - how she spends her time and what inspires and refreshes her and what valuable contribution she holds the capacity to give this world.

Last night I dreamt that our airbnb guests showed up a day early to just "check out" the place - the whole family trotted into the yard, across the patio and began heading into the house! I had to explain to them that that is NOT how this works.

Then I started debating if it was an honest mistake, or if they were sizing up my house!  Kids in tow!

We might spend a bit too much time on airbnb. ;)

Nah.

I quit my job.

Most of you probably know that/have figured it out by now.

Here's what I don't know -

Have I quit the industry?
Have I quit 'my career'?
What is next?

People are asking what the plan is - what's next? And I want to jump in and say "Build my own business.  Offer communications and marketing support for small businesses I believe in."  But, that's not what today is about.  Today is a crazy gift where I get to let go of all pressure, direction, preconceived ideas, and experience - and reconsider... who am I? What am I good at? And more importantly - What do I believe matters? What makes me happy? What thing ADDS to me when I give it?

So, while a definite piece to me thinks - this business is "next" - and truth be told, it has a name and a url and an unpublished website... I'm letting it float out there, because it may not be what's next.

I don't know what is next. 

I know I've always loved to write.  I'm going to figure out if I still love it. 

I know I am a romantic - and I know I need to find a way to FEEL the romance in life and business all over again. I know I care more about doing than saying (a true problem for a "writer" - and something I'll have to tease out).  I know I cry when I listen to the symphony.  I love the taste and ceremony of a good glass of wine.  I love the heart of cooking a meal for people I love - but hate the pressure of preparing something people can rate/compare/time.  My dinners will be hours late. Plan on it.  They will almost always be something new.  They might actually not taste good.  I love the stars.  I love fires. I loves stories. I love feeling deep and close to another human being.  I love the magical moment when you realize you have found a new place in this world where you are safe.

I know these things, but beyond that, I really don't know much.  And right now, I get to step back and try to discover new things I know. 

I am one lucky woman.  I happen to have a man beside me who is better at letting people "not know" than anyone else I've ever met. 

I have been counting down the days until the end, then resetting and counting down again for so many months now it's hard to believe it's really the LAST WEEK!

We're not quite sure what's next and that is a bit unnerving, but it doesn't touch how exciting it is to be saying goodbye to something that just didn't feel right. We're doing our best to hold on to the unknown and not to fill the spaces immediately... the goal is to leave room and discover along the way.

Come Friday, I'll be spending time with my ENTIRE family, celebrating my parents' retirement and swimming in my own new freedom to create/work/dream/garden/write/cook away!

New Things

As we live more of our days out in the same fashion, the same rhythm, the same pattern - it becomes increasingly harder to deviate. Doesn't it?

Saying yes was once so easy - yes to hikes, drives, cliffs, unknowns. But the older we become the less we say yes.  Now I'm not sure if that's because we have less time or more responsibilities or if it's as I assume, merely we're out of the habit, but it's a widely accepted fact that the older we become the more risk-adverse we become in our choices and behaviors. 

Can I just remind you all - trying something new is so damn refreshing? 

It's scary and it will likely reacquaint you with what it feels like to be bad at something. But that's okay, because it's your first time!  And how glorious is it to remember what a "first time" feels like?  So maybe today, try something new.  Eat a food you might not like.  Read a book in a genre you've never touched.  Take a drive, schedule a class, buy some paintbrushes or sit outside a coffee shop and talk to someone who looks totally different from you - ask them something about themselves.  Maybe join a group, join a march, I'd say join a conversation - but for most of us, I think we talk plenty - what we need is to do something, do something completely new.  Something fun!  Something scary!  Something that reminds us we are still explorers.  And that we might not yet know ourselves as well as we thought.  We may have in fact changed into someone new in all those years we've spent living out a life of rhythm and pattern. 

The Importance of Goodbye

I think we can all agree that goodbyes are the worst. No matter how small, or big, saying goodbye to a favorite person, place, pet or even pastime can quite literally break our hearts and leave us aching for years to come.

But the only thing worse, is not getting the chance to say goodbye.  A sudden end.  I've been contemplating this on a number of fronts lately and it has me thinking about the value of goodbye.  Just skimming the surface here, but a few of my thoughts:

Goodbye shows you who a person really is.
With nothing left to gain, and little to nothing left to lose - how a person chooses to treat another when saying goodbye speaks of nothing but who they really are - loving, kind, patient, or not.

Goodbye shows you who a person really is to you. 
Relief or sadness, perhaps fear or insecurity - when we cut ties, our emotional response tells us a lot about what we looked to that person (or thing) for, and who they became to us.  Sometimes it surprises us what surfaces.

Goodbye shows you who you are. 
It's not a summary of your being - but you're bound to learn a few new things whenever you say goodbye - you'll learn about fight or flight, about your perspective of yourself, and about what you really want.

I Hope I'll Remember

When a tiny human cries and cries and refuses to sleep, and I'm exhausted and emotional and way past my limit... I hope I'll remember to be grateful that tiny humans, at least at the start, can't jump on your face. And bite your nose at 1am, and 2am, and 2:15am, and 3am... until two poops and a few pees later when they decide it is officially time for fetch and nothing else. And should you fall asleep amidst said fetch, thankfully tiny brand new humans, don't jump on your face and smash a wet, stinky stuffed bear into your head until you wake up, tear the bear away from them, and throw it. So they can jump off the couch, using your chest as a launching board, run and get the bear, jump up on the couch, jump on your face... and repeat from the hours of 4am to 7am.

Yes, I hope I'll remember to be grateful - that the baby can't jump on my face to bite me yet.  And that I not only chose that tiny human, like I chose that tiny hairy creature years before, but that I desperately prayed for both.

You Have Time

John and I were late to work today.  We were already late to work - and since we were riding his moto to work, we decided to stop off for a quick espresso along the way. A quick espresso turned into something more like a quick breakfast and suddenly we were sipping macchiatos on a sunny street, reminiscing about Paris.  Which re-engaged a thought from last Friday...

I was running errands on my lunch break, trying to get everything set so we could leave for a weekend trip right from work.  I'd been late to work, because I had to finish flipping the cottage, watering the yard, feeding the chickens.. etc. For two days straight, I was running, and I was running behind.

I looked around, and it seemed everyone else was too. Even on a sunny Friday afternoon, all of Seattle seemed to be in a hurry.  And in the back of my mind I remembered how different a scene Paris seemed.  I felt like no one in Paris was working, except for the restaurant staff.  People filled cafes along the street and watched life as they sipped vino... people who were speaking French... on a weekday... during the workday. And it wasn't just that they were taking long lunches or coffee breaks or whatever the literal thing that was happening happened to be, it was that they were walking and talking and tasting as if they had all of their lives ahead of them.

This morning, late to work and sipping a macchiato on a Monday, I tried to explain the thought to John - It's as if they live like they have time - - - and we don't.  And that's it. That is what was bubbling somewhere in my brain, trying to take shape - Americans, or Seattleites, or just me - we live like we don't have enough time. We rush, we schedule, we list-make, we rush again and try constantly to 'catch up' and 'get ahead' or return from 'falling behind.'  How many of our phrases are rung tightly around this concept of racing with the clock?

So I was late to work today.  And I'm okay with that, because we sat for probably only 30 minutes in a coffee shop, but it was Monday morning and we chose to live like we had the time to.  Because we do. We have a whole day ahead of us.  We rode the bike - we took the long way - we stopped for espresso.  It added probably 45 minutes to our commute.  And what is 45 minutes when you have your whole life ahead of you?  I'll tell you - it's a good conversation with the one you love. It's a centeredness when you walk into the office. It's that strange feeling you get on vacation like the world around you is unknown and uncontrollable, but your life is your own. It's the feeling that you have time. 

I know it's still Thursday, but I'm dreaming of the weekend! And my only goals are:

1. go for a hike
2. finish my book
3. get Krispy Kreme ice cream!

Is it Friday yet!?

Happy Birthday.







Mr. Tambourine Man (Live at the Newport Folk Festival. 1964)

We are getting close to the halfway mark on the year - for me, the last year before 30.  I set very few goals this time around, trying to pick just a few with the power to change my life.  One, was get a dog.  And boy has she changed our lives.  For the better for sure too - I feel like we're more engaged, we have to be. And while it's tiring that we can't just cuddle up on the couch whenever we want (because landshark loves to attack whatever she can reach when we sit on the couch), we're going for more walks, we're out in our yard, we're having conversations and learning new things and trying different problem solving. Plus, she's a loving little fur ball that knows we're her people and that's a pretty fantastic thing to be the recipient of! She's amazing. And we're pretty sure she's going to be a really cool dog as she continues to grow up.

Another goal was to go outside more.  Which as mentioned, Magnolia Grey helps with quite a lot. ;) Though as the summer warms up I hope we'll use our weekends for more camping, hiking and all around exploring.

There are a few others as well, some I thought I'd have checked off by now.  And I could have, but it would be jumping the gun, giving myself the quick release we all crave.  And right now, I'm learning some really important lessons. After a looooooong time of John asking me night after night questions that surmount to "what can you do to change this?" And me getting annoyed because I felt like he was making the situation smaller than it was - if I could change it, I would, duh..... I guess I'm learning that I can change it.  Or some of it maybe.  Or I can at least make a strategic plan and follow the uncomfortable steps week by week in order to change the situation even if I can't change the people. And that's a pretty remarkable lesson - you can't change people.  But you can change situations. You might still find that it's not the right situation for you to be in, especially if the people refuse to make changes themselves - but learning that you have the power to change the situation you are in, the structure of the environment, and building up the power and conviction to create those changes - through a very tiring and long process... that's something worth going on the annual goals list.  Don't you think?

Another item on my list, which gives me a very similar feeling is my Guardian's List goal.  I've been reading through the Guardian's list of the top 100 novels ever written since I worked at LLF, about 5 years ago. (Right?) I average about 5 books a year off the list, that is typically my goal.  This year, I decided I wanted to be halfway done with the list by my 30th birthday!  That meant 14 books from the list in 12 months.  Which may not sound incredibly challenging, but to a slow reader like me - it is!  So here I am in a marathon of reading I feel - book after book after book.  I have 6 months left to go, and 10 books!

These aren't the only two goals that require this slow, daily, constant attention.  Like rolling a giant ball one revolution day after day after day - hoping you're moving forward.  I so badly want to just start making ruckus and crossing off boxes! But I guess that's not what this year is about. This year is little and a lot. Little, little, little and a lot.

Life isn't fair.  It's tough.  It's sweet.  It's unforgiving.  It's only too generous.  It's a cold-hearted mistress. If anything, it's unpredictable and unreliable.

When my sister administered a marriage exam out of her book yesterday, John listed my core life values as: love people well and be consistent. Something like that.  I thought "yes! That's it."  I added, "and be true." He'd boiled me down so well!

That's right.  In this unreliable world - I'll be reliable.  And I'll love the people who are reliable for me.  Consistently kind - to my face, and when I turn around.  To me, that is everything.

This morning I'm thinking I might have things wrong - not the kind - love - true part... but the whole over-intense value of working hard, following through, chewing whatever you bite off... even when swallowing it makes you gag. Which is of course the living out of 'love - reliable - kind' for two people who love to make big promises and dream even bigger!

I'm kind of a pain in the ass wife sometimes.  Too often I remind John "this is the life we chose."  It's a sort of quiet threat, don't complain and don't you dare quit. So we work and we work and we work.  I didn't realize this quiet threat before of course, because I've been saying it to myself for a decade - maybe two.  And there's certainly value in the message.  I think the world would be a lot better with about 200% more follow through. In fact, it's one of the things that drew me to John - his kindness, his follow through, his sincerity.

Still, I'm regularly baffled by how EVERYONE loves him.  Don't get me wrong, I think he's the greatest person alive.  But there are a lot of great people out there that get misunderstood and 'disliked' in a moment's breath.  It's like a rule of life: People get misunderstood and judged.  Not John. I've only ever seen people love him immediately.  And while I'm sure there's more to it than this - a major part of it is, he's kind.  He won't say a bad word about you - and somehow, people must be able to feel that immediately.  He must put off a silent message that echoes in a passerby. And it says a lot more I'm sure, but to me that echo said, "kind - honest - trustworthy - fun."

And that fun, man! When I'm reminded that this life could end at any moment, I only wish for more fun! Because life, it isn't reliable. And it isn't always kind.  Life is as generous as you want it to be, but it will deal you out joys and agonies in wild measures. And life doesn't listen to my silent threats.

Like I've said, I'm not a minimalist.  I don't see "simple".  I'm trying!  I want to!  But, right now I see a complex equation I'm trying to balance - kind, true, loving, consistent, fun, they are all in there to some power. A life well-lived means little moments and big moments. Spending ourselves in little and big ways to make big impacts in little and big places. It means working hard even when it's inconvenient. But it also means enjoying your people.

If I were to be given the '6 months' - I'd want to spend every moment I could cuddling, hiking, gardening, dancing, playing, kissing.  The fun!  But, after those 6 months, I'd want to be remembered for great kindness too.  I'd want to be remembered as someone who was there - a person always up for a good time, and never scared away by a bad one. Perhaps it is the difference between, what memories do I want to have versus what legacy do I want to leave?

How do you balance that when as far as you know, you have a lifetime?

Life is full of so many choices. Mint chocolate chip or oreo ice cream? (both) This job or that job? Greece or Paris?  Greece or Paris or savings? (real) Say yes to girls night or say no and stay home with a good book and a candle?  Read said good book or actually do laundry and clean the kitchen?

Never-ending-choices.  Which when evaluated, I don't actually see where "simplicity" arises.  Is it in the book or the laundry?  The fun evening fostering new meaningful relationships, or home being content all alone?  I love the idea of simplicity - I might even crave it - but I just don't see it in the choices.

Is it in working less hours or is it in being happy to put in the hours toward the long-term dreams? Is simplicity doing less today?  Or is it seeing that the long-term matters and therefore being happy in whatever today requires?

I guess maybe I'm just not a simplicity girl.  It's hot to be a minimalist.  But like I said, I want the twist cone.  I'll take a scoop of both please.  I'll do the laundry, clean the kitchen and then try to read the book.  I spend most all of my life with a "yes, and please." And maybe that's okay. Maybe I just don't see simple.  I see priorities.  I see plans and steps and layers and a million little details.  I don't revel in the ocean or the waves - I scan the rocks on the beach and collect a handful of strange broken shells and spotted rocks.  I see the details and can't ever seem to white wash them all to be "simple." I wish to God life were more simple, but for me it's always choices.

Around Christmas, John confessed that he had several presents for me that he couldn't find.  I offered to help.  I'm really good at finding stuff, guys.  (Especially presents!) But he said no. 

Months later, I was putting away a sweater in his closet and stumbled across a tiny treasure trove!  I saw boxes... little boxes that could only be for me... little Madewell boxes.  (Pure delight!) Like a responsible adult I moved away quickly and told John what I thought I'd spied.  Sure enough!  Ever since, I've been asking him about these little treats and when I can have them.  He always says he'll give them to me on some random, unnamed day.  So I keep asking.  "Today, can I have a little something that's in your closet?"  "Today?"  "I could really use a little surprise today.  Maybe something from your closet?"  There's another from Europe too that he told me I could have when we got back... then for Christmas... now, he won't give days.  

Yesterday, I asked again. I really felt I deserved a treat. And it turned out he did too!  In fact, he agreed so quickly I thought he was tricking me.  I spied the little box he pulled out and mistook it for a Toblerone box... which was not what I had seen in there people. And it is unkind to let your wife think she's getting a tiny Madewell box and instead give her a candy bar from the hardware store. 

Thankfully, that is not the man I married.  He quickly stowed the mistaken box in a brown bag and handed it over. He said "this is because you are fierce and cute" as he handed me the bag.  

Some days, you think you want Madewell earrings, but you realize quickly that what you really, really wanted was a cool Buck knife. And what you wanted most of all was a man who'd buy you one for no reason and then hide it in his closet until a random Wednesday when you braved a tough talk at work. 

I deserved a treat - not earrings, but a knife.  Because I'm tough.  And I'm cute. :) 

I hope today you get a little something good that you weren't expecting.

John and I were both wondering this morning, why can't doctors be as awesome as vets??

I mean, this guy's job includes sticking a thermometer up my pup's butt, and yet he makes sure to personally call me the next day to tell me everything is okay and what things I should watch for in her health.  The 10 minute voicemail ends with "I'm not in the office now, but I'll be there from 2-4 if you'd like to call me back to talk more." Oh, wait, you called me the day after our visit, and you aren't even at work?

This is the second vet we've seen at the clinic up the street from us.  It was our first try at a clinic, and they have both been incredible!

Meanwhile, I've been looking for a doctor for several years now.  Since Dr. Curtis moved on from seeing patients regularly, I have seen 3 or 4 different doctors. And all of them have left me pretty dramatically unhappy.  The first left me a voicemail telling me she was going to put me on a medication that I'd need to stay on for the rest of my life - she left this in a voicemail! After my first time ever seeing her! Um, sorry. Come again?  Did you say potential "auto-immune disease"?  Yeah, that would be cool to tell me in a real conversation - not after the tone. Not before you even can remember my name. Nope.

But back to the vets - they are amazing!  We love them!

And my dentist?  If I've gone on about my dentist once, I've done it a couple dozen times.  He's the absolute best!

So was Dr. Curtis - who had been my doctor from my first breath of air until about 26! But finding another with his knowledge, kindness and overall considerate approach to involving the patient in the decision making - that has been a sadly long journey.

I was up early this morning thinking about extremes.  A few weeks ago, my brand new puppy only ever wanted to sleep and cuddle.  She was a little bundle of loves and dreams.  Now, she only ever wants to play - and bite - and chew.  That is it!  All the time.  From one end of the pendulum swung to the next.  Isn't that just how it is to be young?  It takes a lot of time for that pendulum to slow down - to just sit someplace in the middle without a ton of energy bounding inside dying to propel it one way and then back the next.  In fact, it takes somewhere between 20 and 30 years for most of us.... maybe 40.

Whenever I find myself in this uncomfortable spot, wanting to swing out one way or the other, but knowing that I can't always draw clear lines or create clean cuts, in that moment I remind myself that maturity means learning to be centered, to feel good even when you can't have extremes, to choose patience and hope even when you feel more gravity than energy.

I've been having some fairly frank conversation lately, asking people inside my industry for career advice.  On a similar note, I've been listening to others as they share what they've accomplished and what they wish they'd accomplished - and travel keeps coming up. Not just travel, but "live someplace else" has actually come up twice in two days.  John and I have talked about this ourselves a lot (don't panic, mom and dad.  try to stay calm.) - we'd love to spend at least a year living in a different state - or country. I guess the reason/opportunity just hasn't presented itself yet.

This week I had lunch with a previous boss that I highly respect - and when I asked him for general advice on what I should be doing - he encouraged me essentially to not be afraid to move around, he added "while you're young enough for it to be a benefit."  I think that is something possibly unique to his industry, or even company, but traveling, gaining broad, almost unrelated experience and living adventures made young employees that much more desirable to them.  According to him, when we're young, any new opportunity, just demonstrates to a boss that you were able to adapt and learn new skills in one new situation or environment.  I find that remarkably freeing!!!

I'm the youngest child with the classic fear of "missing out" - and for some reason I have a lot of gravity to me that makes me less afraid of missing out on the fun stuff than on the "important" stuff. I never wanted to miss out on a future college based on my high school grades - I never wanted to miss out on starting in Sunday's game by missing Friday's practise, even if it meant skipping a party or movie night. I didn't want to miss out on being with an awesome man, by buying wasting time with a lame one, even just for a dinner. So for me, it's more natural for me to think I must stay in the crummy situation, power through, do the hardest thing... otherwise, I might miss out. And here is a successful company owner saying, "Do stuff.  Travel.  Quit.  Jump around. Try out different roles and size companies and industries. Do what you want to do. It will make you better right now." Awwwwww! It feels good. (PS - not an exact quote - but the gist of the message)

I know not all business owners feel this way - and honestly, I think a lot of people need to learn to push through the shitty stuff, learn to finish, walk away from the experience with a full story, not just a climax... but it sure feels good to know you aren't stuck in that one story forever!!

But back to travel -  John and I had the trip of a lifetime, and I feel like 6 months later, it's only beginning to sink in.  I hope the fruit of that trip continues to grow in us and define us.  And I hope we keep taking trips.  I hope we keep living an adventure.  I hope we go live someplace else someday, if even for just one year. I hope we buy a bed and breakfast or open a restaurant or start a business. I hope we help our city.  I hope we think up a good opportunity/solution for those facing homelessness in our community - even if it is just providing one of their basic needs.  I hope we see the world and keep letting it teach us how to better see the world.

I also hope I find that job that I love. That I feel made for.  That thing that makes my spirit say, this is it. This is what I went to school for - this is what I worked through all those other roles and experiences for - this is what I'm for!  Most likely I'll find it by continuing to move forward... and maybe a little bit more moving around, maybe even taking a wild risk or two. Maybe more doing what I want...less doing what I've done.

People who inspire me on this: Madison Unger, Jordyn Cline, my sister, my husband. They know doing what you want isn't easy either - but they're forging paths in the direction of what burns inside them rather than disassociating from their dreams for a paycheck.

We're house training Magnolia - so every time she potties outside, she gets a treat (and a lot of excited puppy-love-talk).  It's amazing how quickly you can see her getting conditioned by this sort of reward. 

I think I did the same thing to myself by accident. :/

Every time I go to Lowes or Home Depot, I get an ice cream cone. EVERY TIME. If John is going to one, I often ask to come along.  This is because I love flowers and plants and anything pretty to put in our garden. Or is it? 

Because Krispy Kreme told me last summer that they'd decided to keep their ice cream machine running all year this time - and then I showed up one day and it was gone.  They asked if I'd like a hot chocolate instead.  I KID YOU NOT.  Who thinks that hot chocolate is actually a great replacement for a person who wants an ice cream cone!?!? Sure, they're essentially the same thing, except one is frozen people, and I sit there licking it the whole way home, tail wagging and proud of the good girl I am for going to Home Depot. Hot chocolate? No thank you, donut man. 

I haven't been to Home Depot/Lowes much this winter.  And sure, that's because it's just not gardening season... but it is also because it's not Krispy Kreme ice cream season.  I know it's not Krispy Kreme ice cream season, because I insisted they tell me what day their machine starts up again and that day has been marked on my calendar for months - in all caps - highlighted.  Some people call that day Memorial Day- I call it "Krispy Kreme Ice Cream Day!" 

I still plan to drive by regularly and ask if they've started up the machine early - and if they haven't - refuse to take any replacement (I need them to know how I feel) and drive out of the drive-thru empty-handed. I did this last spring at least 6 times. And I've done it a couple times this winter too if I'm being honest.  One of my greatest strengths and flaws is an undying hope.  It has tortured my heart on many occasions (and now has tortured my husband a time or too as well) - for better or worse, sometimes I just can't make it stop!  And my heart hopes for ice cream!! (always.)  

To me, molly moons has got nothing on Krispy Kreme soft serve swirl.  

So Monday morning, May 30th you'll know where to find me and Magnolia! They give us the day off, because it's ice cream day!! Only 66 days to wait!!

Magnolia

You guys.  I got a puppy.  [stay calm. stay calm.]

It's March and I can check off one of a few real goals/hopes/dreams for this year!

Almost.

You see, she's Canadian. And she's only 8 weeks old so she can't get her rabies immunization yet. And that's a problem with the CDC. Which means they turned us around at the border last week.

So we own a beautiful little girl named Magnolia.  And she lives in Canada, unless the CDC will approve our request for a Confinement Agreement and let us bring her home this coming Saturday as we've requested.  So, everyone, please pray for favor.  :)

If they say no, we'll have to wait 2 more months to bring her home. Which is sad.  But we know sadder things happen every day.  And people sit waiting for answers and loves much bigger than the one we're waiting on.

Meet Magnolia...

She's a Canadian Australian Shepherd. 

We can't decide if we're going to call her "Noli" or "Naula" for short.