As you well know, John and I are preparing to move into what we call the "cottage" - a 450 sf converted garage grandfathered in as an ADU many years ago.  It's exciting, refreshing and frightening.  I say we are "preparing" because we currently have the cottage mostly full (about as full as I'd prefer it ever be) while also having the 3 bedroom upstairs apartment also completely full. In fact, too full.  How full?  Three couches and a chair full.  Too full.

With the help of a friend, we've made our tiny future home a little dream in many ways.  We selected our own colors, floor, counter and fixtures.  We're picking out our cabinet knobs and our fans.  We'll hang our wedding photos on the walls. And... we purchased our first couch.  Our first real, we are adults and sometimes buy things from department stores instead of Craigslist couch!! We can't wait to move in and be all settled. But between that happy ever after and now, is a lot of stuff.

I've been getting rid of boxes for the past year now, and it seems to never end.  And that is just my things, not even his half.  We will not fit.  Not as we are.  That somehow seems poetic, a tell-tale truth about our lives right now and this marriage we've just set out on. And I like that.  It only adds momentum.

My goal for 2015, and for the months that remain in 2014, is to live a simpler life. Our wedding, and so far marriage has been an incredibly humbling process.  I feel like perhaps I'm not as talented or skilled as I had thought myself.  And while it really hurt at first to discover, I'm accepting that maybe I don't need to be.  I know the coming year will be a constant learning process for me and will likely hold a few identity shifts (if not crises).  My goal is to just handle them as gracefully as I possibly can - and accept that I don't need what I once felt accustomed to have and/or be. That being said - I deleted my to-do list yesterday.  It was challenging, as I wanted very badly to keep it and prove myself by it, or at the very least judge myself by it. But instead I made myself clear that space in order to create room for a fresh start and a bit more play.

I hope to create space. 

That is my personal mission statement for 2015 and perhaps beyond.

What I want to do this fall:  In October (what remains), I want to watch Doctor Who episodes, eat popcorn, drink lots of chai, and read books. I want to watch movies. In November, I want to write thank you cards and drink spiked eggnog while we hide inside our fort we call a house. December, I know fall is over, and I want to try to enjoy time as it goes, try to soak in each moment and make my feet and clothes so heavy with memories that the holidays won't be able to rush as they always do. I want to take time to celebrate our birthdays in January. Plan surprises. Put paper and bows on boxes and write each other birthday cards. And after that, I'll start to get antsy.  I'll start watching for green peaking up from the ground.  I'll monitor temperatures and note every decimal as it goes up.  I'll wear warm cozy socks, hate leaving for work, and return while it's dark again.  I'll still be finishing up my 'Goals list' for the year. And while we hide inside in our warm, safe place, observing and collecting data, we'll be plotting our escape - our next escapade - another adventure - another spring.

That is what I want to do this fall.

Sincerely, from John. 

I think he's making fun of me. 

(I don't even like pumpkin spice lattes.  There.)

One more reason to love Fall... 

Leather bags, books and hot drinks on cold walks. My favorite time of year is here. 

I want to keep my sweater on.  I can feel the heat on my face, and water sounds better than the hot cup of coffee before me.  But I want the comfort.  The clouds are deep in the sky and from a glance out the window, you'd be convinced it were chilly and crisp.  So my mind registers: Fall.  You need your sweater, with its warm soft knit sleeves folded around you.  And you need that cup of coffee, seeping happiness and strength down your throat and into your soul.

Only, I'm sweating.  And it's muggy.  And I might even be dehydrated.

But I won't give in.  I'm on Pinterest, searching recipes.  I used my crockpot last night and made a magical, delicious impromptu chili.  I don't know if it is really chili, but it had beans and chicken and a tomatoesque sauce, so we called it chili. The perfect "fall" meal.

Pinterest is amazing.  You type in "crockpot recipe" and hundreds of pins come up.  You type in "400 calorie meal" and dozens upon dozens fill your screen. Today, I'm going to type in "400 calorie crockpot recipes"  - I'm pretty confident Pinterest will be up to the challenge.

My arms feel naked - I'm putting my sweater back on.

PS - The berries killed last night.  We won something like 5-0.  And even scored while playing a man down.  Magically, somewhere in the second half, we learned to pass, and communicate on the field. About an hour in to a tied match, we just transformed.  And I loved playing soccer again!!! After 2 blown attempts, I placed one, left footed, it just felt right.

6 months ago today, this guy took me to the symphony. 

After the following week of being told by nearly everyone that it was a "date"

 and beginning to hope that perhaps it really was, 

he told me exactly that.  

A moped, kite, Gasworks, a bag of cookies, chocolate milk, long talks by the water... over dinner.. over drinks.  He introduced me by name to one of the Real Change vendors in his neighborhood, Kat.  He purchased her artwork in a card set for me. He knew her story.  Every moment seemed to include the greatest and kindest attention to little details, with me in mind: Reservations, an intentional gift (children's nursery rhyme book in Italian, need I say more?), a violin concerto, my car door opened every time.  Certainly one wonderful day, and one that led hope to spring in my heart.  

I'd like more time with this man, John Turner. 

And I've been given just that.  I couldn't be more grateful.  

Who knows where this is meant to go, we don't yet.  But I know that every minute with this man has been a blessing in my life.  He has taught me kindness and love and sacrifice in new ways.  He's made me uncomfortable in my own comfort - and at the same time, never have I felt more comfortable being raw and real and unkempt.  

I'm grateful today for not just John, but for all the people God has placed in my daily life in this season of stretching and growing.  Of wrestling and discovering what God has for each of us.  He has been so faithful.  And His provision has been so kind.  

My weekend looked a bit like this:  dinner with the entire amazing Rankin family Friday night (they had to kick us out at midnight - quite literally).  Saturday morning was filled with errands, a yard sale, Yakima fruit stand, and picking plums off the tree in my mom's yard.  Then I got to spend the rest of the day with Morgs, Erik and John.

 They are 10 sometimes.  ^  And I rather enjoy it.

Sunday we grabbed brunch and coffee together in the afternoon (the 10 year olds and I) at Irwin's.  We sipped Stumptown lattes from porcelain mugs.  And as we walked out John made some surprised note about me not Instagraming the leaves.  Of course, then I had to.  Sunday, it was fall.  We went from brunch to golf dates - me with my good friends Theresa & Kathryn and the fellas with one of John's college friends.  That's right - more golfing. :) 

 

It was a lovely weekend, until I got a text about one of my favorite baby girls being in the ER. We spent the rest of Sunday night (and a chunk of the morning) at the Rowles watching Fin. Please pray for sweet Sailor, she is in surgery right now.



Other notes:  I renewed my lease on the boyfriend for the fall.  I was really proud of my decision too when a short while later he managed to download an app that turns your phone into a Roku remote, then hacked into the Rowles Roku in essence by manually guessing IP addresses until he got it.  Their Roku remote went missing a few weeks ago.  Finleigh is currently the primary suspect.  With the Roku newly accessible, I was introduced to Downtown Abbey.  I know, I know, you've all been telling me to watch it - well, I finally did. :)  And I get it.  Three episodes in, and I'm pretty hooked. 

I can't stop thinking about fall.  Let's be honest.  It's here.  It's sunny and warm, but fall is all over in the air.  Leaves have already begun falling in Seattle.  And a little birdie told me the Pumpkin Spice Latte is available.  It's fall.  And I couldn't be happier.  Been plotting about fall decorations all morning. Been day dreaming about walks and scarves.  I looked in my closet yesterday and thought, "Finally, the season I dress for."  My closet looks like a pile of Autumn leaves - burnt oranges, greens, one or two yellows speckled.  Mostly browns, tans and grays.  And basically all, sweaters.  :)  Let's sit down and chat over a hot drink, take a walk, find every potentially crunchy leaf with our boots, add pumpkin to any and every possible recipe.  Let's let the nights come as quick as they please, and the mornings linger.  We'll share them all - let the night skies grow dark and the inner lights burn warm and long inside our homes.  Let Seattle become an ember.  

Autumn has always been my favorite - it's the climate my heart feels most comfortable.  But this year, I have my own home to decorate.  A very special roomie to relish it with.  And a Beau to share it with.  Fall, if I can figure out how to hug you - I'll throw my arms around you wide!  I've been having fun with Summer and all, but secretly my ears been listening for your feet at the door.  Unlike Summer, you're rarely late, and you never disappoint me.  You're here.  And I'm going to decorate the house and throw you a party!  I think tonight I'll toast to you.  You're more than a guest - you're family.  You're in all my favorite memories.  And I think this year we'll make a few favorite more.

I stared at my boots for a long while before getting dressed this morning.  It feels like fall is right around the corner, and I'm starting to get butterflies. 

Quiet Time.

I learned today that longboarding in the fall is a bit difficult.  Wet leaves and sticks can make it slippery, slow or suddenly send you flying from your board.  Still fun. :)

I crashed at Meg's last night and I was greeted by some remarkably lovely views this morning as I walked to Laudro and then to the bus.

Fall in Seattle.

Up.

Down.

Love.