Wednesday, May 28, 2008

It's a slow day at work...

MSNBC listed what they think to be the 5 friendliest cities in the US.

This summer there is talk in motion of several road trips. Oregon, than Montana, than possibly California, and as of today maybe even Oklahoma! I love road trips! I love travelling in general. After reading the article above, I think I want to go to San Antonio someday too. We are so blessed to live in this incredibly beautiful country, and I think we should take the chances we get to enjoy it!!

(I should like to add that I think we live in one of the pretiest of all the states!!)
An Evening in PICTURES

A few of us lucky grads were invited to the Ball this year. Everyone looked incredible, and it was SO fun to be apart of it. I think I might have enjoyed this year more than I did my own years. I loved getting to help Rames get ready (she is such a beautiful lady!!), and to see all the girls unveil their dresses, hair, nails, shoes...etc. Thank you guys for opening it up and inviting us- we all really enjoyed getting to be part of it with you.

I loved watching everyone dance, and MC (Morgan!!), and enjoy the evening together.

We took some photos throughout the night...

(05 Alumni- Hollah! lol)

I love these two ladies so much!!
Adore them!
This is my favorite class...I LOVE these girls!! And they all looked so incredible!

There were two different kinds of center pieces..this was over ours. The other was a tree that looked incredible! I wish I would have taken a picture of those too. Kaleb came up with these, and I am super impressed! I loved it!
This was over the dance floor, and the picture really doesn't do it justice. It looked GREAT!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I am very tired. Very.

Two weeks, plus finals. Then, summer.

Today, I had two papers and a presentation. I chose to turn one paper in late (I can email it tomorrow and only lose .02, if even that). I am about to print off my second paper (which is due in the last period of the day), as well as my notes for my presentation. I should also be meeting one of the guys who I am presenting with, Xavier. However, I am not totoally sure where we are meeting, and THIS is a problem, lol. I've got his number....he just texted.

So, I need to go NOW, but I will hopfully blog later, and post some pictures of the Ball, which I was so lucky to attend (the Seniors worked some magic and for the first time, a couple years of alumni were invited....mine being one of the lucky ones!). I had a blast, and I must say, it was very, very beautiful. I have some pictures of the center pieces and the ceiling over the dance floor. Good job everyone involved!

Also, please pray for my presentation- I hate presenting!! :(

Love ya.

Friday, May 23, 2008


My sister Kris heard from one of her professors that apparently green eyes are going extinct, green green eyes. This is very sad to me. She informed me it is my duty to keep them going (ie. marry a green-green eyed man and have babies with green-green eyes).

I also wanted to let you know I put up new pics in a slideshow at the bottom (there are a few old pitures mixed in too).

Lastly, I feel I should inform you all that the new season of So You Think You Can Dance began last night!! I didn't get to catch the episode, but I'm curious if any of you did...?

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Today, I had a renewed excitement for life. There wasn't a huge catalyst experience, it just happened. Perhaps there was a moment, it was small and rather insignificant. My "newsfeed" on facebook showed a comment a friend of mine had made on a stranger's (her friend- stranger to me) picture. The picture struck me, so I gave it a second look.

A couple kissing.

The empire state building eclipsing a city scape in the background. The couple is to the left edge, the building watching from center stage.

They were clearly doing it to fulfill the romantic ideal of the Empire State Building, romanticized for posperity by "An Affair to Remember" (and, let's admit it, Meg Ryan).

I must admit, I oooohed a little. "Thats so sweet." Then I thought- aren't you suppose to kiss ON the empire state building though?

(Don't worry, I am going somewhere with this...I haven't forgotten)

I want to kiss on the empire state building someday. Yes, I am a romantic sap. I love "An Affair to Remember," I have watched "Sleepless in Seattle" too many Christmas' to count.

Kiss at Empire State Building- check.

And the list began to create (again). Dreaming about where I want to go, and things I want to do makes me come alive. I have been hearing about New York City a lot lately, seeing pictures, reading blogs, at work in a meeting yesterday- the guys talking about their recent trip to New York, then yesterday afternoon- email requests for us to book flights for a couple of our VPS, to New York City! Today, pictures of a friend's friend in NYC. :)

Someday, soon, I'd like to go to NYC.


Study in Italy.

Perhaps, study/ work in London.

I love San Francisco :)

Similarly, yesterday, I was undergoing a renewed conviction to take care of myself. Its a prime time to have a bit of a "scare" that I need to care for my body. As a college student, who works, and is dedicated to a number of other responsibilities and relationships- I can run myself hard. And also going, it can be challenging to 'refuel' in the ways I should- namely, drinking water, sleeping, and eating well.

3 weeks left in the quarter I believe. Finals- if I don't keep right on track and strategize about when to do what- I'll end up with "all nighters"....high stress, lots of caffeine, and little or no sleep....not the bodies favorite way to operate. Yet, as students (even you high schoolers!), we do it to ourselves, and almost get a charge from it.

So a new commitment to myself. I am young, only 21. Yet, I found myself in the ER, after a frightening episode. I want to steward my body. Drinking enough water every day, protecting my sleep (and rest), eating the food that strengthens me, and exercise :)

Sunday, May 18, 2008

You know, this is my 202nd post?!

Of course you didn't know that. You couldn't know that, unless you counted, and that would frighten me. :0

(Now my dad is thinking about that...and perhaps a bit frightened. Don't worry Dad, no one counts them...and they are vague, I'm safe from strangers :)

So, I have had a few days of rest, lots of rest. It seems unreal that I am even still in school. But there's a reason for the rest...

I've been feeling sick for a few weeks- actually one kind of sick for a few months, and now a new slightly nautious-type sick starting a couple weeks ago. As I mentioned two (?) posts ago, I went and saw the doctor- more about the longer-running pain. The nauzea was only a few days old then, and I've been thinking its just a common flu going around...I haven't thrown up and it hasn't really stopped me.

On with the story (I know, I am the slowest storyteller- I give too many details. At least when I write, you can skim, lol. Feel free to now, I am about to give MANY details.)

So Wednesday, I woke up feeling pretty sick. It had been one of those nights where you aren't sure if you were awake the whole night or not. You are laying there, and suddenly you just realize you are awake, and not asleep, and that you are staring at your blinds. I think I looked at my clock every hour, at least. And I was paranoid about over-sleeping my alarm which made it worse. I was also burning up- I assumed it was just hot in the house (which it probably was), but looking back, I'm pretty sure I had a fever- I'd kicked off the blankets....had nightmares....had to turn on soaking music and finally felt at peace.

Nasty night!

At several points in the night I considered calling off things for Wednesday, but I realized there was a fax I had to send at work- the deadline for the form was that day and it was a big deal.

So I went on as with Bianca (didn't quite feel myself). I went to work, and after a few hours, was discussing the final details of the fax (order form) with my manager. That was it- It hit me hard. As soon as she walked away, I realized I might throw up.

I headed to the bathroom. It's always RIGHT before you throw up that you remember HOW MUCH you HATE being sick- like M-I-S-E-R-Y. And I wanted to cry as I realized I was going to have the flu. And it really is even worse having it as an adult- because you drove yourself...and you'll have to get yourself home. And most likely, take care of yourself. Tangent.

I'm on the floor in the bathroom, wanting to cry- suddenly, and I mean suddenly, I was burning up. I got so hot I felt freezing- strange. I looked down and my shirt was damp. I hadn't thrown up, but I realized I had to get someone to call my dad or, even 911? I couldn't stay, and I was not going to be able to make it home. This was no normal flu.

I stood up and made it to the sink counter, leaned my head down on it, into the hole of the sink, and wondered if I should wash my face with cold water- if it would help the burning up. As I picked my head up and looked into the mirror I struggled a little to focus on my face. It was pale white and my stomach lurched anew from fright of the sight of myself. I headed back quickly through the halls to my cubicle. I was going to grab Patty, the sweet woman who works near to me. I was struggling to walk, and to see. As I swiped my card and walked through the door. I saw someone walking toward me, and with a delay realized it was my manager. She was all grey and white and sort of in patches. "Kathryn, I think I am going to pass out." I leaned against the filing cabinet. Later she reminded me that I'd told her "Kathryn, talk to me- I'm freaking out." When I'd walked in she'd immediately asked me "Kati?" And you could hear her concern as she hurried over to me. She grabbed me and called for Patty. She told the EMTs that she could feel me burning up through my long sleeve shirt. My whole body felt hot to the touch. Kathryn apparently "helped" me to my chair- I'd blacked out for this part, and when I'd opened my eyes I was slouched in my chair, head back. SCARY. She started asking me questions and trying to get me to keep my eyes open, but I couldn't they kept closing- or my sight did. I didn't want to talk- it was too much. She made me drink some of the water at my desk, and apparently that and the sitting helped.

It felt like one minute before the EMTs showed up, I was more conscious- though still very "relaxed." I couldn't talk much and was sort of just 'melted.' First there were three or four of them I think- they helped me lay down (or pretty much laid me down)- one of them was kinda laughing at my small cubicle which two of them, and I (laying out) were in. They gave me oxygen and put my feet up as they continued to try to find a pulse (sort of the things I didn't expect them to tell the person laying there- but I guess they have to communicate to one another about it). My blood pressure was incredibly low, I am terrible with numbers (my manager later was trying to explain to me how low it really was). They called a paramedic to come (I believe I put those two in the right order- rob and aime both told me the second guy was probably a paramedic- I told them he was dressed different and seemed more 'in charge' or knowledgeable).

The best part is that I got to answer all sorts of questions right there on the floor of my cibicle, with my manager, boss, and colleagues gathered around, worried. "Are you pregnant? ANY chance? When was your last .... was it..? Was it?? WHat did it look like?" ANd on and on. lol. I was pretty good manered to be honest, and was rather proud of myself later. Aime said it's hard to get worked up when your blood pressure is super this is probably true.

I didn't die.

However, to be too honest- there was definitely a point where I asked myself "Am I dying?" I felt so out of control of my body and weak that I wasn't sure. It wasn't really so much of a panicked question, as a sincere wonder.

So yes, about 8 paramedics/EMT aid car showed up and they put me on a stretcher (apparently they were concerned I'd black out again if I stood up). As they helped me up on to the stretcher, and buckled me down like 7 times(!), I flashed back to the last time I was strapped onto one of these. "I haven't been on one of these since I was five!" I said. One of them chuckled and said, "And that was what, yesterday?" Yep. We were buds by then to be honest. As I first started getting back to making sense and all, lying there on the floor, a plastic tube thing up my nose, no make-up on and unshowered that morning (I had felt sick that morning remember and only planed to be in a few short hours), my coworkers lining the adjacent cubicle, one of the fire fighters asked me, "How are you feeling?"

"Embarressed" I admitted, and giggled a little.

They laughed. One of them had blacked out that morning they told me, and they ragged on the guy a bit. He was sweet, looked at me and admitted, "Its true."

"At least I don't know any of you" I said.

SO they immediately introduced each of themselves.

"Great, now I know you. Perfect. Thanks."

They smiled.

A few minutes later, "Besides embarrassed, how are you feeling now?"

They not only put me on a stretcher, but they wheeled it THROUGH the downstairs offices (there WAS a back door RIGHT behind me, where I had originally come in through!). One of the older men in the office, who has definitely looked out for me at several points over the last few years, stood at his office door and joked "What some people wont do to get out of work." I laughed a little. Yep. Public humiliation at work, definitely just me trying to get out of work early. Each of the people who hadn't yet made it to witness all this, stood at their office door and watched me wheel by- definitely conscious enough to be completely embarrassed.

Outside, there were TWO fire engines, AND an aid car. All, for a little 21-year-old girl who blacked out at work.

What do you think when you drive by and see that? I know what I do- OH no! I hope he's okay! And immediately I picture an 85 year old man whose just suffered from a stroke. NOT a young, athletic 21 year old, who's conscious and somewhat good-humored at the moment.

Again, I was a bit shocked by the small talk that the paramedic in the back of the aid car made with me.....sharing some definitely "worst-case" stories that started just like mine was. Again- my blood pressure far too low for me to freak out, I guess, or God was just soaking me with peace and strength. He ended up telling me about his daughter who is the same age as me and (again, I cannot remember the name) has had to take many trips to the ER in an aid car. He ended up very caring and sweet.

After a day in the ER, an EKG, blood tests for all sorts of things, an IV to get hydrated... they told me I was healthy, really quite healthy. No super obvious reason for all this.

In fact, they said it was a "vaso vagaled" response. WHICH rather halariously, Aime had texted me like 4 hours earlier that it was likely one. It was probably due to dehydration (I'd been drinking water- it wasn't like I was super deprived of it...), stress, exhaustion, and maybe the flu. Some combination of all or some, or something else...

They gave me medicine to stop feeling nautious, and they told me to rest up and drink LOTS of water. And to pay attention if the same pre-signs show up.

SO, that is what I have been doing. Resting, and drinking water- LOTS of water.

Aime's texted me "Are you drinking water sis?" lol. She's nurse Aimers, a good big sis. She actually came and got me from the ER when my dad had to head in to a meeting at work. She got me the coffee I'd been craving for hours (I'd developed an obnoxious caffeine headache for not having any, and I was SUPER hungry but they wouldn't let me eat, JUST in case the tests showed something and they had to take me into surgeory. The nurse wouldn't even let me put chapstick on my lips- and they were pretty chapped- because they could possibly combust if they had to put an oxygen mask on me.)

All that shared. I have not blacked out since. I am back to normal. Still feeling a little nautious, but really much better. To be honest, it had shaken me up some, more when I looked back on it and realized how fast it hit me, and was secretly worried it would again.

I shared that because I haven't really wanted to repeat it OVER and OVER- I got to tell it enough times to each new EMT that arrived, and each new nurse or doctor, and my dad, and aime, and then my mom and my, now I can tell those who have been asking the fun story....

Secondly, I started to tell the short story, and then decided against it. I don't get many chances to tell that kind of a story (praise the Lord), and one of the purposes of this blog IS to allow me to practice my actual writing skills. So, there was my narration of an "emergency"...for better, or probably worse.

And if you chose to skim, be free ;)

I love you all. Hasn't this sunshine been incredible?! Hope you've enjoyed your weekend and found time to rest yourselves.

Now it's on to homework for me....

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Happy Birthday Lou-Lou!!!

You are my best friend, my "buddy" through it all (to steal a couple words from our dads). I often stumble across one of your hundreds of notes, and I read it over and over, amazed by you, amazed by the Lord that I He thought up a person like you, and determined to place you right beside me! I love you deeply!!!

Castor and Pollux.....till old age and walkers, but first, through married life and babies! Life with you is always a comfort, and a safe place to be myself! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE THE WOMAN YOU ARE!!!

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Yesterday I had a doctors appointment and so I'd preparations to work from home.

9:30, I walk into doctor curtis's office.

Good morning.

Good morning, I'm here to see Dr. Curtis.

What's your last name.

Kelly (at this point people ALWAYS assume I am stupid and gave them my FIRST name). Last name, Kelly. First name, Katrina.

Huh? Kelly?

....ruffling and looking...

...lights going on in my head. My appointment is on Wednesday, May 14th, 9:30am. today is NOT the 14th.

yep, way to go Kati, lol.

They had a cancellation for a couple hours later and it all worked out....but I felt like a doophus, lol.

Because I had this doctors appointment (or so I thought), and I was working from home, I had the flexibility to run a number of errands. I needed to mail off a couple things, and as I waited in line at the post office with a smile, I realized just how much I LOVE going to the post office. No one would no this about me. Many of you know I LOVE to send things in the mail- letters, gifts, candy wrappers... but you wouldn't realize that I truly love the feeling of standing in line at the post office, talking with the man behind the counter, picking out new stamps, writing someone's address on a box. I LOVE IT! I love going to the post office!

I also had time to go make copies of some keys I've had sitting in my room for this purpose. As I looked for a parkign spot at Lowes (Or L-O-W-E-L-S, heeehee), I was shocked by how many handicapped spots there are....and I was further shocked that they were nearly ALL full. HUH.

I found a spot, parked, and walked across the lot, purse in hand. This is when I know I am becoming more and more like my mom.....I felt a certain joy. The last few times I have gone into Lowes, or Home Depot, I've INHALED the smell of wood and soil like it were my long-lost home! I've even wanted to wander up and down the aisles.....OH MY GOODNESS! I love these stores, and apparently I am healing from the torturous, never-ending trips of my childhood with mom (you see my back yard, and the THOUSANDS of 'antique' colored bricks that line all the gardens around the house- well, guess who transported all of those- yep, kris and I with mom!)

This was back when it was "Eagle" of course, and even driving within a block of the store would set off my mom's alarm, her hands would start flashing like little lights, and she'd begin announcing our soon-to-be-destination. "I just want to run in for a second", but we knew better. Hours, and hours..... and a van full of flowers, and bricks later (which we knew would employ the rest of our summer afternoon moving them from the van to the yard and even perhaps planting).

Not only this, but my mom will build just about anything she gets an idea for (or she will get it built). I know this is another quality I have inherited from my mom- this "let's do it RIGHT NOW- I'll go get the hammer!" approach to life. lol. My dad likes to plan...I got some of that too- now are you starting to understand why decisions can really mess me up? lol.

I have found it pretty great in the last years getting to do "projects" with my mom. As I'm getting older I am coming up with more of my own projects, and then getting to go to my mom for help with them.

Anyone who has seen my yard, especially at spring or summer, has witnessed the amazing beauty from my mom's hands! I'll have to put up pictures of when we first bought our house- there literally was NOT anything but dead grass and weeds- mostly just hard dirt.

Wow, this wasn't all planned as my blog, but it seems rather timely, since Mother's Day is only a few days away :)

I have a half an hour till my next class, and I better go grab some lunch or I'll be "starving" by 4:30 when I get another chance to eat!

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

I am at school, and terribly tired. Well, not "terribly" tired, but sleepy. I have a two hour break every Tuesday and Thursday. During this time, I usually want to cuddle up and sleep someplace....not really easy to do. I have cuddled up in a booth with my backpack and fallen asleep while reading once or twice. However, usually I do my best to keep awake. I'll do some reading homework...that is where the trouble begins, since reading puts me to sleep.

So, I have an hour left, and I felt I should catch you all up. I have roughly 5 weeks left in the quarter- then it's SUMMER! A number of you have already asked me if I'll be visiting Tennessee again this summer, and I had planned to, but it doesn't look like I will. The timing just seems problamatic, but I hope to go early fall or some time around then! Kim and Jason will be meeting up with us and the Keiths in Oregon over the Fourth of July, and I am REALLY looking forward to that (notice the count down on the right).

I have inherited a lot more responsibility at work, so I have been trying to sort through that, and keep my peace amidst the high-stress environment.

I still hve not blogged about Aime and my's weekend on Orcas Island, have I? It was wonderful! We just enjoyed life with Him, and with each other. We went on a hike and enjoyed a picnic lunch on the mountain top (where we saw three bald eagles circling!). There was a hot tub on our deck that we sat out in one night after our movie (No Reservations). I fell asleep on the floor in my swim suit and towel in front of the fire. Aimes tried to get me to go to bed, but I didn't want to, I was so soaking up the moment....then I woke up VERY confused and in some pain (from laying face down on a nearly cement floor), it took a little bit for it to come back to me where I was. lol. I got ready for bed and woke up the next morning still a little sleepy, but certainly relaxed. It was such a well-needed time of just getting away to be with the Lord and not worry about anything else but Him, and relationship with Him, and with one of my amazing sisters in the Lord. We were at peace, and we laughed A LOT.

The Lord is definitely breaking out in all of us and telling us He wants to live life with us, and for us to live life with Him- live adventures with Him! He really does. It's not just when you have the time to lay there on the floor and "soak" in His presence to the's also when you are riding the bus and the guy next to you reaks of smoke, or when you are grocery shopping and you get to cross paths with young moms and their toddlers, or when you get to go eat lunch with one of your good friends on a mountain top with a view so spectacular you can't help but be endowed with love for a Creator who delights even more in YOU!

There were little new butterflys all over during our hike and lunch- new life every where- new trees, clear waterfalls! And I felt it in me too- I wanted to throw back my head and fling back my arms, and just drink it all in- and I did, over and over. We laughed!

We didn't plan out 'devotional time' or try to constrain anything- we were simply listening and living and laughing, and loving, and being loved.

I kept having these childhood memories come back- my uncle pointing out constellations to me out in front of my old house, standing in the circular drive and looking deep into a star-studded mystery. I remembered my sister Kris toweling me off in the back yard after playing in the kiddy pool, one leg, then the other, my pot belly....I loved how she would do it and I would laugh and giggle. Something is being rebirthed in me- a child. Aime agreed, God is restoring a child-likeness to us- we need it to step off and dive into all the risk He's offering us!

Since being back, it has been a little tougher. This week I feel memories have still been invading me, but sad ones... I sat in my car for a half an hour yesterday- music off, car parked, in the empty church parking lot, just asking Him to go deep and heal all the memories that have been resurfacing. I want to be so completely whole and free that I can hold His presence so others can drink. I want to be filled and filled and filled so it is pouring over the edges and getting peoples feet wet, and spilling a bit onto their shirts, and hopefully making them laugh.

Taste and see that the Lord is good!

I know, I'm a bit strange, hopefully you are tracking with me. ;)

I am grateful that the Lord is bringing me a greater freedom, and He is. HE IS BRINGING ME FREEDOM. I feel I can best relate to the butterfly in the cacoon right now, pressing out, being pressed through a place that seems far to small for me, but having seen the beautiful little creatures all around the mountain top the weekend before last....Lord, press me, and complete the preparation of my wings....

Aunt DeeAnn told me one time while I was in her office talking to her that I was made to fly. I had NO idead what it meant, but I wrote it in my journal, and I've treasured it. The past few months, I keep hearing it over and over. My journal I bought back at Christmas and have been waiting to start (which I am starting NOW, go figure) is decorated by beautiful pastel trees and branches, and butterflies :)

I am off to get a coffee, and head to class, but let me leave you with this small encouragement: It is springtime, and spring means the things that have died, have made room for new growth, and new life, and new wings. :) If you feel Him touching old hurts you thought healed, don't be discouraged, just trust He's finishing the last touches, because you need whole wings to catch the air and soar.

I delight myself in the Lord!