I'm not sure when I will be able to write again because I am not certain if I will be able to while we are away at Microsoft or not. I am gonna miss you guys. Its July 4th, 9:30pm...and I am in my room on the computer. I kinda want to cry. Its okay though, I am tired and obviously emotional (since I want to cry??) so I should probably go to bed. I have been feeling off for the past few days and am not certain why, I don't like it though. Today I feel a bit better and I think its because I spent like 20 minutes just out praying this morning before carpool. I am torn, I think I should be out with my host family, but I also feel like I should just spend time with the Lord, study my verse, and go to bed. I have been feeling sick since like 2pm today...ugh. I went out to dinner at Olive Garden with Todd, Bryan, and Evan and all I got was a mocha because my stomach was just starting to feel better from lunch and I didn't want to feel sick again. Why must I eat at all?? Sometimes I wish I could just forego food all together, but I think it would make life impossible. ??? ;) I know I am inwardly fighting right now too and I know thats part of why I feel so sick- I hate to admit it, but I know (and have known for some time) that a good deal of my sickness is because of my internalizing everything. I am stressing over something and hurting and knowing that I shouldn't be and so I am trying to just ignore it, but it is still there- even if I wont let my thoughts acknowledge it, I can feel it in the pit of my stomach..litteraly. I just want to be free of it all. I know its not mine to worry about so I am gonna release it again...right now. So, I should probably go do my forms and try to catch a bit of the fireworks with the Wessels. I love you!!! I am hurting. But don't hurt because of it, k? Pain heralds growth. :)
ALL my love....Katrina Hope.
Please do keep praying for me- more than you even have before, its a new level for us all, and I AM praying for you- cus you need it too!
4 comments:
Wow Kati, sounds like things are getting to your breaking point, which is good, isn't that when change comes? When we surrender the fight and allow him to do what He wants in us. I know what you're fighting with the whole sickness thing, its funny how I had to battle sickness in my MC year a lot too. I also internalized, but what I discovered in my MC year is that it came down to an issue of control for me. And not feeling in control or the fear of losing control was causing me to feel sick a lot and that was trying to rob me from focusing on the bigger picture in MC's. Trust. Trust in God. And you will find peace baby sister :-) Close your eyes and fight for that trust. Love you, Kimmers
I am sorry you are hurting baby. It is times like now when you have to fight for your peace that you really own it. Whatever it is remember that it just isn't worth losing your peace. You know Kim and I wish we could protect you from hurting but that is how you grow and mature. I love you and know that you will rise above whatever it is that is trying to hold you down. Love you lots Kati.
Kristin
Kati, I love how you never settle for less. You always push for the extra credit. BUT sometimes there is no extra credit because God is happy for what you are right now! Not that I am saying that this what God is doing BUT when the final minutes are about to come, YOU go into a self evaluation of "Was I enough?" Is there a way to be sure? Honey you are enough in Gods eyes because He knows your heart and He loves to know that you always are growing in His purposes. And yes there is extra credit in his tests it is called Grace and Mercy! you just have to you just have to ask Him for it and He well so you the answers you need for this time!!!!!!!
He well show you the answers you need for this time in your life.
This sould make more since!!!!!
Im new at this blog thing
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