I have been journaling more and posting, anywhere else - less. But this morning I am wondering if today is the day - and if so, I have a few thoughts I don't mind sharing somewhere special. Oh yes, I have a blog! I remembered this and so came here. A lot has changed in the world since my last post (which I was pleased to see was more recent than I would have guessed). Namely, Covid has spread across our tiny earth - locking us in homes, distancing us from loved ones and friends from whom we regularly find so much comfort and joy. What hasn't changed since my last post is there is a baby girl growing in me. Still so wild and odd to say.

She was due 5 days ago now and this morning I decided to crawl out of bed, soon after 4am, shower and start my day. As I dressed I had this thought, it could really be today. And then, today is a great day to have a baby. This thinking has changed over the past couple months - after months and months of thinking "This is such a hard time to be pregnant."  "What a difficult time to be having a baby." A challenging time. A strange time. An odd time. Etc, etc, etc.  Then on a drive one day I heard, "This is the perfect time to have your baby - this baby - these babies. This is the time I chose for them." And just like that, I felt a download begin of who my little girl would be, who her friends, mostly all here by now, would be - what character, calmness, wisdom - brought into this world when much was stripped away, laid bare, up in the air for examination, and so many questions and loud opinions shared.  So many tears too. That is the time they step forth? Like, their first breaths?  This would be a horrible time for me to be beginning, but it is the perfect time for Juniper to be born - because it is when He chose for her, and her for now. So a week ago when my UPS delivery man said, "Wow, what a hard time to be having a baby." I responded, "Any time is a great time to have a baby." And I meant it, this gift I didn't know I'd ever have - I'll take her during a pandemic, happily.

Truthfully, I don't know what to expect in any measure when it's finally go-time.  At some point every piece of the typical process has been up in the air. I know my family won't be out in the waiting room this time, my friends won't visit with their little ones the first day, my Godmother won't hold my hand and pray over me just as my labor begins. There's this little chance John could be stopped from joining me in labor, and another that June could be isolated from us for two weeks.  We hired a doula, but she could be at another birth at the last minute. The hospital has changed its precautionary measure several times - and remains completely different than our experience with Nolan. Little is guaranteed. But, nonetheless, I know at least a measure of who this little girl is to be and so today is a great day to have a baby! So little June, feel free to arrive any time, you've got this, sweet girl and your family is all very excited to meet you.