Thursday, December 30, 2010

"First, she looked into the Prince's eyes and saw that he loved her. Then, she looked into the Prince's heart, and Snow White could see that he was not only a loving man, but a kind and good one.
She felt love and gratitude stir in her heart, for the Prince had saved her from a cruel fate, waking her as if from the dead."

-Treasury of Fairy Tales, "Snow White"
Publications International, LTD

[One of my favorite excerpts from a beautiful telling of Snow White.]
I've heard it said, 'If friends were flowers, I'd pick you'
But that is all nonsense. Friends are not flowers, and thank God for that. No, indeed, you'll be with me much longer than those flowers on the window sill.

No, if friends were jewels, I'd set my crown with whatever jem was you.
If friends were colors, all my sweaters would be bought in that hue.
Could they be songs, you already know, but you'd be my favorite tune.
If silverware, I'd have soup every night, assuming you're the spoon.

And if friends were rhymes, I'd write you.

[I've been looking forward to picking up a few of friends who've been away- and I've toyed in my head with how much it seems I am waiting to go pick up my scattered treasures. We picked up Emily at the border yesterday. I'll be meeting Megs at SeaTac in a little over 3 hours. Joel comes back Sunday. It's terrible when friends go away- but so wonderful when they return.]
This coming year, I am going to do more of this...

Be it alone, or with loved ones. I want to get back to exploring and taking adventures. I want to set more time aside for these sort of relaxing days. I also hope to get my camera fixed. After being told years ago it couldn't be - I was recently given very different news. The owner of Kenmore Cameras told me who he brings his to, and I'm in high hopes he'll be able to work a wonder on my beautiful Nikon. I also want to learn how to use my dad's old camera he gave me. Shouldn't be too hard, seeing that my uncle first taught me on a camera much like it.... but that was over 10 years ago, and my little mind has certainly forgotten. I've had my dad's for a year and a half and all I've managed to do with it so far is over-expose a roll.

This year, I hope to see become a year of investing in all that I love, and always have loved. Photography, architecture, adventures, outside, people, Italian, writing, and a few things I'll keep to myself. :) I hope to look at the stars again more, hopefully more with my Dad too. ;) A year of returning, and in so, moving forward.

ps, I really like that blue sweatshirt!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

There are few joys like that of staying up 'til early morning, because you just can't put the book down. ;)

Goodnight, or rather, good morning.

Monday, December 27, 2010

There are few comforts like that of an old friend. I got to spend this evening with two of my closest guy friends who I rarely see. And while it was short, it was exactly what my heart needed. I've noticed that in times of transition, as well as other difficult seasons the best place to go is to the company of those who have loved you for years. Thankfully the past couple weeks, I've had a little more time than usual with a number of these friends. Those who I don't get to spend my every day or weekend with, but who you'd find in the closest circles of my heart, could you examine it.

Tonight, it was sweats, no makeup, coffee, True Grit, and two of the greatest guys around. I am a happy young girl.
Saw TRON yesterday with my dad. And loved it. See it imax if you can. ;)

Yes, got a daddy date yesterday. A little trip to uvillage, the Ave and then on to Northgate for the film.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

another pair join the ranks...


Love you all!
Good morning!
You're beautiful with God's beauty.
Beautiful inside and out!
God be with you.

Gabriel's greeting to Mary (Message Remix)

Yes, I see it all now:
I'm the Lord's maid, ready to serve.
Let it be to me
Just as you say.

Mary's response.

You're so blessed among women,
and the babe in your womb, also blessed:
And why am I so blessed that
the mother of my Lord visits me?
The moment the sound of your
greeting entered my ears,
The babe in my womb
skipped like a lamb for sheer joy
Blessed woman, who believed what God said,
believed every word would come true!

Elizabeth to Mary.

I'm bursting with God-news;
I'm dancing the song of my Savior God.
God took one good look at me, and look what happened--
I'm the most fortunate woman on earth!
What God has done for me will never be forgotten,
the God whose very name is holy, set apart from all others.
His mercy flows in wave after wave
on those who are in awe before him.
He bared his arm and showed his strength,
scattered the bluffing braggarts.
He knocked tyrants off their high horses,
pulled victims out of the mud.
The starving poor sat down to a banquet,
the callous rich were left out in the cold.
He embraced his chosen child, Israel,
he remembered and piled on the mercies, piled them high.
It's exactly what he promised,
beginning with Abraham and right up to now.

Mary to Elizabeth

I'm definitely still a kid- restless sleep all night. It's 8am and I can't fall back to sleep, because

So, I've been spending a little time alone, just thinking on what my Savior means to me. And what it means that He decided to become a man, a baby, and live a perfect life, in order to save me and to set an example for me.

I've decided it means grace. And it means relationship. And, from those, it means hope.

Oh God, all I can say is thank you- and I want to know You more than I do.

I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. - Luke 2:10-11

Those italicized parts struck me this morning as I was reading. Before Christ, the baby, could even utter a word, it was already declared that He came for all mankind, and to all peoples. He was never just a Savior for the Jews. He went first to the Jews, but He always had all in His heart.

A friend wrote in a card to me yesterday that Christ came for me personally. He came as my Savior. She wrote it more eloquently I believe- but it struck me- I need more intimacy in my relationship with my Creator and Savior. The young woman who wrote the card embodies that I think, and I'm trusting that this is going to be a key part of this coming year. I think I am going to come to know Christ even more intimately as my own.

"They will call him Immanuel" - which means "God with us."
Matthew 1:23

Thursday, December 23, 2010

I spent my evening making gifts, wrapping gifts, sipping special hot chocolate, and watching Holiday Inn... one of my favorite holiday movies. :)

Then, I watched the special features all about Bing and Astaire's careers. Got a few new movies to check out this winter. ;)

I wore a hole in the left toe of my favorite tights yesterday.
They are thick grey, with a violet stripe up the back. I loved them...they are a complete twist on the old 'pantyhoes' (sp?) that used to have a hem stictched up the back. Plus, they are...were so comfortable and warm, they made wearing a dress in the frigid winter, not so bad.

I wore a hole in the right toe of my striped orange, green, grey socks.

I swear, there's a conspiracy.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Get to have lunch with this guy (the one in the middle!)

And dinner with this little dolly, and her two incredible parents!!
I don't really consider myself a redhead, and I'm assuming very few of you (if any) consider me one. But I've always had this red undertone that seems to turn every dye I get into some version of a red. People often compliment me on the wonderful red tint to my new color and I wonder to myself how it always slips through- despite the complete absense of any red in my stylist's work.

So, while I answer "brunette" when asked for a one word answer of my hair color (mousy brown if given two words... thanks dad), if I'm honest with my own little internal struggle to define myself, there's definintely some disagreable red-head in there... and I'm happy about that. It's a little piece of my grandma perhaps-- I didn't know her, she passed this time 22 years ago. But when I see that red, I like to think perhaps it's a little bit of her irish firiness slipped into my blood.

That is part of why I enjoy going 'red' from time to time ;)

With that, I found some lovely 'redhead' quotes on Esther's blog.

“Gentlemen may prefer blondes, but it takes a real man to handle a redhead.” - Unknown

“Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead.” - Lucille Ball

(Yes, this may be a hint to what my hairstylist and I discussed in November, for the new years!)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Okay- going to bed now, but this is amazing. Credit to Esther for telling me about it.

(CLICK on it, because my blog cuts off part of videos I've noticed.)
I left work an hour early, why? because I feel sick. Not really "sick" but - weird. Or weak rather. The best I can explain it is it felt like all my strength was draining out of my face, and feet. And I wasn't sure I'd have enough energy to go home, if i didn't just do it then. Kind of sad, since I was hoping to work an hour late today actually. But alas, it is 5:30, and I am already home with a bowl of soup. I will probably be asleep within 20 minutes, or so I hope. My hands feel weak typing.

I simply got on here to blog because I am so sad, I have to tell someone. And I don't feel like being that facebook girl. (At least you folks willingly choose to read about my life here.) I left my water bottle on the bus today. MY BELOVED WATER BOTTLE! I didn't realize it was my stop (I think I zoned out, because the ride felt like 10 minutes long!).. and I hoped up and left in a hurry. I had tucked my water bottle on the seat, between me and the bus 'wall.' I didn't realize it until I had been home for a few minutes. Then, I wanted to cry.

I know it is a silly little thing, and I am just tired... but I hate losing little things I love.. especially when it is just do to my own stupidity. I also spent 15 minutes looking for my book today once I'd clocked off at work. It wasn't wear I knew I put it. I even asked my sister and Steph to see if one had taken it as a joke, or I'd unthinkingly carried it to their desk. Nothing. I ended up sitting on my sister's office floor. Again- I am just feeling, weird. And now, I don't have my beloved water bottle to help me drink enough of the great problem solver, water.

Alas... soup, and sleep. Goodnight. And goodnight water bottle, enjoy your evening metro-adventure alone.
I love working with my sis. :)

just say'n ;)

I gave it a second chance. And it made all the difference.

I haven't liked The Sound of Music, for some time. I don't remember always not liking it, but I also don't ever remember liking it. Somewhere along the way though, I just started disliking it. Finally, after hearing about it ridiculously often, and in random ways, for the past couple months (and also admitting that I had no recollection of the nazis in it at all!), I decided to give it a second try.

After dinner at the Clines last night, Linda slipped in the film. It might have been her singing along, and her sincere enthusiasm of the film, but I decided I like it. The atmosphere of the film is beeautiful: incredible hills, mountains, and architecture. Not to mention, a great story. I love musicals too, so even though I feel those songs of been made too much of a fuss over, I liked the film a great deal. I loved the end, which I had no recollection of whatesoever.

So, yes, I will stop saying I hate The Sound of Music.... however, I still insist, A Few of My Favorite Things is not a Christmas song. She sings it in the middle of a summer thunderstorm for goodness sakes!

Monday, December 20, 2010

My spirit has been repeating the past few days: make a way. Not sure if it is me speaking to my own spirit, or my spirit speaking to the Holy Spirit. But, I seem content that perhaps it is both.

Purge with fire and burn with flame, 'til the smoke smells like praise and the embers speak your name.

I took a walk in the dark one night, and though there were stars, I forgot to recall the light. As dark grew deep and forests found sleep, I forgot to hear as the creatures did creep. Though I forgot all, I heard All speak, and in a voice both strong and meek to my forgetting heart He spoke: Remember this, I call you Hope.
When I said I had a strange collection of clothes on... I meant it. Kristin started laughing after she decided I look like Eponine from the Broadway musical of Les Miserables. The sad part is, I see her point. That, or perhaps a character out of Into the Woods. Or, really, a number of broadway musicals....really anything that is in a fictional world, and staged for people to see from a few hundred feet. Awesome. My outfit for the day...I was very tired this morning, and didn't have much time to decide.
I need a week to sleep. And maybe read. That's what I thought when my alarm went off this morning.

I'm in work, in a somewhat strange combination of clothes, sipping my first cup of coffee and trying to sort out this mess of work on my desk that greeted me this morning.

But, Green Eyes is playing on Pandora... so, thank you Pandora. A little piece of delight.

I was thinking about this the other day (surprised? probably not). Now that green eyes are suposssedly an endangered.... eye color, we are finally getting a few quality songs of our own. It's true folks. Think of how many songs are about blue or brown eyes... now count the ones you can recall that sing about green eyes.

Coldplay, I salute you, for giving us green eyes a beautiful song, so beautiful that all the brown and blue-eyed little girls want to steal it. But alas, it is ours. And us Irish-hearted, green-eyes lasses can dream about hearing it sung to us in some little pub one day... or is that just this lass? Perhaps.

Aw well, the song is over. And yes, according to some research my sister Kristin came across, green eyes are expected to disappear within a generation or two. She feels it my duty to try to carry them on-- but all I can say is, both my parents have very green eyes, and their results were 1/3.

It isn't looking to bright for the future of green eyes, and there will only remain a few songs to recall that once, we were here.

I say again: Coldplay, the few, the brave, the generous, I salute you.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Is there some spiritual significance to wearing holes in the toes of your socks? Maybe something about being on a journey?

Seriously, in the past two weeks, I have worn holes suddenly in the toes of all my socks- and SOME tights too now! It is the strangest thing. I'm finally like "okay, what is UP?" They aren't even like thin, or raggedly at all either. The tights were nearly brand new, and THICK. And it has been with several different pairs of shoes. AND don't you worry- my toe nails are short.. always (pet peeve).

Maybe there is something there. Kind of seems to go with the entire trend of my life right now- a sort of outgrowing, or wearing through. The things that seemed to 'fit' before, perhaps just don't anymore. (Kristin - hold your comments about my 'bones' to yourself right here! lol.)

Esther just passed me some pretty incredible prophetic words for 2011. It was remarkable how much these major prophetic words seem to fit my life right now-- something is coming. Doors are closing, and dreams are dying... but when He closes a door, it is to open the one we are to walk through. And when a dream must die, it dies to sustain the dreams
we are to die and live for.

So- I give it all to you God, trusting that You'll make something beautiful out of me.

2011, I know you are carrying a great deal in your suitcase. I just want to look beautiful when we first meet. In 15 days, I'll be looking my best, in hopes of showing you my great expectations for whatever it is you will mean to me. You'll know me when you glimpse me: I'll be wearing heals and a new dress. I'll be the one with dark hair, green eyes, and a hopeful heart. Have no fear, I'll embrace you when we meet. All my love.

Friday, December 17, 2010

New beloved blog!

My sister remarked on my post a few days ago, recognizing one of the guys in my picture from a fellow blogger. I had no idea. I'd seen the pic on another blog I love (a cali law-student)...random little world.

I googled "rockstar diaries" and sure enough, found the cutest little blog. The woman who writes it is adorable. And come to find out, her husband is the guy in the pic from my blog post "this + this = something like my dreams" (he was the: + this).

What can I say, she's got great taste! (Not to mention, she lives on Capitol Hill!) And I will now be following her wonderful blog. Thanks Kimmers!
Things I do every day at work:

Clock in.
Turn the phones off night service (I'm bad at remembering to do this)
Check my email
Drink coffee.
Close the microwave door (*growl*)
"Good morning this is.." answer dozens of phone calls
Listen to music (thank you Lord!)
Watch men walk out of the bathroom, knowing they weren't in there long enough to wash their hands. (my desk faces the hall with the bathrooms- awkward eye contact? Sure, why not.)
Go pick up the mail.
Go through the mail.
Distribute the mail.
Drink more coffee.
Type out LBL's time.
Type out dictations of new things for the website.
Coordinate something for the seminars.
Prep ASH's mail/ABC.
Drop off the mail.
More awkward eye contact.
Shut the microwave door (*growl* again)
Turn phones to night service.
Clock out.

Add about 5-7 random, perhaps even bizarre tasks to the list and you have my normal day.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

This has long been one of my favorite songs, at least since High School. I love every time I hear it.

Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones
Hope itself is like a star–not to be seen in the sunshine of prosperity, and only to be discovered in the night of adversity. Afflictions are often the black folds in which God doth set the jewels of His children’s graces, to make them shine the better.

-C.H. Spurgeon
excerpt from Streams in the Desert, December 16th

Wednesday, December 15, 2010



I was wandering through Third Place Books with my sweet friend Emily Kuffner last night, and I started thumbing through a biography of Grace Kelly. I picked it up instead of the one right beside it on Audrey Hepburn, because everyone loves Audrey. I love Audrey. But, I felt like one of the other glorious actresses of the past deserve a little affection too. So, because her last name is Kelly. And because I know (from my dad) that she married to become the Princess of Monacco. And because she is stunning and elegant. And because, I've enjoyed her in old films. I picked up her book.

I quickly fell in love with this, her wedding gown. It's enough to make me rethink what I'd pictured as mine. I definitely have wanted to incorporate lace... and this is stunning and elegant.

I love how the buttons run down the front. And I love that it carries similar features to my mom's. If I could even almost fit in my mom's dress... I'd be happily wearing it down the aisle. But unfortunately for me, I didn't even fit in my mom's gown when I tried it on in Junior High. :( When people say 'petite'- they are talking about my mom.

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Learn from mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

I think I want to learn more about this woman. I've loved these quotes for years, but I haven't ever read her biography or studied her life much. I think I will this coming year.
The Geminids Shower this week

I think meteor showers are one of the most remarkable beauties. It's a little unearthly wonder we get to glimpse, if we set our sights... and are willing to wake when everyone else is sleeping. I'd like to be camping on a mountain top one of these days when a big meteor shower is expected. Preferably, cuddled up with my husband, a big warm blanket, and a thermos of hot chocolate (or coffee)... drinking deep of the grandeur and goodness of our God, who displays His splendour even in the night and let's us see what we cannot (yet) touch, so we won't forget how to dream bigger than our own world.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

We missed the best Meteor Shower of the year last night, because it was rainy and cloudy. :( My dad and I were pretty bummed. But.. the 20th still holds a prospective night sky delight!...

Here's part of the Yahoo News article on the upcoming Lunar Eclipse!

The December holiday sky show doesn't end with the Geminid meteor shower. On the nights of Dec. 20 and Dec. 21, parts of four continents will be treated to a total eclipse of the moon — the only one to occur in 2010.

This NASA lunar eclipse chart shows the visibility of the eclipse from different regions around the world.

The last total lunar eclipse occurred on Feb. 20, 2008. While there are two total lunar eclipses in 2011, North American skywatchers will have to wait until April 2014 for one as potentially spectacular as the eclipse occurring this month. [Amazing Total Lunar Eclipse Photos]

Lunar eclipses occur when the moon passes through a point in its orbit in which the Earth is directly between it and the sun. When the moon enters the shadow of Earth, it creates a lunar eclipse. Unlike a solar eclipse, no precautions to protect the eyes are needed.

A total lunar eclipse is when the entire moon is completely inside the Earth's shadow. Since the sun's rays are bent by Earth's atmosphere so that some still reach the moon, the moon is still visible in an eclipse.

Lunar eclipse skywatching tips

For the Western Hemisphere, the eclipse will "officially" begin on Dec. 21 at 12:29 a.m. EST (9:29 p.m. PST on Dec. 20) as the moon begins to enter Earth's outer, or penumbral, shadow.

As for the Geminid meteor shower, don't forget to dress warm. But you won't be outside all night moongazing. This total lunar eclipse lasts only 72 minutes from start to finish.

[Related: Where, how astronomers could find alien life]

But even in clear weather, skywatchers will not notice any changes in the moon's appearance until about 45 minutes into the event, when a slight "smudge," or shading, begins to become evident on the upper left portion of the moon's disk.

The entire total lunar eclipse will be visible from all of North and South America, the northern and western parts of Europe, and a small part of northeast Asia, including Korea and much of Japan.

Totality will also be visible in its entirety from the North Island of New Zealand and Hawaii. In all, an estimated 1.5 billion people will have an opportunity to enjoy the best part of this lunar show.

In other parts of the world, only the partial stages of the eclipse will be visible or the eclipse will occur when it's daytime and the moon is not above their local horizon.

[See also: Japan space probe shoots past Venus]

Portions of western Africa and central Europe can catch the opening stages of the eclipse before the moon sets below the horizon during the morning hours of Dec. 21, while the eastern third of Asia and central and eastern Australia can catch the closing stages just after moonrise on the evening of Dec. 21.

December's total lunar eclipse and Geminid meteor shower promise to ring the year 2010 out with a dazzling show, weather permitting, this holiday season. But bundle up and stay warm!

The upcoming Geminid meteor shower next week may promise to be the best sky show of the year, but for many scientists it's a space light show shrouded in mystery.

Skywatchers should catch a nice view of the beguiling phenomenon between local midnight and sunrise on Tuesday, Dec. 14.

Most meteor showers come from comets, which spew ample meteoroids for a night of shooting stars. The Geminids are different. Their source is not a comet but a strange rocky object named 3200 Phaethon that sheds very little dusty debris — not nearly enough to explain the Geminids.
I came home to the best surprise last night.

When I saw my dad's car parked in the drive, I assumed he and my mom had just switched for the night. But then I remembered my mom saying something about my dad having Jury Duty. Sure enough, the house was completely quiet and empty. I knocked on my dad's den door and checked the door knob. locked. As I was turned and walked down the hall to my room, I heard a 'click' and the door open. :)

You may not realize how great it is to 1., have my dad home on a weekday evening (he works second shift). and 2., to have him all to myself. I pretty much forsook my evening plans of cleaning my room, and I definitely wasn't in bed quite as early as I hoped, but I got an hour of den-time, something I RARELY get these days. We had soup, and made tea (kind of strange, my dad's not a huge tea fan typically, but the past year he's been buying his old favorite 'market spice' tea and now has started exploring Teavana. lol. Last night we tried "Samurai Chai Mate." I liked it. He didn't really). I dioscovered some new books, he swore he'd had 'forever' (yeah, the copyright of the new edition gave it away- I was right), we tried to name his new birds. We just were, in a way my dad is great at.

I love learning new things about my parents. Last night, I heard some new stories. My mom had mentioned my dad's 'transcendental stage' last week while we were out to dinner. I had to ask. I'm sure they've mentioned it before, but for some reason I never really registered it I guess. lol.

My dad told me his 'montra.' :)

A conversation with a friend yesterday got me thinking about all the wonderful roadtrips I've taken with my dad... some short day trips around the islands (thank you premier soccer!), some longer trips to Montana and California (with surprise shows in Ashland!) We always have a wonderful time. We are dangerously similar- which makes for some pretty stubborn disagreements on silly matters. It also makes us perfect companions on a long sunny drive, windows down, hands out, music lulling as we roll along, ready for an unexpected detour.

I love you dad, and I especially loved the little surprise of time with you last night.

(Kim, don't cry.)

Monday, December 13, 2010

I have a book idea. Don't tell!

(It isn't a story, but I just keep thinking about this fun little book to create. It sparks from one of the many things I'd love to do in my life.)

All I'm saying is, look at her necklace.

Oh Taylor, stop trying to be me. ;)

It's so hard being copied all the time. Celebrities always wanting to know where I got my necklace, handbag, bookmark. Ya know, the usual game. Antique key on a long hemp thread? Oh Swift, I've been rock'n that for tres years.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Trust is one of the most beautiful things in the world. When I look at the trust in your eyes I find you more beautiful to look upon than many a lovely queen.

When the flower of Love is ready to bloom in your heart, you will be loved in return and will receive a new name.

"the little wild flowers have a wonderful lesson to teach. They offer themselves so sweetly and confidently and willingly, even if it seems that there is no one to appreciate them. Just as though they sang a joyous little song to themselves, that it is so happy to love, even though one is not loved in return.

I must tell you a great truth Much-Afraid, which only the few understand. All the fairest beauties in the human soul, its greatest victories, and its most splendid achievements are always those which no one else knows anything about, or can only dimly guess at. Every inner response of the human heart to Love and every conquest over self-love is a new flower on the tree of Love."

Help me to trust you as much as I long to love you.

Let Sorrow do its work, send grief or pain;
Sweet are thy messengers, sweet their refrain.
If they but work in me, more love, O Christ, to thee,
More love to thee, more love to thee.

"It contradicts all that you promised."
"No," said the Shepherd, "it is not contradiction, only postponement for the best to become possible."
...He was leading her away from her heart's desire altogether and gave her no promise at all as to when he would bring her back...
"Even if you cannot tell me why it has to be, I will go with you, for you know I do love you, and you have the right to choose for me anything that you please."

A few of my favorite pieces (thus far) from Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard

Friday, December 10, 2010

Sometimes encouragement hurts, and is hard to listen to. Not because what is said is cruel (it's not- it's encouraging, right?). Not because you don't want to believe it. But because it seems so contrary to what you see... and you are afraid to believe it.

Today, I am grateful for the recent encouragement I've received... but it's smarting a bit.

I'm ready for some major changes to happen- and they aren't. People keep telling me they think they are about to, but I just don't see how... and the cop-out is to create my own changes, my own excitement.... in short, to run on some adventure. But I keep hearing something Linda said to me the other day at lunch, "I keep hearing people say they are willing to go wherever God calls them. Go someplace. But how about staying here? How about being willing to be planted?"

As long as I can remember I've had this sense in my heart that I will end up someplace else. I'll be called away. It's helped me lock in tight and deep, because I've known the value of being connected, and all the more if I am to be called out. But, the allure of getting to go to some other place can become an escape for me in my heart- it can be my refuge of hope.

Instead, I hear God saying to me, "How about being willing to stay?" Stay through the pain. Stay through the mononity. Stay through the ugliness of today, and the next day. I still think I will be called to travel/move someplace else one day, but for today, I have to be willing to stay. My only refuge has to be the shadow of His wings- that means wherever He is. And I have to be content to walk whatever path He's picked for me.

Reading Hinds Feet in High Places has been breaking me so deeply. I hear one thing over and over in the words of the story: 'Do you trust me to choose what's best for you? Your path? Your companions? The 'teachers' I give you-- even if Sorrow and Suffering?' I find myself repeating after Much-Afraid, because just like the crippled young woman in the story, I have to choose over and over and over again as one thing after another crosses me. 'I trust You to choose what's best for me. I trust you will do all you've promised- you'll make me into something beautiful, and you'll set me on high with you.'

Trust. I trust You. In the mess of a million things- You can choose what's best. I know it blesses Him when we can look around and see others walking the trails we'd like to be on, and look up to Him and say "I know You are choosing the best path for me."
Not a good sign when you wake up and wish the day would end, before it's hardly even had a chance to begin.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Things are not always as they seem. But the danger for me, is more that I can't seem to believe when they are, just as they seem. I want to hope for the happy ending, the twist in the plot, the sweet pain turning about and finally reaping all that it has sown to. I want to hope, though it kills me. And it kills me.

Oh God, let hopes die. Let leaves fall. Let flowers bloom until they bleed all their petals. Let every bit of that which is a lie in my heart be cried out tonight. And let me breathe fresh dreams that have the promise of coming true, rather than the odor of pain around the corner.

Thank God for a friend who will tell me the truth, and is willing to let my heart be broken.

The danger of a little girl like me, who's very name is Hope, is she can't hep but build forests with whatever seeds she finds to sow. Oh fell the trees. And while her tears fall at dusk, let them feed those seeds no more. Tell her some trees grow for centuries and can't be moved by a passing breeze. They were planted long before you Hope, but Hope is carved at their feet, and whispered by their leaves.

Driving Miss Landies.
[Please now begin humming signature theme music in background as you read this message.. do do do do do... do do do do do do]

The downside of having friends from out of town... for instance, places like California, and Canada. Is that when the holiday season rolls around, and that time to share with family, friends, and all-together your loved-ones calls, they are travelling back home.

Meghan thinks I am taking her to the airport in 30 minutes. I have been both looking forward to Thursday at 9:30a (because I'll get to see her), and dreading it (because I'll be saying goodbye, again). I'm considering taking her someplace else entirely. "My apologies Landies family, Meghan has been kidnapped. No need to send ransom money, she will be returned unharmed... in the Spring."

Likewise, Emily will soon be returning to Canada, and Joel also to California.

Oh goodness.

The upside is.... I get to have them the rest of the year... for now (but I will not think about that!). Amd someday, I will get to take wonderful trips to visit my dear friends at home.

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Your name is the tower that I run in to. Your strength is what lifts my head when it's bowed low. Your song is the light that shines through my window.

Then like the sun after all of the rain's gone.
The morning without any cloud comes, with a
picture of your love. And when I think of the stars
so high over me. The moon in the darkness lets
everyone see a picture of your love. And after the
rain has fallen, after the clouds all roll away the
sweetest name remains on my
soul... Because You're faithful.

I was listening to the above song on my busride in to work today. It was pouring outside. I was happy to just be inside during the thunder and lightening and wind storm taking place outside, and I was dreading the 6-block walk to work that was soon approaching. I thought to myself, "This rain is going to last a long time" in response to the song and the weather.

By the time I reached Seattle the rain had slowed. An hour later, I saw blue skies outside the window. My surprised thoughts..."Hmm."

[Song: Picture of Your Love from Onething Live]
As a little girl, I loved The Muppets. Moreso, the Muppet Babies. My family called me "Animal." Not because I asked them to. Not because he was my favorite. Photos like these make me remember why (one reason).

I suppose some things just don't change...

Baby Animal, the most unruly of the title characters on Muppet Babies, is an infant version of Animal. - Says Wikipedia. ;)

I forgot he was a drummer. Hmm. Interesting.
Esther, your blog is like rays of warm sunshine on my day! Found this on there today and had to share with my followers:

“Sometimes there is nothing better than putting your feet up and opening a new book. Tell me a story and I’m yours forever.”

by: NanLawson on Etsy
You may wonder what my tricks were for surviving college. Or, more likely not. But I am going to tell you one. Youtube. On late study nights, when our minds had turned to mush of prehistoric "facts" and political wonders, Tyson and I often resorted to watching Neg's Urban Sports. I don't remember how we first found him, but I do remember we only showed a handful of people. Being a European Games Show sequence to a Sports Show of some sort, Neg's vocubalary is not quite, ideal.

This morning, as a certain someone called my phone, I thought back to this particular episode. I thought I must be part of a joke. The call follows:

Me: Good morning, LLF, this is Katrina.
..empty air...
Caller: Hello?
Me: Good morning.
Caller: Who is this?
Me: This is LLF, Katrina speaking.
Caller: Oh, okay. What can I do for ya?
Me: I'm not sure. Actually, you called me.
Caller: Oh. Uh.
...empty air...
Caller: Oh, I bet I know what it is...
...empty air... (I think he cut out, because based on his tone next, it sounds he is annoyed to be repeating himself to me).
Caller: Is David there?
Me: Yes. David? One moment please.

CALL TRANSFERED. Note, he never even told me his name... just asked how he could help me..

I think you'll see the similarity when you watch this episode: (Don't worry, I think this episode's language is fine. Maybe just don't blast the sound.)

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

"Some of the greater things in life are unseen that’s why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry, or dream."

I'm finding thoughts and words are pouring through me more than mormal. It could be the season of repositioning. I think it is more than that, I think it is because it is time for me to start writing. I went to college because God told me to train. I knew he told me that He'd give me what I was to write when the time came, but until then I needed to wait, and train. I needed to improve my skill. This is what has made it so difficult for me to answer the question, "What do you want to write?" Uh... something that God is going to miraculously place in my heart and mind some day? Yeah, not the easiest to explain.

But after years, and years, and years of training. And preparing to go into another season that I thought would be more years of training... this sudden shift has been strange. In fact, only over the past couple days have I been able to say aloud that I think God might actually be saying, 'start writing.'

I say it, because looking at my blog, I have been writing. I finish a post, and then another one comes to mind. I have to consciously choose to stop and focus on other projects I need to get done. For the first time, maybe ever, I have posts stored up in my head, titles and all. I frame them in my head. I consider typing them out and saving them as blog 'drafts.'

So yes, I think He's starting to pour those things into me. It may not be that one thing I am supossed to write, but this next season I'm beginning to feel will be a season of writing. Not just blogging.

Bianca (my discipler) has been encouraging me the past couple months that she really feels it is time for me to start writing a story, or whatever it is I am supossed to be writing. Last week, Linda encouraged me similarly in our time together. She told me to set goals and create a timetable for accountability.

The challenge is, more time to write, means less time to do other things. That looks like less time to be with people. These are the two pieces I feel most clearly the Lord has shown me to be parts of my calling. So, I am not over-anxious to just nix all my time with people. It's a new level of practicing being led by the Lord (and not just my feelings) with all of my evenings.

I must say, Meghan Landies (also referred to commonly on my blog as "my friend meg" "megs" "meg" or "miss landies") has shown me such an incredible example of being all there, wherever you are. I'm a multitasker to a fault. I love people. And I also love getting things done. So, I end up splitting my attention when I really shouldn't. She is incredible in that when she sets an evening aside for me, she does nothing else but be with me, and enjoy the time we get. Even when she's had papers looming, and tests approaching. She just seems so at peace, and blesses me with such a complete presence. It has stood out to me and really planted something in my heart. I'm practicing not only hearing where I am to be in each moment, but also practicing being completely there. Because I know God can do so much more when I give Him all of me in the moment He leads me to. And because, the people in my life deserve my full attention and affection.

But it is hard, I have to say no to so many things I'd love to say yes to, trusting that those friendships and relationships can continue to grow. One thing I know though, saying yes and going along, when I ought to have said no really doesn't bless anyone there. In fact, quite the opposite.

I initially only meant to say this below the picture: I think I need to go away alone and write for a weekend.

Monday, December 06, 2010

Definition for let (1)

- not prevent something: to allow something to happen or somebody to do something
- give somebody permission: to give somebody permission to do something
- expressing suggestion: used to express a suggestion, an offer, or an order

Letting things be. Trusting enough to just, let.
It takes courage.


I was doing a little praising of Bono to Elsa a couple weeks ago. In a common trend, I was being dramatic. After a few blank looks, that I didn't know how to read, I laughed and said, "I'm kidding. Kinda. Actually, no I'm not." I think he is remarkable. I think he actually is a hero, by more real terms than 80% of who we call modern-heroes today. I heard about this interview last weekend and just got a chance to watch it (thanks Brade for posting it on your blog). Man, that I would be as faithful (and passionate) to the call on my own life.

Something I've been realizing as I've been considering the lives of Ruth, Esther and the words of Jesus. We don't become righteous by seeking to be righteous. There is only One who is righteous. We become righteous by seeking after Him, and getting more of Him in us. I think even the command, "Be holy, for I am holy" isn't telling us WE can be holy, or must be holy. He's saying, I AM HOLY... and I am to live in and through you... It's not, be like me... it is, let me be in you. It's not about, how do we love more like Him? How do we look more like Him? How do we be more righteous like Him? It's how do we make more room for Him in us? How do we become more of a dwelling place? How do we let Christ live in and through us?

Thank God for Paul! I feel like he gives us so many answers. :)

having said that, seeking to be righteous means we seek righteousness. And if there is only ONE who is righteous, then He IS Righteousness. So, I guess, in another sense... lol, but that said. If you want to argue with the above paragraph, I can totally understand. I can argue with it myself... but please try to hear what I am saying. Righteousness is not an act.

Watchman Nee has a quote in his book, "The Normal Christian Life" that says (roughly), 'The Father will always respond to all our needs in the same way: by showing us more of the Son.'

He puts it far more wisely, and eloquently than my bumbling above. My needs right now? Love. I want to be a woman who looks like the face of powerful love. His answer? More of His Son. Direction. Vision. Righteousness. Courage. Trust. Faith. Hope. Strength. His answer? More of His Son. It's wonderful, because I don't have to go running around in a million different directions- I can just go to the same place for all my needs. :)
I'm feeling adjusted.

They often say "first the physical, then the spiritual." I think this time it came in the opposite order. After a week and a half of feeling very readjusted, I finally went to the chiropractor today. I told him I thought my hips were out of alignment. After checking, he let out a sarcastic laugh as he said "Yep, your hips are definitely a little out of alignment." After some serious adjustments, he moved on to the neck. It had been way too long, but with work and all the christmas party prep, I just hadn't had time. He asked me "Did something happen?" I think it was just dancing, for weeks, with my hips and back all out of joint- it kept getting more and more painful.

Anyways- ajdusted. I always feel a little sore and queezy the day or two after. I typically wake up with a terrible headache the next day too. Funny- pretty similar response my body has been having to the adjustments that have been being made to my heart, hope and expecatations.

My sister Kristin teases me for my never-ending advised problem-solver: water. Your skin is breaking out? Drink some water. You are feeling tired? How much water have you had today? You feel nautious? Here's a glass of water. Your heart is hurting? Hold on sis, I'll grab you a glass of water.

I'm drinking lots of water. My Camelbak water bottle is my closest companion.

PS, here's the dance from last night's christmas play:

Friday, December 03, 2010

As I mentioned earlier this week, I've been thinking a lot about Ruth. I've glanced through it a few times more since I last posted on it. I've been meditating on the lines that really stuck out to me before and I underlined.

Yesterday I was thinking of Esther for some reason too. Esther- yes- the classic favorite character of every young noble Christian girl. For that reason, I sort of didn't make a frenzy of it in the past. Yes, I liked it, and I love Mordecai's challenge to her ("Perhaps you were brought to the palace for such a time as this"), but the idea of a young girl who is so pretty she wins a beauty pageant and becomes queen. It just didn't quite capture me.

But she was on my heart- mostly because Ruth and so many happenings in and around my life lately have me asking anew, "What does a great wife look like? What does a great woman look like?" Considering Ruth, I naturally began to think of Esther, another woman given her own book in the Bible to tell her story.

As I was reading it on the bus yesterday, I saw her quite differently than I have before. Esther was selected because she was beautiful. She didn't enlist or apply... as far as I know. She'd suffered the loss of both her parents at a young age. By being selected, she was brought into a harem. She was to spend one night with the King, and then perhaps never another. She was going to spend the rest of her life living in a harem... as far as I can interpret it.. Esther was about to lose her virginity to a King and spend the rest of her life as one of his concubines, if not his Queen. It's not all as glamorous as we tend to think. There is so much risk, and borderline scandal it seems to me.

She wasn't in a neat and easy, padded place. She was in a very messy situation. And it says she listened to Mordecai and obeyed, 'as she always did.' My favorite part is when she is about to go in for her one night with the King, and she is allowed to bring whatever she wants, and she asks the Eunich who has been over her (and has favored her from the start- another thing I just loved) what she should bring- and she brings only one thing- exactly as he has instructed her. She finds advisors... and she listens to them.

Another thing that really struck me about the story this time, Esther actually commands Mordecai after she has become the Queen. How wild is that? She has a new role of authority. Even in her command, she is actually obeying his pleading to her... but still. She tells him to return and to fast with the other Jews for 3 days and nights, as she does the same with her ladies. I don't exactly have an opinion or a neat box for this, but it just struck me. Her boldness and authority. This strange change.

Furthermore, she broke the law. She says it that plainly- it was breaking the law to walk in to the King in the Innermost Court without being summoned. This young woman obeys so perfectly, and then she breaks the law at a critical moment.

I'm not getting any goofy ideas here. But what I am getting is that both Ruth & Esther had some common qualities. They were incredibly surrendered to an older advisor. They sought guidance. They honored, through obedience. They both were strong. Ruth was told to return to her people, but she refused... and it was righteous. Esther commanded Mordecai. She broke the law and approached the King without being called...and it was her glory. They had boldness, courage.

Both were in semi-scandalous, messier situations than we first think or express. Things weren't neat and perfect for them. One a widow, the other an orphan and near-harlot. Both were in the line of Christ.

Out of it all, I read that great women have a surrendered and trusting heart, they seek guidance. And they have courage. They are committed to a people bigger than themself. Both make a verbal commitment to a people.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

Favorite Phone Call of the Day:

"Hi. I think I'm parked out front of your building. You're the big tall one on the corner, right?"

This is the corner where our building is (ignore the central semi-clear building-- that's not there yet).

We are in fact kitty corner to the tallest building in Seattle, The Columbia Tower

Oh the things people say. She tagged on late, "on the corner of 5th and Columbia" but that only narrows us down from the dozens of other 'tall buildings' in Seattle... still leaves 3 of us that fit that description.

I answered, "yes." Because, her statement was true about us. I wanted to leave it at that, but I did add that we are the silver building, and stated our building's name. (I was nice.)

Answering phones is my least favorite part of my job- but I also get a lot of laughs from it. I have to. Or I'd get incredibly cranky.

Tuesday a lady called and the conversation went like this:
"Good morning, LLF, this is Katrina"
"Hi, someone from your office called one of my employees at their house, I think trying to reach our office."
[PAUSE. I'm reminding myself that I appreciate people who attempt to be problem solvers and go getters- making that call. But you have not given me your company's name, your employees name, or our partner who made the calls name. Not even what the matter is regarding. Unpause.]
"Do you happen to know who it was that called?"
"Okay.. and your name and company is?"

After a while, we sorted it out enough for me to at least transfer her call to someone who might or might not be the right person.

People suddenly lose common sense when they pick up the phone. And that is the half that call our office who I can actually understand.

*Be gracious*Be kind*Be patient*Be gracious*Be kind*Be patient* DON'T LAUGH*
my reminders I repeat to myself.

The most common is "Someone called me from this number." I understand this one... I might call a number I don't recognize that pops up on my caller ID. But it's still useless- we have 12 people who could have called that person. And I am not about to start interupting each attorney to check 'Hey, did you call someone? Yeah, they're on the phone.'

Also, we get plenty who as soon as I answer, start explaining their entire legal problem to me. And as much as I wish I could help them and solve their problem, ten minutes later all I can say is, "Okay, how about I transfer you to one of our attorney who can help?"

Oh man, the joys. The laughs. Usually I have to repeat them to Kristin. When I am super busy with a project, the phone usually doesn't stop ringing, and it is all odd cases that I have listed above. Those are the days I consider 'defenestrating' my phone (thank you, Tom Hallstrom).