I've been having some fairly frank conversation lately, asking people inside my industry for career advice.  On a similar note, I've been listening to others as they share what they've accomplished and what they wish they'd accomplished - and travel keeps coming up. Not just travel, but "live someplace else" has actually come up twice in two days.  John and I have talked about this ourselves a lot (don't panic, mom and dad.  try to stay calm.) - we'd love to spend at least a year living in a different state - or country. I guess the reason/opportunity just hasn't presented itself yet.

This week I had lunch with a previous boss that I highly respect - and when I asked him for general advice on what I should be doing - he encouraged me essentially to not be afraid to move around, he added "while you're young enough for it to be a benefit."  I think that is something possibly unique to his industry, or even company, but traveling, gaining broad, almost unrelated experience and living adventures made young employees that much more desirable to them.  According to him, when we're young, any new opportunity, just demonstrates to a boss that you were able to adapt and learn new skills in one new situation or environment.  I find that remarkably freeing!!!

I'm the youngest child with the classic fear of "missing out" - and for some reason I have a lot of gravity to me that makes me less afraid of missing out on the fun stuff than on the "important" stuff. I never wanted to miss out on a future college based on my high school grades - I never wanted to miss out on starting in Sunday's game by missing Friday's practise, even if it meant skipping a party or movie night. I didn't want to miss out on being with an awesome man, by buying wasting time with a lame one, even just for a dinner. So for me, it's more natural for me to think I must stay in the crummy situation, power through, do the hardest thing... otherwise, I might miss out. And here is a successful company owner saying, "Do stuff.  Travel.  Quit.  Jump around. Try out different roles and size companies and industries. Do what you want to do. It will make you better right now." Awwwwww! It feels good. (PS - not an exact quote - but the gist of the message)

I know not all business owners feel this way - and honestly, I think a lot of people need to learn to push through the shitty stuff, learn to finish, walk away from the experience with a full story, not just a climax... but it sure feels good to know you aren't stuck in that one story forever!!

But back to travel -  John and I had the trip of a lifetime, and I feel like 6 months later, it's only beginning to sink in.  I hope the fruit of that trip continues to grow in us and define us.  And I hope we keep taking trips.  I hope we keep living an adventure.  I hope we go live someplace else someday, if even for just one year. I hope we buy a bed and breakfast or open a restaurant or start a business. I hope we help our city.  I hope we think up a good opportunity/solution for those facing homelessness in our community - even if it is just providing one of their basic needs.  I hope we see the world and keep letting it teach us how to better see the world.

I also hope I find that job that I love. That I feel made for.  That thing that makes my spirit say, this is it. This is what I went to school for - this is what I worked through all those other roles and experiences for - this is what I'm for!  Most likely I'll find it by continuing to move forward... and maybe a little bit more moving around, maybe even taking a wild risk or two. Maybe more doing what I want...less doing what I've done.

People who inspire me on this: Madison Unger, Jordyn Cline, my sister, my husband. They know doing what you want isn't easy either - but they're forging paths in the direction of what burns inside them rather than disassociating from their dreams for a paycheck.

"Life is such a gift. You work most of your day.  Please, do something that brings you joy."

(You should read the article here.)

I decided I'm unhappy where I am.

I've adopted a new practice of not complaining to you all about how much I work, or how long our to-do list is after work.  Which means, I've stopped blogging.  Because that is a lot of my life.  Not complaining, but working.  Okay, and complaining.  It's all of our lives.

And I'm unhappy with that part of life - specifically, the work part. There are parts I love and parts I hate.  And I'm secretly, deeply scared that if I were to quit, I'd be even more unhappy.  I'd have worked toward something so many hours and for what?  I'd have achieved no goal or real end except maybe monetary ones.  And money is never enough.

To change that, I set up some additional goals for myself.  Some training wheels to help me transition to what might be next for me.  I enrolled in a graphic design evening course.  And I took on two companies as a volunteer (read, unpayed) consultant for the next 6 months. Smart, right?  I mean it.  I am now helping two companies I believe in develop a marketing strategy and calendar.  I'm getting to play!  And I'm designing projects for a graphics/design expert each week that fall ridiculously short but are incredibly inspiring and out of my normal 8-5 box of our firm brand.

Right about then I also started on a massive multi-million pursuit at work.

So, I'm busy.  Real, real busy.

But at the outset of a 12 hour work day, I'm looking forward to 7:30 tonight, when I pour a glass of wine and sit down with my friend to make all sorts of fun marketing and writing plans!

And in the constant teeter-totter I'm wondering why I'm unhappy here.  And if it's me.  If it's right to be so concerned with finding a job that 'fills me.'

If you ever have similar thoughts, I suggest you go read this fantastic article: 7 Steps to Developing Career Capital. A couple years old, but still incredibly timely for most of us. Step 1 alone has plenty to chew on.  Do you agree? Partially? Me too, I think.  I'm still breaking it down internally.

I'm working on verbalizing more gratitude - out loud some, but in my head a lot. I figure that is a good test to see how much of my unhappiness with my current role is just my perspective and expectations.  Am I chronically unhappy because I expect my job to be full of passion already? Or is this truly just not the right fit ultimately? I'm writing down the craftsman perspective to keep near to me at work, What can I offer?  Maybe it's not what I can offer the world, because I can't see what I'm offering the world here, but I can ask in each encounter and assignment What can I offer? It doesn't even need to be something only I can offer.  Just, what can I offer?  Because that alone is giving something unique by most standards.  It's counter-culture.  Counter-generation to offer to just give.  Give not for what it can fill in you. And not because you feel it is required, expected or taken from you.  It is offered.  The power and capability is ours, to offer.

I've been seriously considering two ideas, and I'm warning you right now, what I am about to say is not a joke.  I get asked a lot if I'm enjoying my job, and the truth is, I really am.  But my position isn't really turning what was presented to me, at least not currently. I am learning new skills, but not quite getting the experience I'd hoped.  And moreover, I miss writing.  I'd taken this position hoping that a change from law to architecture would also bring more creative work opportunities.  There have been a few.  And those have been great new tools.  But mostly, I fill out spreadsheets.  And I still don't love Excel. In short, I miss writing.  And I still really want a job where I get paid to write.  What?  Really anything.  I'd love marketing too if it were allowed to be my focus and I were given a few more resources and liberty to be out and about.  I still receive the mass mailings from the English Department at UW and every few weeks I see an internship at Seattle Met Magazine open up, and I want it.  But going back to an unpaid internship???  Can't exactly happen - unless - they'd be flexible with my hours and my current boss would allow me to adjust my schedule a bit temporarily.  It would be asking quite a bit I feel.  But I would LOVE to write for the Seattle Met one day (soon).  And really, I need more experience.  I've been feeling the pressure to keep crafting my career, intentionally moving in the direction of my dreams and collecting the skill set I will need along the way.  Right now, I'm learning Photoshop, a lot more about the business of architecture, some accounting skills (I hope I don't really need), perhaps a bit about visual composition, and realizing I should also be using this time to re-master the basics of grammar and clarity.

The second thought (and remember, this is not a joke): become an airline stewardess.  I love flying.  I love travelling - and I've done hardly any.  I'm 25.  I'm relatively free in life, no family or major career I wouldn't want to walk away from.  Ideally, it would allow me flexibility in my schedule that I've been craving, and opportunities to write.  I think the travel could enrich my writing, and in general just help spur it on.  (I've been having the hardest time writing since starting my new job - I don't feel creative.) It also would provide free flights for me and discounted flights for my family and that sounds wonderful, with one sis in Tennessee, another soon in Spokane, and friends all over the country....it could be really cool.  I've thought about the idea here and there for the past couple years, it just never sounded "wise" when looking at my long term career goals.  But, if I want to be a writer and not locked to a corporation per se, it might be exactly what I need. 

Maybe, pray for me.  That the Lord would make it clear and open up the right doors.  Stay where I am.  Add an internship?  Find a new job?  Join an airline?  All I know is I feel like I'm wasting a part of me, and no matter how hard I've been trying lately, I'm not writing anything worthwhile.  I just end up closing the page without ever saving or posting.