Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Two years ago today, I was quietly waiting for test results.  I'd told a friend I'd found a lump, and though she told me it was probably nothing, I couldn't stop thinking about it.  I waited a few weeks and checked again.  It was real.  I saw a doctor just to make sure, just so she could tell me that I was worried about nothing. Instead, she scheduled me an appointment with the breast cancer clinic at Evergreen.  I checked in, got my robe, and waited quietly.  Again, I was thinking "they'll just tell me it's nothing."  They didn't.  They scheduled me a biopsy.  And then for a week I waited silently. I was due to hear back on my sister's birthday, and Kim and Jason were arriving for Christmas a week later - there was no way in hell I was going to tell my family if it came back positive - and telling them about my appointments would force my hand in any case.

Less than a month later I turned 25 and a whole lot older.  I'd finally received that "it's nothing" news, but dear Lord had I undergone some changes in the wait.

And that's the least that cancer has affected my life. Because many don't hear back "it's nothing." I hate it.  Really, really hate it.  It took my good friend in her early twenties. It gave my cousin Hope one hell of a ride while she raised her young family.  Earlier this year, it took my Godfather from us. And our pastor. And today alone, I heard word that two women very dear to people in my life have been diagnosed with it.  I hate cancer.

It's one of the scariest things a family can face.  I'm praying for them.  Please pray too.


samara said...

Kati - I will definitely be praying! I don't hate a lot of things - but cancer is one of them. I went through a similar experience almost 4 years ago and, with our family history, it brought me face to face with a lot of dormant fears. It's so difficult to convey what kind of change that brings about in a person. Thank you for sharing yours. Here is to life and defiant joy this Christmas season and into the new year.

Kim said...

Ok so I'm just a little behind on your blog, so I didn't know you posted this. Proud of you sissy. But next time (Lord willing there isn't one), no matter what time of year it is, please don't do that alone again.