Wednesday, May 18, 2016

We are getting close to the halfway mark on the year - for me, the last year before 30.  I set very few goals this time around, trying to pick just a few with the power to change my life.  One, was get a dog.  And boy has she changed our lives.  For the better for sure too - I feel like we're more engaged, we have to be. And while it's tiring that we can't just cuddle up on the couch whenever we want (because landshark loves to attack whatever she can reach when we sit on the couch), we're going for more walks, we're out in our yard, we're having conversations and learning new things and trying different problem solving. Plus, she's a loving little fur ball that knows we're her people and that's a pretty fantastic thing to be the recipient of! She's amazing. And we're pretty sure she's going to be a really cool dog as she continues to grow up.

Another goal was to go outside more.  Which as mentioned, Magnolia Grey helps with quite a lot. ;) Though as the summer warms up I hope we'll use our weekends for more camping, hiking and all around exploring.

There are a few others as well, some I thought I'd have checked off by now.  And I could have, but it would be jumping the gun, giving myself the quick release we all crave.  And right now, I'm learning some really important lessons. After a looooooong time of John asking me night after night questions that surmount to "what can you do to change this?" And me getting annoyed because I felt like he was making the situation smaller than it was - if I could change it, I would, duh..... I guess I'm learning that I can change it.  Or some of it maybe.  Or I can at least make a strategic plan and follow the uncomfortable steps week by week in order to change the situation even if I can't change the people. And that's a pretty remarkable lesson - you can't change people.  But you can change situations. You might still find that it's not the right situation for you to be in, especially if the people refuse to make changes themselves - but learning that you have the power to change the situation you are in, the structure of the environment, and building up the power and conviction to create those changes - through a very tiring and long process... that's something worth going on the annual goals list.  Don't you think?

Another item on my list, which gives me a very similar feeling is my Guardian's List goal.  I've been reading through the Guardian's list of the top 100 novels ever written since I worked at LLF, about 5 years ago. (Right?) I average about 5 books a year off the list, that is typically my goal.  This year, I decided I wanted to be halfway done with the list by my 30th birthday!  That meant 14 books from the list in 12 months.  Which may not sound incredibly challenging, but to a slow reader like me - it is!  So here I am in a marathon of reading I feel - book after book after book.  I have 6 months left to go, and 10 books!

These aren't the only two goals that require this slow, daily, constant attention.  Like rolling a giant ball one revolution day after day after day - hoping you're moving forward.  I so badly want to just start making ruckus and crossing off boxes! But I guess that's not what this year is about. This year is little and a lot. Little, little, little and a lot.

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