I've adopted a new practice of not complaining to you all about how much I work, or how long our to-do list is after work. Which means, I've stopped blogging. Because that is a lot of my life. Not complaining, but working. Okay, and complaining. It's all of our lives.
And I'm unhappy with that part of life - specifically, the work part. There are parts I love and parts I hate. And I'm secretly, deeply scared that if I were to quit, I'd be even more unhappy. I'd have worked toward something so many hours and for what? I'd have achieved no goal or real end except maybe monetary ones. And money is never enough.
To change that, I set up some additional goals for myself. Some training wheels to help me transition to what might be next for me. I enrolled in a graphic design evening course. And I took on two companies as a volunteer (read, unpayed) consultant for the next 6 months. Smart, right? I mean it. I am now helping two companies I believe in develop a marketing strategy and calendar. I'm getting to play! And I'm designing projects for a graphics/design expert each week that fall ridiculously short but are incredibly inspiring and out of my normal 8-5 box of our firm brand.
Right about then I also started on a massive multi-million pursuit at work.
So, I'm busy. Real, real busy.
But at the outset of a 12 hour work day, I'm looking forward to 7:30 tonight, when I pour a glass of wine and sit down with my friend to make all sorts of fun marketing and writing plans!
And in the constant teeter-totter I'm wondering why I'm unhappy here. And if it's me. If it's right to be so concerned with finding a job that 'fills me.'
If you ever have similar thoughts, I suggest you go read this fantastic article: 7 Steps to Developing Career Capital. A couple years old, but still incredibly timely for most of us. Step 1 alone has plenty to chew on. Do you agree? Partially? Me too, I think. I'm still breaking it down internally.
I'm working on verbalizing more gratitude - out loud some, but in my head a lot. I figure that is a good test to see how much of my unhappiness with my current role is just my perspective and expectations. Am I chronically unhappy because I expect my job to be full of passion already? Or is this truly just not the right fit ultimately? I'm writing down the craftsman perspective to keep near to me at work, What can I offer? Maybe it's not what I can offer the world, because I can't see what I'm offering the world here, but I can ask in each encounter and assignment What can I offer? It doesn't even need to be something only I can offer. Just, what can I offer? Because that alone is giving something unique by most standards. It's counter-culture. Counter-generation to offer to just give. Give not for what it can fill in you. And not because you feel it is required, expected or taken from you. It is offered. The power and capability is ours, to offer.
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