I grew up with a "teacher" mother as evidenced by the snake skin in a jar kept around the house for years.  A little something along with many other little somethings that I willingly forgot over the past two decades.  Until this morning.  Leaving jobs in our 20's can feel like shedding that layer of skin.  They say snakes shed to allow room for more growth, and to remove parasites.  Both seem oddly consistent with my past experience. (Yes, I guess I just called myself a snake.)

My mom would refer to the snake by name.  In fact, she would refer to his skin in the jar by name. He had shed many memories in our garden over the years. At least, this is how I remember it.  You have to keep in mind I was five when we moved away and left that good friend behind.  I didn't see the jar again either. So perhaps I remember it all wrong.

But this morning, he came to mind. We grow like mad in our 20s, leaving skins in offices, apartments and sometimes relationships. The air around us getting too tight, squeezing us until the time we can crawl out of it.  And it's bitter sweet, leaving a shell of ourselves in each place.  Saying goodbye to a part of who we are, who we've been and accepting the cold air on our new unknown skin.  It is vulnerable just as it is exciting.

I'm feeling squeezed and there will definitely be some fresh skin soon, but right now I'm trying to figure out what to shed.  And how to shed it.  Leaving an environment, closing a door becomes the obvious and easy solution for change and growth for our generation.  We don't like it? We leave it.  But what about when we could change it?  And is everything worth changing? Or are we wasting our youth and energy?

Someone taught me back in college about the truth of trajectory.  It's not about where you are, it's about where you're headed.  Once you grasp that, you realize that every small decision you make in your youth can drastically change where you wake up in your 40s.  Little decisions can be big.  And big decisions can determine a lot more than your salary.

But the whole trajectory truth would be a lot easier if you knew exactly where you wanted to wake up at the end.  You could just work backwards from there.  Some do.  I don't.

Thank God for counsel and wisdom but now, I need increased vision. And vision has to be your own, no one can give you your vision. I have to decide to step one way or the other. And while Mr. Frost would have you believe it's the one path least traveled that bears the reward, he missed the fact that no one else has the two unique paths to choose from that you do. They are both untraveled as of yet.  You choose. It's not least or most, it's left or right.

Happy Friday. We're there. And in this office, that's a triumph worth celebrating. I'm sipping my Pete's Gingerbread Latte (the fact that there's a Pete's within walking distance is proof that God exists, and He loves me). And I'm thinking about what is beautiful.  What we find beautiful says a lot about us. I think of my sister Kristin and what she finds beautiful.  How she always finds beauty where others see the defects.  And I'm grateful for that.  Because I've been her little sister for 24 years, and I don't know that others would have found quite so much wonder and beauty in the messy, crazy, (usually naked) wild little child I have been.  And without her finding something to admire and enjoy there, who knows if I'd have had the courage to stay that crazy, passionate girl.

[When I was in high school and I decided I wanted to paint my nails black, people teased me that it was 'goth' or just weird, but I thought it was beautiful.  I didn't know why.  It wasn't me acting out. And it wasn't popular.  Kristin, came home one day with black polish for me.]

I'm so prone to pick what's hard when I'm making a decision. What is more of a challenge? What would distinguish me more? Open more doors later? Kristin couldn't believe the day I told her about how I'd gone through college making sure that I could still go into law school (in case I decided that is what I wanted), or become a creative writer, or a marketing CEO, or a professor... Grad School or Business School or Law School. I did my best to keep my grades as high as possible "just in case." How terrible to one day look back and realize you'd taken the easy route and it'd blocked you from where you most desire to be today.   And part of me is interested in each of those things. 

But, that can lead you to hard places you don't need to be. And as I'm processing new decisions today and I'm grateful for the hard work opportunities I have taken and pressed through, I'm beginning to consider more than that. I think I can start to begin to be more selective about what I want to be doing, what I love, where I really want to go without so many worries of where I might end up.   So, I'm asking myself to forget all that I know about hard work and the difficult route, etc. Stop thinking about resumes and keeping 'all the doors open.'   And today, I'm just thinking about the things I love. The things that are beautiful. The things that make my heart light, not just the things that make my heart ache. I'm not going to make any decisions today, or tomorrow, or Sunday.   I'm going to take a step back and just enjoy for a moment.   Remember what I dream about, and what makes me happy. I feel so stupid and silly saying that, but I guess it's more than just self-help crap.   I'm young and I can consider it.   It's what I'd want anyone I love to consider for himself too.   And not considering it is how you end up dead, in a good paying job. 

These are a few pictures I came across this morning that made my heart smile.  And I'm trying to not jump to conclusions and decisions just yet... but hmm.

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4: 4-9