19/20

Morning.  It is Christmas Eve's Eve and what a busy weekend it was.  I am and always will be a little obsessive about Christmas and traditions. Yesterday, I let myself get all overwhelmed and bent out of shape - there is still so much to do!  And then today, I read this, and I remember again what is important.  Love.  And Trust.  

Saturday, we got to be a part of extending an opportunity to our friends to love an amazing family.  We were able to extend love, with our actions, ourselves.

If you haven't yet, please consider giving to the Jorgensen's.  And whether you give cash or don't - please pray for them. As you can hear below - they are pure gold.  I have only met them once or twice on visits to Nashville, but over the past years I've heard them in dozens and dozens of stories.  "Dana's helping Jason with the roof this week." "Julie and I are heading away for a girls weekend." They have been there for my sister and brother across the states, to support and strengthen them through their hurts and trials, their house troubles, their tired days.  I want to help take care of them, because they've always taken care of the people I love and can't always reach. 

I want to help take care of them because I feel this is the heart of a Christian - to love and trust.  With your actions.  With your money.  With your time.  With your words and your prayer and your devotion.  Love one another. 

In all that is happening around - I have never been more sure that Christ is Supreme.  He is in control. All we have to do is give everything to love and trust Him. 

Noel. 
God with us. 



December 14, 2013 - Dana Jorgensen:

Hey friends. I'm not one for using Facebook to post these things but I don't have enough time in my day to respond to everyone. If you have called or left a message, thank you for your kind words. Please know that I have received your message. I will post as much as I know right now. 
A couple of weeks ago Julie found a mass under her left arm. Two weeks ago we went in for a biopsy, and this past week we found out the mass is metastatic melanoma.

To say the least, we are devastated. Right now we are waiting for our first appointment at Vanderbilt which will be December 23rd. Julie will undergo many tests and surgery to remove the mass. Please pray. Pray that the cancer hasn't spread, and specifically to her organs. Now, Let me be clear.... as much as I hurt for my wife, I choose to believe this promise - Jesus loves Julie and she belongs to him. Julie was bought at a price. Regardless of the results, that does not change His love for her. God is the same as he was before the diagnosis and he will be the same when this is over. As a man who likes to fix stuff, I wish I could take this or fix it, but I can't. So as we enter into the Christmas season, Julie, Kai and I will be trusting in the one who came to earth and laid down his life for us. We believe that he is with us in the lowest places of our lives, carrying us when we struggle to take the next step.


December 18, 2013 - Julie Jorgensen:

I'm never one to post much about my life on Facebook but here's a little update: My doctor's appointment is booked for Monday, December 30 @ 8 am. I will meet with a surgical oncologist that specializes in melanoma and he will decide what tests I will need and hopefully I will get those appointments quickly and then I am assuming surgery will be scheduled following those results. I will have a much better idea of what's going to happen after that appointment. Right now a lot is unknown. Obviously the biggest unknown is whether the cancer has spread anywhere else. Please continue to pray that it hasn't and that god would heal me from this. Thank you for praying. It means so much to me that there are hundreds of people all across the world praying for my healing around the clock. So many people have said they are praying all day and god is waking people up at night to pray for me even as I sleep. I am seeing what it really means to be a part of the body of Christ because i do not feel alone in this and your prayers are not futile. It's not just hopeful thinking; there is so much power in your prayers. I am seeing god answer prayers and take care of us in the many hard details that are coming up these days. Just when I need something specific and tangible, he provides it for me that day. Over and over this is happening. And He has given me a peace that truly does pass all understanding right now. The peace I feel does not make sense and so I know it is from god alone. It is not that I am in denial of how serious this is and what the outcome could be and it's not that I haven't sobbed over my disappointment for what could be coming for us; I have. But god pulls me out of it and sets my feet on a rock in a way that I could not do for myself. I am not a strong person. I have said many times "I could never do that" when someone seems at peace in a horrific situation. But god really does give you the grace you need on the days you need it so that you can get through more than you thought you could. 
Thank you for all of your prayers and support in other ways. I am so grateful. I will post updates as I get more information in the next couple weeks. 

The LMN Holiday Card went out today. :) 

We had lots of fun the last few weeks working on this little memo. 

I just can't focus today at work - 

Because I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!!! 

18/20

Two years ago today, I was quietly waiting for test results.  I'd told a friend I'd found a lump, and though she told me it was probably nothing, I couldn't stop thinking about it.  I waited a few weeks and checked again.  It was real.  I saw a doctor just to make sure, just so she could tell me that I was worried about nothing. Instead, she scheduled me an appointment with the breast cancer clinic at Evergreen.  I checked in, got my robe, and waited quietly.  Again, I was thinking "they'll just tell me it's nothing."  They didn't.  They scheduled me a biopsy.  And then for a week I waited silently. I was due to hear back on my sister's birthday, and Kim and Jason were arriving for Christmas a week later - there was no way in hell I was going to tell my family if it came back positive - and telling them about my appointments would force my hand in any case.

Less than a month later I turned 25 and a whole lot older.  I'd finally received that "it's nothing" news, but dear Lord had I undergone some changes in the wait.

And that's the least that cancer has affected my life. Because many don't hear back "it's nothing." I hate it.  Really, really hate it.  It took my good friend in her early twenties. It gave my cousin Hope one hell of a ride while she raised her young family.  Earlier this year, it took my Godfather from us. And our pastor. And today alone, I heard word that two women very dear to people in my life have been diagnosed with it.  I hate cancer.

It's one of the scariest things a family can face.  I'm praying for them.  Please pray too.

17/20 

I think the only thing better than reading Tina Fey - is listening to your boyfriend read Tina Fey.  Especially if it is her memoir of coming of age, being a woman in the comedic workplace, becoming a mother and the rest of the hysterical (pun? social critique? historical allusion?) aspects of womanhood. And ESPECIALLY if he laughs harder at it all than you do. Beau, you're just the best.  :)

I have worked 51 hours in 4 days.  

Tell me that's not kind of impressive.  

I need to hear it - because currently I'm making stupid mistakes, and I need to remember why. 

"...The real romantics are the boring ones — they let another heart bore a hole deep into theirs. 

Be one of the boring ones. Pray to be one who get 50 boring years of marriage – 50 years to let her heart bore a hole deep into yours. 

Let everyone do their talking about 50 shades of grey, but don’t let anyone talk you out of it: committment is pretty much black and white. Because the truth is, real love will always make you suffer. Simply commit: Who am I willing to suffer for? 

Who am I willing to take the reeking garbage out for and clean out the gross muck ponding at the bottom of the fridge? Who am I willing to listen to instead of talk at? Who am I willing to hold as they grow older and realer? Who am I willing to die a bit more for every day? Who am I willing to makeheart-boring years with? Who am I willing to let bore a hole into my heart? 

Get it: Life – and marriage proposals — isn’t not about one up-manship — it’s about one down-manship. It’s about the heart-boring years of sacrifice and going lower and serving. It’s not about how well you perform your proposal. It’s about how well you let Christ perform your life.... 

I’m praying, boys — be Men. Be one of the ‘boring” men – and let your heart be bore into. And know there are women who love that kind of man. 

The kind of man whose romance isn’t flashy – because love is gritty.The kind of man whose romance isn’t about cameras — because it’s about Christ.The kind of man whose romance doesn’t have to go viral — because it’s going eternal.No, your dad did not get down on one knee when he proposed – because the romantic men know it’s about living your whole life on your knees.

There are Fridays. And the quiet romantics who will take out the garbage without fanfare. There will be the unimaginative calendar by the fridge, with all it’s scribbled squares of two lives being made one. The toilet seat will be left predictably up. The sink will be resigned to its load of last night’s dishes. 

And there is now and the beautiful boring, the way two lives touch and go deeper into time with each other. 

The clock ticking passionately into decades."

[From A Holy Experience - as kindly shared by Linda - a woman who has always championed real romance to a once hopeless romantic. Thank you Linda - for telling me about love.]

16/20 

CS Lewis's The Problem of Pain. Fascinating. Challenging. Surprising. 

Lewis is an evolutionist.  Chew on that.  

Thinking about this man again today, and his lovely wife. The picture of he and I at my high school graduation is my phone lock screen.  I see him there dozens of times a day.  I don't want to forget him.  I want to resolve in my heart that he is gone. I want to process, heal, and grow.  I want to grow into a woman that lives a lot like he did. I want to remember him in my actions, in my thoughts and in my heart. 

While "No-plans-ember" has been a bit more restful than normal months, so far it hasn't been much of a change in our day to day.  We'd already committed to a certain number of things back before this idea, and the conviction to follow it struck us.  From tonight on out, we finally reach the point where we really aren't doing much - a soccer game, one bar tending night, a wedding.. and it's Thanksgiving.

While we might still have things to do - we both have felt a weight off of us.  It just feels good. Something about knowing we have to, and get to, say "no" to basically EVERYTHING is so darn freeing! (It's also so stupid hard - we've turned down a couple amazing invites.)

We have already gotten to address some big house projects (well, one), and have had a few more hours to rest than usual.  Rest.

The contemplation of this month has been enough to make me more committed to a long term life style change.  And if that wasn't enough, this article Beau just sent me certainly helps.  I understand that rest is important.  And I get that families have to set time aside.  But I think it struck me anew that the habits we build early in our relationships, are the ones we'll keep in our marriages, parenting and over all family development.  I'm about living where you are - enjoying the season you're in... but I also think we won't magically become something new. We have to choose today to be who we want to be in ten years when we're stewarding little hearts and eyes, not to mention a big heart of some goofy, brilliant man. ;) We have to learn to steward the "family" we're building for now - and a huge part of that is learning to schedule and protect your time.

I want to own my time - and be able to give it wholeheartedly wherever, whenever called, rather than ending days and weekends feeling like it slipped through my hands or was wrenched by strange commitments I didn't even know I'd made. I want to see my time deepening me as a person and deepening me and John as a couple, and furthermore that my time is allowing John to deepen as an individual too.

Marriage isn't for you.  [ <- click="" it.="" p="">

A great article my Beau just forwarded. 

November is here!  And I feel like we just barely made it.  Here's to the long awaited 30 days of saying no to all the extras - to things we love and time with those we care for and almost always give first spot to - at the expense of so much.  Here's to a month of us re-centering, finding where we are and where we should be today, of resting, of re-figuring how to live. Of putting first things first and not ignoring dreams and long term goals.  Of being still.

The first time I heard this song, it got me.  I've played it over and over since.... I think it's my November mantra.

Let's be still.

Strolled in to work at 6:45am, coffee in hand.  Unshowered.  Forgot the candy I said I'd bring for little trick or treaters.  Forgot my headphones.  And I'm still just as behind on this deadline as when I went to bed last night.  Today, my friends, is going to be a ride.  Prayers appreciated.  

Happy Halloween. 

15/20

I've been thinking about saying "no" to things.  About how we'll be saying no to 'plans' next month.  I'm a lit nerd right, so I spend my hours alone getting lost in thought about things like: "Huh, it's so odd that the holiday season begins with "NO-vember. It's the month that ends with Thanksgiving, and then drops us off at Christmas - for which we spend lots of time writing shopping lists and wish lists." It just seems odd.  Maybe even ironic, to have the month that marks the beginning of the biggest over-eating, over-indulging, over-spending season, begin with "no."

 I think more than just saying no to plans next month, I'm going to focus on saying no to buying things I don't need.  Spending too much at the grocery store.  Eating sweets I don't need.  Drinking more coffee than I really ought to... or wine for that matter.  Complaining about my day at work to John.  Complaining about [insert word here] to John.

I'm going to focus on what's before me - what I have and what I can work for - rather than what I want.  I'm going to think about how rich I am.  How many thank you letters I have reason to write. I'm going to practice starting prayers with something other than "Dear Lord, please bless...."

I'm going to practice "no" next month.
Then I'm going to be grateful.
Then I'm going to be generous.
Then I'm going to turn 27th! Woot.

John Acuff had a little something to say on bravery today that struck a cord with what I've been ruminating on myself over here and at Uncommon.  

The Ugly Truth About Bravery. 

November is No-Plans-Ember.

For the month of November, we aren't making any new plans.  It's already been hard, as we've had to say no to some truly great offers.  But I think this will be good - a chance to focus on priorities that tend to get last place and fall into the calendar cracks.  For November, it will be different.

If you invite us, we will probably talk about it for a while, going back and forth, both taking turns at the devil's advocate... but hopefully in the end, we'll reply with "sincere regrets" and an attempt to reschedule after the holidays. 

Stolen pieces from Esther and Uncommon today.  So very, very true. 

Studio Oliver Gustav. 

Good morning!  And happy Friday, dear friends.  We have circled back around yet again to this glorious day of finishing and waiting.  Waiting for the weekend.  And this Friday is especially ceremonious at my office, as by 3pm all the networks will be down and by 5 every desk in boxes.  We've been in a remodel (and will be for 6 more weeks), and today marks our move into the first finished floor.  It has been a TRIP - packing up an entire marketing department - yesterday I attacked our WALL of binder coils.  Just binder coil.  Thursday, I alphabetized CDs of project photography.  A few hundred CDs later and I was humming Goo Goo Dolls like I was back in 7th grade.

But come 5 pm, it won't be the weekend yet for us.  We'll be heading to our recent 'second job' from 7-11. AND THEN, it's the weekend.  In celebration, I have worn my newly stolen favorite sweater (thank you Beau).  I hear it's made from real Alpacas.  My favorite wool socks and my boots.  Work appropriate? I'm not sure.  Friday appropriate?  Absolutely.  

This week of work packing has followed a full week of 'home packing' and moving John into his new house.  His beautiful, beautiful new house.  It feels so oddly big.  We're used to both our apartments, so to have an expanse with a real dining area, a living room, a separate kitchen and then THREE bedrooms?  It's crazy.  It just really feels odd.  I like to pace the place.  And a couple nights ago when I was over, I overheard doors opening and closing all over the house.  Over and over.  Apparently, John had just decided to walk around, opening, then closing each door in the house.  Because he could.  Because they are his.  It's pretty fun to watch and be a part of - his first project of course is mounting a retractable projector screen into the ceiling.  Something I couldn't be happier about, as it meas no longer will 100 sq ft be constantly covered by a projector screen. A 100 sq ft, which currently includes his beautiful new fire place.  :)

This weekend - will hopefully mean rest.  I need it.  He needs it too.

Okay, I stole this sort of - I listened in to one of my favorite women wishing one of my other favorite women a happy anniversary.  And I took each word to heart:  

True love isn’t found.It’s carved.Carved out of sacrifice. Carved out of covenant. Carved out of two dying to the loneliness of self to be made into one.You and I, we could let our feet find each other’s under the cotton sheets and we could carve into forever together.
Before there is no more me here and no more you here —we could let the rest be carved away until there only the glory of a wrinkled love left.

From here.   

 

Credit to my sister Kimberly for sharing this... holy cow.  I can't wait to watch John watch this....

JT. Hashtags. Cookies. TMNT.  

He will cry beautiful tears of happiness.

14/20

We finally finished Season 3 last night.  After months of dread, slowing our feet and making us wait until we felt emotionally prepared for it... I have to say, we were upset.  But we were also relieved.  

And we finished just in time to watch the first episode of season 4! 

 

Sincerely, from John. 

I think he's making fun of me. 

(I don't even like pumpkin spice lattes.  There.)

The other night, I tried to catch her.  I chased her down shiny streets, up broken concrete hills.  That girl who loves to run at dusk on cold night, loves to feel the rain. That girl who listens to sad slow songs and sincere old country love songs.  Who loves a glass of wine alone.  Who stays up til morning, trying to escape a story. That girl who sees the best in people.  Who hates to complain about others. Who loves everyone. I tried to catch her. But that bitch is fast!

I chased her for a while, then resigned to try another night.  I promised myself I'd try to catch a better glimpse of her tomorrow.


[Sorry about the beezy, just couldn't resist.  But really.]

One more reason to love Fall... 

Leather bags, books and hot drinks on cold walks. My favorite time of year is here. 

13/20

Wednesdays are generally a really, really hard day.  By the time I get off work, I'm tired, probably feeling sick from stress, and I'm almost guaranteed to be running late to our Berries game.  It's just how they seem to always go - deadlines fall on Thursdays and early Fridays and Wednesday is always a sick sprint to a final draft.

But I look forward to Wednesday each week.  Wednesdays always start great - they are my favorite morning of the work week.  Because Wednesdays, Beau picks me up and we get coffee and then he drives me to work.  :)

So right now, I'm relishing my vanilla latte and my pumpkin spice top pot doughnut, thinking about my Beau, and bracing myself for another Wednesday...

10 Days Until John's Closing Date!!!! 

And his apartment is folding up into boxes and zipties.

Saturday, I watched a wife say goodbye to her husband.  I watched a marriage end, if death can end such a union.  They'd met in their late teens and been married for over 40 years.

Sunday, I went to a wedding.

My sister warned me it could be hard - not that I needed a warning.  She and I had both hoped our godfather would be the one to marry us to our future spouses.  My dad had suggested it recently too.  And John and I had just talked about it not even a week before hearing that Uncle Bob was in the ICU.  I certainly spent a portion of that wedding wondering who else would mean enough to me to fill that spot.  I don't think there is anyone else.  I'm not sure what we'll do should that opportunity arise.

But I spent even more of my time at the wedding thinking what a wonderful, and terrifying thing marriage is.  We know the danger of young love.  The whole lead up to marriage is risk and vulnerability - it's scary and hard and at any moment it could be the end of what you've been building.  But then comes marriage - security, promises, togetherness.  And before that, engagement, the assurance of hope - - - 'til death do us part.

That part comes too.  And we never know when.  Therefore, I guess love is really always dangerous.  You'll hurt one another, you'll misunderstand one another, you'll fail one another, or feel like you're failing one another (maybe an even worse fate), and eventually one day you'll leave, or they'll leave. Though you'd stay with them forever.  We cannot promise forever.  But we can choose love until our last day. And everything along the way is leading up to that - it's trying to teach us how to do it - how to choose vulnerability, how to risk, how to give though one day we might not be able to get back.

And I assume when that one day comes, we discover that it was all just teaching us something even bigger - preparing us to be able to give something more, be more vulnerable... for some grand reason we might think we understand now, but don't.

For me, I don't understand it.  I don't get what happens next, when a woman says goodbye to her love of 40 years - to the man she's given her life to. I don't get what happens next.  But I get that love's a danger. And I get that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. And I believe it's proportionally true in the days you have together.  So Sunday I watched them give their vows and make their promises, and I pictured her saying goodbye to him 60 years later.  And it was wonderful and terrifying. Because though she's guaranteed to lose, she's choosing to love.

Should I get to choose - it will be with all this in mind.  Some people love to flip to the last page of a book before starting the story.  I've never been one.  It's so much harder to walk through a tale once you've seen a heartbreak on the last pages.

Oh hey, have you seen my jewelry line?

Yeah, it's something.

There have been several times I encourage Beau to take the initiative at the work lunch hour - invite other people out, instead of waiting to see if others invite him.  But I'm a hypocrite. Because I basically eat lunch by myself every day.  Either at my desk while I power through a proposal and a minor anxiety attack - or outside with my book.  I have one three occasions gone out to lunch over the course of the past 6 months.  (Yes, I've been here 6 months already!)  The first was my "welcome lunch" with my department.  The other two, I did initiate.  But this week - I decided it's time.  I sent out an email to some 15 people and organized a group lunch.  Over half of them I have never spoken with, and a few I don't think I even know who they are.  But why not? Let's have lunch.  I need work friends. And for once in my life - 30% of the company is actually my age.  It's odd. 

Here's to lunch, initiative, and work friends.  Wish me luck. 

 From here. 

12/20

It's 40DD - D-Day. 

Day 40. 

Just read, "I Didn't Love My Wife When We Got Married." It has me thinking. 

My Uncle Bob.  This man means more to me than almost anyone walking on this earth.  He is more family to us than our family. Somewhere between 30 and 40 years ago, he started teasing my dad at work.  Giving him crap.  Their preferred method of conversing.  Soon, he became one of his closest friends - and eventually changed his life.  Then my mom's life.  My sisters' lives.  And mine.  There is no one like him on this earth.  And I love him with all my heart. 

11/20

Hank Bought a Bus

My newest obsession.  I've had a hard time keeping focused at work this week.  Not so much that I want to surf the web or go explore - I just find myself staring.  A lot.  At home too.  But when I'm done staring - then I find myself clicking through my standby links, until my mind is collected and I'm ready to return to the world that feels less like reality - yet, requires my immediate presence.  This process, led me here, to Hank Bought a Bus... and I think it will soon become my new addiction.

An architect student. A photographer.  A refurbished old bus.  And a road trip.
How could I resist their invitation to follow?

Oh, and my other, older secret web addiction?  Forty Days of Dating. It's day 35!! It's a bit TMI at times - but I am so enthralled by their honest evaluation and the study of their behaviors, tendencies and desire to grow. Not to mention - they are so freaking creative!

Both series are going on right now - so go check them out now or you'll miss the joy of walking out the adventure with them and the discovery along the way!

40 Days of Dating – Tied Up from 40 Days of Dating on Vimeo.

Please pray for my Godfather, Bob Evans.  He is one of the most important men in my life - as well as my entire family's lives - and he is currently in the ICU.  

I want to keep my sweater on.  I can feel the heat on my face, and water sounds better than the hot cup of coffee before me.  But I want the comfort.  The clouds are deep in the sky and from a glance out the window, you'd be convinced it were chilly and crisp.  So my mind registers: Fall.  You need your sweater, with its warm soft knit sleeves folded around you.  And you need that cup of coffee, seeping happiness and strength down your throat and into your soul.

Only, I'm sweating.  And it's muggy.  And I might even be dehydrated.

But I won't give in.  I'm on Pinterest, searching recipes.  I used my crockpot last night and made a magical, delicious impromptu chili.  I don't know if it is really chili, but it had beans and chicken and a tomatoesque sauce, so we called it chili. The perfect "fall" meal.

Pinterest is amazing.  You type in "crockpot recipe" and hundreds of pins come up.  You type in "400 calorie meal" and dozens upon dozens fill your screen. Today, I'm going to type in "400 calorie crockpot recipes"  - I'm pretty confident Pinterest will be up to the challenge.

My arms feel naked - I'm putting my sweater back on.

PS - The berries killed last night.  We won something like 5-0.  And even scored while playing a man down.  Magically, somewhere in the second half, we learned to pass, and communicate on the field. About an hour in to a tied match, we just transformed.  And I loved playing soccer again!!! After 2 blown attempts, I placed one, left footed, it just felt right.

"Success doesn't happen in a day, it happens in decades."  

Decades of work, marbled with moments of doubt. 


At some point we have to get comfortable with planning in years and working through them.  Setting not "one year" goals, but 5 year goals.  Being content to work at a place and not get a promotion every 6 months.  Not get stuck - but not be so concerned about "feeling stuck" just because we hate feeling still. You should leave bad jobs -  ones where you're not growing or being challenged.  You should leave them at the right time.  But the jobs we usually want to leave the most are the ones that are growing and challenging us - just not in fun, feel good, change the world and earn fame every day ways.

We've got to work to stay on target.  We'll need to readjust course at times.  But we'll also have to learn to work, at one thing, for years.  We'll have to find it more important than good feelings of "changing the world." Otherwise, we'll likely never have the skill set capable of turning over a rock, let along the world.  The world doesn't need any more amateur world changers - it needs disciplined young adults, with fires that have burned so long that they aren't flames on wicks, but coals, steady, hot and hard to blow out.

I hate to say it, but you've got very little to give the world today.  Sure, you can toss it in. Or you can try to grow it - grow that one tiny thing you were given, whatever it is, for four years in college.  For 10 years after college.  Grow it.

Our savings accounts don't become 10 digit numbers in college or immediately in the first few years after - why do we expect our skills are different?

Sorry to share the pep talk - I just had to give it to myself this morning.  Sometimes, I come across writers who are younger than me and far more skilled.  And I look at my job - where I've now been 5 months - and I panic ever so slightly.  I like my job.  I've worked hard to get here, and I've stayed 100's of days at other jobs after hitting what I would have sworn was my breaking point.  But even here, at this job I really like, where I'm growing in all the feel-good ways I'd hoped, I still get uncomfortable thinking of being here for five more years.  Even three. That means I'll be working here when I turn 30.

But then I remember the truth:  I have very little to give the world today.  I have a handful of skill, less than many.  I tend to be impatient, with people, myself, and time.  I lack love.  And I'm getting more and more out of shape.

If I want to be any of the things I've felt called to in my life - I have to get comfortable with work, for years at a time.  Because we aren't called because of our born-ability and wonder-like charm and skill.  We're called to take a seed and grow it.

We Are But Little Children Weak

We are but little children weak,
Nor born in any high estate;
What can we do for Jesus’ sake,
Who is so high and good and great?

We know the holy innocents
Laid down for Him their infant life,
And martyrs brave and patient saints
Have stood for Him in fire and strife.

We wear the cross they wore of old
Our lips have learned like vows to make;
We need not die; we cannot fight;
What may we do for Jesus’ sake?

O day by day each Christian child
Has much to do, without, within;
A death to die for Jesus’ sake,
A weary war to wage with sin.

When deep within our swelling hearts
The thoughts of pride and anger rise,
When bitter words are on our tongues,
And tears of passion in our eyes;

Then we may stay the angry blow,
Then we may check the hasty word,
Give gentle answers back again,
And fight a battle for our Lord.

With smiles of peace and looks of love,
Light in our dwellings we may make,
Bid kind good humor brighten there,
And still do all for Jesus’ sake.

There’s not a child so weak and small
But has his little cross to take,
His little work of love and praise,
That he may do for Jesus’ sake.

Music: Al­stone, Christ­o­pher E. Will­ing, in the Ap­pen­dix to Hymns An­cient and Mo­dern, 1868 (MI­DI, score).

Keep watching - past all the obnoxious teenage girl screaming - because the speech is pretty incredible. Gotta say - I loved him.... since he FIRST got cool.  Because let's be honest, Chris was never not cool.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fepUlDbx5Y&feature=youtu.be


PS Good thing my boyfriend is one of the smartest, kindest, most thoughtful men walking around. ;) 

10/20 

Halfway to my 2013 goal. 

Off with my Boise boy!!

See you all on Monday! xo

Happy Anniversary

My parents met today, forty-seven years ago, at the Seattle Seafair Hydroplane Races. 

Happy Anniversary Dad & Mom! So happy you found one another... and flirted. <3 font="">

While you might think me super-social (or not)... I come from a long line of introverts.  My poor mom, she doesn't understand why we all have to be alone to refuel.  Sweet extrovert in a family of intros. Perhaps this will help you understand.  It's not that we don't like people, it's just that they make us tired.  

In high school, I made up fake curfews so I could go home early from "hangouts." 

I'd pretend to be on the phone when I had to run back in after youth group to grab something I forgot - just so I wouldn't get pulled back into conversations.  (That trick still serves me well when needed.)

I got annoyed at my friends for sitting on my lawn, refusing to leave until I hung out with them. Mumsy threatened to ground me for being rude - grounding seemed fine with me- after all I just wanted to finish my book!! And we had hung out SO MUCH!

My roommate was afraid to tell people about a show we bought tickets to last week, because she assumed I'd be bummed if the group got too big.  

If I have a big party at my house - I immediately want to leave it.  

But I love people. :/  

Go figure. 

I don't take nearly enough time to sit and meditate.  After cleaning up my room last night I sat on my bed and pulled out an old scrap book full of cards that have been given to me and special words spoken over me.  It was only 20 minutes or so, but it was encouraging.  I like being reminded that I'm the same person I was 9 years ago; sometimes I feel so disconnected from that girl.  I live in a completely different world - I spend my days mostly with a new set of people, in new surroundings, analyzing new information, being perceived in new ways and processing through new thoughts.  I don't feel I'm in too much danger of losing my true self... not really any way, but I do feel the tiredness of it all, of moment by moment being so many other things in the eyes of other people. It's nice to sit on my bed, and be just me, just by myself with no room for misconceptions.

Beer Share

We have a weekly happening at our office called, Beer Share.

It's when we drink beer, and someone shares something awesome with the group.  This week, one of the principals is introducing all the newbies to the office.  So myself, and all the others who were hired in the last 4 months were asked to send in a picture along with a caption.

I figure this is my best chance to get the message out there.

What a Weekend

Celebrating this guy's birthday, his boat, and some very crazy friends.

We have no engagements tonight.  

Do you know how wonderful that is?!

[feeling cheesy, sorry]

Love & Photography

One of the greatest articles I've read on love, written by one of the greatest young women I've known. 

Go read, and relish in the beautiful insight and photography.

After an exceptionally hard day, I opened Streams in the Dessert to my marker last night, and found this:

He hath acquainted himself with my beaten path. When he hath searched me out, I shall come out shining (Job 23:10, free translation).

"Faith grows amid storms" -- just four words, but oh, how full of import to the soul who has been in the storms!

Faith is that God-given faculty which, when exercised, brings the unseen into plain view, and by which the impossible things are made possible. It deals with supernaturals. But it "grows amid storms"; that is, where there are disturbances in the spiritual atmosphere. Storms are caused by the conflicts of elements; and the storms of the spiritual world are conflicts with hostile elements. In such an atmosphere faith finds its most productive soil; in such an element it comes more quickly to full fruition.

The staunchest tree is not found in the shelter of the forest, but out in the open where the winds from every quarter beat upon it, and bend and twist it until it becomes a giant in stature this is the tree which the mechanic wants his tools made of, and the wagon-maker seeks.

So in the spiritual world, when you see a giant, remember the road you must travel to come up to his side is not along the sunny lane where wild flowers ever bloom; but a steep, rocky, narrow pathway where the blasts of hell will almost blow you off your feet; where the sharp rocks cut the flesh, where the projecting thorns scratch the brow, and the venomous beasts hiss on every side.

It is a pathway of sorrow and joy, of suffering and healing balm, of tears and smiles, of trials and victories, of conflicts and triumphs, of hardships and perils and buffetings, of persecutions and misunderstandings, of troubles and distress; through all of which we are made more than conquerors through Him who loves us.

"Amid storms." Right in the midst where it is fiercest. You may shrink back from the ordeal of a fierce storm of trial…but go in! God is there to meet you in the center of all your trials, and to whisper His secrets which will make you come forth with a shining face and an indomitable faith that all the demons of hell shall never afterwards cause to waver.
--E. A. Kilbourne

Um.  I think I'm 'living the life' right now.


These really are the days I know I'll look back on and smile, tell my kids about, sometimes remember with a bittersweet taste, wishing I could return but knowing I never will.  They're days too full of wonderful things - with someone too wonderful at my side.

They're exhausting long work weeks, followed by fantastic adventures outside, dreaming, exploring, peddling down quiet streets on old bikes that sound like locomotives when forced up hill. It's last second trips to favorite cities, sailboats, dancing, and a myriad of flavors in foreign places just down my street.  It's finding new worlds constantly  - ones that are, ones that could be.

I'll someday miss these days.

Essentially, the head of my company just asked if I had an iPhone 5.   I said yes.  He asked if he could borrow it.  I thought it strange, but began to pull my phone out of my case.  "No, your charger.  Can I borrow your charger?"  

I think that probably should have been obvious to me. 

This is the sort of dumb stuff you do at the end of a week like this.  On a Friday that follows a night full of tossing, turning and incredibly odd dreams where you're in a meeting, an alarm starts going off, your boss leads a group of you to an elevator, you jump in and think we shouldn't be getting in an elevator- but I guess we'd never make it that many flights of stairs if somethings really wrong.  You start moving down and then suddenly the elevator picks up speed, falls out of alignment and some part breaks open.  You grab onto a railing and watch as all your coworkers and boss fall some hundred flights.  Looking back, in a slightly more awake state, the scene seems an awful lot like one in the new Star Trek.  :/  Coincidence?  Probably not.  After that, my sister and I discover some well-intended, but ultimately incredibly disturbing inner secrets in the company.  My mom gets the wait staff at our lunch spot to let us eat outside.  John gets pictures taken with a pilot from an airshow.  And I have an emotional breakdown because no one seems to care that I just watched 5 people fall to their death, while clinging on to a railing in an elevator in free-fall.  

This is not my typical dream.  That was not a normal night.  And this, has not been an easy week.  

The only thing that got me out of bed and into work the hour early as promised, was the hope:  

THIS IS FRIDAY. 

And I hated the entire one minute I had to ride in the elevator this morning.  I might start taking the stairs again.  :/

Why I like Beau's hair...

Great men have great locks.

Leave it be. 

Last night I pulled my bike out into the alley behind my house.  The alley is not what you're imagining.  It's an old paved road with grass breaking through the worn concrete, and the neighbors garbage bins all in neat rows.  There are trees and yards and private back patios lining the road on either side.  I stopped my bike. I set the kickstand.  Backed up a few steps.  And put John's camera up to my eye.

Over the next twenty minutes I proceeded to take 37 shots of my bike, circling it like a shark its prey, turning it this way and that like a purveyor of fine goods.  I crawled onto it, only to capture the right angle.  And all the while my neighbor two houses down stood in her garden steeling awkward glances.  Her clippers in hand, she eventually stood up and stared.

When I repeated the incident to Beau, he merely replied, "What, you live in Ballard?"

It's not the weirdest thing I've been discovered doing in my neighborhood.  Did I ever tell you about my antique anchor, and my need to carry it down the street at 7am on a Friday?

I have a severe case of wanderlust. 


Hold out one more year, Kati.  Make it worthwhile.

Hey Friends,

I'm blessed to contribute each Wednesday to a wonderful art collective.  It tends to be a bit more practiced and refined than my typical Hope is an Anchor ramblings and it has already been a great growing experience.  It is quite a lot of fun and there is so much going on each day from all the contributors - today's article is about The Gold Under Our Feet.  And I'm especially partial to it, since of course I'm giving a little thought to one of my favorite children's stories, The Wizard of Oz.

Take a look, and perhaps add it to your "Favorites" bar.  ;)

My music taste is cheap - it can be bought - 'green eyes' dropped on a line and I'm sold.

I am fundamentally an optimist.  Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say.  Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward.  There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair.  That way lays defeat and death.

-Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom:  Autobiography of Nelson Mandela

I've been past "past" my capacity for a week or two now.  Borderline breakdown point.  And if I didn't have such an awesome guy who listens, and surprises me with flowers, and puts his evening plans on hold to just spend a Thursday evening sitting on my couch.... I probably would have had a melt down.  As it stands, it is Friday and I'm feeling optimistic.  Life feels like the challenge it should - the possible challenge that I can tackle.

A couple days ago I was telling Beau, "I think I just need a vacation.  A real, get away and relax vacation."  But I don't really have the time for that right now.  Starting a new job means trying to not take lavish get-aways.  I'm just a week away from 4 months at the new job and I have yet to take a day off.... even with a concussion in there.

Next week, however, I'll be taking Friday off!  I will get a 4 day weekend and I'm soooo excited!  And this weekend, we did our best to say our "thanks yous", "pleases" and most importantly, a few "nos"  -- well, we're trying.  We'll see how we really do in the end.

But it's Friday.  And for the first time in weeks, my tank doesn't feel empty!  Hell, I don't even need "full" any more, just give me a few gallons and watch me run! Of course, I prefer full.  It's sunny.  And I just put on the Keith Urban.  Life has hope.  And my heart somehow is in Nashville again.  It's residing in that peace I always find on the quieter side of the country - reading a book beside my sister, or driving down some almost familiar road.

I'll let my heart hide there for the day, but it's time to get the rest of my capabilities clambering on at my full work-list today.  Hope you all find a little peace and hope this beautiful Friday morning.

Love each of you.

9/20

Can anyone tell me why I'm listening to my "Disney Collection Volume 1"?  Didn't expect my fingers to pick it... didn't expect I'd be 10 songs in an hour later... all by myself on a Thursday night.   Well we've all got our own things I guess.  Tonight, apparently classic disney is mine.  :/

Very much love this room. 

from here.

Aren't these such funny times?  All at once they are "make us or break us" days, every one of 'em.  And they're unexpected walks in the rain days.  Dance lesson days.  Sailing lesson days. Great new job days.  They're the best and the hardest.  The most exhausting and trying, and also the most fun.

After I let my dad in on it all, all that's on my mind, all that's burning up my heart (and my esophagus again), he says kindly, "It doesn't get easier."  But it's got to!

There's got to come a year where it's not a new job, a house to take care of, a dream that comes with weekly commitments and constant challenges, a  relatively new relationship, bills to pay and forms to fill out, and a friend to bring a meal to every week. A summer where there aren't five or six weddings! Where there's not some place to be every weekend or someone visiting from out of town.

There's got to be a time where you spend weekend after weekend with nothing to do.... right?  That time does exist.  It has to exist. Some day.

Today, I'm okay with how things are - because they'll make us.

And they'll make some great stories.

After all, these are some of the most exciting times... these are the things we've been waiting for expectantly.

This is where I work.  :) 

I don't know why this place holds so much sway over me - a magnet to my heart, buried high up in heavens I've never seen, and an age I've never known. 

St. Etienne, a glimpse of you and my heart starts to burn.  Your grandeur overwhelms me - moves me - all at once the distant, the beautiful, the dangerous meet in you. You are my sublime.  And someday, I will see you.  Sit with you in ageless silence.  And together we will contemplate the heavens and think little of time.