I was having dinner with a dear wonderful friend (so amazed I can call you my friend, Linda) the other night. And it suddenly struck me anew why I love literature. There are those seasons in our lives where we can't really say what we are feeling. We can't put our finger on it for ourselves, let alone communicate it in a way as to bring another into the midst of it with us, no matter how much we might be longing for a friend to know and help share that burden or heartache. We don't know how to fix it or change it. In these times, it is rare that the right 'teaching' book can be found to help us navigate the season. It can happen, but I feel in these particular (and thankfully rare) seasons, it doesn't happen much. No. It is something more real and more deep in our being than any teaching can quite reach. We need a picture. We need a story, so well crafted in another world that it somehow reaches into the depths of our spirit and heart, and it tells us where we are. I'm amazed by the power of fiction and fantasy. In those seasons, we need the right story to be told us. And somehow, in the midst of being lost in this other world, we learn the lessons and hear just the right words we needed, but could have never known we needed. Those of you who have had this happen, you understand. Those of you who have not yet, I'm not sure I could find any persuasive and eloquent way to open this experience up to you. But I hope to one day write a book that meets you in just one of those seasons, and changes your world. For me right now, it is Alice in Wonderland. Who would have thought that this book of nonsense would speak so much wisdom to my heart? I sat alone in Starbucks, laughing and giggling, over the humor, over the brilliance, over the nonsense, over how much it was speaking to me. She is teaching me lessons I could have never learned from Francis Chan or Watchman Nee. She is teaching them to my heart.

We want a sign that we are headed in the right direction. We want a hint that the things we feel called to do, will one day happen. That in fact we will suddenly look around and find ourselves standing amidst that great moment we've been wandering towards all our lives. At least, I do.

I just caught myself thinking "Aw God, give me something that shows me this is going to happen- whatever exactly this is." (In regards to writing.) And immediately, I realized, that's not his way. The story of Joseph came to mind.

What sign was there that the man behind bars was about to become second in the Kingdom? Or what about Daniel - what sign was there that he was going to be saved out of the lion's den? Or the three in the fire? What about Esther? How should anyone have known she'd be the next Queen? Or David, a king?

God doesn't like to write His scripts so bare or predictable that we spend the whole time just anticipating the end. He's a better writer than that.

I wonder if David, listening to sheep in a field, ever had the same desire in His heart: God, is this really ever going to happen? Can you give me some sort of small taste of it, just so I know?

And I wonder, did he consider the lion or the bear the answer to that desire?

Today is February 14th! That means...

That the ticket I got last year is permanently erased from my record! Woot!

Yes, yes, it also means its Valentines Day, if you are going to be all picky about it.

I am not one to hate Valentines Day because I am single... just so you know. I greatly enjoyed wishing people a happy valentines day as they came into my Starbucks today. I love, love. I know far too many things pass with its name that are so far from its true nature, but I celebrate in my heart whenever I see something with a flicker of its trueness inside.

I had a couple revelations today:

I love to write. I love to discover what is being said. What is a person really saying? What is a story ultimately saying? What is a picture saying? What is the sky saying? What a statistic is truly saying.

I am passionate about seeing the truth brought out. There are a great deal of statistics, laws and historical happenings that have been commonly accepted as saying something that I don't believe they ever really said. This is my revelation, I never knew my passion flowed that far... all the way to interpreting statistics.

I am studying for my Starbucks black apron and they were showing all these statistics and what they mean, and I totally disagreed with what they were trying to claim. Just because those who rate themselves the most 'highly satisfied' are also those who spend the most on their drinks, doesn't mean they spend more because they are satisfied. It may just as likely be the opposite causal relationship: they are more satisfied because they are willing to invest more to get a better, more specialized drink to their taste. I am typically more satisfied by a white mocha americano ($3ish), then a plain drip ($2ish).

But the passion is so much more than that silly thought I had yesterday and today.... it's also drawing on the historical decisions the Supreme Court has made that have directed the popular opinion of our nation. I say "directed the popular opinion" because I am beginning to believe that may be the case more than most recognize or admit. The Supreme Court's responsibility is to interpret the Constitution. They have a controversial position, some feel they are called to represent the voice of the people, others feel they were designed to be a distinct, nearly ostrisized voice. Regardless, when they have made decisions like that in Roe v Wade, they were expected to reflect the nation's views and standards.... I don't think they did quite as clearly as most now think they did. We judge the american public and distrust them for it, but I think that decision did a lot to shape how Americans felt they should view abortion. They should view abortion as right, because its legal. It's constitutional, the Court says so. And now, politicians and public 'servants' sort the statistics to make them support that it's what the people really wanted. Was it? What do the statistics really say?

I don't know. But I am thinking that all these questions are being sparked in me by the Lord.

I want to know the story. I want to know the story of the man who came in today, and came alive when he overheard me talking to Susan (a designer and regular at our shop) about Renaissance architecture. I want to know why he loves it, but never pursued it. Where he went to school. What degree he chose and why. How he feels about it now. Does he have regrets. Is he alive?

I want to know those in my life's real story, what is written in their heart, in their dreams, and how to help it come to life...


What brings You glory, brings me joy.