The internet here is shoddy (word? appears to be since it's not underlined in red). I hope it doesn't fail me at the end as I go to post.

Not sure what I want to write right now, just certain I'd like to write to you all. (Yes, Kris, I am 'certain').

I could write about the amazing MLS cup game last night, but those of you who actually care about it would have watched it last night on ESPN. I'll just say I had incredible seats on the first level (thank you Kristin & Grant!), and both regulation-time goals were scored right in front of us (Ty came with me since my dad was sick)! The game was unbelievable... mostly the shoot out was unbelievable! Next year I hope the Sounders are in it ;) The one terrible thing about watching soccer matches- it makes me ache to play again! Not just scrabbling around at Kenmore Junior High with all the masses on Sunday afternoons, I mean I miss the BEAUTY of passing! I miss the adventure in crafting plays on the field, webbing with my teammates, lofting the ball across the goal from the left corner, I miss battling, I miss break aways- racing across the 50, a few steps ahead of the defense, hitting the ball just right, or tapping it in with my left foot, or the perfect pass for an assist... thats definitely one of my favorites! AGH! Sadly, these feelings are hard to satisfy... I've tried. I think it may never be like that again :( You see, I need a team...I always have. I'm not the showstopper, I'm the playmaker. I wouldn't really stand out at tryouts.

Fun story to tell, which I think my family all already knows. In 10th grade I tried out for 3 or for different select clubs. I made two, Crossfire United's C team, and Northwest National's B team. Crossfire's A team was #1 for my age group in the state, Northwest National's A team was #2 I believe. My dad wanted me to go for Northwest Nationals (I'd played for their club the year before, playing a year up on their A team). My dad's a good strategist, and he loved seeing me play with the right fit. He'd actually watched the Northwest Nationals A team play quite a bit and had decided there was a girl in midfield he knew I could knock out....(I still laugh at this- love you dad!) It just made more sense to go with the B team, rather than a C team. But I went with the C team.

A few months later, the team I chose, Crossfire C faced up to Northwest Nationals B... and we beat them, knocking them into the league below us. :) My dad was happy with my decision at that moment.

Halfway through the season life was pretty tough. I remember my dad coming to get me early from a practice, I lost it crying. I don't do that. I'm pretty strong when I need to be, and I rarely ever cry in front of people...let alone on a soccer field. Our team was terrible, we lost week after week. And with all it was costing us, and all we were facing as a family we chose for the first time to pull me off a team. I don't quit. As a family, we don't quit. Yet, in every visible regard, we were quitting something.

I remember processing it with the Lord, feeling like HE was asking me to give it up, to lay soccer down. My dad felt it was him doing it to me, and even felt quite a bit of pain for it. But I never did, I knew it was me choosing to put the Lord first. I left that team knowing that a year off would make it even harder for me to make a premier/select team the following year, and I expected I wouldn't try again. To me, I'd laid soccer down.

The following fall came around, and our family had begun to mend from the previous season. My dad came to me with all the tryout schedules and we debated for a while. My decision was this: I'll try out for Crossfire, thats it. If the Lord wants me to play, I'll make their team. No backups. I just knew that was the Lord, and as my dad is amazing at, he supported what I felt I'd heard.

Here is what I've been getting to... not only did I make the Crossfire B team (a team up from the team I'd left the year before!), but the head coach informed me that he'd almost picked me up the year before. Instead, he'd chosen to pick up another new player, and he told me, 'I regret that decision, I should have picked up you.' That wasn't something he had to say.

To take a year off, and totally lay it down expecting it to die, something I loved but knew was not the best for me in that season... and then to come back and be given something even better- if that isn't the picture of God's ways, I don't know what is. For the non sports people- you don't take 9 months off and somehow come back better-- but I can sincerely say, that was my best tryout I'd ever had! That coach became the best coach I ever had, and I was able to stay with him the next two years. Not only that, it was the best team I'd ever played with- relationally wise. A group of 20 teenage girls can be hell... and I'd been in situations where it was, but this team was remarkable. The coach knew how to lead, how to guide, how to correct, how to improve his girls, how to father. He encouraged me, challenged me, got in my face, yelled at refs for me, put me on the starting line, and believed in me. Awww. This is what I love and miss. Not to mention, I miss my United girls. :(

I think this is what I was supposed to write, and I hope that the soccer details didn't detract form the ultimate picture, but helped to truly show God's love and wonder. I think this is the story of my life... my message. That must be part of why I love The Great Divorce so much, I know that death is not the end. Good things must die to bring life to the surreal. When you feel the Lord is breaking your heart and asking you to let your dreams die, trust that He will resurrect what ought to be alive, and you may not even recognize it because of its glorious transformation! He does all things well.

Death so that we might have life, is that not the promise of the cross?! ;)


My favorite verse, today!
1 The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
2 Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.

3 There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard. [a]

4 Their voice [b] goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,

5 which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.

6 It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is hidden from its heat.

7 The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.

8 The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.

9 The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure
and altogether righteous.

10 They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the comb.

11 By them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.

12 Who can discern his errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.

13 Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.

14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Psalm 19