A coworker lent me a magazine - and it sent me into an online rabbit trail of researching the great curator Hans Ulrich Obrist. It wasn't until several websites and interviews later that I realized - I can put that on my list.  I can actually go visit the Serpentine museum this fall.

I  "almost" went to Europe twice in the years directly before John. I begged to go another two times during college (thanks Dad, grr). We day dreamed about getting married in Ireland.  Then we planned to go for our Honeymoon - then decided spring would be best - then pushed it back to fall due to work schedules. And here we are, committed and convinced we are going this fall on our much awaited European - Over - the - (honey)Moon Trip.  We still haven't bought airfare, and I know that's the only thing holding any of my excitement in check, but until we finalize our itinerary, at least our arrival and departure points, we can't! But I've already made my packing list - after much research on how to pack for 5 weeks in a carry on and still look newly-married chic. ;) I've also been collecting all the spots I know I want to go - trying to remember each of the cathedrals, museums or quiet streets that made me long for each of those cities over the past 10 years. We decided to save Italy & Greece for a future trip, so we've narrowed it down to the following: Ireland, Scotland, England (briefly), France and Spain. But when it comes to which cities and which neighborhoods.... good Lord that's a lot of decisions.  And how exactly to tackle them, seeing as my parents will be joining us in Ireland and can't head over until about 3 weeks after we'd ideally be leaving ourselves.

So decisions, decisions, and dreaming and dreaming!!  Our large map will arrive tomorrow or Wednesday and my Pinterest Board is overflowing. :)

I don't think I have genuinely and truly obsessed over something since the start of college.  I mean, I've hit ruts here and there, I've felt pain and struggled through it. But really truly found my self falling into the same dangerous, painful mental cycles over and over and over - it's been a long time since then.  But lately, I find myself there.  I find my mind gets literally stuck, and while I pray, read, recite, read, listen to music and try to force myself to sing along with the lyrics - still, I get stuck. It's a rough patch and probably serving me a good reminder that it is not as simple as I'd come to remember it - "just replace your thoughts."

I think I'm going to tell myself I'm allowed to think those thoughts all I want - that's the science of it right? So I've been told. Telling yourself you can't think those thoughts, makes your mind immediately run off to find those forbidden fields. So yes, brain, mind, you can think them all you want... until 2015.  Then we're done.  Then, we'll be done talking about them.  We can journal them perhaps, maybe sort out final, actual meaningful ends, but besides that, we're done muddying our mental waters.

And with that resolution, I've had another I've been playing around with - deleting Instagram from my phone. I already deleted Facebook from there and find I'm much happier and present already, but I think I could say farewell to Instagram for a month, or maybe a year, and be all the better for it.  I love it.  I love the beautiful shots, and the glimpses into the lives of loved ones, but, I think I'd be a bit more free to just live without them for a little while.  Just be me.  Take in inspiration in intentional handfuls throughout my day when sought, not when my hands nervously find my iPhone and turn me into an insta-zombie, mindlessly scrolling without even realizing what I've done.

I don't like being bad at things.  Maybe you've learned this from (um), any time you've ever hung out with me.  But recently I've had opportunities to be bad at things, or feel bad at things, or be told I'm bad at things - in fact, enough that I feel like I'm starting to lose my mind, and maybe my self. It's the grace of God I think that I also recently gained a life time partner who tells me regularly that I'm capable, talented, effective as he calls it. There are just so bloody many voices out in the world ready to tell you how you should have done something, anything. From making the wreath on your door to selecting your degree - so many voices! And, I think I'm ready for a few less of them.

One of my goals for 2015 is more quiet time.  Rest from the assailment of my own dangerous thoughts and the world full of voices that feed them.

If you're still working on your own new years resolutions here's a great article of 15 Things to Stop Doing in 2015. :)

As you well know, John and I are preparing to move into what we call the "cottage" - a 450 sf converted garage grandfathered in as an ADU many years ago.  It's exciting, refreshing and frightening.  I say we are "preparing" because we currently have the cottage mostly full (about as full as I'd prefer it ever be) while also having the 3 bedroom upstairs apartment also completely full. In fact, too full.  How full?  Three couches and a chair full.  Too full.

With the help of a friend, we've made our tiny future home a little dream in many ways.  We selected our own colors, floor, counter and fixtures.  We're picking out our cabinet knobs and our fans.  We'll hang our wedding photos on the walls. And... we purchased our first couch.  Our first real, we are adults and sometimes buy things from department stores instead of Craigslist couch!! We can't wait to move in and be all settled. But between that happy ever after and now, is a lot of stuff.

I've been getting rid of boxes for the past year now, and it seems to never end.  And that is just my things, not even his half.  We will not fit.  Not as we are.  That somehow seems poetic, a tell-tale truth about our lives right now and this marriage we've just set out on. And I like that.  It only adds momentum.

My goal for 2015, and for the months that remain in 2014, is to live a simpler life. Our wedding, and so far marriage has been an incredibly humbling process.  I feel like perhaps I'm not as talented or skilled as I had thought myself.  And while it really hurt at first to discover, I'm accepting that maybe I don't need to be.  I know the coming year will be a constant learning process for me and will likely hold a few identity shifts (if not crises).  My goal is to just handle them as gracefully as I possibly can - and accept that I don't need what I once felt accustomed to have and/or be. That being said - I deleted my to-do list yesterday.  It was challenging, as I wanted very badly to keep it and prove myself by it, or at the very least judge myself by it. But instead I made myself clear that space in order to create room for a fresh start and a bit more play.

I hope to create space. 

That is my personal mission statement for 2015 and perhaps beyond.