Last night, driving home from my game I had a dozen different thoughts running through my head. At least three different blog posts were simultaneously rolling along. I got home and contemplated working on my resume, writing out all these blogs, or reading. I showered, ate a bowl of cereal, thought about how much I was craving yogurt and granola, brushed my teeth and went to bed.

So, that unnecessary background information covered, here are a few of my thoughts. For starters, I need to blog. I explained to my sister last week, blogging for me is like digesting. Writing in general is, but this is where I go to write a vast majority of those things. If I don't blog, I get backed up. (Graphic? Sorry.) My productivity at work tends to slow down as all these thoughts start cluttering and multiplying and interbreeding like a bunch of crazy rabbits until I can't even see straight!

For example, this blog. THIS is the product of me NOT blogging yesterday or today. I've worked ridiculously hard, but I feel more ragged than normal. Why? I think partly, no writing outlet. So, you get all these ideas that have been rumbling around in my head until they're behaving a bit like the neighborhood cat that can't walk straight due to a family tree that looks more like a cul de sac. :/ (don't selah here)

All that said: I think I need to get better at letting ideas mull.

I've been considering our generation a lot. We think we're creative, but what have we actually ever made, ourselves? What building have we designed? What ceiling have we been commissioned to paint? What novels have we written? What piece have we composed?

No. It's more like I tumble therefore I am.

And yes, once again, I'm blaming most of it on our ability to get quick but shallow releases of our art. A fix and then we're off to the next. I haven't written anything remarkable. I highly doubt that when I die, people will be purchasing leather bound hard copies of my blog posts rambling on about rabbits and the cat down the street.

Personally, I've got to be careful to not let the pressure release prematurely. That's what I've been becoming more aware of. There's a balance between nurturing and growing through practice and every day experience, and thinking that boarding the plane is actually the point of the trip. It's not even the destination. I've been asking myself these questions more. And praying, Lord, don't let me create my own adventures in order to fill my desires to truly live one. I know He gives us desires to create. We have to become those who can practice and move, but not let ourselves jump the gun and make up our own opportunities to take off the edge of that pressure growing inside us. Let the pressure grow. Let us start to feel an unbearable desire. Let us be okay with feeling the pain, and not getting a quick fix. Or with having questions, and not just googling them.

Maybe I need to let the pot boil a little.

I don't want to buy an adventure from Southwest... when this longing is meant to drive me to my destiny, and completely reorder who I am inside.

Just some thoughts, even as I look expectantly and excitedly at my coming trips.... I don't want them to release what's growing inside me, I want them to ignite and fuel what's being formed in that pressure.

Lunch with my bird-dog love'n friend, Toni. :) So many years gone by, and so many more to come. Love you, love. I'm more grateful for you than you know. We brought our lunch over to the observation floor at the Columbia Center, not a bad idea for a chilly summer day in Seattle. :)

Yes, I'm getting rather spoiled with these lunch dates!! :)

two words: yes please.

Brade, next time your papa brings figs - can we please make this? Fig, prosciutto, arugula pizza.

This can make me cry. :/ It is far worse than it looks. Today, I was the ant.

Rose introduced me to The Head and the Heart some time ago (was it aleady last year?!), so it seems only fitting that I'm reblogging this video from her. Love you, LB.

Linda, you know.

My mom's shots of Saturday. (that's the keeper - in orange below - that let in the goal that cost us making it into the championship. meeh.)
It may not be a glamorous shot, but it makes me smile huge. I love being on the field with this pretty blonde gal. ;)

Mumsy's attempts to capture the size-ratio out there of me v. Shack. The picture doesn't do it justice. (FYI - This is why my dad worries)

My two best friends through all my childhood.

So strange how life turns out, it never stops surprising me. It was wonderful to get to see my friend of countless sleepovers, soccer games and shared skittle bags walk down the aisle as a beautiful bride.

Love Notes For the Bookkeeper.

(I REALLY like deals. I can see how I'd become a big coupon-er when I have my own family... heck, long before that! I guess who doesn't like saving money? And I'm also not oppossed to spending it for quality ;) ) I think what it is that I really like is the research and comparing part. It's just a bit more of a gift when I do the work to find a deal for my office... where they will probably waste that money in another way, anyways. But alas, good practice for me I guess.

Gyros and Mexican Cokes with Ryn in Pike Place. Love this lady - she's met me for lunch 3 or 4 times downtown now and I can't say enough how much I appreciate it. :)

It's always a treat to catch up with a friend over a coke (and I don't even like soda...but for this, I'll drink it. If it's in a glass bottle.).

I want my wedding to be a tribute and honor to my parents and my husband's parents. There are already little details that I've been keeping close to my heart that reflect my parents' wedding. I can't wait to one day hear the stories of my future-husband's parents. What the colors and flowers were like. Their venue. To see pictures of her in all her beauty, what kind of dress she wore. And all the reasons behind. (Guess how I love this! I want this for guests arriving at my wedding (maybe)!!)



In short, I can't wait to plan my wedding... with him. I'm curious to see it.

Photo Credit: Sean Flanigan

"So let go of yourself with courage.

Whether God lifts you up

or lets you remain unknown,

the glory is still all his." - Fenelon

I woke up in the middle of the night, wide awake, with, "Is it true that perfect love casts out all fear? ...it's not a hill, it's a mountain..." Apparently, U2 had been going through my mind in my sleep (?). I had been listening to the that album briefly while cleaning when I first got home from work yesterday. Not a bad song to get stuck on repeat in your heart.

I'm convinced that "I slept, but my heart was awake" is one of the truest lines I've ever read. I'm pretty sure my heart loves the freedom it finally gets when I close my eyes and fall asleep, it's then it most likes to wake up and dream, love, fight, and strengthen itself for another day's work in a world that seems so contrary to what is true.

I don't know if this is a cheese block, cutting block or bed-in-breakfast tray, but I love it! And truth be told, it'd be all three to me (maybe not a cutting block). My mom's influence on me is all too strong, I definitely had the almost immediate thought, "I bet I could make that!" :) PS, has anyone seen my back yard lately? Goodness.

I like this. :) I especially like what looks like a ladder, turned into a bathtub organizer/desk/shelf. (Not really sure what you call those things!) .

Since last week, I have been compiling a few 'rules for my one-day daughter.' They aren't witty and brilliant like the author of Rules For My Unborn Son, they are just the written form of a lot of 'hmming' over the past years. Lessons I'd like to pass on to my daughter one day.

1. Always wear a tank top under a button-up.
2. Read more books than magazines.
3. You don't have to brush your hair. Just make sure your fingers won't get stuck. ;)
4. Take care of your teeth.
5. Learn to say no to yourself.
6. Don't ever say something to one person, in hopes someone else will hear you. Speak to the person you're speaking to.
7. Say what you mean. Then stop.
8. Don't tell stories of being hit on. It won't win you admirers, or convince people you're pretty.
9. You're pretty.
10. Treat your sister like your best friend, because one day, she will be.
11. Go to sleep overs. Never be the first to fall asleep, nor the one who keeps everyone else awake all night.
12. Always take Dare. Truth just gets you trouble!
13. PMS is an excuse, but it's a poor one. At the very least, remember to apologize and learn from your behavior.
14. Let boys open the door.
15. Give boys the opportunity to lead. And if they don't, lead sweetly.
16. Don't ever dumb yourself down for others.
17. Don't talk with food in your mouth.
18. Don't belch!
19. Smile at strangers.
20. Shoes are my favorite to look at too, but always make eye contact.
21. When I tell you you're like no other and better than all the rest, take it humbly, but believe it, because I say what I mean.
22. Don't ever become the girl who can't leave the house without makeup.
23. If your dad wants to take you out to a late-night-last-minute movie, you better be ready to roll in 5 minutes! Nobody wants to miss the previews.
24. Don't embarass your siblings in front of non-family. (The rest of the time, please do.)
25. Don't attempt to improve your standing by knocking others down.
26. I'll always care more about the truth of who you are, than the reputation. You do the same.
27. It seems big now, but believe me, it isn't.
28. Tell me secrets. Tell me tummyaches. Tell me heartaches. Tell me dreams.
29. Don't do things half--.... Whatever you do, do it with all your heart and ability!
30. Be a gracious loser.
31. You can be a good athlete and girly at the same time- I'll help. ;) Don't squeel, or fall all over.
32. Watch your mouth - keep it clean.
33. Don't tell other people's secrets.
34. Boys will always try to make you sound dumb. (This is because they really think you are.) I haven't found the answer to this one yet, but believe me, the good ones finally recognize (and admit at times) you're really quite clever. ;) In the meantime, just smile (and get better grades). It will get to them better than anything you could say.
35. It is okay to be fiesty.
36. Always say a little less than you could. Whatever you tell, hold something back for only the dearest to your heart to one day know.
37. Laugh at yourself, but not too often.

*Incase, there is one of you that doesn't read Esther's blog. ;)

I want to make these!

*recipe and photo from "What Katie Ate"

The Brothers Karamazov
by Fyodor Dostoevsky
(I finally finished this weekend!)

Dostoevsky proves himself a master of character complexity and development. Strange how the book just, ends. As it appears more character driven than plot driven it would seem to make more sense if the last to scenes of the book were switched, allowing the somewhat surprising behavior in the prison hospital to end the novel with some sort of progression or surprise. However, Dostoevsky's intention to write a sequel/series might have been just what prompted him to end the novel with seemingly minor characters. Who knows what part he intended the school boys to play, or what the death of the young boy may have prompted in the coming book. When considering this, the ending leads to a great deal of mystery and thoughts, which we'll never be able to answer.

Long book, and many times I wished I could just quit it, but in the end, I'd recommend this book to anyone wanting to learn from the masters and willing to take a painful, but rewarding ride. The language is beautiful. The characters, compelling and confusing and altogether far too real!

A new favorite blog worth checking out: What Katie Ate.

I saved her to my favorites list, and thought I should be kind and share.

CAUTION: You will want to travel. Even more. You will also want to eat. (Neither of these are new sensations for me, so....fuel the fire.)




PS, She has a book coming out! I think I'd like to own a copy. :)

The weekend rundown.

Tuesday: Beauty For Ashes, and then Adam's baseball game.

Wednesday: Soccer game.

Thursday: Baseball game.
Pierce's team was in town playing the Everett Aquasox, so a bunch of us went out to cheer him on Thursday night. The fans were pretty equally split, 50% Aquasox, 50% Pierce.

Friday: Tailgate and Baseball game.

Rose and I were the first to show up to the tailgate, so we kicked it with Kim's dad and a few strangers. We didn't mind. :) Have I mentioned before that I love this lady? :) A great evening with good friends, cheering Pierce on. The sky was lovely, when it wasn't raining.
(Rose brought her mit/glove(?) I was jealous. The boys teased.) (it kept raining, not raining, raining, not raining)

Saturday: Soccer, tailgate, Soccer.



Sunday: Soccer, (scratch the tailgate, not enough time), Soccer, BBQ (Brade's party).

In the end, we tied for 3rd in the tournament. The scoring is based on a points system, and though we were tied with another team for who would go to the finals, they were selected since they had beat us 1-0. The one game we lost. And all due to a fluke goal in the first couple minutes, a mistake of our keeper. :( Alas. Oh well. We ended up playing with a great group of people, and making a pretty strong team.

Monday: ..... tired. I'm tempted to whine about how I must be getting old and this is so much harder than it once was, the day after a tournament. But, truth be told, I'm kind of surprised. I'm not too sore. And when I was younger, I'd spend that whole next day sleeping. I'm not sure what it is, but a couple days of hard soccer games in the sunshine and your body is ready to shut down for a few days. Yesterday, after the last game, I felt compeletely drained, but in the wonderful relaxing way. :) What a wonderful weekend of sports and bbqs. Thank you Lord for the weather holding out (mostly). And thank you to each of you I got to see and enjoy the festivities with...I loved every minute of it!!

Happy Monday.

I try to avoid this, but I had to stop on my way to work...

Before Next Year, I want to:
Buy a new (digital) camera.
Have a good savings account in play.
Pay off my car.
Move out.
Run a half marathon.
Have submitted something for publishing.
Understand finances (savings, investments) better.
Have some piece memorized, that isn't a children's song or medley. ;)


Around this time next year, I want to: Be geting paid to write. Somehow. Something.


This is definitely a preparatory and positioning year.

Faces in Places: Kristin's One Year Lunch.



(sisters)
(strangers)

Dear Friends,

Elsa and I are playing in the Jet City Invitational this weekend. We play tomorrow at 9:55am and 2:10pm. Sunday, at 11:00am and one more game, time TBD based on how we perform in the first three games. Fans greatly appreciated. ;) Text me, Elsa, or my folks if you want details. It's out in Tukwila, but would make for a fun drive for a few of you together.

You can come hang out with my dad. He'll be the one standing at the end so as not to offend anyone by his uncontrollable shouts and jeers. (He might need a shoulder to cry on when he realizes that his little girl is now an out-of-shape old woman on the field.)

(There you are Dad, there is your official invitation. I'll email you the details.)

I'm EXCITED and nervous... I've had butterflies since I woke up. I don't know anyone on the team, but Elsa. So chemistry should be fun. ;) I guess I can thank you Dad, for forcing me to go to countless tryouts all by myself... showing up to a field of strangers almost feels normal (almost). At least no one will have clip boards, no one can cut me, and I'm pretty sure the girls will be out of that terrible catty high school stage. Once you've been punched by your own teammate, mid-game, there's really not much more you can fear from your own team. Right? Yet, I still can't shake that pre-tryout feeling. :0 (and sick as it is, I kind of like it.)

If it's not something you can fail at, perhaps you're wasting your time.

Happy Friday!

(I'm taking a moment to prentend I were here, instead of... here. Join me?)

I bought a ticket to San Francisco today. I'll have a few days alone before 5 days with Megs. I'm hoping to see something like this on one of those days. :) And being that I already miss her, and it will have been two more months by then, I'm really looking forward to some time with my dear friend to catch up on life and share some adventures together. To reflect, process, dream and just laugh.