I needed to be reminded.  I've been asking in my heart for a refresher - What am I supposed to be doing?!  What is my calling?  Little did I realize where I'd come across it...  I haven't been too productive in collecting and editing my writing portfolio tonight, at least not many pieces I could send to a potential employer.  But, I've begun to remember something far more important...

"SLT has taught me not only to be more self-conscious when it comes to my thoughts and how they are tied to my history, destiny, and the raw material of who God created me to be, but it’s taught me to use those same skills to perceive who others are deep down and given me some skills as to how to call that out. I’ve learned to ask questions, rather then tell. I’m practicing these skills today still, but my trajectory remains steep and I am so grateful for the abundance of lessons I’ve learned and the example my facilitator was to me of the sort of leader I want to be.

            When it came to xxx, I could see a lot in her that the Lord wanted to touch and change, things He desired to tell her and show her, but I’d also learned that the most lasting impact wouldn’t come from me telling those things to her, but by faithfully helping lead her to those revelations herself. My place was just to walk beside her, listen, and when the right moment came, ask the question. It came one night, “Why are you with him?” She opened up her heart, and listened to what God had already been faithful to plant. Two nights later I think, she had broken up with her boy friend. Within a couple weeks, she was at an Encounter Retreat, a week after that I was helping her move out of her apartment and in with an incredible family, months later she entered Masters Commission. Where she is today is a testimony to the Lord’s love for her, and her responding to his love. But it also has shown me that a question is many times more powerful then giving someone the right answer. The revelation you come to yourself sticks much deeper then the one someone easily hands you.

            I want to lead people to the Lion and the Lamb, not by telling them the right answers, but by guiding them. And I want to guide them through poetry and prose. Just last week a friend gave me a prophetic word that “your writing is going to  illuminate in people the things He’s called them to be that they couldn’t see or had a hard time believing. Making the invisible visible specifically in regards to destiny and calling. Prophetically calling out to them what is already a reality in heaven.” I want to write stories that hint at something magnificent, that pull people into the sublime and beautiful, marrying the two. I want to lead them to a place where they stand face to face with the Lion, and leave them there to hear Him speak what He wills.

            I don’t know that I would be able to accomplish the level of effectiveness in my writing that I feel called to, had I not received the tools I did in Strategic Life Training, especially Year 2 where the tools got worked out into life. As I mentioned earlier, it’s transformed the way I look not only at my future, but also at the literary past. I see the heroes of past literature and my heart aches, because I can see where their desires that should have led them face to face with God instead led them astray, and how those desires went unfulfilled. I want to be faithful to prepare, in order that my writing will accomplish all that the Lord has planned.  I have a healthy fear to keep myself hid in Him, searching Him out, but not looking to go outside of Him. I also don’t want to limit the Lord in my thoughts, dreams or expectations. He is the source of the sublime: awful, overwhelming, untame and uncontrollable. What an adventure He invites us in to!"

I've been toying around with re-listening to all my SLT tapes.  I have not forgotten the impact those two years of teaching and application had on my life.  Looking back, I think they transformed me more than Masters Commission.  A big claim, but probably true.  My year in MCs was a blessing in relationships and healing.  My two years of training in SLT taught me how to process through confusion, how to train, how to get what was on the inside, out.  They gave me a whole new set of tools, and more importantly, Jon Pinkston helped the four of us who finished work through each teaching week after week.

I just came across my papers, and some notes.... and I don't think I'm toying with the idea anymore.  I'm looking for the tapes... 

Lesson 4, Dennis Peacocke:
“A desire for purpose and meaning was put into our hearts by God. Destiny is the joining of His sovereign choices and our heartfelt drive, producing a life of consequence.”
“We must pursue our destiny according to God’s will, God’s way, and God’s timing”
“Three questions to help you discover your destiny: 1. What must I do before I die? 2. If I am really growing in my life, what does it look like? 3. What is hindering me from sharing my life and my faith more effectively?”
“The power of a proper perspective of destiny (1 Cor 12:27)”
“Clues to your place on the wall: A. Take inventory of the history of your life experience. B. Take inventory of the tools you have. C. Take inventory of the family in which God has placed you.”
 “Destiny is buried in the people we look up to”
“Where’s your fire? And after you get your fire going, where’s your control? What’s in your hand? What did God put in your hand to deliver your people?”
 Lesson One:
“Destiny is developed by embracing a life of strategy.”
“Strategic living can be defines as doing what you should be doing when you should be doing it.”
“Destiny is realized by embracing problems as opportunities. Power is guarded by problems.”
“Daniel was a trained man, not simply an anointed man. (Daniel 6:3-28)”
 Lesson 9
Provers 1:2
The road to responsibility runs through discipline.
Suffering> Discipline> Skill> Stewardship> Responsibility
 Lesson 10
“desire is not enough- discipline prepares us to succeed beyond our limitations”
 Lesson 14- Adam Peacocke- Becoming Problem Solvers
“A self-conscious problem solver is someone who attacks problems, and the circumstances in which they develop. He has a purposed drive for solution, a skilled application of principles and resources, a persistent effort that endures until completion, and a discovering disposition that gleans what can be learned from one problem, and then applies it to others.”
-the importance of preparation- matthew 17:19-21

Hey Beau, ...

Working on my writing portfolio.  It's vastly more challenging than that might sound.  For starters: creative, technology, academic?  What type/ styles of writing to include.  Then, how to track some of them down.  I wish I'd been more intentional in saving samples in my first four years of work.  If you are young and plan on writing, in any degree: keep samples of your work - career and personal.  As long as it is not expressly against the culture of your company, save some.  Odds are, if you ask, they will say okay.  And you will need it one day.

2/20

I spent the majority of this week at work, listening to Dubstep.

Someone please tell me how this happened?

I've been thinking of the change in music lately.  And how the subtle, tamed sounds of techno and other less-mainstream genres have melded their way in.  I've heard a few friends mentioning bands and genres they love (such as Dubstep) for the past almost two years.  And admittedly, I wasn't part of that cool crowd.  But, once it got tamed and mixed into some of the music I'm already a fan of... I find myself wanting more and more.  And likely the gateway, suddenly I'm into all sorts of music I would have switched the station on just months ago.

I'm sure there's a marketing lesson in here.  But I don't want it.

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the

courage to continue that counts.” 

― Winston Churchill

Today is one of those days.  The boss is out and we are moving desks, resetting computers and accounts, running to the store to get the right cords.  Nonstop questions.  Half of which I don't know the answer to, or have the pull to even give an answer.  The printer breaks.  The email server goes down.  The remote bookkeeper keeps calling with details I don't need.  No one can get on the internet.  The IT guy accidentally unplugs my computer in the middle of my project.  And the phone won't stop ringing.

We have these beautiful old, tall white windows all around the office.  I've been indulging in a daydream of opening the grand window nearest me, toeing my phone along, and tipping it right over that pretty stone ledge. It's a truly wonderful daydream.

Love everything (except the coffee mug), down to the copper pencil holder.  

Strike that, especially the copper pencil holder.

We are going to play a new game.  

We'll call it, Looking for a Lie. 

It'll be something like Two Truths and a Lie, which I assume you've all played.  There is one post from this week (written or so far unwritten) that isn't quite real life.  

You see if you can find it. ;)  

Feel free to call out "lie" in your comment when you think you have.  

Best of luck. xoxo 

One of the greatest sermons I've ever heard on relationships, practically, was delivered yesterday.  It isn't up on the site yet, but the first part of the series is and you can watch it here.  Since many of you are very close to me in age and ....relational status, I think you might find this as wonderfully provoking as I did.  I love Pastor Richard's ability to break down truth in an academic and tangible way all at once.

I've struggled more than I ever expected to about how to build and walk out a Godly relationship.  What does the scripture say about this?   This one thing.  Nothing?  Obviously, it says a lot.  And we've been trained really well.  But still, there's a lot of wrestling through the practicals and the "yeses" of life - not just the clear "nos".  For me, I've had to be reminded time and time again by others that I do know the answer, that I'm a woman of God who has been prepared and trained for the season I am in... and not to over-think it so much.  Sounds about right, right?  In the brilliant, truthful words I heard last week, "You make it harder than it has to be."  Boy do I!! That could be a tattoo on my forehead.  A theme of my life.  

But even still, there is something to be said.  And I have said it a few times here already.  I know how to be a good single (I think).   I had a lot of years to learn it.  And of course - I still screwed up plenty.  But even if I failed to do what I should, I knew what I should do at least.  Here though?  This weird season where I'm not entirely my own - and I'm not yet someone else's... really.  I can't use either sets of scales I've weighed everything in my life by before -  "Single"  -  "Married".  

I think I'll make a good wife.  I think. I at least know bits of what I am supposed to do. But girlfriend?  How to be a great girlfriend?  How to be a Godly girlfriend?  How to be a wise, kind, giving girlfriend?  How to be open, and not inappropriately vulnerable?  How to be trusting and accepting, and not give more of myself than I should?  But also, not to hold myself back and build walls?   I've viewed it from before as a set of rules and lines not to cross... but it's not that stagnant.  It's really not.  And the deeper I get in, the more I realize why I feel so unprepared:  You can't just give one set of rules and say, "okay, you got it, now go be awesome at it."  By definition it's moving from one place, to another.  And you only get there by constant steps.  What was best for yesterday, is no longer best for today.

Protecting one another is key.  But I'm learning, you can hurt a person by trying too hard to protect too.  Even protecting cannot be your focus.  

All I'm trying to say is, it's hard.  And you can't study how to do it perfectly beforehand.  I've been given a lot of great lessons and skills.  I was shaped in some wonderful ways to be able to handle it.  And yet, I have so many questions.  When I find lessons like this - that help posture - I drink it up!!  

And sometimes I think, I wish all my friends could hear this!  So only for those of you who are curious, go listen.  And when this Sunday's (2/3) sermon comes out - go listen again!!



[ Had to post this with a few blogs between it and the "wait" post so you didn't all misread what I meant by "the wait".... if you follow...:P ]


Post Script: It's up now! :) 

Mt. Ranier

My grandmother. 

Quite the lady. 

I wonder how many blog posts have ever shared the two tags "grandmother" and "gun".

The wait is delicious.  

So long as we remember that something, 

that something is coming. 

Remember and taste the wait.  It isn't bitter.  

The fear is what's bitter. 

**SPOILER ALERT**

Dear Friends,

If you are watching Downton (ahem, Ashley, Meg, Samara), PLEASE don't post pictures or comments about what is happening!  I keep getting spoilers and I'm still a few episodes behind all of you!!  I'm going to have to remove all of you from my google reader if you keep this behavior up.

At least give a warning or something.  You're killing me!

Sincerely,
Your friend, follower, and humble, slow Downton watcher,
K. Hope