Objective: I recently wrote, “I used to think letting a dream die was the hardest thing, now I’m seeing keeping one alive is an even greater fight.” I am passionate about writing a book that changes the world, that stops human trafficking and murders and rapes and tells abandoned children they are not forgotten. But how to get there? Today, I write a blog that changes the lives of the 30-60 daily readers who travel there by reminding them they are wonderful. Today, I change the world of the homeless who wait at Union Station Park, less by giving them a sandwhich and more by listening to their story. Today, I change the technology world that UIEvolution reaches by connecting them to a powerful, caring company. Today, I change the world of the customer I chat with every morning at Starbucks and the coworkers I labor beside. And today, I change the world of the two young girls who sit broken-hearted upstairs, by assuring them through my actions that I will be there when they need me. My objective is to be faithful to love and serve and write wherever I am, and to keep taking the steps that lead me to a greater larger community to whom I can write and serve. It is a story that tells the past, sneaks to where no person can see, and can change the steps a person takes. I will write that story, and when I do the community I have served will listen. Keeping this dream alive is a fight, but nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight.

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I am working on writing my CV and a personal statement for some big scholarships. It is both hard, and encouraging to sit and be forced to write in words "This is who I am" and "This is who I will be." It takes courage. And to one who believes in the beauty, fragility, and power of words, it is a glorious moment.

I feel so very close and so very far at once. To my dreams. To seeing the Lord's face. To some great revelation. To discovering 'that man.' To becoming who I truly am. I feel like I'm standing at a door.... like something new must be undeniably close, but unseen. Perhaps smelt. Perhaps heard. Perhaps, expected. Perhaps only awaited and hoped for.

I've never felt more hungry for all the Lord has for me, more desperate, and more undeserving. I'm just waiting. But I'm not waiting to come in a door... I think I'm waiting to walk out of one.. or for one to be opened to me. There is something far larger and greater outside then what I've seen in here. There are much higher skies, deeper oceans and stronger trees. There is more to risk, to dare, to dream... on the other side of this door.

Matthew 6... those who knock...

*knock*

I've never felt more passion in me, more secrets in my heart that I want to shout from a roof, but at the same time want to keep quiet, giving away only the smile they write on my face. I've never felt more uncontrolled, and yet more disciplined. I've never felt more aware that whether I stand or fall- the Lord's will is to be done, and if I conquer great odds and stand on dangerous mountains it will declare His glory and be the work of His hand... not the worthiness of me.

Those who seek....

"It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, and the glory of Kings to seek them out."

...Find. And until they find, they play in the game of God, a game He calls, glory. And those with courage to play, He calls Kings.