Or better...

and not just because of the violin..though that's nice too. :)

fancy another...?

Maybe I'm really late to the station. 

Maybe you missed the train too.

I'm in love with these guys right now, gotta love when slow days result in stumbling upon great new music.

"Love You Good" Trent Dabbs & Amy Stroup, also known as Sugar & the Hi-Lows. 

All in a children's book.

I just had a very weird experience.  Yes, it's slow at work and I'm on Pinterest.  And I saw this quote (to the right), and smiled and thought, "Now, that's when Sparks could write!"   And just as I went to click on it, something caught my eye.  My name.  Huh? 

Yep. 

Just one of those weird moments where you feel some stranger has somehow intruded on a private moment.  Or you feel caught - someone just called you out.  And then, you just feel weirded out, because some girl, with your name, just posted something you would probably have posted - or at least secretly have wanted to.  Oh The Notebook... I might need to re-read that book someday.  Or perhaps I should try catching up on Spark's last few novels.  There's one on my shelf right now... I've just become so disappointed in him lately.  Once he himself wrote the screenplay for The Song, casting Cyrus and completely removing the deep content and real father-daughter relationship that was developed in the book.... I just lost respect. Nicholas, we've been friends for so long - why'd you have to go and do that? You used to make me cry, used to impress me with  your courage to kill main characters... now, you cast teen heart throbs and write cheap versions of your stories for those who can't handle a two-day read.   Go back to your roots man, you used to have something!! I don't want to see Zac Effron, Miley Cyrus or what's his pretty-faced name in one more of your films! 

Sorry, apparently I needed to get that off my chest. 

I have developed a bad habit of calling obstinate guys "terds".  Yes, spelt just like that. Because it's really one step up in the annoyance scale from calling them "nerds."

Brief comment:  The post last week was not meant to make you all worry about me lol.... it was meant to make you reflect on how amazing it is that we were given the capacity to feel so deeply - be it hurt or happiness.  It's truly wild.  And usually in the midst of pain, we're so wrapped up in our world and cursing the causes of the hurt, that we don't stop to consider how remarkable it is that we were created with that capacity.  The capacity to hurt not just in our body, but in our heart and soul.  It's remarkable.  Sometimes when it goes deep into your heart, you have to marvel that you even have those depths and almost say thank you.

Praise, not pity.  That was my intention in what apparently became a tragically emo post.  (whoops!)

I have 23 of my 25 goals for this year determined. Tomorrow we will be in March already! To date, I have one goal checked off. I have plans in motion/ dates set/ training occurring for 10 of them. And there are some like "talk less. listen more" that are hard to check yes or no just yet.... they are postures I keep reminding myself of and at the end of the year I'll have to evaluate if I really accomplished that goal or not. And then, there are some that I have written down but have yet to really do a thing about. Once I get the first round checked off, I can begin to plan for the second and third. :)

Back of the Bus Book Club.

I sat in the very back of the bus this morning because I was more or less a honorary bag lady, with my purse (full), my soccer bag, and a bag with a gift in it.  When a guy asked if he could sit next to me, and I noticed Kerouac, we struck up a conversation.  What followed was a discussion of Kerouac, Carlos, Plath, and the Beat Generation in general, travel, and then Hemingway and his generation, Steinbeck, etc.  Yes, another woman joined in and we enjoyed a 45 minute book discussion.  A great one actually.  And it made me think how fantastic it would be to have a book club that met each month in the back of a moving bus.  We could pick a different route each month.  And when we arrived at our destination, get a drink, dinner, etc and then all ride back together. 

I mean, it's not the BART, but I think the Beats would still be proud. 

If I start a book club, prepare your $3.00.  ;)

Rosemary walked into my room tonight  up to my door tonight, stopped, and said, "Are you okay?  I've never seen your room like this before."  And she's about right.  Her concerns that my bedroom is actually a reflection of my heart may not be exact (I'm not sure - I told her there may be a few piles there too, and perhaps some dead flowers like the ones on my dresser), but they do reflect the busy past week.  Between some long-needed quality time with a few old friends and some very long hours at work, my room has been serving as quite the changing station - dropping off the violin/ picking up the car from the shop/ running to the gym/ showering and 5 minute change for dinner/ packing the overnight bag/ grabbing clothes for the morning at the gun range and then babysitting/ nap/ theatre and dessert with close friends/ 11 hour work day/ a birthday dinner in Kirkland/ second early morning and long late work night/ shopping for personal showers/ special hot cocoa with Toni.  Yep - to be fair, I'd actually cleaned up as best as I could along the last few days, but really, I've fallen a bit behind. Have I mentioned I haven't been sleeping?  I think it's a few things - but no matter what time I lay down my alarm goes off in the morning and I'm exhausted from another night.  I remind myself: these seasons come and go.

I was supposed to clean/ do laundry/ pack tonight but by the time I got home I just felt like listening to my sweet friend, sipping hot chocolate and catching up on a few months of one another's lives.  Between this evening with Toni and a surprise coffee/ lunch date with Megs I'm feeling pretty grateful for some wonderful women in my life... who perhaps want better for me than I tend to want for myself.  I'm really grateful for them, and others in my life.

Oh yes, and now it's 11:30pm and I can't fall asleep because tomorrow... is the first Blueberries practice of the year! :)   And after that, it's a few days of rest in California.  Praise the Lord!

New goal for 25:  Learn to golf. 

Well, go golfing a few times.  I've talked about it for the last few years, growing more and more obstinate each time but I've yet to really learn.  This year, it happens.  Last fall, after quite the talk from Jeff, it was agreed that Elise and I would learn to golf.   Here are my reasons:  A.) Golfing with girlfriends sounds ridiculously relaxing and fun.  B.) Being good at golf would be helpful for business. (Believe it or not, I've been asked if I golf at every business I've worked at... excluding Starbucks.) Specifically in marketing, it would be nice to say, "yes."  C.) As my Dad regularly says, "Kati's always wanted to do every-thing."  And, he's more or less correct.  Included, I'd like to learn to golf.  One day, I'd like to be in my 40s and be at least a moderately good golfer... meeting the girls at the club for a late tee time and a pretty drink. ;)  And I figure in order to be there at 40, I need to start learning now that I'm officially at mid-twenty.


(Theresa and Kathryn... I know, but let's make it happen then!)

Mis-mouthed?

I don't know how better to say it, but I heard several things today sounded so odd coming out of the mouths they did. 

I heard a three year old announce to his cute young blonde mom on the bus today, "That man's smoking weed."  Only it sounded more like "Thamansoakingweed."  His mom corrected him, "No, that's a cigarette."  And he in turn corrected his mom, "No, thaweed."   Huh.  I guess he smells it everywhere too.

Back in the office, I heard one of the men in my office (who to me would appear to be the sort to own a gun and a few flannels), "Oh hey, I was just calling to double check on that play date.  Saturday or Sunday?  Okay, sounds great."  Words  you just don't expect to hear out of some men's mouths: play date.  Actually in a spanse of 15 minutes I heard three of the four men say sweetly over the phone: "okay, love you."  It's just an odd change.  I now work with four, family men.  They drop their kids off at preschool before work, get kept up all night by sick babies, and apparently set up play dates. 

Don't get me wrong, I kind of like it.  :) 

Not too shabby. ;)

I'll take that window please.

Is it pathetic that I giggled?  

Yes, yes I suppose it is.  Even so, I giggled (at the burnt bread and water color).  And you know what else? I hope my man some day needs me like I need bread.  ;)

This summer, we are going hiking someplace Kristin went years ago - where you can jump in and swim part way up. I've been trying not to think too much about it, because when I do, I wish it were tomorrow!! So excited for this. I wish I had more free days during the summer to enjoy the outdoors.

I think I would be willing to work 6-day work weeks during the winter, so I could have 3 day weekends all summer. Seriously, why hasn't any company ever proposed that? If I run a company some day (and I just might), I will likely have some unconventional rules of play. I'm all about finding what makes people come alive - because people truly alive are far more creative, focused and productive.  And I'd like my employees to be all of those things.  Not to mention, they're just more fun to be around, and if you're going to be spending 40 hours a week with them....(give or take 8 depending on the season...teehee).

Last night was book club.

And the theme was Hunger Games.

There's quite the story to tell, and it will come.  Probably tonight.

In the meantime,  here's a dandy to remind you:

Spring is coming. 

Hope is living.

Don't give up. 

And while we wait for Spring, live.

And drink lots of good coffee with good friends.

Praise the Lord, Oh my Soul. 

And let all that's within me,

Praise His Name.

.

Dark coffee and girl scout cookies for breakfast?

Yes, I think so, Friday.

We all had our pre-ordered boxes waiting on our desks when we walked in to work this morning.

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as true strength." Ralph Sockman

"Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting, but never hit soft." Theodore Roosevelt 

"I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death." Thomas Paine 

Ash Wednesday Conversations

Me: "Are you and chocolate still on speaking terms?" 

Ha.  Chocolate and I have never been better.  Our relationship is very strong.  We set up time every night to talk and the conversation is usually delicious.  We have talked about going to Ballard and touring Theo to see where Chocolate grew up.  I think it would help me better understand where Chocolate is coming from.

The Lord has blessed me with highly entertaining (and brilliant) friends.  And no, this wasn't from Megs.  ;)

Are you giving up anything for Lent? I have to admit, when I thought of it yesterday, I'd already indulged in most of the things I'd typically give up (chocolate, meat, sugar, coffee. It's true.)  But I'm praying as to what He might have for me to lay down for this season. 

Anyone know the forecast for the Bay Area next weekend?

 :)

I didn't exactly quit me job, but thankfully my boss did give me a couple days off.  And Kristin and I just bought tickets.   She said to me over the phone as I booked, "You know this is kind of ridiculous of you, right?  I have to do this, you don't."   I assured her, I had to too.  Just, in a different way.  I may not have a wedding to go to, but my heart's been craving some California air and I'm well due for some good adventure/ wandering hours.  Here's to writing the last few Goals for 25 at the same cafe table I began them.  And perhaps even marking a few more off.

On my list of favorite things, high up there is making a recipe for the first time, for guests.  For guests who I hardly know.

Oh wait.  That didn't make the list.

After Kaylee AND a girl at work both suggesting what I'd already been fighting in my own mind... I am taking another shot at lamb stew.  Only one person really liked my lamb stew last St. Patrick's Day.  Oh well I guess.  I'm just going to provide plenty of delicious bread and carbs and delicious dessert to wipe away the memory of the stew (should it bomb).

After looking up some recipes online, I realized that one woman was very right.  I really could have thrown anything in the stew and called it beef... in true Greasy Sae fashion, “Once it’s in the soup, I’ll call it beef.” 

Squirrel anyone?

Oh no, we are going to do this one right.  Lamb and dried plumb and say a quick prayer. ; )  If nothing else, the house smells quite tasty (but the smell fooled me last time too).

“So, Katniss, the Capitol must be quite a change from District Twelve. What’s impressed you most since you arrived here?” asks Caesar. . . .I rack my brain for something that made me happy here. Be honest, I think. Be honest.“The lamb stew,” I get out.Caesar laughs, and vaguely I realize some of the audience has joined in.“The one with the dried plums?” asks Caesar. I nod. “Oh, I eat it by the bucketful.”

P.S.  Guess who bought their ticket today for the midnight showing?

I am a member of two book clubs, a secret literary society, and an unknown reading group.  Makes it hard to decide which book I should pick up next.  Last night, I just gave in and picked up the one I really have been wanting to read for weeks. 

That was after I spent an hour googling "How to throw an amazing Hunger Games themed party."  Tomorrow night I am hosting one of the book clubs, and we have been reading The Hunger Games.  I'm a bit bummed that Natalie won't be there this week and only four of us will.  But that isn't going to stop me from throwing a pretty fantastic evening.  Should you find yourself free tomorrow night, and wishing to discuss the boy who baked bread and the girl who was on fire.... text me.  There will be bread, hot chocolate, something with berries, something for dinner (that's what keeps stumping me!), and some interesting decorations that I began last night.  So very fun.  :) 

PS. My sister Kristin got roped into reading the series, since she started this particular book club (which is actually a book & recipe club), and though she thought she'd be immune.... I happen to know she is currently debating some pretty desperate measures for  how to finish the last 20 pages of book two, while she is at work. ;)  

You can't stop this.

What are miles when hearts are near?

There are so many worse enemies than distance

to fear.

Even a fool is thought wise if he stays silent, and a foolish girl if she doesn't move.... but what good is a fool undiscovered?  Only doomed to remain a scared fool. 

I'm sitting here thinking,

I could either post this....

Or this...

Both favorites. So, let's just pretend this is one of those shows online now where you get to pick your own commercial.  You can pretend I posted whichever you best like.  Because I tend to like both a lot. And I kind of feel like if you could meld the two together, you'd understand me a tiny bit better. Yes? :)

And besides, I hate decisions.

Thoughts I've had in the past week:  Why don't I box?  I should practice throwing my throwing knife. Oh, they're cute. (sincerely.)  I can't wait to go to the gun range this weekend.  Hmm, I need to practice my violin.  

Disturbing?  I'm starting to think it might be a little.  It will be good when soccer starts back up.

For the record, I am not a violent person.  But when I start to feel stuck in things I feel I have no control over, I tend to dive into physical things.  Like running.  And in the past, soccer.  It helps somehow to feel something on the outside, when you can't seem to get most of what's happening on the inside, out. 

"This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has ever done before and that no one will copy throughout human existence. And if nothing else, you will be remembered as the one guy who ever did this. This one thing."

          -"Sam," from one of my favorite films. :)

The last couple mornings I've been thinking about restoration.  I think we limit the boundaries of restoration, and the power of the gospel.  Paul, who wrote the majority of the New Testament, used to oversee the persecution of the early church, the murder of followers of the man called Jesus Christ.  Moses murdered an Egyptian, fled, and eventually led God's people out of Egypt.  Peter denied Jesus three times, and still became the rock Christ built His church upon.  I don't know how it should look today, but I think it's interesting that as soon as a person screws up, we mark them off the list of leadership material.  We don't trust them anymore, and usuaully we never are willing to again.  Yet, Jesus knew Peter would deny Him, and really wasn't that betrayal in His darkest hour?  And knowing that, He still called him Peter, still decided to build on him.  He understands things so much better than we do - understands even what a leader might need before he is a useful piece in what Christ's building.  So why are we content to just mark people off?  I think there needs to be evidence in a person's life of real deep repentance and change... not just for a day or a week or a month.... but I also think that's the power of the gospel, right?  Creating something faithful out of a sinner?  Creating something beautiful out of the ugly?  Creating friends out of enemies?  Seem too much in real life?  Well, He certainly made us friends of God's when we were enemies.  And I seem to remember Him saying that if we can't forgive our brother, His Father won't forgive us.  

I just don't like my job today.  At all.  :( 

And it's not even because I'm at work on a holiday. 

Sometimes, I worry about how much of me seems all about this.  And then there's the practical / realist side.  I'm not sure which will win in the end, or even which is supposed to, but I'm pretty sure the longer the battle lasts between the to, the better off I am.  :)

On that note, my sister is going down to Cali in a couple weeks for a wedding, and I'm seriously considering just getting in the car.  She asked me, "What are you going to do all week, just wander around the city?"  Yep.  She'll be staying in Petaluma, which I wouldn't mind too much either.  I bet I could even find a bus to San Fran for the day or so.  :)   Kristin, I know I'm being such a little sister right now..... "Can I come too?!"  But truly, my heart starts to ache for California every couple months and I've been feeling the withdrawals for weeks.  I blame part of this behavior (or thought-behavior) on Kerouac.   This girl just needs some sunshine, needs a drive, needs to wander that city that I love.

I think I'm going to mention it to my boss on Monday.  :)  I've got some gas money.

Looking forward to an old tradition returning again this year - Kelly girls at the Ellensburg Rodeo! :)  

Though it won't ever be the same without our man Flynn. 

After enjoying an unexpected drink with a friend, I hopped on to a later bus than usual.  It might seem like a little matter of an hour or two, but it completely changes the dynamic of the bus.  The 312 at 5:20 is very different than the 312 at 7:30.  I looked around and noticed that while there were many open seats, they were all "unavailable" seeing as the occupants beside each seat were sprawled out in a very subtle message: find another seat.  I made eye contact with a man in his late thirties (I would guess) who pulled his jacket over and cleared the seat beside him.  I kind of laughed a little apologetic smile and sat down next to him.  "Saw me looking?"  And he laughed back.  A very friendly laugh.  I smiled, pulled out my book, and began reading.  At which point I heard over my shoulder, "A real book? Mind if I see what it is? I promise I'll leave you alone after."  To which began a wonderful conversation full of a lot of sincere laughter with a stranger on the bus.  And I remembered, this is why I love riding the bus, because though some days it smells terrible and you hang half off in the aisle and everyone passing by bumps into you and spills your coffee or may even verbally harass you so that you have to dial in a friend's number who you think is most likely to go searching for your body along Lake City.... there are other days where you listen to a stranger tell you all about their double major in college and the best they made against the "world wide web" back in the 80s.  And then they realize they're about to miss their stop and they jump up and run off.  "This is the best bus ride I've ever had, and I used to ride the 358.  So, that's saying something.  I was offered every narcotic there is.  By name.  Excuse me, what is that? Oh, no thank you."  I love riding the bus...most days.  Where better to collect stories than a place where you are socially expected to sit down beside a stranger for an hour of your day? 


That said, I read another great bus story today. :) 


PS, the man who kissed me the day before yesterday?  He somehow found us downtown again last night, in a completely different area.  I told him I'd give him a few more dollars, but no kiss.  : / 

Beginning to love these lines cut into my finger tips.

NutMeg and Rosemary.

Two of my absolute favorites. ;)

This summer? : )

Brade, I guess this is the part 'awesome' since it's probably not the part 'classy'.  : /  

Respect, don't judge. :) 

Parked at POE. :)

You know I didn't learn what pot smelt like until I was... older than most.  After announcing multiple times very loudly to my mother in a costume store, "OH MY WORD WHAT IS THAT?!"  "No, seriously mom, can you smell that!?"  "Dear God, that is horrible!"  My mom finally broke it to her high school daughter, "Honey, that was marijuana, and it was the man next to you."  Whoops.  Well, let me tell you, it takes a lot of control for me to not say that to every smoker I walk by - I feel they should be told, "You're killing yourself, and you smell like it. Yes, you smell like slow-death."  I'm sorry.  Too mean?  I love you smokers, it's just that I have an extremely sensitive nose (also thanks to my mom) and bad smells make me want to vomit.  Truly, gag reflex.  I can't stop inhaling, I get light-headed and annoyed and nauseous and start to pray that if I throw up, it's on the person who smells that bad. 

That said, I smell marijuana ALL over Seattle lately, I swear.  It could just be me, but I feel like it's a sudden thing.  Maybe it's that I've moved offices and this few blocks are worse than the previous few blocks?  That could be it, since I was by the court house, jail, judicial offices, and the columbia tower.  Not the best spot for weed.  Or maybe there's just more of it in Seattle lately?  I have no idea, but every day on my lunch break, no matter which direction I walk, I swear I smell weed.  It's like I'm at Folklife.... minus the music.  And all the great metal jewelry.  : / 

“I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again."

-The Hunger Games  

.

.

Paint me something beautiful, but paint me something true.
Paint me what is stirring you and all its different hues.

.

The new note beside my bed. 

 Wake up: breathe the courage. smell the flowers.

My Funny Valentine's.

Today was a bit fantastic. I'm in love with this space, and I cannot wait to see it filled. I got all sappy today, but I can't deny there is something wonderful about playing a part in physically shaping my city, a city I love. These buildings are part of history, past and present and future. They've heard countless stories, known men and women who have been broken, loved and forgiven. And they have countless more stories to listen to and tell again. Perhaps my story will be one of them.

I was kissed by a homeless man today.  

He asked for money.  I went to give him some.  He said, "You look like a barbie doll.  Can I have a hug?"  And so I gave him a hug.... and got a wet kiss on the cheek. 

.

 Grateful for this Girl.  :) 

And for getting to just be, "me," together. 

Another day in Photoshop, with a break in the middle for a shoot with Mal. Just guess how happy this gal is. This is something I could do for a living and love every day. Especially if those days started with cuddles on the couch with a child sweet as Miss Finleigh, and a hand-made latte.


I got to watch Fin last night so the Rowles could have a Valentines Date. And while I knew she'd probably be in bed by the time I got there, I didn't expect that Kristin and Grant would have made me spaghetti, bought me a bottle of wine, dark chocolates, and Grant would have even bought me flowers. Having people in my life like them sure make it sweet and help me remember the love that we are all called to embody in our every day.


So grateful for the people in my life who love me for better or for worse each day. And who help me learn how to love them better too. I have got a lot left to learn. It's Wednesday, what a perfect day to practice... right in the middle of it all. All the messes, all the sleepiness, all the wonder and work.

Inspired by Danette's Facebook status, and my email correspondence with my CPA today... I think there is no coincidence that Valentines Day comes right in the middle of the tax season. I think I'd be a happy girl if my (one-day) boyfriend gave me kisses, did my taxes and perhaps made a little mix tape. I'm really not a hard girl to please.