John Acuff had a little something to say on bravery today that struck a cord with what I've been ruminating on myself over here and at Uncommon.  

The Ugly Truth About Bravery. 

from Life Chasers.

Nothing good comes without a fight.
And without a fight, good might just walk away.  For good.

Fight like hell.

I'm praying for some fight today for each of the people I love.  For strength for those who've been fighting, and who are just dead tired.  And for fight in me - that I'd never be willing to let go of something worthy.  Not for myself - and not for others. 

To know that a choice will bring you life, and also bring you tears, and to choose it anyways - that is courage.

This is what I am learning from a particular couple of people in my life right now.   To choose pain in order to bring you closer to another, or loneliness to come closer to a dream.  Neither can be done without great strength, great love, and courage.  To know this will hurt, and decide it is worth it.

Even a fool is thought wise if he stays silent, and a foolish girl if she doesn't move.... but what good is a fool undiscovered?  Only doomed to remain a scared fool. 

The new note beside my bed. 

 Wake up: breathe the courage. smell the flowers.

My address book is about to get a full on make-over.  It seems most everyone in my life is either getting married (new address and new last name) or moving!  Seriously.  Pretty much everyone.  And then there are all the "maybe" movers too!  I'm holding myself in the posture of 'excited' and fighting the panic, because when I stop to reflect on each of them individually, I am so excited to see the people I love stepping in to the callings on their lives.  They're coming alive.  I think this is why so many of us have had this steady flow in to our minds and hearts that we need courage.... that we need to take risks.  It was so that we'd make these moves, we'd say yes, take chances and fight for the dreams that have been dormant in our hearts.  We're a generation of travelers - of movers - of reconcilers - of bridge-builders.  I can count off people who are deeply grafted in my heart and life all across the country - and some in other countries.  And I'm not unique in that... I think it's part of what our generation is to be about.  We can build deep and still build far.  And we can stay connected and grounded and still spread out. 

That said, when I take a step back and survey this mass movement, I smile.  You know, there's a rumor going 'round.  ;)

“This world is a great sculptor’s shop. We are the statues and there’s a rumor going around the shop that some of us are someday going to come to life.”


― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Mom, don't look.

"...Those who will fulfill on a rainy day a promise which they have made on a sunny one, are few and far between.

And so we go on casting our hearts to the four winds, giving it and taking it back again, breaking with our past, separating ourselves from ourselves, so to speak. And when we look behind, we no longer recognize ourselves. We see ourselves in the days that are past as a stranger, or rather as several strangers.


There is nothing like a steadfast man, one in whom you can have confidence, one who is found at his post, who arrives punctually, and who can be trusted when you rely on him....

A profound duplicity, a discrepancy between words and deeds, between appearance and reality, a sort of moral dilettantism which makes us according to the hour sincere or hypocritical, brave or cowardly, honest or unscrupulous–this is the disease which consumes us. What moral force can germinate and grow under these conditions? We must again become men who have only one principle, one word, one work, one love; in a word, men with a sense of duty. This is the source of power. And without this there is only the phantom of a man, the unstable sand, and hollow reed which bends beneath every breath. Be faithful; this is the changeless northern star which will guide you through the vicissitudes of life, through doubts and discouragements, and even mistakes."

-Charles Wagner, via Braden 

Dang.  (His whole post in amazing!)

Alright folks - I still don't know who that coffee cup was from.  Please tell me - I know whoever you are, you read my blog, because you knew to have that inscribed on it.  I love it and constantly wonder who it was from... you are so thoughtful, and wonderfully mysterious, but please now tell me so I can give you a HUGE hug (hopefully - assuming you're in this state) and tell you personally how much your gift means.


Tonight, the words are hitting me all new again - thank you for keeping them constantly before me - God, let my love for you cast out my every fear!! Give me a love that tastes of courage.

"I say to you all, once again - in the light of Lord Voldemort's return, we are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.  Lord Voldemort's gift for spreading discord and enmity is very great.  We can fight it only by showing an equally strong bond of friendship and trust.  Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open.
It is my belief - and never have I so hoped that I am mistaken - that we are all facing dark and difficult times.  Some of you in this Hall have already suffered directly at the hands of Lord Voldemort.  Many of your families have been torn asunder.  A week ago,  a student was taken from our midst.
Remember Cedric.  Remember, if the time should come when you have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy, remember what happened to a boy who was good, and kind, and brave, because he strayed across the path of Lord Voldemort.  Remember Cedric Diggory.""
-Albus Dumbledore 

And that is why I will read these books to my kids.  Courage and bravery.  What is right versus what is easy.  Being run by fear versus fighting with courage - at great cost.  I've been avoiding commenting on here about the fact that I'm reading the Harry Potter series.  I never read them as a kid and I know that many are concerned that they are written about magic.  I don't want to get into a debate about them or encourage young kids to read them whose parents might rightfully wish they wouldn't.

But I'm so impressed by them that I feel it's sort of unfair not to admit on here the gold that is in these books.  One of my goals for this blog is to point out beauty and give value, in places it may or may not be seen.  And that is why I am going to comment.

Not only are they truly amazingly written in style, craft, plot, character development, suspense and story development... but I think they can install courage.  (I know, I know... same old thing I'm always saying.)  And I'm actually really grateful that my generation grew up on them.  I used to be afraid that somehow my generation was more inclined to the occult because of being fed these stories.... and that is probably also true... but I truly believe our generation is going to need a backbone and I'm not sure we have one.  We have been afforded every comfort by our parent's credit cards.  As a whole, we don't know what it means to feel hungry - literally.  We haven't had to fight for much.  And we haven't really had to be brave.

Giving us a story that tells us we have a soul, and that dangers are real, and that bravery is needed - that unity is powerful, discord is easy, and character must be earned?  That I am grateful for.  Yes, I will read these stories to my kids, because like Lewis and MacDonald and Tolkien, Rowland recognizes that more can be infused in a person's character and mind and soul when they enter a world of magic, and fantasy often imparts more truth than any replication of the world as we see it today can manage.  I can see why these are the stories she told her children at night.  I hope to come up with such stories for mine - stories that encourage them that dark and difficult times may come, and if they do, what is right and good and kind is better than what is easy.  That many will judge people from where they come from - but that doesn't have to determine who they become.  I want my children to be brave.  I want to be brave.

The focus is not on what spells and enchantments Potter pulls off - it is on the kind of man he becomes.

"You are blinded... by the love of the office you hold, Cornelius!  You place too much importance, and you always have done, on the so-called purity of blood!  You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!  Your dementor has just destroyed the last remaining member of a pure-blood family as old as any - and see what the man chose to make of his life!  I will tell you now - take the steps I have suggested, and you will be remembered, in office or out, as one of the bravest and greatest Ministers of Magic we have ever known.  Fail to act - and history will remember you as the man who stepped aside and allowed Voldemort a second chance to destroy the world we have tried to rebuild!"

2/25

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I remembered, I'm brave. 

 .

Being a writer is not about writing down thoughts, it's about going somewhere in your mind and seeing how many people you can take there with you.  A great writer can convince others to come along, themselves knowing that it will cause them pain and suffering.  And that is why I believe books can build true courage in a reader's heart, because they're not just turning pages, they're willingly becoming a companion to the author, just as she has become a companion to her characters, willing to be hurt, to be scared, to be starved.   Willing to be brave.  Willing to be scarred by a story they will never forget, left changed, left a little braver, and a little better friend because they know what it means to suffer with another.

That helps me remember that when I am intentionally seeing if I can make someone else's heart ache about something they never even knew they cared about - I'm not just hurting them for my own entertainment or achievement, I'm seeing if I can make them come along with me, because I have places to go and dreadful things to taste and see and if perhaps I practice long enough and dip my pen often enough, others might just be willing to come along and face it all with me.  So if I can make them willing to hurt, I can perhaps be part of the journeys that will mark them and make them a little more brave.  Brave to be wounded for a friend on a journey you needn't even be on, a story that is theirs and theirs alone, a battle they think they're fighting on their own.  And willing to meet people that can only last so long, and then say goodbye to those you've come to love.  Say goodbye and yourself feel suddenly very alone.  Yes, that is what it means to be a writer.  To help others say hello, I love you, goodbye.  To give others chances to be brave.  It is not so much about the opportunities you are affording your characters, but your readers, they are the ones walking through your worlds.  And they are the ones who will walk away with the scars on their wrists and hands.

Are you willing to bleed?

These are the goals I posted last January.   They've been on the sidebar of my blog all year:

New Years Goals

-Write more.

-Be more gracious and patient.

-Be more generous- which means spend less on me (and save more)/ budget.

-Read through the Bible again. Genesis-Revelation

-Re-learn Italian

-Study architecture more.

-Become on the outside, the person I've been on the inside.

-Step into my dreams.

I did write more. But, I didn't really attempt to write. If you get the difference.
Be more gracious and patient. I certainly had more opportunities than I have my entire life. And I think I realized just how impatient and ungracious I can be. But I don't know if I really grew in it. :(
I did grow in generosity. I was intentional and sought to give to others when I wanted to spend on myself. However, I still indulged a lot on myself. This coming year I want to get better at saying "no" to myself. But still, I think I achieved this goal.
I didn't "relearn architecture." I didn't even re-learn ANY. Not a verb.
I read Genesis and Exodus straight through.
I enjoyed architecture more. I spent more time looking up things, enjoying beautiful pieces and photography. But I didn't really study it.
I don't really feel prepared to comment on the last two.

This past year has been a very difficult year. I don't know if I even realized just how difficult until the end. I felt heartaches - real heartaches. I felt fear - real fear. I faced real questions - real tough questions. And a lot of it I had to grow up and do it on my own - not giving in or getting stuck. There were incredible people there for me, but I had to make the choices in my secret heart. In some ways I don't know if I am more the person on the outside that I've been on the inside, but, I suspect I am. I also feel less sure of a lot of things. I trust myself less. And yet, I know I'm more capable. I see more of my strengths, and understand them better I think. I also see more of my weaknesses. I know what hurts me most. I know what I dislike. I know what I treasure. I know what can bring me to tears. I know what I can't seem to make myself say. And what I can't stop myself from saying.

I know the Lord has been faithful to me through every minute and mess and muddled up moment.

And I can't help but smile as I look at this list and think how I failed it - but how He succeeded at it. Because ultimately, I've come to know what I believe about the Word better. I've learned how to be more generous, I've discovered my own failures and become more desperate to be gracious with others, because I need grace. I've come to a place where I care more for things to just be said, and be... lived. And here I am, about to begin a new job, that's closer to my dreams than anything yet, and it's embedded in architecture. How very, very sweet.

Time to put 2011 away. Time to give sweet kisses goodbye, pack away remembrances and look for signs in 2012's dawn. I think this year is truly going to be good. Not just painfully good, not just bittersweet, but sweet, through and through. I hope this is a year for the tender, the kind, the hopeful and joyful smiles. For healing and hope. I hope this is a year I can live unreserved in, because that's how I'm going in. I'm walking in surrounded by risk and hard-held-to courage.

Something in me just wants to tell everyone I know and love, "Let's risk it." It feels a season for it, doesn't it? Like things really could be different all at once when we wake up.

I've had a lot on my mind lately.  A lot of uncomfortable things prodding at my mind, my heart, my esophagus.  Since as far back as I can recall, I've always been one of those who thinks about dying.  Not just in a morbid, terrified way.  I just think about it.  I'm not altogether convinced I won't die somewhat young.  (Family, take a deep breath.)  I don't have any reason to think I will die young.  And I definitely hope to live a long, long time.  But I think about it. I remember being 5 or 6 and thinking about it.  I wonder how it will affect my family and friends.  I worry some.  I pray.  And the past month I've thought about it a lot more than normal. 

I've realized that 24 is a big year.  It's not just me who began asking a lot of questions and really evaluating at 24.  I'm realizing a lot of my friends have/are.  My sister said the same thing is true of 29 she heard - especially for women.  I think it's that "time before" when we stop and take role.  We realize we're about to be in that age we've seen far off for many years, and we wonder if we are who we thought we'd be.  It's a pretty safe bet to say we're not.  And then we determine where we are okay with that, where we're grateful for that, and where we're not okay and want to grow.  It's a big year of growing.  And as I entered my last month of 24 this December, I feel like I got the big exam to see if I was going to be admitted into the class of 25 or not.

My main question through it all has been, Does my life still hold more potential than my death?  That sounds ridiculous, but wait a moment.  When young people in our lives pass away, it hits us all to the core.  I think there is so much possibility and potential and hope bound up in them, that when they die it explodes in the worlds they're leaving.  We miss the older people in our lives as they pass away as well.  It breaks out hearts.  But there is something about a young person passing away that changes everyone it touches.  And it had me thinking about what would happen if I died young and how deeply I know it would affect people.  And I asked myself, Could me living affect them even more?  The question eventually formed into the one at the start of this paragraph.  And that question has been haunting me ever since, Does my life hold more potential than my death?  Does it hold more power?   I want it to.  I want to live that way.  Gosh, I want to really live!  And that has been part of what's been propelling me lately to take risks, to make choices, to say things, to love, to move on, to forgive and forgive and forgive.  And even to cry.  And THANK GOD for that in my life right now, because this has been a month of real decisions.  Of change in direction.  Of change in perspective.  Of change in my capacity of courage.  

I think there's a reason a lot of us our age have this growing desire to be risk-takers, to be courageous, to be brave with our lives, and why we think about death.  The baby-boomers and those before us saw medicine lengthening people's lives.  We've grown up seeing people die of AIDS, get cancer, die in car crashes, etc.  We've lost friends before graduation.  We know we won't be here forever.  We know medicine and technology can't give us immortality.  And some of us have even been raised with the suspicion that ours might really be the blessed generation to see the day so many have longed for.  I don't know.  I just know we need courage.  I know we don't need to be babied, coddled, or spoon-fed.  I know we're no longer children.


***With all this in my head - I'm now just starting The Hunger Games, and oh gosh, I'm a bit concerned by how much this book might pierce right to my vulnerable core.  An aptly-read book can shape and frame us.***

"So let go of yourself with courage.

Whether God lifts you up

or lets you remain unknown,

the glory is still all his." - Fenelon