Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

Love you all- I hope today is a great day of enjoying the important people in your life.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I am obsessed with creating.

I can't get the thought out of my head, I can't get the passion out of my heart- it's consuming me! I have to create something, something that altars the physical world around me, something that breaks open the people that surround me. I have to CHANGE things. I have to be part of making new out of the old. I have to be used for God's glory!

Seriously, I am obsessed with the idea, I must be posessed by the Creator.

And this hardly helped, it nearly compounded this stirring inside of me. Pressed down and shaken up...!!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

This is from last night:

I just left the Healing Explosion meeting. I didn’t really want to, but after worship homework came back to mind and I just felt peace about leaving, and not about staying. I got in my car and started heading home, then pulled into a parking lot and turned around. I headed to the Rosehill Starbucks, and as I waited at a red light I realized, I feel the closest thing to drunk in the Spirit I’ve ever felt. Like, I am certain that if I close my eyes right now, I’d dream of heaven. And as that thought crossed my mind, I rolled my head back and contemplated going to sleep right there….at the light. And then I grew more certain, I’m pretty lost in the Spirit right now. I then realized- I can prophesy right now. And I started thinking—dang, who can I think of, I wanna get a word for someone right now- or like a million people right now. And yes, I’m laughing at myself at this point. Then I pull into the paring lot, grab my bag and walk inside. Set up. Yep, it hits me: I not only have no cell right now, but Starbucks has no internet. I can’t reach anyone, I can’t be distracted by text messages, phone calls, work email, or facebook. And I know undoubtably, I have just been totally set up. I feel the Holy Spirit rinsing through me so totally that my body feels fluid, my mind amazed and awake, and I have nothing but my laptop- and an infinite number of blank word documents. ☺ And the story begins there.
I open my laptop and I get lost in the prophetic picture from James. Awwww, let’s go find some danger- let’s go create in a world of danger. Let’s not be tame. ☺

Thursday, November 20, 2008

A Prophetic Gift From a Friend.

Your journey begs some questions. Is there danger or certainty? What is the way? Must you be tame?
You cry for the wild, you crave the unknown. Let the world open before you to this unexplored frame!
Never decry your place! Never step back from the edge! YOU ARE NOT MAIMED!

The Wild lays before you, notice this as you go: the places you will be reaching require that you flow
With His heart, with His mercy! Open the books before you and let the words rise from the page. For letters will not come out, rather vines of life, of grace. Take this life, inhale it deep, as you do the life will come from you! Never again look at a library as a place of misspent age or knowledge but as a jungle of worlds and wisdom yet to be discovered.

Know this, in His jungle you have complete freedom! No fear, no false safety, it is danger but He has ALL things in His view. "Run! Run! RUN! You have total freedom Daughter!"

I'd seen several pictures James had created for friends, and finally last week I told him I'd really like one. (I found out the others had asked for theirs too...and here I was afraid to ask, lol). This is what I found tonight on facebook, with my name tagged on it. I absolutely love it, and it's description, as I told him, "breaks me open." Ah, yes, I cried, it struck something so true in my heart. Thank you James!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Wow. (Ash, "wow!")

That's all I can say to life right now. I've been mulling over a lot lately, and I feel with each cycle of the material, my faith grows a bit more. I was at home vacuuming the day after elections and I was praying. I hadn't been as broken up as everyone else over Obama being elected, I'd remembered Dennis Peacocke saying the Sunday before that God would give His people what we need. And this was it.

I wondered some if I should be more upset- I mean, I care deeply about the unborn, and a man was just elected who doesn't. But I felt something in my spirit I couldn't ignore. Rona had shared at the mic about the verse that says forget the old for I am going to do a new thing....she elaborated how the Lord had been speaking to her that we have to not try to do things exactly how we did them before and it worked- in essence, we have to "forget" our old successes, because God is bringing new ones, and He is doing them in a new way.

The Lord started speaking to me as I "colored my carpet" (vacuumed), last Presidential election we were high on our success of voting in a God-fearing man. This time, God is going to do a new thing- a new success. I feel strongly that God is going to raise His people up and bring change from the bottom. It's His way! I already feel a new responsibility growing in me for my country and my realm. I can't rely that my country is a "God-fearing nation" because our head is a man who fears God- no, our country will be a God-fearing nation when the hearts of the people are turned and encounter a God who is worthy of being feared and adored.

I am excited! God is doing a new thing- a good thing. He's birthing something deep inside of us, and it's starting to grow. I've heard more people share revelations about their responsibility to pray for our leadership and for our country than I have in years, if ever (all my 21 years, hahaa). So pray, and seek God, own what you own...and Lord, extend our tent pegs.

At the ladies fall brunch Mrs. Tannehil (sorry, I know I spelt that wrong) mentioned the favor that is on us right now, and not fearing it. It's our moment. And I have to agree. Just that morning, I'd been driving, thinking of the favor I've recently had with my professors, and my manager, and with strangers! I feel like there is a new favor, and a new capacity.

I mentioned recently that I feel capable of doing my job in a new way. At work- I literally feel like all these boundaries were taken off of me, and I was told to just do it, and jump. And I have been, and I've been loving it! The same is true of so many places of my life- including the Christmas play- I knew the Lord was telling me to do it and to take the risk back in August. And over the past few weeks there have been a few times when I'd wished I hadn't- or maybe not, but at least reallllly disliked what I was doing. But in the last week, there's been another shift and I am enjoying living outside of the boundaries I'd once given myself.

This is such a sweet time to be taking risks! God is removing lies that I've believed about myself- He's convincing me that I have to be my encourager (as self-help as that sounds), we have enough other voices telling us we can't do 'that' and not to dare imagine it- but the voice the Lord is drawn near to is the one who says "Surely we can do it!" - maybe in a whisper at first. I want that to be the posture of my heart. If God is for us, who can be against us? That's reality. I don't want to be prideful, at all, but I also don't want to tie myself up before God does anything great through me.


I really do, and I feel like I can more than ever. God's showing me that the old boundaries aren't there, and He has big plans :)

This may be fall, but God is bearing much fruit in His people right now- don't go to sleep, you'll miss out on too much fun!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I love how when I am stressed out that I wont finish all I need to in time- I open up a new post and begin to blog. This shouldn't help, but somehow it does. Maybe it engages my mind in a new way, refreshing me. Or maybe it just gives me the level of distraction I need to vent and then return to the grind.

I finished my first short story last night- weird. I've never been forced to finish one of my stories. Okay- I have written a couple short stories, but the longest one was 6 pages. This one is 11 (by requirement it must be between 10-20 pages), and it will actually undergo peer commentaries and workshopping and then be turned in in final form for a big 'ol chunk of my grade.

Aime ended up helping me with it- I was spouting out some thoughts and concerns I still had. I had a title which I loved and was certain had come from God, but it didn't fit yet. REALLY didn't fit yet. It had a piece, but it was missing a huge element. Suddenly, Aime through out an idea and I LOVED it, she kept going and the missing pieces flowed out of her imagination (the God-inspired imagination) and into mine. It was honestly amazing!! I was so excited, and so was she. "I like creating with you" she said at the end. WOW. I think I hear God in my sister's voice ;)

Seriously, I know He says that when I allow Him to flow through me onto the page: "I love creating with you." And I smile, thinking how lucky I am to create with the Creator. :) It's in us too. I love it when I get to create with someone else and it's so clearly the Lord moving between us and through us...I think this was one of the most vivid examples of this I have had yet. I am so excited for my story- but NO, I am not posting it until I've had some time to redraft. Eventually I will be posting it on my creative blog, Poetry of Presence. I'll be sure to leave a quick comment here about it too.

Alright, in that same class I also need to turn in 5 peer commentaries and marked up drafts of my classmates, I have 3 to go so I better get on them. (I also have a meeting with my instructor after class, and I have to turn in my writing journal- which we are required to write in every day, 5 great first lines for a story, and a piece of work to discuss with her). This should be a fun class. :0

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I am thinking again of all the things I have to be grateful for, or rather all the people.

I read on a friends wall last week, "The most important things in life, aren't things" and isn't that the truth.

A couple months ago I wrote about two of my very special friends, Toddley and Aimers. Today, I feel rather inspired to write about my big brother Bryan, or as he is listed in my phone, "My brother the ninja Bryan Krumperman",
or as I like to call him, Brother Krump.

Bryan has been a big brother in a way I don't think anyone else quite has. He says he has years to make up for, and insists on a lot of teasing (followed of course by a laugh, and "oh kati" and a hug, which he somehow believes makes up for anything and everything, "Oh Bryan").

Our first meeting was at Family Camp, a few weeks before MCs started. We all sat around a camp fire and laughed, as he used his kneck to turn his head lamp into a strobe light. He started teasing me pretty much immeiately, which I wasn't sure I liked. And in the manner he continues to this day, as we all walked down the street a little later, he pulled me into a side hug (haha), and explained he was going to tease me because he liked me. Pretty much, immediately my big brother. I remember thinking at the bon fire, "Oh no, this is going to be a long year" as I watched him spaz a bit.

Through MCs, he was usually the guy I went and got as the "ref" in interesting confrontations. We didn't get a whole ton of conversation times in MCs, but the few we got meant a lot. And I found that he was not a spaz. :) quite the contrary.

In MCs, Bryan provided the "red back pack" complete with sowing kit (which saved my life at Elise's wedding!!), community toothbrush and deoderant, head lamp, and who knows what all else! He's a one of kind guy- who I'd like to tell more of, but don't want to let out too many of his hidden talents. He builds fires with flares (which I believe he keeps in his car at all times). Let's just say, he is probably the only person I know with a more detailed emergency car kit than mine (and probably more realistic too).

Though I am still waiting on my written prophetic word...Bryan is such a great brother. He's someone who doesn't really say it, but somehow makes me pretty sure he's a fan of me, even if I do plenty of things worthy of being teased.

I don't really know how to explain it, since I don't have a literal brother, but I imagine if I did, he'd treat me pretty close to how Bryan does.

Bry, I am so grateful for the man of God you are, for the words that have been spoken over you, for your love for ninjas, and for the way you care for me as a sister. I love laughing with you about life, and listening to the new revelations you get. You have a great destiny ahead, and I know you will enjoy the adventure of it all. I for one, enjoy watching you live that adventure and admire you greatly. I've learned a lot from your example already, and I think that's one of the core roles of a big brother. So, thank you.

Again, I am so blessed by the people in my life. Thank you Lord! :)

And one more.

Mrs. Rankin is probably one of my all-time favorite women. I remember being young, and before really knowing who she was, or who the woman whose name I had on a picture was, she'd given me a gift. Mrs. Rankin played soccer in High School with Michelle Akers, a member of the Women's National team in 1999. Being friends, she'd gotten me her book and picture signed. My dad was probably more excited than me initially, but I quickly caught up.

Then, in Junior High, I got to play for her at KJH, as well as take her Composition class. I remember loving both!! Through High School I grew to love Mrs. Rankin more and more, and I appreciated her coming to my games and cheering me on.

One of my favorite memories is playing soccer out in the backyard like we often did. It started to rain and somehow it turned into a game with all us girls out there playing, barefoot and soaking wet. Mrs. Rankin, Ramah, Elise I believe, jessica and myself all running from end to end. I loved that day.

In the last couple years I've come to cherish Mrs. Rankin even more, getting to spend time with her baking cookies and drinking coffee, and even once folding laundry, lol. I love who she is. She's a great image a woman who is athletic and lovely, she's fun and tender, honest with her thoughts, and also very wise. I admire you greatly. Thank you for your love, and how you make Rosie and I both feel like the world :)

PS, thanks for letting me meet Grammy, Rosie's been holding that over me for YEARS! :)

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Wow, a call for an update!

Okay, here is the DL. ;)

This week has been BIS-Z...crazy, sad, and at times fun! Let's start with Monday's breakdown.

Monday, I got back my first midterm, and hallelujah I praised Him! (said with soul please). I'd studied hard- really hard- but when the test got passed out, I didn't understand how it had anything to do with what he'd told us to study. I sincerely would have studied better I think if he'd told us nothing and we were left to guess. But, I did my best. I chose 3 essay questions (we chose 3 out of the 5), and answered to the best of my remembrance from class discussions and my notes (which I had made a point to re-read through, even though its NOT what he told us to do), then, I looked for every opportunity to make use of what he HAD told us to study, the "useful terms." I turned it in, noticing I'd written fairly less than most-- AND that I was turning it in before at least a third of the class. This worried me, I NEVER turn my tests in earlier than others. I'm the girl sitting in her seat, scribbling furiously while her teacher watched the second hand wind till the :30 mark, when break is up and the new students have to be in their seats.

Regardless, I got it back, and had got 9/9!!! Hal-le-lu-jah!

I'd also had my first opening shift at Starbucks- very exciting!

My training was done wrong I found out, lol.

I opened again on Tuesday, when my training was done wrong AGAIN, I found out. :)

I went from there to my other job, where I experienced my first real "layoff" atmosphere. It was strange, everyone was sad, but also relieved that they still had a job after Monday's surprise. I'd been receiving emails over the course of Monday afternoon and began to paste together what had happened.

The good side is I still have my job, and in fact, I am enjoying it more than I have in a long time. Today I have been incredibly busy writing. Yes-writing! I am being passed a number of different projects, and I already have learned my new manager is a "lets get it done now" person, which I like. She is up front and honest and trusts me to do my job....which is still being redefined.

I feel more "capable" to do my job, no need to edit after edit after edit, and never seeing what the final draft looks like anyway, and no more of no one even knowing I wrote it.

Tuesday night was play practice. Yes, for anyone who might not know, I am going to be in the Christmas play. I am being so stretched by it. Tuesday night, having to make the choice in myself before to just get over myself, I found myself enjoying it (though still, very stretched and uncomfortable! lol). I'm grateful that God see's what we need, and what we'll love, and He is faithful to lead us into those risks.

So Tuesday, was a looooong day. again. We are beginning work shop for our short stories, and I am getting excited (and nervous since I have 3 pages of what needs to be a 10-20 page story). We went home with our first 8 peers' stories to begin reading, reviewing and responding to.

Thursday, today, has been a blast. I got to open with Morgan this morning at Starbucks, and I definitely loved it. She trained me, and guess what, I wasn't trained wrong (or at least not that I know of yet, ey Morgs?). I got to work on the bar, which was good since it kept us both awake.

Now, I'm at my other job and realizing, I like my job again. I feel stretched, and challenged, and capable.

I also feel a little sleepy. :) Nap?

Tomorrow is my work-from-home day and I know I will enjoy it. I also get to have coffee with Bianca in the am, and hang out with Morgan Marie in the afternoon! :)

I have another thought, but I will have to share it later.