Tuesday, November 30, 2010

This will be my daughter...

Megs posted this on my facebook today, and I love it.

My sister remarked on my poetry blog the other day "You never have people's faces in your pictures!" Apparently, she took an entire class on this- and how it dehumanizes people. I love it. I don't think it dehumanizes, I think it forces you to notice details you might not otherwise- it requires you to not overlook a person in all that make them up- they are more than what you typically see or are used to looking at. And you can find so many little secrets about a person when you take time to look at them, really look at them. I also of course use it on my photography blog because it manages to draw you to detail while also broadening the 'poem' to be able to reach specific one who places themself in the poem. That is the challenge of writing, it must be so incredibly detailed and specific, and applicable to that one reader who finds themself lost in the pages, whoever that one person is.

I love it. I love the story of the photo above. I titled it "class" in my photo library. Perhaps I was just raised on too many old films- but that hand says he is strong, compassionate, dangerous, yet a care-taker, the type to sing in the car, and knows how to lead when he dances. He has style, cares about details himself. The type of hand that says "you're safe with me." The type of hand you trust... to drive, to lead, to hold.
I was searching for one of my favorite quotes- I can't remember who actually said it. I've had no luck thus far: I must have picked it out of a book. Thankfully, I know I wrote it in my quote journal (I'll check tonight perhaps). But, I found these fun quotes on detail during my word hunt:

The secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life, and in elevating them to art. William Morris

Beware of the man who won't be bothered with details. William Feather

To be really great in little things, to be truly noble and heroic in the insipid details of everyday life, is a virtue so rare as to be worthy of canonization. Harriet Beecher Stowe

Every man's life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another. Ernest Hemingway

The difference between something good and something great is attention to detail. Charles R Swindoll

Why can we remember the tiniest detail that has happened to us, and not remember how many times we have told it to the same person. Francois duc de La Rochefoucauld
I am the luckiest girl. I really am.

I keep wanting to cry, just because I feel so loved. I have somehow fallen into the midst of the most incredible people. Family, and friends. They sense a battle in my heart and each one comes to my side. (yep, crying at work again, sheesh, I do not make a very good front desk girl. Good morning, welcome to Linville Law Firm, hold on, let me dry my eyes and blow my nose.).

In the past few days, I have received so much love and encouragement, it is overwhelming. And not just "oh, I'm so sorry for you" type of responses, but strong responses that pick up my feet and my heart and don't let me fall into all the muck for long.

I've had texts, chats, emails, phone calls, lunch, and surprises planned. I feel like my heart's aches aren't even deserving of all this love.

Thank you for loving me in such tangible and strong ways. I am one small girl, but I feel in the midst of such giant support and love. I'm humbled by all of you. I know Father has a plan, and none of you have allowed me to forget or doubt that. I heard discouragement knock on the door, and then I heard it carried off by neighbors and loved ones... I don't know if I even had a chance to open the door to it if I had wanted. Linda seized it before I even knew it had knocked. Braden put an extra bolt on the door I think. Megs distracted me with joy and celebration. Joel checked out the grounds to make sure nothing had snuck in the windows. Kim R brought me the next day's refreshments. My sister kris brought me rations (seriously, lunch and my favorite cookie!). Kim sent love and would have mailed me soup if she could have I think!

Seriously- thank you. I am so blessed by my family and friends. I know God has used you to provide and direct me, and to not let me get tripped up for even a day. I love you, and I love Him all the more for you.

Philippians 4

Closing Appeal for Steadfastness and Unity
1 Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, dear friends!
2 I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. 3 Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life.

Final Exhortations
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Thanks for Their Gifts
10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
14 Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.

Monday, November 29, 2010

A couple days ago I started thinking about Ruth. Seemingly, out of no where. Her response "Where you go, I'll go. Your people will be my people and your God will be my God" just began to burn in my thoughts and my heart. I realized that I want to have that same heart--- and at the same time, began pondering why it is that that is so righteous in the eyes of God. Why did God bless Ruth? Why did He have her story written and included in the Bible? I had even forgotten momentarily that she was King David's grandmother (wow- think on that! I love David, a LOT, and to look at the woman who was his grandmother- you can certainly trace some amazing qualities passed down, as well as from Boaz!)

I decided to read it on the bus ride home today (I fell asleep and had to finish it when I got home tonight). Such a remarkable story. I want to have that level of trust and abandon. Something in my heart just longs to give that commitment.

I love that Ruth was committed to her mother-in-law too, the way she loved and laid her life down, literally. She counted her own future as nothing. And I began thinking how her decision to return with her mother-in-law to 'her people' also meant that she was able to follow the traditions of Israel, which provided for her husband's inheritance to not be lost and his name not forgotten at his city's gates (through a redeemer). This is just such an incredible story- Naomi, Ruth and Boaz are all such incredible people. I want to learn to walk my life out with such humility, selfless and righteousness.

I love how God cares about the whole story- the generations that led to David- and on to Jesus.
Decision is in: I didn't get into Cambridge.

It's nice to at least know and now be able to seek other direction for this coming year. But, not the easiest news. And especially since I was definitely thinking England sounded good (really good lately).

I learned a lot through the process of applying and waiting. And I'm grateful I took the risk.

Funny, I was singing along to United Pursuit Band's "If I Give it All to You" as I opened up my email and saw the decision- a few words are "I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open... There's nothing I hold on to... I lean not on my own understanding, my life is in the hands of the Maker of heaven. if I give it all to you, will you make it brand new? If I open up my hands, will you fill them again?... I give it all to you God, trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me."

There is nothing left in my hands.

Leaning into Him all the more...

Love you all and thank each of you so very much for the encouragement and help you've provided at every step along the way. Thank you for walking through this process with me. It is good to have an answer, isn't it? Even if it not what we'd hoped for. I know God told me to apply, and that He hadn't yet told me to 'go' or plan on going... so I feel comfort in that I've obeyed, and succeeded. I think of that story where God tells the man to push the rock... and the man thinks he's failed because he couldn't ever move it. God reminds him, he only said to push. Well, I've been pushing. And I know it's been training. Time to seek Him for the next step.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

I know I am being re-postured. That is the way I have to look at it. You can't grasp the bus stop and board the bus at the same time... time to let go of things. And trust that where your feet step off the bus will be where those shoes were made to tread.

Tonight my heart is aching. It's true. I'm feeling past my ability, feeling beyond my own strength to keep trusting, hoping, dreaming, believing... and yet, I know He will give me more. Guess I'm going to need a second portion to make it past.

My sister Kristin knows I am a bit of a massachist. I hate pain, and yet, I love it. Even right now, I feel like I want nothing more than my bed. I can feel myself shutting down, my arms and hands feel weak. And yet- I have this strange little impression somewhere inside that knows "I'm going to grow." This is good. "Thank You for this. This is exactly what I need next."

I love pain, because I know I'm at a limit and I'm going where I haven't yet. It's true. I love feeling sore the day after a good workout, because it means I worked my body harder than it has before. It means I'll be able to go further the next time. It means I'm growing. Every one of my worst memories and deepest pains have brought depth to my heart and valuable lessons. They've taught me gentleness, forgiveness and trust. They've engrained in my heart that God will fight for me, when I'm too weak to do anything but lay on my face on my bedroom floor.

I know that regardless of everything else, all the things I have no control over, He'll make a way for me. He's my Defender. It's true.

PS, I ordered the new Will Regean & United Pursuit Band cd a few days ago... I came home late tonight and found it sitting at my door. Track 5 so far and I am so overwhelmed by how perfect the timing is, how perfect God's timing is. The cry of these songs is the cry in my heart right now- the desperate cry... the one I need to hear repeated in my ears tonight.

Aw, He is faithful and so perfectly real.

I love His promise to be near the meek and lowly, the broken and contrite. I always take comfort in that when I start to see things crumble. I know He will be close. And I know when He's close, I change.

I'm learning the real power of the blood of Christ... what it means for me every moment and breath. Thank you Father.

(OH MAN- THESE SONGS!!! I can't even believe it! Track 6!)

Friday, November 26, 2010

Strange to be about to go to bed, after the time I used to start work in the mornings.

Strange to have wandered a mall with thousands of other people, when we all should be in bed sleeping off turkey comas.

Strange to be shown around my 'town' by two Canadians.

Strange to have my dad finish The Hobbit after all 23 years of my life being read from it.

Strange to Skype in my sister, brother-in-law and his parents to the family dinner.

Strange... okay, the rest wasn't strange. Let me correct that, the rest wasn't a new (or unusual) strange.

But what a wonderful strange Thanksgiving it was. :)

Goodnight all.
(photos to soon be added.)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I'm so thankful for all of you. Old friends and new. My family. For graduating from UW. For the risks I've taken- and all the encouragement that helped me take them. For possibilities, and seeming impossibilities. For memories and dreams.

The turkey has flown ;)
Day dreaming time...
Love the little reading nook up in the corner. :) In my dreams, I design my own home. I've imagined before a little reading nook like this, reached by a ladder.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Last year, when Kristin and I returned from Starbucks Thanksgiving morning, this greeted us at our door. I don't know, but it seemed to cross a line. My mom said he was trying to call for a ride out of the area...

My mom gives all new meaning to the words: Playing with your food.
I'm not ashamed.

Okay, maybe a little bit.

I'm listening to Disney music. At the front desk of my law firm.

Kristin called one of our attorney's "Davey Crockett" this morning. Which made me think "Hey, I've got that on my ipod!" Which then started the medley.

Somehow, it felt too wonderful to turn it off...

I've decided I want to pick theme music for each of our attorneys and cue it as they walk into the lobby. The best part is- David is the only one in today. And he is so straight-laced and literal that I don't know if he will even catch on. We will see.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010



(and how I can hardly wait to meet you, new Christmas pajamas!)

This is one of my favorite Christmas traditions. Kristin and I started it a few years back- we pick out a pair of pajamas we love, and buy them for each other, opening them on Christmas Eve and wearing them as long as we possibly can. ;) This obviously means to Starbucks Christmas morning...and many, many hours more.
"Snowed in" today. This morning I made a pot of coffee and ate some delicious yogurt and granola, which I topped with some slices of banana. It was delightful. I sat in my pajamas and watched a bit of a movie with my cousins in the family room. I facebooked.

I was a bit sad that my childhood 'neighborhood' was so quiet. By 9:30a on a snow day, you could usually hear shouting and laughing outside my window. There was none.

Eventually though, I dressed up and decided to go meet Tiffany at the Walkers. The extent of my 'snow adventure' was across the back yard. Then the boots and jacket came back off. I cuddled in with the rest on the Walkers' couch. Then convinved Ty to wander to Rob & Aime's with me.

This is what I wanted to write about. :)

After a little while of sitting in their sweet home, Aunt Sue & Uncle Dean came in. Aunt Sue went immediately to Ty and began to fill him up with sweet words and hugs- and Uncle Dean to Aime. Then Aunt Sue went to Aime and did the same. So much encouragement. Robert then exclaimed that he'd found his 'original list' earlier that morning- and everyone decided he should read it to us. Rob ran and got it and told everyone to sit down. As he started, he added "Listen to this, it's Aime, you will all agree." He then proceeded to read down his hand written list, scrawled about two years ago onto a sheet of notebook paper. Everything he could dream of in a wife. And it was Aime, to a 't'.

After more chatting, Aime pulled out some baked oatmeal from the oven, and Rob, Aime, Ty and I sat around the breakfast table to share it (Aunt Sue and Uncle Dean had to run). I just sat there thinking how incredible these people I get to share life with are. I'm tearing up again just writing this. Who gets to have this quality of friendships at the age of 23? I have argued and fought with these people, I have hurt them and been hurt by them, I have forgiven and been forgiven by them, I've listened to them, and watched them change, I've been heard by them not just by the words that come out of my mouth but by the things that rest in my heart. These people know me. They can tease me, and I them. They love me, and I them. They knew me through bad haircuts and bad attitudes. Braces and broken bones. They've seen me sick. They've seen me angry. They've seen me completely broken.

I know Jeff & Elise weren't there this morning, but I always include them in my 'neighborhood.' They belong there, and everything I've said of those above ring true to them.

Sometimes, like this morning, I walk away wishing I were married, just so that one more person could know these people the way I know them, and know us and be a part of us. I'm so incredibly excited for that man to come along and be blessed by the relationships that await him- and for these people who I love so deeply to be blessed by him, and who I know he will be. In a sense, I think he'll be the greatest gift I'll be able to give them all, and how I love to give them gifts!

Sorry if this hurts anyone, I don't mean for it to at all, but I can't hold in how grateful I am for my friendships. And they extend so far out from just this group- this is just one circle of whom I can't ever get over, the fact that I even have them in my life. We don't even see each other often, or talk often.... but whenever I see their faces, something in my heart lights up and feels at home in a very special way. They are wise and faithful and fun, all of them. I am 23 years old- and I already benefit from friendships as old as I am... and in some ways, much older than that. Thank you mom and dad, for giving me an inheritance of your friendships with Aunt Sue & Uncle Dean and Uncle John & Aunt Ivy. I'm a blessed young woman.

Yep, this sort of just became a little photo book for me. Once I started, I had a hard time stopping. Lucky for you, I used all film through high school, and didn't get around to scanning in our hundreds of photos from then. :)