Hey ya'll.

I know I have been such a slacker on blogging lately. To be honest, haven't felt much like blogging. I like to blog when I feel I have some joy to share...and the last few weeks have been pretty tough. Kim and Jason going back home, and not knowing when I will get to see them again- I know you may think that sounds silly, of course I will get to see them within the next year, which is more than many families can say about their loved ones. But not having the next date to look forward to makes it really tough to say goodbye. Especially after this past summer, it is so hard to be apart. Crying....at work. See this is why I haven't been blogging.

Further, I have told a couple of people this, but not many. My godfather, Uncle Bob told us a couple weeks ago that he's been diagnosed with cancer. He's already begun chemo. (I don't have a clue how to spell that, and really, I wish I didn't need to know how.) I love him, next to my dad and uncle john, more than any man. He is the man who led my dad to the Lord, and he is very special to me! He's the one who gave me "Book Bear"- those of you who have spent the night, have seen him sitting on my bed, where he has been since I was 3 or 4 years old. My dad went to visit him the day after we heard, and he said uncle bob is still himself- as joyful and faithFUL as always. Seriously, you won't meet a man who is more full of faith, hope, and joy then he is. So, God's been doing a lot in me...growing my faith and joy to be more like his. It's a strange place to be though- not sure how to just come out with that to the people I would like to know and have praying for him, also not sure how to respond to it myself. Yes, respond in faith- because there is no cancer in the Kingdom of Heaven...but practically, can I cry? Or should I not?

With this comes the other part God has been bringing me through- most of my friends seem to be "not around" or busy with other friends (I HATE facebook- it just seems to show you what everyone is saying to SOMEONE ELSE! Terrible, but I don't really want to know, seems to only create more problems and ridiculous jealousy.) All this said, you are probably feeling like I am upset with you (whoever YOU are, lol), but I am not. It's been a lonely few weeks, for all these reasons, and some heavy homework loads....but I am beginning to see what God has been doing through it.

I've begun reading "Strengthen Yourself in the Lord"- and it has been speaking so clearly to right where I am. He deals with david as a prototype. The first couple chapters are discussing the times that David felt all alone, the times he felt betrayed and hurt.....Bill Johnson (the author)said that God brings us through painful times when it feels like all of our friends are away, and how if we do not see God in it, we can feel betrayed in our need, and this can grow into bitterness. BUT what God is really doing is drawing everyone else away for a time to teach you to strengthen YOURSELF in HIM! "God never sets us up to fail, only to grow." God prepares us before He brings us into each of these times/ tests, and they are necessary for us to build the character we need to become "Kings." Seeing that has changed these last few weeks from a terrible, dark time, into a GOOD time. Because, it was a little shaky for a time in the beginning, but in the end, I HAVE been strengthening myself in Him. This morning in worship I just beheld HIM. It felt so wonderful. Sometimes I wish I never had to leave- which I know, I know, 'you don't'...but somehow it's still different. You see, when I am in God's presense, just Him and me, He reminds me that I am new and that He doesn't see my past choices when He looks at me, He sees me as He created me to be. I am free. Then, I have to go interact with people, and there still seems to be those few people who continue to hold me to what I DID, and who I WAS, convinced that I am stuck there- when truly, I want nothing more than to be WAY from all that. To not have people assume that I am still secretly where I was years ago....but let me be new, like He lets me.

Wow, surprised I shared that. I actually heard from a friend today what she was going through- and it seemed in some ways to match up so closely to this same frusteration I've been facing that I guess I needed to share that.

I want friends who see me as who I am called to be, who believe that's who I AM and therefore call that out of me- who believe the best about me, who assume I am growing...and look for the evidence of that. I want to be this friend. I want eyes to see what is 'not yet' in the physical, but always has been in the spiritual. I want to be a presence of growth- continual growing, continually inspiring growth. I want to believe the best about others...believe they have a place to speak, a voice worth listening to. I want to be a safe place.

I want to become this.

Now, back to my studying for finals. I love you all. I cannot wait for the holidays, when I will hopefully see you all more often.

Also, my Toni, aka Rosie is on a short mission trip to the Phillippines, and her mom shared this blog with me today at church...thought some of you might like to see all God is doing through her too. Below is the url for their blog. Toni- can't wait till you are back and I can hear your stories- love you.

http://www.bagsofjoy2007.blogspot.com/

Other notes;
Riss, love you, still praying for you. I am sad you had to have surgeory, but I am grateful that God used it to draw us even a little closer and help us connect more often.

Morg, thanks for your call yesterday, I enjoyed it. Let the parties begin!

Ash, I hope you get that envelope tomorrow, lol. Sorry it took me a MONTH to mail it :/

Kim, you, kris, and jason are gonna have such a great week!

[Dad, keep scrolling down.]

Mackie, you, me, apple cider...nough said?

Morgan P, see you Friday my friend!!! Same time- new place?

Lou, YEAH!

Uncle John, I'm thinking we'll begin defining the "marketing plan" next summer? Elise's clearly worked. ;) Love ya.

Momma, I really don't think the tree needs many more lights...we need to put decorations on it. Looking forward to christmas break, when I'll get to actually ENJOY my time home with you...love ya.

DAD, yes, your turn! XXO. ;) ...and then a "Kris hug" , heehee. (I bought you a christmas present, my first one of the year).