We need more people who are willing to listen to what we really mean, even if it's not what we're saying.  We need more friends who can look past who we were, see who we are, and recognize who we are becoming.  It's a fragile task ten times over, not to put pressure on people or expectations for them to live up to something they feel they can't.  Not to be broken by them when they fall short in the present and hurt us as they battle from the here to the there.  To see both.  To believe the best.  To fight for us and sometimes against our fears.  To be patient and wait out the storms.  I'm not sure we'll ever make it to who we're called to be without a handful of such friends.  I need these friends.  I have a couple.  And I especially want to be one. What will happen when our generation grows up and learns to see each other for our dreams, our passions, our impossibilities that drive our minds and hearts when we try to fall asleep at night?  I think those same dreams, passions and seeming impossibilities will begin to drive us from the mornings too. 

Last night, driving home from my game I had a dozen different thoughts running through my head. At least three different blog posts were simultaneously rolling along. I got home and contemplated working on my resume, writing out all these blogs, or reading. I showered, ate a bowl of cereal, thought about how much I was craving yogurt and granola, brushed my teeth and went to bed.

So, that unnecessary background information covered, here are a few of my thoughts. For starters, I need to blog. I explained to my sister last week, blogging for me is like digesting. Writing in general is, but this is where I go to write a vast majority of those things. If I don't blog, I get backed up. (Graphic? Sorry.) My productivity at work tends to slow down as all these thoughts start cluttering and multiplying and interbreeding like a bunch of crazy rabbits until I can't even see straight!

For example, this blog. THIS is the product of me NOT blogging yesterday or today. I've worked ridiculously hard, but I feel more ragged than normal. Why? I think partly, no writing outlet. So, you get all these ideas that have been rumbling around in my head until they're behaving a bit like the neighborhood cat that can't walk straight due to a family tree that looks more like a cul de sac. :/ (don't selah here)

All that said: I think I need to get better at letting ideas mull.

I've been considering our generation a lot. We think we're creative, but what have we actually ever made, ourselves? What building have we designed? What ceiling have we been commissioned to paint? What novels have we written? What piece have we composed?

No. It's more like I tumble therefore I am.

And yes, once again, I'm blaming most of it on our ability to get quick but shallow releases of our art. A fix and then we're off to the next. I haven't written anything remarkable. I highly doubt that when I die, people will be purchasing leather bound hard copies of my blog posts rambling on about rabbits and the cat down the street.

Personally, I've got to be careful to not let the pressure release prematurely. That's what I've been becoming more aware of. There's a balance between nurturing and growing through practice and every day experience, and thinking that boarding the plane is actually the point of the trip. It's not even the destination. I've been asking myself these questions more. And praying, Lord, don't let me create my own adventures in order to fill my desires to truly live one. I know He gives us desires to create. We have to become those who can practice and move, but not let ourselves jump the gun and make up our own opportunities to take off the edge of that pressure growing inside us. Let the pressure grow. Let us start to feel an unbearable desire. Let us be okay with feeling the pain, and not getting a quick fix. Or with having questions, and not just googling them.

Maybe I need to let the pot boil a little.

I don't want to buy an adventure from Southwest... when this longing is meant to drive me to my destiny, and completely reorder who I am inside.

Just some thoughts, even as I look expectantly and excitedly at my coming trips.... I don't want them to release what's growing inside me, I want them to ignite and fuel what's being formed in that pressure.

A. The music is Novalis... who I love, and am hoping this summer will consist of a show or two from them.

B. The girl in this is Emily, my beautiful, amazing friend... who I love watching dance.

There's few things like seeing people walk in their calling and giftings... it makes us all come a little more alive.