Oh new year, what in the round world do you have in store?  Not a clue. Not a tip what 2013 will hold.  I think I'll go crazy if a few things don't change in this next year, but I don't know where to begin.  I feel less like a writer than ever, less motivated to try, less envisioned about what my "dream" even is, or that it's real.  I feel stuck in my career.  I feel challenged beyond belief in my identity and character.  And I feel stir crazy - near mad.

Sitting in a ski lift in a cloud.

2012 was full of so many wonderful things.  I'm a bit terrified of 2013... like it could take it all away.  Or just keep me exactly where I am.... for a WHOLE year.  I have to move closer to my destiny - I have to see something realized, some desire sharp and clear again or I'll just ebb away.

I try.  I sound just like a penny plopping in a pool.  That's it.

Wishes drowning.

Dreams waiting at the bottom.

I don't have time to master what I love -  I spend my hours wasting at something I hate.  And it is driving me mad.   I know I am here for a reason.  I keep reminding myself that.  But I can't see where I go next, or how I get there.  I can't see how I stop spending the majority of my hours in a seat where I feel dead.....

Dramatic?  I know.  I know this will pass.  Just dear God, please let 2013 be at least full of glimpses.  Remind me.  What work will make me truly happy?  What was I meant to spend myself on?