Two years ago today, I was quietly waiting for test results. I'd told a friend I'd found a lump, and though she told me it was probably nothing, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I waited a few weeks and checked again. It was real. I saw a doctor just to make sure, just so she could tell me that I was worried about nothing. Instead, she scheduled me an appointment with the breast cancer clinic at Evergreen. I checked in, got my robe, and waited quietly. Again, I was thinking "they'll just tell me it's nothing." They didn't. They scheduled me a biopsy. And then for a week I waited silently. I was due to hear back on my sister's birthday, and Kim and Jason were arriving for Christmas a week later - there was no way in hell I was going to tell my family if it came back positive - and telling them about my appointments would force my hand in any case.
Less than a month later I turned 25 and a whole lot older. I'd finally received that "it's nothing" news, but dear Lord had I undergone some changes in the wait.
And that's the least that cancer has affected my life. Because many don't hear back "it's nothing." I hate it. Really, really hate it. It took my good friend in her early twenties. It gave my cousin Hope one hell of a ride while she raised her young family. Earlier this year, it took my Godfather from us. And our pastor. And today alone, I heard word that two women very dear to people in my life have been diagnosed with it. I hate cancer.
It's one of the scariest things a family can face. I'm praying for them. Please pray too.
2 comments:
Kati - I will definitely be praying! I don't hate a lot of things - but cancer is one of them. I went through a similar experience almost 4 years ago and, with our family history, it brought me face to face with a lot of dormant fears. It's so difficult to convey what kind of change that brings about in a person. Thank you for sharing yours. Here is to life and defiant joy this Christmas season and into the new year.
Ok so I'm just a little behind on your blog, so I didn't know you posted this. Proud of you sissy. But next time (Lord willing there isn't one), no matter what time of year it is, please don't do that alone again.
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