I just made coffee that is stronger than an Italian percalator.  No joke.  Stronger than espresso.  The complaints that will be echoing in female voices around my office in an hour or two will prove it.  Mistake that it was (or subconscious decision), I'm not complaining.  Here's to another 10 hour day (at least)! Slainte!  Please pray clarity, speed and good decisions over me (and my computer!).  Yep, I'm shameless, asking for prayer left and right.  Because today, I will need it.  I hope you each have an amazing day, full of exactly what you need, be it peace, productivity, rest, change or hard work. 

This morning, I'm praying for soft hearts that recognize what they need and let go of all their own preoccupations.  I'm praying for peace in storms and uncertainty.  And I'm praying for the sort of grace that helps us love life on the sea, because adventure shouldn't be wasted.  And I think we all feel a bit on a ride right now. ;)

Lord, make mine a soft heart.

This is going to be an amazing week...

and if I can survive it, I kind of believe I might never die. 

For reals.

_____

Last weekend was a rehearsal dinner, quality time with Kate and saying goodbye to our sweet blonde girl, a bachelorette party for the amazing Elsa, and checking out 4 different apartments.  I need sleep.  Pretty desperately.  I also need to work 40 hours in the next 4 days if at all possible.  And there is something every single evening for the next week.  OH, and there are two big proposals I need to start (and finish) this week.  Gonna be a party my friends.

Thankfully they are all such wonderfully exciting things, and filled with such wonderful people, that I'm sure excitement and love will help drive me through this week and hopefully help me relish every fantastic moment.

In other news, once again waiting with countless prayers for an apartment - really hoping this one is mine!

Didn't get the apartment.  Again. 

This heart can't take this.  :(

Keep an eye out for me - 2 bedroom anywhere around

Queen Anne, Fremont or Wallingford.

Preferably a house/ duplex.

Ideally, with a yard.

Dreamily, with a fire place, wood floors and big windows.

thx much.

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"To People Who Read Hemingway"

I really like these people.

How to make a Hemingway:

To create a Hemingway one must have champagne and absinthe that can be combined in a glass that can be drunk from, but more importantly they must contain within themselves that quality of character that both refines and challenges and at the same time accepts the moment with all the beauty and pain and Fremont dirt that abounds in truth all around them.   It is only then, when a person can take what is and while not requiring it to become something more, let it be what it might that they should taste a Hemingway.

Where better to sip a Hemingway, then after dark in a public park?  The Troll.

I applied for another apartment this week.  And now I'm just sitting here, waiting..... praying.... perhaps pining.... I want it so very badly and there are four other people who applied for it as well.  Please say a prayer.  It may not be "perfect" but it is perfect in every way I'd need!!   : )

It is really, really, REALLY hard to not get ahead of myself and sit here decorating it in my head...
I genuinely want to go home and just start packing.  Maybe that would be an act of faith actually, hmm...  

Just, say a prayer please.  We could use some serious favor. :)  And if this goes through, it would so clearly be a blessing and a wonderfully exciting season.  Hopefully, more details to follow. ;)

A gift from Kaylee's post this morning...

"You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God.

You're blessed when you follow his directions,
doing your best to find him.
That's right—you don't go off on your own;
you walk straight along the road he set.
You, God, prescribed the right way to live;
now you expect us to live it.
Oh, that my steps might be steady,
keeping to the course you set;
Then I'd never have any regrets
in comparing my life with your counsel.
I thank you for speaking straight from your heart;
I learn the pattern of your righteous ways.
I'm going to do what you tell me to do;
don't ever walk off and leave me.

How can a young person live a clean life?
By carefully reading the map of your Word.
I'm single-minded in pursuit of you;
don't let me miss the road signs you've posted.

I've banked your promises in the vault of my heart so I won't sin myself bankrupt.
Be blessed, God; train me in your ways of wise living.
I'll transfer to my lips all the counsel that comes from your mouth;
I delight far more in what you tell me about living than in gathering a pile of riches.
I ponder every morsel of wisdom from you,
I attentively watch how you've done it.
I relish everything you've told me of life, I won't forget a word of it."
>>>Psalm 119:1-16<<<

I've been finding myself in the Word out of necessity a whole lot lately.  Not like a "man, I should be reading scripture" sort of way, but a "God, at least I know the answer to this is somewhere in scripture!" sort of way.  I love that He has hidden His mysteries for us to find.  And I love that He has promised us that if we will seek, He will be found by us.  Those two facts are two of the biggest joys of my life.  Really.  Maybe the two biggest joys of my life.  Yes.  I think they are.

What a good God to give us promises. 


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8 days 'til these two tie the knot

and something like 45 (Em?) 'til these two are hitched! 

Can't tell you how excited I am to be a part of these lives, stories, and wedding days.

Three other weddings this summer (two I had to send very regretting regrets to)

and this is certainly the summer of I do's.

My good friend, Erik, just posted this photo.   He's in Paris.  This is the one reason why I can't imagine not visiting France.  I've never been the girl to dream of Paris - until I began studying architecture.  If you've been following Hope is an Anchor for more than 2 years, you will remember when I first discovered Abbot Suger and fell in love with the story of Gothic architecture.  You might also remember the index cards I began of the places I want to visit.  A number of them are cathedrals in France.  This photo almost made me cry.  I am so excited to see my friends when they return - I cannot imagine this architectural space not changing them, at least a little bit.  How could you stand inside that piece of history and not become something new, some new part of that story. 

XXVII

[Inscription on the bronze doors made by Suger for the Abbey of St. Denis]

Whoever thou art, if thou seekest to extol the glory of these doors,

Marvel not at the gold and the expense but at the craftsmanship

of the work.

Bright is the noble work; but, being nobly bright, the work

Should brighten the minds, so that they may travel, through the

true lights,

To the True Light where Christ is the true door.

In what manner it be inherent in this world the golden door defines:

The dull mind rises to truth through that which is material

And, in seeing this light, is resurrected from its former submersion.

What a lovely weekend. I've kind of shied away from writing these sorts of posts as of late. Seems silly to detail out my weekends, especially when they repeat some of the same key ingredients each week (which believe me, I am not complaining). But, this weekend had some beautiful moments I happened to try to capture a shot or two of and I decided to share. Saturday morning I woke up early to beat the traffic I knew would be heading to Fremont just like me. I parked my car, picked up coffee at my favorite coffee shop and walked a few blocks to Johns. We spent the morning relaxing, avoiding the naked bikers in the Fremont Solstice Parade, and making breakfast.

When I say that "we" relaxed and made breakfast, I guess I mean I relaxed and John made breakfast.  I helped with the shopping, but that was about it.  I just feel I should give credit where credit is due.  And I'm not due much of it for the deliciousness in the photo below. I cut up one tomato.  Which turned out to be an extra tomato.

When we figured it was safe (I really didn't care for a 60 year-old, painted blue man to be the first naked man I'd ever seen in person), we walked outside and watched a bit of the parade. There were a couple cool things, and parades are always fun, but I'll admit I was pretty hung up about all the cute little kids who'd watched some pretty interesting things that morning.

I love Fremont, but I don't love all that that parade champions. It sparked a lot of thoughts in me about what kids should and should not see - when do we stop protecting our children?
Where is the line between letting them make mistakes, and keeping them safe and pure. I know ignorance does not equal innocence, and dangerously we can equate them in the Christian world. But, I'm not sure. There is something about protecting a child's eyes and minds. I know my 4 year-old will not be watching that parade. Beyond that, I have a lot of unknowns and questions. I don't want to over-protect my children, but I definitely don't want to not protect them either. If there is the fear of the Lord in me for one thing, it is for our responsibility to protect the innocent, and especially to protect children. How much more the ones in our own care. (Matthew 18:6, Mark 9:42)

Breakfast was incredible, and after a project or two (okay, just one though there was ambitiously a few planned) it was time to go celebrate with Elsa! We are under 2 weeks and the festivities are in full swing. :) I love all the women this wedding has provided extra time with. And I love getting to watch two of my dearest friends prepare for the beginning of their marriage.

I didn't get photos of the rest of the weekend, but they were equally fantastic. Sunday we saw a performance of Rackmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 3 by the Seattle Symphony.  I would know nothing of the piece (except for Rackmaninoff's weird condition, marfan syndrome, thanks to Toni), but John rented Shine for us to watch on Friday in anticipation.  If you didn't know, it is a BEAUTIFUL piece, and also considered one of the hardest pieces to learn on piano, due to Rackmaninoff's unbelievable 12 key span. Absolutely one of my favorites so far.    Then, the rest of Sunday was spent at home with the fam and a few friends, celebrating of course my amazing Dad. :)  While everyone was posting pictures of their dads all day on Sunday, I showed mine I love him by not posting pictures of him.  See that, Dad?  True love.  The kind that lays down their camera for another.

I love being read to.  If I were to write a list of the greatest things, that would be 3 of the top 10. 

9/25

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This isn't me.  But I know this person.  And I think they are (all) funny.

I have literally become a bookkeeper, and I don't know how this happened.  I don't want it.  Take it back please.  :(

Today has been an exercise in patience.  I'm not sure if the face I got from one of the head guys meant I'd just done really well in the conversation he'd just listened to, or that I had done poorly because he could tell I was incredibly on the edge.  I think it meant he was annoyed too and I'd swam that sea safely - or at least like a dog paddle.

The best part about a sunny day in Seattle, is you actually get to enjoy this incredible city.  Yesterday was one such day, lunch alone in Westlake Park, dinner and the evening showing visiting new friends around town, and enjoying a few of the things that make Seattle a beautiful home (Tom Douglas at the top of that list).  :)  First dinner at Palace Kitchen - and I was more than happy. :)

I feel stupid spoiled.

I think I've met one of the most generous, thoughtful

people I've come across in my 25 years.  Certainly in the top 3.

And certainly the most continuing.

Some people are generous with their time.  Some with their money. 

Some with their hearts.  Some with their thoughts.

It's wild to know someone who is generous

with their whole life.

Megs & Morgs - I plan to make one of these for each of your houses on that day in the future where you have little messy muggles running around your homes. :)

(I really like her^ )

Saturday night I had a fun surprise.   My mystery evening turned out to be dinner at The Blind Cafe.  Quite a wild experience, and probably one I would never have done myself, but I'm so glad it was planned for me.  Meeting people in the dark, where you cannot see their face is wild!  I've heard the concepts on "color blindness" and all the rest, that really end up being hurtful more than helpful, but it was remarkable when I found myself completely unable to make any assumptions based on the appearances of the people I was sharing dinner with.  I don't think I've ever been so self-aware of my own tendency to draw information from appearance.  Not only that, but how little we rely upon our other senses to discover.  Or perhaps, how much we do rely on our other senses to discover.  Notes in voices - drops, or perhaps utter silence.  Tastes, textures on our tongues.  What cues might let us know another wants to whisper something - how did I know when to lean in when I couldn't even see another leaning in?  I'm really not sure.  Or music, and the experience thereof.  Sounds and notes and words, bows on string or fingers plucking. Snaps of finger.  Frustration.  Joy.  The sound of a smile.  Love.  You can hear it.  And eventually, one flick of a flame and your awareness of its light.

It was a definite learning experience, learning about the daily experience of people who face challenges and opportunities on a daily basis that I have never known.  Learning about my own tendencies and how I draw information - right and wrong.  Learning about the powerful senses we were given.  How amazing that we can not just see, but taste and touch and hear and smell. 

The Blind Cafe travels through a number of cities.  You missed this stop in Seattle, but we spoke with the creator of the event and it sounds like you have a very good chance of them making another stop here soon.  The event last weekend was hosted by the Fremont Baptist Church.

Experience A Concert & Sensory Tasting In The Dark! The Seattle Blind Cafe, is a mind bending / heart opening experience where the audience will indulge in a 'Sensory Tasting Experience', participate in a Q & A with their blind wait staff and enjoy a concert of original music by Rosh & One Eye Glass Broken...all in the pitch dark!

A delicious Sensory Tasting Experience will be prepared with love to delight your senses by our lovely volunteers. Your heart and mind will be opened as you embrace the poetry of Rick Hammond, celebrate the darkness with your blind waitstaff, while indulging in 'unencumbered music listening' without the distraction of visual conditioning, social etiquette & your cell phones!

This is NOT just a another dinner in the dark...it's a community experience where people connect, learn and grow from working together to participate in something greater than themselves. The Seattle Blind Cafe is designed to help you feel more alive, awake, present and connected to your world.

With the love and laughter of those at your table you will break bread together, building friendship and community on a night you will never forget or SEE! A portion of the proceeds from this event will be donated to help support the blind community in Seattle.

When Hurt Heals

I was pulling into my parking space this morning at Evergreen and I started crying.  Not ideal when you need to be inside in minutes checking in.  I wasn't even that worried about the appointment, but it was pulling on so much more.  I began reflecting on the last 6 months.  Last November I found something that concerned me, and scheduled an appointment with my doctor.  I was sure they'd tell me not to worry, but I needed to hear that.  Instead, after an exam, I was encouraged to make an appointment at the Breast Cancer Center, assured they'd probably just need to do an ultrasound.  The ultrasound turned into a biopsy, which happened to be two biopsies.  I didn't really care to tell people, and I don't really care to now either, except that I don't know how to share what I was feeling in the car this morning without giving an example. That process was scary, and hard, but a hundred times more because it mirrored a very similar process I went through in High School that I felt changed my life drastically.  There was a lot of hurt that I don't know that I even understand or can explain... and eventually, when all of this second round was finished, I broke.  I literally fell apart on Christmas Eve.  And I didn't understand why then, once I knew I had nothing to be afraid of, once I'd finally told my family, why was I now a mess? Because of the process that was going on still, and had been, everything had been pulled out front and center inside me.  Things I could easily ignore, and had. 

So this morning, as I was pulling into my space and once again facing those fears, in this parking garage I've sat in at many hard times in my life... I couldn't help but think of all the people who love to ask "Why is there pain?"  If God is good, why is there pain?  I've always believed pain had nothing to do with God's intentions, it was our actions, our mess, our sin that has made pain a part of this world.  There is pain because there is the potential to feel and the potential to create - two things I don't think any of us would choose to go without could we tell God how we would like mankind to be made.  When we can feel, and we can create, and we can be selfish, of course there will be pain.  But for the first time I had another thought today too, only with a good God could hurt heal.  Only God could use hurt, to heal us. 

It's hard to explain - really hard actually.  But, I feel like a lot of pain I have felt in the past 6 months, and even in the past 24 hours, has been healing me.  And I really can't figure out how to break it down or make it make sense, but in the midst of a dozen powerful emotions, I also became in awe of a God who can heal me of my hurts, through hurt.  I feel like that is mercy.

My dad is famous for a few lines.  You know, the ones we repeat over and over and over and make him regret ever having said them.  One of those, which I have somewhat despised all along includes my dad informing us that I have book smarts and Kristin has street smarts. 

I'm aware of my surroundings, I'm constantly paying attention to little things that people may not realize I'm watching.  I consider myself somewhat street smart.  I know how to not get into questionable situations. 

However, this morning, I started think my dad might really be right about this.  I can't deny that in the past 4 months, I've given my ss# to a stranger online, and I managed to lose my phone, which I later had to admit no longer has a security code.  It also has my nordstrom credit card's user name and password saved in it, under a note, entitled, "Passwords."  Brilliant.  There are a dozen things I could have done to prevent the loss of my phone leading to the loss of all my personal finances.  I even knew them.  And I hadn't done it.  Why?  Maybe because my dad is a little bit right.  Well, ya live and you learn.  I've been living.  And today was definitely a learning day. 

So happy to have my phone back in my hands.  So happy to have friends that would search high and low through Belltown with me to find my phone. Sooo happy to have people in my life with more street smarts, and a lot more technology smarts.  So happy to have friends who will sit for hours on sidewalks and share their hearts. So happy for coffee. :)

Someone was bored.

And the world is a better place because of how they chose to spend their time.

Also, their battery is a lot lower.

Tell me you didn't make the little end sound part, just try to tell me you didn't. 

6 Years

I missed the big grand day (May 23rd), but Hope is an Anchor is 6 years old.  I have officially been rambling on this site for a very long time.  I've recorded my thoughts, experiences, adventures and to the best of my ability, the people who have shaped the major part of my adult life thus far.  Tied here is my MC tour, graduation, first quarter at University, countless hours of studying, writing, researching, and (thankfully) unnumbered coffees.  I processed through all four years of my undergrad here, wrestled through what would come next, applied for the Rhodes and Gates scholarships, felt the excitement of nomination and the serious pain of denial.  I've written about heartaches in codes that perhaps only I and a few other scholars know how to transcribe.  I've recorded favorite quotes and poems.  Odd pieces of conversation.  I've done my best to copy down favorite strangers I've seen on streets and bus seats.  You might find shadows of the five jobs and 7 managers I've had while living in this literary apartment.  There was graduation.  My first time ever getting "let go."  Saying goodbye to my favorite tree, to my quad, to my campus and friends.  There were lots of trips to California, Montana, Vegas and Nashville.  A whole lot of dreaming.  And somewhere a track of how I've been becoming who I am.  I love this place.  I love that it's mine.  I love that I get to share it with you and host you all in some little way every day.  And yet, I think it might be time for something new. 

Happy 50th!

I have heard a couple people ask about the orange top to the Space Needle.  No one seems quite sure when or where it happened, or if it has been that way all along and they just now noticed.  The answer is no.  I told a few friends I thought it had something to do with the anniversary of the Space Needle and that I seem to remember it originally looked that way.  I'm proud to report, I was right and not leading you all astray with half thought out BS.  We are celebrating the 50th Anniversary of the Seattle Worlds Fair.  If you didn't know, we owe a great deal to that amazing event, including our beloved Space Needle. 

I am pretty sad to find I already missed the first of the three Century 21 lecture series, but I'm hoping to catch the next two.  If like me, you're interested in the historic architecture of Seattle, or you grew up hearing tales of the World's Fair.... or maybe, you were there (mom & dad).  You might be interested in these lectures. 

PS - I think this celebration is also (partly) why we are getting a Ferris Wheel :)    <-  please click this link!! :)

WELCOME TO THE FUTURE: CENTURY 21 AND LIVING MODERN


Celebrating the 50th Anniversary of the Seattle World’s Fair
As a project of The Next Fifty, Docomomo WEWA and Historic Seattle present a three-part lecture series at Seattle Center in June 2012 that focuses on the architecture and design heritage of the Seattle World’s Fair and its influence and impact beyond the Fair’s original campus.
The lecture series is sponsored by:
Historic Seattle, Docomomo WEWA, The Next Fifty, 4Culture, National Trust for Historic Preservation and Pacific Science Center


When: Tuesdays, June 5, 12 and 19; 7 – 8:30 pm

Where: Center House, Conference Room H at Seattle Center and PACCAR (formerly Eames) IMAX Theater at Pacific Science Center

Registration: Individual tickets: $10 members; $15 general public; $5 students

Passes for entire series: $25 members; $40 general public; $10 students

Purchase individual tickets or series pass online through Historic Seattle’s website. Member discounts are available for Historic Seattle and Pacific Science Center members and for those on Docomomo WEWA’s Email List.


From Bobo to the Bubbleator: Seattle Social and Cultural Context in ’62
Knute Berger, June 5

Northwest Architects of the Seattle World’s Fair
Susan Boyle, June 12
Modern Building Technology
Theodore Prudon, June 19

I was at a barbecue the other day when I heard the bartender spin around to a group and ask, "Did someone just say Thoreau?!"

I was sitting outside where I don't think any of them could see me, and I smiled pretty big and thought to myself, "Now there's a guy I could really like." 

Better yet, I don't think anyone had even mentioned the good ol' Henry.

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I'm finding myself wanting more time and a simpler schedule.  Mostly, so I can do more.  Kind of ironic, right?  In the rightful sense?  I want to do less, so I can do more.  I guess it is all about trade-offs.  I want a day where I have nothing to accomplish, so I can wake up and read as long as I want, sipping coffee, then tea, then maybe more coffee.  Laying on the couch.  Maybe watch a movie marathon.  I want to get up and wander favorite neighborhoods, wander from shop to shop.  Grab lunch wherever.  And then I want to do that again the next day, and the next.  I realized this morning, what I want is summer.  A good traditional summer, like you never get again after childhood.  And then I decided, I am going to let my children truly, deeply relish summer.  Because they will never get it back. 

I love my childhood summer memories. 

That said, once all the excitement of June through the first week of August passes, I am making a point to live my weekends like a summer vacation.  I'm going to avoid plans.  (Sorry folks.)  I'm going to wake up and decide what to do - longboard, read, wander, hike, watch cartoons and eat cereal, write, or lay by the lake. 

In order to spend time with the important people in my life, and accomplish goals, I have had to master "planning" and scheduling.  And the next two months are the epitome of that.  I'm okay with it.  I wouldn't give up that time or those people for anything.  But, I think a season of the opposite is necessary.  And I hope that you all will understand.  It doesn't necessarily mean you will see less of me, but you might. :/  Don't worry Kristin, Esther, and other mysterious friend who is also moving, I will be making sure to soak up every minute, hour and sun ray I possibly can with you... it just might be a lot less structured.  Which, I think you'll like.

I need a season of doing less, so I can do a lot more. :)

Today's sound track >

Bright Eyes  >  I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning

Just sharing what was shared with me >  And it is perfect.

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I love that when I go to post on my own blog, it tells me, "Please prove you are not a robot" and makes me type in all those letters and numbers.  And I'm pretty sure what it is looking for is for me to fail, and thereby prove my humanity because I'm pretty certain I'm screwing it up every time and yet it still publishes my comment.  That, or I am an excellent robot.  And I would be, if I were one.  I would not be your common everyday pretend you are human robot.  No sir reee.

In other news, I'm finally unpacking my car from camping.  Don't judge me.  Yes, it smells like ripe bananas.  Not over-ripe, just ripe.  It's kind of nice.  Except that it's a reminder to me that there is a tub full of food in my car that needs to be explored, perhaps exposed of, and otherwise extricated from my back seat.  (I'm totally impressed I just used the word extricated, and spelt it right.  Bam.  Nailed it.  I know, I just lost all the impression I'd made on you by using it, when I admitted my own.)

Off to do some good chores, but first, did you know that today is the birthday of my amazing Mumsy?  It is.  I don't know where she is, but she's off someplace celebrating with my dad and ignoring the three children they brought into this world.  I suppose a mother should be allowed to celebrate as she so chooses.  It is also the birthday of one of my oldest best friends - Robbie Bobbie Mcboberson Eugene Hale.  (I don't know, don't ask.)   He was in the room when I was born, wish I could have returned the favor, but, you know how that goes.  Glad he's been there for me since day one.  Also glad he let me and my sis dress him up like a girl with lipstick in elementary.... too bad his mom didn't love it as much as us. :/ And finally, 3 years ago today I hung out with a sweet Californian blondie to celebrate her birthday.  She's remarkable.  I've loved being best friends with her in the years since.

Happy Birthday Mom, Rob, & Megs!! You've each changed my life so much - obviously you the most, Mumsy.  Thanks for choosing to be my Mom!  Love you!!

In the last couple weeks, I stopped smoking.

I didn't know it, but that matters little when considering the supportive texts I've been receiving from "mom."

Not only that, but I must have joined some other close circle of friends where they take nice trips to Spain and send us all picture messages. 

Today:
""Hi, Congrats to the non-smokers!!! You are both in my constant prayers today, I'm asking that the all powerful and loving God raise you up and freely give you the support you need.  Love and hugs, MOM" 

It matters little to "mom" that when she text me she was proud of us, a few days back, I responded "I'm sorry, I don't have this number." 

Is it bad that I kind of don't mind that I'm in her constant prayers, and am considering just writing back "Thanks mom, could you also pray ...."  She sounds like a good prayer- right?  I have a prayer list she could tackle.  But then again, her real children might be needing these sweet texts. 

[ Is it scary that I find this HILARIOUS?! ]

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I found this on one of my favorite food blogger's pages this morning.  I didn't know I could get more excited about my upcoming Montana visit, but it turns out, I can. :) 

Yes, I have photo-posting priviledges back and this is exactly what I choose to post. 

I feel a special tenderness to this photo series.... wonder why. ;)

I've been seriously considering two ideas, and I'm warning you right now, what I am about to say is not a joke.  I get asked a lot if I'm enjoying my job, and the truth is, I really am.  But my position isn't really turning what was presented to me, at least not currently. I am learning new skills, but not quite getting the experience I'd hoped.  And moreover, I miss writing.  I'd taken this position hoping that a change from law to architecture would also bring more creative work opportunities.  There have been a few.  And those have been great new tools.  But mostly, I fill out spreadsheets.  And I still don't love Excel. In short, I miss writing.  And I still really want a job where I get paid to write.  What?  Really anything.  I'd love marketing too if it were allowed to be my focus and I were given a few more resources and liberty to be out and about.  I still receive the mass mailings from the English Department at UW and every few weeks I see an internship at Seattle Met Magazine open up, and I want it.  But going back to an unpaid internship???  Can't exactly happen - unless - they'd be flexible with my hours and my current boss would allow me to adjust my schedule a bit temporarily.  It would be asking quite a bit I feel.  But I would LOVE to write for the Seattle Met one day (soon).  And really, I need more experience.  I've been feeling the pressure to keep crafting my career, intentionally moving in the direction of my dreams and collecting the skill set I will need along the way.  Right now, I'm learning Photoshop, a lot more about the business of architecture, some accounting skills (I hope I don't really need), perhaps a bit about visual composition, and realizing I should also be using this time to re-master the basics of grammar and clarity.

The second thought (and remember, this is not a joke): become an airline stewardess.  I love flying.  I love travelling - and I've done hardly any.  I'm 25.  I'm relatively free in life, no family or major career I wouldn't want to walk away from.  Ideally, it would allow me flexibility in my schedule that I've been craving, and opportunities to write.  I think the travel could enrich my writing, and in general just help spur it on.  (I've been having the hardest time writing since starting my new job - I don't feel creative.) It also would provide free flights for me and discounted flights for my family and that sounds wonderful, with one sis in Tennessee, another soon in Spokane, and friends all over the country....it could be really cool.  I've thought about the idea here and there for the past couple years, it just never sounded "wise" when looking at my long term career goals.  But, if I want to be a writer and not locked to a corporation per se, it might be exactly what I need. 

Maybe, pray for me.  That the Lord would make it clear and open up the right doors.  Stay where I am.  Add an internship?  Find a new job?  Join an airline?  All I know is I feel like I'm wasting a part of me, and no matter how hard I've been trying lately, I'm not writing anything worthwhile.  I just end up closing the page without ever saving or posting.

[ I just bought more storage.  Tired of the no-photos rule. ]

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