Tuesday, March 31, 2015

A coworker lent me a magazine - and it sent me into an online rabbit trail of researching the great curator Hans Ulrich Obrist. It wasn't until several websites and interviews later that I realized - I can put that on my list.  I can actually go visit the Serpentine museum this fall.

I  "almost" went to Europe twice in the years directly before John. I begged to go another two times during college (thanks Dad, grr). We day dreamed about getting married in Ireland.  Then we planned to go for our Honeymoon - then decided spring would be best - then pushed it back to fall due to work schedules. And here we are, committed and convinced we are going this fall on our much awaited European - Over - the - (honey)Moon Trip.  We still haven't bought airfare, and I know that's the only thing holding any of my excitement in check, but until we finalize our itinerary, at least our arrival and departure points, we can't! But I've already made my packing list - after much research on how to pack for 5 weeks in a carry on and still look newly-married chic. ;) I've also been collecting all the spots I know I want to go - trying to remember each of the cathedrals, museums or quiet streets that made me long for each of those cities over the past 10 years. We decided to save Italy & Greece for a future trip, so we've narrowed it down to the following: Ireland, Scotland, England (briefly), France and Spain. But when it comes to which cities and which neighborhoods.... good Lord that's a lot of decisions.  And how exactly to tackle them, seeing as my parents will be joining us in Ireland and can't head over until about 3 weeks after we'd ideally be leaving ourselves.

So decisions, decisions, and dreaming and dreaming!!  Our large map will arrive tomorrow or Wednesday and my Pinterest Board is overflowing. :)

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Baby Fever Side Effects

There are babies EVERYWHERE. So naturally, they're on the brain. I spent an hour this morning reading the biography of a historical figure John and I have talked about naming a boy after someday. Then this afternoon, I read this article on 10 words every young girl should be taught.  We aren't planning on having kids in the next couple years.  So naturally I feel the need to do a lot of research and thinking about it in my free time right now.  Or even my non-free time.  Naturally. But there really are a lot of things to figure out, and the more I think about them the less I know.  For instance, the article above. It's a major topic in business, the whole why is it that men cut women off or repeat their ideas and receive acclaim that wasn't given the first time it was voiced?  Why are CEO's and Partners primarily male?  Why do men get promoted up within a company faster? 

It's actually a thing, guys.  I see it happen all the time.  We have 9 partners at our firm.  And while we have tons of women who work here, guess how many of them are partners?  1. Exactly one.  In fact, we just added three new partners to the leadership team, all of which were men. Meanwhile, I watched several of the strongest leaders in our firm leave because their ideas and creativity weren't being given any room. They weren't asking for credit even - just for their ideas to be heard. Of course I'm taking about women. 

I used to be driven mad as a junior high and high school girl by the fact that certain guys had a habit of sitting next to me, and repeating my ideas louder right after me, and receiving praise/credit without ever feeling the need to so much as say "Actually, Kati just said that." Often, they'd give me a kind nod, like "good idea - glad we could accomplish this together."  And that was okay.  Annoying, but okay. It happened in college too - less often - and they wouldn't care to nod.  But it happened often enough. And in Bible Study too, to me and others. And I don't really want that to happen to my daughters. I don't know the solution, but I don't want it to happen. 

"We socialize girls to take turns, listen more carefully, not curse and resist interrupting in ways we do not expect boys to. Put another way, we generally teach girls subservient habits and boys to exercise dominance."

I'd like to teach my girls to be kind and take turns, but I'd also like them to be heard.  To know how to speak in such a way that people recognize they care, they know, and they have something their audience better listen to. I say "better listen to" because, frankly my work experience is showing me concerning things - for instance, kind people get overlooked. And I'm not talking about myself, I'm talking about my favorite people to work with - the ones who do their job well and treat others with respect and take pride in excellence. See, I don't know.  I don't want my children to be pushy, bossy, jerks who tread on others, but I also recognize a real issue where people don't care and unless you make them care. Be it about the promotion you deserve, the cultural problems you see, or your brilliant idea for how to reach new clients. And I'm not super great at it.  But I want my kids to be.  

Daughters and Sons alike, I want them to be both kind and respectful and influencing and impacting.  I want them to take turns and know how to listen - regardless of the gender, race, religion or reputation of the person speaking. Because none of those things are truth and none of them are clear markers of the ingenuity and creativity our world desperately needs. 

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

I am considering starting a journal called "Dear You - Stop Bitching."

Because, I'm seeing a hundred million beautiful photos of pretty babies on Facebook, and while it's not necessarily making me want to run home and build our own tiny Turner right this very moment in time, it is creating a certain peaceful dream that I escape to in times of stress.  And there are lots of times of stress.  Sustained - days - of - stress.

My body is aching with a slightly nauseous exhaustion right now, the very kind I fear will come with a newborn, which is 90% of the reason I don't have one.  The rest of the reasons make up the other 90%. But I'm exhausted. Little sleep, sustained high stress.  I'm currently at hour 13 for my work day in the office - that puts me at 107.25 total for the past 10 days.  I'll be here for another 4 or 5 more hours likely today.  And we'll do it again tomorrow.  But then, I'll be done.  Until the next proposal.

I've been here both of the last two glorious weekends.  All week evenings until at least 9:30pm.  And so, I stare at sweet photos of babies and escape to this future dream of not working under deadlines and not being surrounded by ego and pressure and weird relational conflicts. Awww, motherhood.  It'll be grand.  I'll be home to switch my laundry before it starts to stink and I have to restart the towels for a wash load - to undo their previous wash load (hello this morning). I won't get intense stomach aches that I realize are just my bladder about to explore because I haven't gotten up from my desk for four hours.  No, I'll pee, even if there are tiny fingers peeping under my door and a tiny voice asking "whatcha doin?"  Or "how are you?" At least someone will be taking the time to ask.  That will be nice.  Right?  I'll clean up my own home and handle my own family's scheduling, deadlines and concerns... rather than someone else's while ours are frantically caught up on while pdfs load or print jobs run, or I walk across the street to grab a smoothie for lunch.

Yes, a dream, motherhood.

But I have a Facebook.  And so, I know that no mother thinks she has it great.  You all say you have the hardest job on earth - and it's nonstop.  So, I'm guessing it really is pretty rough. Thus the journal.  I've had enough jobs to realize you begin to forget why you left them - just how bad they were - and how great the new one would be.  So my journal, Dear You - Stop Bitching, it'll be a place for me to write down right now the reasons this job, living, today, is really, really hard.  And why I'm excited about whatever the future job might be.

Because, I'm pretty sure I'll become a mom, and I'll miss this. And then, my kids will grow up and it will be time for me to consider rejoining the work force, and then, I'll miss parenting... or something.

The grass is always greener - there's always a next goal, a next identity and dream and set of challenges to go along with it. And I'll have my journal to look back on and remember, "Oh yeah, that sucked really bad too sometimes. So, stop bitching."

So I'm repeating to myself what I read on one of my mommy friend's facebooks today:  Just Show Up.  And right now, that's a big accomplishment. Maybe I'll sharpie that on the back of the journal.