I'm married!!

It has been wonderful.  A lot of changes, a lot of adjustments, a whole lot of emotions and a little bit of journaling even.  A lot of wonderful times with my love and now, husband.  A lot of tissue paper and presents.  A lot of laughing.  A lot of sunshine.  A lot of driving.  And now, I find myself back in the office, wiping away a lot of dust that has settled on my keyboard (literally).

Becoming someone else - losing my name - it has been frightening to me at most of the moments.  But right now it feels like a blessing, an opportunity to shed and transform yet again. I hope to make the most of this opportunity to become someone new, even as I carry about my marriage license, proving to office and bureau and agency that I am now someone new. I hope to prove it to myself too - walk into this empty new room and feel peace at all the opportunity.

Inspired by Danette's Facebook status, and my email correspondence with my CPA today... I think there is no coincidence that Valentines Day comes right in the middle of the tax season. I think I'd be a happy girl if my (one-day) boyfriend gave me kisses, did my taxes and perhaps made a little mix tape. I'm really not a hard girl to please.

I want a kick-drum, not a snare.  A man that arrests your soul, not strikes your nerves.  

These are the things I think about on long runs.  Especially when TH&TH is playing in my ears and a battle's playing in my mind.  

I want a kick-drum in the silence. 

Yes, Kristin, I went running and you know what running does to my heart. ;) 

I just had a realization of just how patient the man for me will have to be.  A girl lost in a book can be quite a dangerous creature to disturb.  I can put it down and walk away for a chat or coffee or dinner.  Unless, I'm in the last couple chapters... or the climax.  Just close the door and walk away.  All of my family knows this.   They know if I am locked, hidden away in a quiet room of the house and they walk in and I give them "the face" - no words, just the face.  They should walk away.  They don't always immediately (because my family is all testy), instead they just stand there and smile at me or laugh... but then, they know when the danger line has been approached, and they leave me to finish my adventure through the final pages.  In the end, they know I'll always return to them.  And it's better to wait and be patient than risk leaving me lost in the pages of another world, half wandering through ours like it is the dream.  Aw yes, he'll have to learn the face as well, and hopefully be content to just sit by me at times while I ride out the literary storms.  Patience is a virtue after all.  And reading makes a woman brave, wise and witty.  ;)    (or just quirky and dangerous.)

This photo project makes me want to get married.

365 Days of Marriage

Dear Love,

There are some things you should know.

I'm hoping I'll never have to figure out the tip again, unless you're not around. And even then, would you mind terribly if I just texted you the numbers? (only kidding about the texting, probably.) And I'm going to need you to be the guy who kills spiders. If you turn out to be one of those "save the insects" types, that's fine. Just, I'm going to need you to drive it an hour or so away. Don't worry, I'll have dinner ready for you when you get back home. Yep, I know, it sounds like I'm just looking to use you, and for calculating the tip and killing the spiders, I guess I am. Or, you can just see it as a young girl dreaming of her Mr. Charming.

Other thoughts? Oh, there's plenty, but I thought tips and insects a good place to begin. We'll have time for the rest one day.

I know, women, right? Can't live with us, and can't make babies without us. :)

You put your arms around me and I'm home.

(Christina Perri, Arms)

I try to keep these sorts of photos to a minimum these days... but this one was just too sweet not to post. One day, this will be my idea of a perfect afternoon. :)

It's Thursday, the day we officially all begin day dreaming about the weekend. Mine, I'm trying to guard for resting. I know there will be reading on the porch swing, sipping hot coffee. There probably should be a run, as there hasn't been for far too long. And there might be some deep clean/ purging of the room.

When I picture my future weekends with my husband, I love to imagine quiet mornings, sitting at a breakfast table with coffee, maybe reading the paper... or just the comics. Comfortable teasing and laughter. Plain white t-shirts and pajama pants. (Probably my bathrobe that Meghan likes to put on over whatever else she's wearing lol.) I imagine this easy calm... that I think I see as a luxury I'm saving for the 'one day' dreams. Somehow, I let my weekends get so filled up I run from one thing to the next. And while my family teases and worries and tells me to slow down, I just don't see how that fits with this season... that is for the 'one day.' I'm getting much better, but I still have a lot of room to improve. I've come to truly believe the whole we need each other aspect of marriages. One has strengths where another has weakness, and how two people can be better for all the ways they compliment one another... I think I'm going to need a man who can help me say no to events and people. Because, I desperately want those quiet weekends, I just love all the people asking to get together so much more...and I have two days to fit them in each week. Oh my. The Lord knows. ;)

I love to be read to. 

It's true. You're in my prayers and thoughts. You're behind my choices. You're inside my dreams. You're wrapped up in my affections. The distance is only physical, my love. Someday, we will meet.

In the meantime, I'm learning how to trust and to be true. I'm learning how to be me, and a me that's meant for you.