Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I think I'm having a quarter life crisis.  Does that happen?  I started bawling on my boyfriend last Friday night.  When we showed up an hour late, my roommate could tell what had kept us.  :/  I suddenly dislike blogs (except of those owned by my friends - I sincerely like those - and you all are hardly blogging lol).  I have no desire to grow my career into anything involving "social media" or marketing unless of a very specific role.  In fact, I feel like we are so over-saturated with "social media" and blogs full of cotton-candy equivalent of creativity that I want to shut mine down for fear of contributing.

I don't know what I want to do with my life suddenly.  I feel I'm stuck.  And though I have the most wonderful boyfriend who has twice now asked me in the most sincere and caring terms for "a story" as a gift... I can't seem to write a darn thing.  Nor do I really even know if I feel like writing.

I feel desperate to create.  [Something tangible.]  And I feel -100% creative.

I feel like my life is about to change - has to change, drastically - or I'll go truly, bloody, mad.  But I don't have the faintest idea how to change it.  I just have to wait.  Be patient.  Keep being patient.  Keep seeking.

Quarter life crisis.

[Linda, I know, Joseph.  Trust me, he's on my mind.]

I'm going to push through.  And I'm going to write.  Because it is one thing I know for certain: I was born to write.  If only I could just discover the how, the where, and the who is paying me to do it.  Because I feel I've been sitting in this darn cold holding cell for a year now.  And before this one, there were others.


Esther Maria Swaty said...

ahh I can so relate to this post. Why must the process be so dang painful at times :)I just know that when we are feeling such discontentment and longing for something more that there is actually more. I am excited to see what will unfold in the coming days. Love you so! Keep fighting.

Ashley said...

i can so relate to these thoughts! the whole thing with social media and blogs - it's like an unsaid pressure. i am still trying to hash these thoughts out...hmm...
anyways, i am reminded by a new quote on my wall: "The greater the struggle, the more glorious the triumph." [butterfly circus]
Cant wait to read your books :)

Cami said...

I know exactly how you feel, Kati! Right there with you (minus the whole boyfriend part...can't relate so much ;)) But I know what it is like to hold, and to wait. And to have that urging desire for change. God is working in the midst of it & He is working on your behalf: "I am sure God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait." C.S. Lewis :)