Friday, September 27, 2013

Okay, I stole this sort of - I listened in to one of my favorite women wishing one of my other favorite women a happy anniversary.  And I took each word to heart:  

True love isn’t found.It’s carved.Carved out of sacrifice. Carved out of covenant. Carved out of two dying to the loneliness of self to be made into one.You and I, we could let our feet find each other’s under the cotton sheets and we could carve into forever together.
Before there is no more me here and no more you here —we could let the rest be carved away until there only the glory of a wrinkled love left.
From here.   

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Credit to my sister Kimberly for sharing this... holy cow.  I can't wait to watch John watch this....
JT. Hashtags. Cookies. TMNT.  
He will cry beautiful tears of happiness.


Monday, September 23, 2013

We finally finished Season 3 last night.  After months of dread, slowing our feet and making us wait until we felt emotionally prepared for it... I have to say, we were upset.  But we were also relieved.  

And we finished just in time to watch the first episode of season 4! 

Sincerely, from John. 
I think he's making fun of me. 

(I don't even like pumpkin spice lattes.  There.)

Friday, September 20, 2013

The other night, I tried to catch her.  I chased her down shiny streets, up broken concrete hills.  That girl who loves to run at dusk on cold night, loves to feel the rain. That girl who listens to sad slow songs and sincere old country love songs.  Who loves a glass of wine alone.  Who stays up til morning, trying to escape a story. That girl who sees the best in people.  Who hates to complain about others. Who loves everyone. I tried to catch her. But that bitch is fast!

I chased her for a while, then resigned to try another night.  I promised myself I'd try to catch a better glimpse of her tomorrow.

[Sorry about the beezy, just couldn't resist.  But really.]

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

One more reason to love Fall... 
Leather bags, books and hot drinks on cold walks. My favorite time of year is here. 


Wednesdays are generally a really, really hard day.  By the time I get off work, I'm tired, probably feeling sick from stress, and I'm almost guaranteed to be running late to our Berries game.  It's just how they seem to always go - deadlines fall on Thursdays and early Fridays and Wednesday is always a sick sprint to a final draft.

But I look forward to Wednesday each week.  Wednesdays always start great - they are my favorite morning of the work week.  Because Wednesdays, Beau picks me up and we get coffee and then he drives me to work.  :)

So right now, I'm relishing my vanilla latte and my pumpkin spice top pot doughnut, thinking about my Beau, and bracing myself for another Wednesday...

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Friday, September 13, 2013

Saturday, I watched a wife say goodbye to her husband.  I watched a marriage end, if death can end such a union.  They'd met in their late teens and been married for over 40 years.

Sunday, I went to a wedding.

My sister warned me it could be hard - not that I needed a warning.  She and I had both hoped our godfather would be the one to marry us to our future spouses.  My dad had suggested it recently too.  And John and I had just talked about it not even a week before hearing that Uncle Bob was in the ICU.  I certainly spent a portion of that wedding wondering who else would mean enough to me to fill that spot.  I don't think there is anyone else.  I'm not sure what we'll do should that opportunity arise.

But I spent even more of my time at the wedding thinking what a wonderful, and terrifying thing marriage is.  We know the danger of young love.  The whole lead up to marriage is risk and vulnerability - it's scary and hard and at any moment it could be the end of what you've been building.  But then comes marriage - security, promises, togetherness.  And before that, engagement, the assurance of hope - - - 'til death do us part.

That part comes too.  And we never know when.  Therefore, I guess love is really always dangerous.  You'll hurt one another, you'll misunderstand one another, you'll fail one another, or feel like you're failing one another (maybe an even worse fate), and eventually one day you'll leave, or they'll leave. Though you'd stay with them forever.  We cannot promise forever.  But we can choose love until our last day. And everything along the way is leading up to that - it's trying to teach us how to do it - how to choose vulnerability, how to risk, how to give though one day we might not be able to get back.

And I assume when that one day comes, we discover that it was all just teaching us something even bigger - preparing us to be able to give something more, be more vulnerable... for some grand reason we might think we understand now, but don't.

For me, I don't understand it.  I don't get what happens next, when a woman says goodbye to her love of 40 years - to the man she's given her life to. I don't get what happens next.  But I get that love's a danger. And I get that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. And I believe it's proportionally true in the days you have together.  So Sunday I watched them give their vows and make their promises, and I pictured her saying goodbye to him 60 years later.  And it was wonderful and terrifying. Because though she's guaranteed to lose, she's choosing to love.

Should I get to choose - it will be with all this in mind.  Some people love to flip to the last page of a book before starting the story.  I've never been one.  It's so much harder to walk through a tale once you've seen a heartbreak on the last pages.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Oh hey, have you seen my jewelry line?

Yeah, it's something.

There have been several times I encourage Beau to take the initiative at the work lunch hour - invite other people out, instead of waiting to see if others invite him.  But I'm a hypocrite. Because I basically eat lunch by myself every day.  Either at my desk while I power through a proposal and a minor anxiety attack - or outside with my book.  I have one three occasions gone out to lunch over the course of the past 6 months.  (Yes, I've been here 6 months already!)  The first was my "welcome lunch" with my department.  The other two, I did initiate.  But this week - I decided it's time.  I sent out an email to some 15 people and organized a group lunch.  Over half of them I have never spoken with, and a few I don't think I even know who they are.  But why not? Let's have lunch.  I need work friends. And for once in my life - 30% of the company is actually my age.  It's odd. 

Here's to lunch, initiative, and work friends.  Wish me luck.