When a tiny human cries and cries and refuses to sleep, and I'm exhausted and emotional and way past my limit... I hope I'll remember to be grateful that tiny humans, at least at the start, can't jump on your face. And bite your nose at 1am, and 2am, and 2:15am, and 3am... until two poops and a few pees later when they decide it is officially time for fetch and nothing else. And should you fall asleep amidst said fetch, thankfully tiny brand new humans, don't jump on your face and smash a wet, stinky stuffed bear into your head until you wake up, tear the bear away from them, and throw it. So they can jump off the couch, using your chest as a launching board, run and get the bear, jump up on the couch, jump on your face... and repeat from the hours of 4am to 7am.
Yes, I hope I'll remember to be grateful - that the baby can't jump on my face to bite me yet. And that I not only chose that tiny human, like I chose that tiny hairy creature years before, but that I desperately prayed for both.
Friday, June 24, 2016
Monday, June 06, 2016
You Have Time
John and I were late to work today. We were already late to work - and since we were riding his moto to work, we decided to stop off for a quick espresso along the way. A quick espresso turned into something more like a quick breakfast and suddenly we were sipping macchiatos on a sunny street, reminiscing about Paris. Which re-engaged a thought from last Friday...
I was running errands on my lunch break, trying to get everything set so we could leave for a weekend trip right from work. I'd been late to work, because I had to finish flipping the cottage, watering the yard, feeding the chickens.. etc. For two days straight, I was running, and I was running behind.
I looked around, and it seemed everyone else was too. Even on a sunny Friday afternoon, all of Seattle seemed to be in a hurry. And in the back of my mind I remembered how different a scene Paris seemed. I felt like no one in Paris was working, except for the restaurant staff. People filled cafes along the street and watched life as they sipped vino... people who were speaking French... on a weekday... during the workday. And it wasn't just that they were taking long lunches or coffee breaks or whatever the literal thing that was happening happened to be, it was that they were walking and talking and tasting as if they had all of their lives ahead of them.
This morning, late to work and sipping a macchiato on a Monday, I tried to explain the thought to John - It's as if they live like they have time - - - and we don't. And that's it. That is what was bubbling somewhere in my brain, trying to take shape - Americans, or Seattleites, or just me - we live like we don't have enough time. We rush, we schedule, we list-make, we rush again and try constantly to 'catch up' and 'get ahead' or return from 'falling behind.' How many of our phrases are rung tightly around this concept of racing with the clock?
So I was late to work today. And I'm okay with that, because we sat for probably only 30 minutes in a coffee shop, but it was Monday morning and we chose to live like we had the time to. Because we do. We have a whole day ahead of us. We rode the bike - we took the long way - we stopped for espresso. It added probably 45 minutes to our commute. And what is 45 minutes when you have your whole life ahead of you? I'll tell you - it's a good conversation with the one you love. It's a centeredness when you walk into the office. It's that strange feeling you get on vacation like the world around you is unknown and uncontrollable, but your life is your own. It's the feeling that you have time.
I was running errands on my lunch break, trying to get everything set so we could leave for a weekend trip right from work. I'd been late to work, because I had to finish flipping the cottage, watering the yard, feeding the chickens.. etc. For two days straight, I was running, and I was running behind.
I looked around, and it seemed everyone else was too. Even on a sunny Friday afternoon, all of Seattle seemed to be in a hurry. And in the back of my mind I remembered how different a scene Paris seemed. I felt like no one in Paris was working, except for the restaurant staff. People filled cafes along the street and watched life as they sipped vino... people who were speaking French... on a weekday... during the workday. And it wasn't just that they were taking long lunches or coffee breaks or whatever the literal thing that was happening happened to be, it was that they were walking and talking and tasting as if they had all of their lives ahead of them.
This morning, late to work and sipping a macchiato on a Monday, I tried to explain the thought to John - It's as if they live like they have time - - - and we don't. And that's it. That is what was bubbling somewhere in my brain, trying to take shape - Americans, or Seattleites, or just me - we live like we don't have enough time. We rush, we schedule, we list-make, we rush again and try constantly to 'catch up' and 'get ahead' or return from 'falling behind.' How many of our phrases are rung tightly around this concept of racing with the clock?
So I was late to work today. And I'm okay with that, because we sat for probably only 30 minutes in a coffee shop, but it was Monday morning and we chose to live like we had the time to. Because we do. We have a whole day ahead of us. We rode the bike - we took the long way - we stopped for espresso. It added probably 45 minutes to our commute. And what is 45 minutes when you have your whole life ahead of you? I'll tell you - it's a good conversation with the one you love. It's a centeredness when you walk into the office. It's that strange feeling you get on vacation like the world around you is unknown and uncontrollable, but your life is your own. It's the feeling that you have time.
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
We are getting close to the halfway mark on the year - for me, the last year before 30. I set very few goals this time around, trying to pick just a few with the power to change my life. One, was get a dog. And boy has she changed our lives. For the better for sure too - I feel like we're more engaged, we have to be. And while it's tiring that we can't just cuddle up on the couch whenever we want (because landshark loves to attack whatever she can reach when we sit on the couch), we're going for more walks, we're out in our yard, we're having conversations and learning new things and trying different problem solving. Plus, she's a loving little fur ball that knows we're her people and that's a pretty fantastic thing to be the recipient of! She's amazing. And we're pretty sure she's going to be a really cool dog as she continues to grow up.
Another goal was to go outside more. Which as mentioned, Magnolia Grey helps with quite a lot. ;) Though as the summer warms up I hope we'll use our weekends for more camping, hiking and all around exploring.
There are a few others as well, some I thought I'd have checked off by now. And I could have, but it would be jumping the gun, giving myself the quick release we all crave. And right now, I'm learning some really important lessons. After a looooooong time of John asking me night after night questions that surmount to "what can you do to change this?" And me getting annoyed because I felt like he was making the situation smaller than it was - if I could change it, I would, duh..... I guess I'm learning that I can change it. Or some of it maybe. Or I can at least make a strategic plan and follow the uncomfortable steps week by week in order to change the situation even if I can't change the people. And that's a pretty remarkable lesson - you can't change people. But you can change situations. You might still find that it's not the right situation for you to be in, especially if the people refuse to make changes themselves - but learning that you have the power to change the situation you are in, the structure of the environment, and building up the power and conviction to create those changes - through a very tiring and long process... that's something worth going on the annual goals list. Don't you think?
Another item on my list, which gives me a very similar feeling is my Guardian's List goal. I've been reading through the Guardian's list of the top 100 novels ever written since I worked at LLF, about 5 years ago. (Right?) I average about 5 books a year off the list, that is typically my goal. This year, I decided I wanted to be halfway done with the list by my 30th birthday! That meant 14 books from the list in 12 months. Which may not sound incredibly challenging, but to a slow reader like me - it is! So here I am in a marathon of reading I feel - book after book after book. I have 6 months left to go, and 10 books!
These aren't the only two goals that require this slow, daily, constant attention. Like rolling a giant ball one revolution day after day after day - hoping you're moving forward. I so badly want to just start making ruckus and crossing off boxes! But I guess that's not what this year is about. This year is little and a lot. Little, little, little and a lot.
Another goal was to go outside more. Which as mentioned, Magnolia Grey helps with quite a lot. ;) Though as the summer warms up I hope we'll use our weekends for more camping, hiking and all around exploring.
There are a few others as well, some I thought I'd have checked off by now. And I could have, but it would be jumping the gun, giving myself the quick release we all crave. And right now, I'm learning some really important lessons. After a looooooong time of John asking me night after night questions that surmount to "what can you do to change this?" And me getting annoyed because I felt like he was making the situation smaller than it was - if I could change it, I would, duh..... I guess I'm learning that I can change it. Or some of it maybe. Or I can at least make a strategic plan and follow the uncomfortable steps week by week in order to change the situation even if I can't change the people. And that's a pretty remarkable lesson - you can't change people. But you can change situations. You might still find that it's not the right situation for you to be in, especially if the people refuse to make changes themselves - but learning that you have the power to change the situation you are in, the structure of the environment, and building up the power and conviction to create those changes - through a very tiring and long process... that's something worth going on the annual goals list. Don't you think?
Another item on my list, which gives me a very similar feeling is my Guardian's List goal. I've been reading through the Guardian's list of the top 100 novels ever written since I worked at LLF, about 5 years ago. (Right?) I average about 5 books a year off the list, that is typically my goal. This year, I decided I wanted to be halfway done with the list by my 30th birthday! That meant 14 books from the list in 12 months. Which may not sound incredibly challenging, but to a slow reader like me - it is! So here I am in a marathon of reading I feel - book after book after book. I have 6 months left to go, and 10 books!
These aren't the only two goals that require this slow, daily, constant attention. Like rolling a giant ball one revolution day after day after day - hoping you're moving forward. I so badly want to just start making ruckus and crossing off boxes! But I guess that's not what this year is about. This year is little and a lot. Little, little, little and a lot.
Monday, May 09, 2016
Life isn't fair. It's tough. It's sweet. It's unforgiving. It's only too generous. It's a cold-hearted mistress. If anything, it's unpredictable and unreliable.
When my sister administered a marriage exam out of her book yesterday, John listed my core life values as: love people well and be consistent. Something like that. I thought "yes! That's it." I added, "and be true." He'd boiled me down so well!
That's right. In this unreliable world - I'll be reliable. And I'll love the people who are reliable for me. Consistently kind - to my face, and when I turn around. To me, that is everything.
This morning I'm thinking I might have things wrong - not the kind - love - true part... but the whole over-intense value of working hard, following through, chewing whatever you bite off... even when swallowing it makes you gag. Which is of course the living out of 'love - reliable - kind' for two people who love to make big promises and dream even bigger!
I'm kind of a pain in the ass wife sometimes. Too often I remind John "this is the life we chose." It's a sort of quiet threat, don't complain and don't you dare quit. So we work and we work and we work. I didn't realize this quiet threat before of course, because I've been saying it to myself for a decade - maybe two. And there's certainly value in the message. I think the world would be a lot better with about 200% more follow through. In fact, it's one of the things that drew me to John - his kindness, his follow through, his sincerity.
Still, I'm regularly baffled by how EVERYONE loves him. Don't get me wrong, I think he's the greatest person alive. But there are a lot of great people out there that get misunderstood and 'disliked' in a moment's breath. It's like a rule of life: People get misunderstood and judged. Not John. I've only ever seen people love him immediately. And while I'm sure there's more to it than this - a major part of it is, he's kind. He won't say a bad word about you - and somehow, people must be able to feel that immediately. He must put off a silent message that echoes in a passerby. And it says a lot more I'm sure, but to me that echo said, "kind - honest - trustworthy - fun."
And that fun, man! When I'm reminded that this life could end at any moment, I only wish for more fun! Because life, it isn't reliable. And it isn't always kind. Life is as generous as you want it to be, but it will deal you out joys and agonies in wild measures. And life doesn't listen to my silent threats.
Like I've said, I'm not a minimalist. I don't see "simple". I'm trying! I want to! But, right now I see a complex equation I'm trying to balance - kind, true, loving, consistent, fun, they are all in there to some power. A life well-lived means little moments and big moments. Spending ourselves in little and big ways to make big impacts in little and big places. It means working hard even when it's inconvenient. But it also means enjoying your people.
If I were to be given the '6 months' - I'd want to spend every moment I could cuddling, hiking, gardening, dancing, playing, kissing. The fun! But, after those 6 months, I'd want to be remembered for great kindness too. I'd want to be remembered as someone who was there - a person always up for a good time, and never scared away by a bad one. Perhaps it is the difference between, what memories do I want to have versus what legacy do I want to leave?
How do you balance that when as far as you know, you have a lifetime?
When my sister administered a marriage exam out of her book yesterday, John listed my core life values as: love people well and be consistent. Something like that. I thought "yes! That's it." I added, "and be true." He'd boiled me down so well!
That's right. In this unreliable world - I'll be reliable. And I'll love the people who are reliable for me. Consistently kind - to my face, and when I turn around. To me, that is everything.
This morning I'm thinking I might have things wrong - not the kind - love - true part... but the whole over-intense value of working hard, following through, chewing whatever you bite off... even when swallowing it makes you gag. Which is of course the living out of 'love - reliable - kind' for two people who love to make big promises and dream even bigger!
I'm kind of a pain in the ass wife sometimes. Too often I remind John "this is the life we chose." It's a sort of quiet threat, don't complain and don't you dare quit. So we work and we work and we work. I didn't realize this quiet threat before of course, because I've been saying it to myself for a decade - maybe two. And there's certainly value in the message. I think the world would be a lot better with about 200% more follow through. In fact, it's one of the things that drew me to John - his kindness, his follow through, his sincerity.
Still, I'm regularly baffled by how EVERYONE loves him. Don't get me wrong, I think he's the greatest person alive. But there are a lot of great people out there that get misunderstood and 'disliked' in a moment's breath. It's like a rule of life: People get misunderstood and judged. Not John. I've only ever seen people love him immediately. And while I'm sure there's more to it than this - a major part of it is, he's kind. He won't say a bad word about you - and somehow, people must be able to feel that immediately. He must put off a silent message that echoes in a passerby. And it says a lot more I'm sure, but to me that echo said, "kind - honest - trustworthy - fun."
And that fun, man! When I'm reminded that this life could end at any moment, I only wish for more fun! Because life, it isn't reliable. And it isn't always kind. Life is as generous as you want it to be, but it will deal you out joys and agonies in wild measures. And life doesn't listen to my silent threats.
Like I've said, I'm not a minimalist. I don't see "simple". I'm trying! I want to! But, right now I see a complex equation I'm trying to balance - kind, true, loving, consistent, fun, they are all in there to some power. A life well-lived means little moments and big moments. Spending ourselves in little and big ways to make big impacts in little and big places. It means working hard even when it's inconvenient. But it also means enjoying your people.
If I were to be given the '6 months' - I'd want to spend every moment I could cuddling, hiking, gardening, dancing, playing, kissing. The fun! But, after those 6 months, I'd want to be remembered for great kindness too. I'd want to be remembered as someone who was there - a person always up for a good time, and never scared away by a bad one. Perhaps it is the difference between, what memories do I want to have versus what legacy do I want to leave?
How do you balance that when as far as you know, you have a lifetime?
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Life is full of so many choices. Mint chocolate chip or oreo ice cream? (both) This job or that job? Greece or Paris? Greece or Paris or savings? (real) Say yes to girls night or say no and stay home with a good book and a candle? Read said good book or actually do laundry and clean the kitchen?
Never-ending-choices. Which when evaluated, I don't actually see where "simplicity" arises. Is it in the book or the laundry? The fun evening fostering new meaningful relationships, or home being content all alone? I love the idea of simplicity - I might even crave it - but I just don't see it in the choices.
Is it in working less hours or is it in being happy to put in the hours toward the long-term dreams? Is simplicity doing less today? Or is it seeing that the long-term matters and therefore being happy in whatever today requires?
I guess maybe I'm just not a simplicity girl. It's hot to be a minimalist. But like I said, I want the twist cone. I'll take a scoop of both please. I'll do the laundry, clean the kitchen and then try to read the book. I spend most all of my life with a "yes, and please." And maybe that's okay. Maybe I just don't see simple. I see priorities. I see plans and steps and layers and a million little details. I don't revel in the ocean or the waves - I scan the rocks on the beach and collect a handful of strange broken shells and spotted rocks. I see the details and can't ever seem to white wash them all to be "simple." I wish to God life were more simple, but for me it's always choices.
Never-ending-choices. Which when evaluated, I don't actually see where "simplicity" arises. Is it in the book or the laundry? The fun evening fostering new meaningful relationships, or home being content all alone? I love the idea of simplicity - I might even crave it - but I just don't see it in the choices.
Is it in working less hours or is it in being happy to put in the hours toward the long-term dreams? Is simplicity doing less today? Or is it seeing that the long-term matters and therefore being happy in whatever today requires?
I guess maybe I'm just not a simplicity girl. It's hot to be a minimalist. But like I said, I want the twist cone. I'll take a scoop of both please. I'll do the laundry, clean the kitchen and then try to read the book. I spend most all of my life with a "yes, and please." And maybe that's okay. Maybe I just don't see simple. I see priorities. I see plans and steps and layers and a million little details. I don't revel in the ocean or the waves - I scan the rocks on the beach and collect a handful of strange broken shells and spotted rocks. I see the details and can't ever seem to white wash them all to be "simple." I wish to God life were more simple, but for me it's always choices.
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Around Christmas, John confessed that he had several presents for me that he couldn't find. I offered to help. I'm really good at finding stuff, guys. (Especially presents!) But he said no.
Months later, I was putting away a sweater in his closet and stumbled across a tiny treasure trove! I saw boxes... little boxes that could only be for me... little Madewell boxes. (Pure delight!) Like a responsible adult I moved away quickly and told John what I thought I'd spied. Sure enough! Ever since, I've been asking him about these little treats and when I can have them. He always says he'll give them to me on some random, unnamed day. So I keep asking. "Today, can I have a little something that's in your closet?" "Today?" "I could really use a little surprise today. Maybe something from your closet?" There's another from Europe too that he told me I could have when we got back... then for Christmas... now, he won't give days.
Yesterday, I asked again. I really felt I deserved a treat. And it turned out he did too! In fact, he agreed so quickly I thought he was tricking me. I spied the little box he pulled out and mistook it for a Toblerone box... which was not what I had seen in there people. And it is unkind to let your wife think she's getting a tiny Madewell box and instead give her a candy bar from the hardware store.
Thankfully, that is not the man I married. He quickly stowed the mistaken box in a brown bag and handed it over. He said "this is because you are fierce and cute" as he handed me the bag.
Some days, you think you want Madewell earrings, but you realize quickly that what you really, really wanted was a cool Buck knife. And what you wanted most of all was a man who'd buy you one for no reason and then hide it in his closet until a random Wednesday when you braved a tough talk at work.
I deserved a treat - not earrings, but a knife. Because I'm tough. And I'm cute. :)
I hope today you get a little something good that you weren't expecting.
Thursday, April 14, 2016
John and I were both wondering this morning, why can't doctors be as awesome as vets??
I mean, this guy's job includes sticking a thermometer up my pup's butt, and yet he makes sure to personally call me the next day to tell me everything is okay and what things I should watch for in her health. The 10 minute voicemail ends with "I'm not in the office now, but I'll be there from 2-4 if you'd like to call me back to talk more." Oh, wait, you called me the day after our visit, and you aren't even at work?
This is the second vet we've seen at the clinic up the street from us. It was our first try at a clinic, and they have both been incredible!
Meanwhile, I've been looking for a doctor for several years now. Since Dr. Curtis moved on from seeing patients regularly, I have seen 3 or 4 different doctors. And all of them have left me pretty dramatically unhappy. The first left me a voicemail telling me she was going to put me on a medication that I'd need to stay on for the rest of my life - she left this in a voicemail! After my first time ever seeing her! Um, sorry. Come again? Did you say potential "auto-immune disease"? Yeah, that would be cool to tell me in a real conversation - not after the tone. Not before you even can remember my name. Nope.
But back to the vets - they are amazing! We love them!
And my dentist? If I've gone on about my dentist once, I've done it a couple dozen times. He's the absolute best!
So was Dr. Curtis - who had been my doctor from my first breath of air until about 26! But finding another with his knowledge, kindness and overall considerate approach to involving the patient in the decision making - that has been a sadly long journey.
I mean, this guy's job includes sticking a thermometer up my pup's butt, and yet he makes sure to personally call me the next day to tell me everything is okay and what things I should watch for in her health. The 10 minute voicemail ends with "I'm not in the office now, but I'll be there from 2-4 if you'd like to call me back to talk more." Oh, wait, you called me the day after our visit, and you aren't even at work?
This is the second vet we've seen at the clinic up the street from us. It was our first try at a clinic, and they have both been incredible!
Meanwhile, I've been looking for a doctor for several years now. Since Dr. Curtis moved on from seeing patients regularly, I have seen 3 or 4 different doctors. And all of them have left me pretty dramatically unhappy. The first left me a voicemail telling me she was going to put me on a medication that I'd need to stay on for the rest of my life - she left this in a voicemail! After my first time ever seeing her! Um, sorry. Come again? Did you say potential "auto-immune disease"? Yeah, that would be cool to tell me in a real conversation - not after the tone. Not before you even can remember my name. Nope.
But back to the vets - they are amazing! We love them!
And my dentist? If I've gone on about my dentist once, I've done it a couple dozen times. He's the absolute best!
So was Dr. Curtis - who had been my doctor from my first breath of air until about 26! But finding another with his knowledge, kindness and overall considerate approach to involving the patient in the decision making - that has been a sadly long journey.
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
I was up early this morning thinking about extremes. A few weeks ago, my brand new puppy only ever wanted to sleep and cuddle. She was a little bundle of loves and dreams. Now, she only ever wants to play - and bite - and chew. That is it! All the time. From one end of the pendulum swung to the next. Isn't that just how it is to be young? It takes a lot of time for that pendulum to slow down - to just sit someplace in the middle without a ton of energy bounding inside dying to propel it one way and then back the next. In fact, it takes somewhere between 20 and 30 years for most of us.... maybe 40.
Whenever I find myself in this uncomfortable spot, wanting to swing out one way or the other, but knowing that I can't always draw clear lines or create clean cuts, in that moment I remind myself that maturity means learning to be centered, to feel good even when you can't have extremes, to choose patience and hope even when you feel more gravity than energy.
Whenever I find myself in this uncomfortable spot, wanting to swing out one way or the other, but knowing that I can't always draw clear lines or create clean cuts, in that moment I remind myself that maturity means learning to be centered, to feel good even when you can't have extremes, to choose patience and hope even when you feel more gravity than energy.
Thursday, March 31, 2016
I've been having some fairly frank conversation lately, asking people inside my industry for career advice. On a similar note, I've been listening to others as they share what they've accomplished and what they wish they'd accomplished - and travel keeps coming up. Not just travel, but "live someplace else" has actually come up twice in two days. John and I have talked about this ourselves a lot (don't panic, mom and dad. try to stay calm.) - we'd love to spend at least a year living in a different state - or country. I guess the reason/opportunity just hasn't presented itself yet.
This week I had lunch with a previous boss that I highly respect - and when I asked him for general advice on what I should be doing - he encouraged me essentially to not be afraid to move around, he added "while you're young enough for it to be a benefit." I think that is something possibly unique to his industry, or even company, but traveling, gaining broad, almost unrelated experience and living adventures made young employees that much more desirable to them. According to him, when we're young, any new opportunity, just demonstrates to a boss that you were able to adapt and learn new skills in one new situation or environment. I find that remarkably freeing!!!
I'm the youngest child with the classic fear of "missing out" - and for some reason I have a lot of gravity to me that makes me less afraid of missing out on the fun stuff than on the "important" stuff. I never wanted to miss out on a future college based on my high school grades - I never wanted to miss out on starting in Sunday's game by missing Friday's practise, even if it meant skipping a party or movie night. I didn't want to miss out on being with an awesome man, by buying wasting time with a lame one, even just for a dinner. So for me, it's more natural for me to think I must stay in the crummy situation, power through, do the hardest thing... otherwise, I might miss out. And here is a successful company owner saying, "Do stuff. Travel. Quit. Jump around. Try out different roles and size companies and industries. Do what you want to do. It will make you better right now." Awwwwww! It feels good. (PS - not an exact quote - but the gist of the message)
I know not all business owners feel this way - and honestly, I think a lot of people need to learn to push through the shitty stuff, learn to finish, walk away from the experience with a full story, not just a climax... but it sure feels good to know you aren't stuck in that one story forever!!
But back to travel - John and I had the trip of a lifetime, and I feel like 6 months later, it's only beginning to sink in. I hope the fruit of that trip continues to grow in us and define us. And I hope we keep taking trips. I hope we keep living an adventure. I hope we go live someplace else someday, if even for just one year. I hope we buy a bed and breakfast or open a restaurant or start a business. I hope we help our city. I hope we think up a good opportunity/solution for those facing homelessness in our community - even if it is just providing one of their basic needs. I hope we see the world and keep letting it teach us how to better see the world.
I also hope I find that job that I love. That I feel made for. That thing that makes my spirit say, this is it. This is what I went to school for - this is what I worked through all those other roles and experiences for - this is what I'm for! Most likely I'll find it by continuing to move forward... and maybe a little bit more moving around, maybe even taking a wild risk or two. Maybe more doing what I want...less doing what I've done.
People who inspire me on this: Madison Unger, Jordyn Cline, my sister, my husband. They know doing what you want isn't easy either - but they're forging paths in the direction of what burns inside them rather than disassociating from their dreams for a paycheck.
This week I had lunch with a previous boss that I highly respect - and when I asked him for general advice on what I should be doing - he encouraged me essentially to not be afraid to move around, he added "while you're young enough for it to be a benefit." I think that is something possibly unique to his industry, or even company, but traveling, gaining broad, almost unrelated experience and living adventures made young employees that much more desirable to them. According to him, when we're young, any new opportunity, just demonstrates to a boss that you were able to adapt and learn new skills in one new situation or environment. I find that remarkably freeing!!!
I'm the youngest child with the classic fear of "missing out" - and for some reason I have a lot of gravity to me that makes me less afraid of missing out on the fun stuff than on the "important" stuff. I never wanted to miss out on a future college based on my high school grades - I never wanted to miss out on starting in Sunday's game by missing Friday's practise, even if it meant skipping a party or movie night. I didn't want to miss out on being with an awesome man, by buying wasting time with a lame one, even just for a dinner. So for me, it's more natural for me to think I must stay in the crummy situation, power through, do the hardest thing... otherwise, I might miss out. And here is a successful company owner saying, "Do stuff. Travel. Quit. Jump around. Try out different roles and size companies and industries. Do what you want to do. It will make you better right now." Awwwwww! It feels good. (PS - not an exact quote - but the gist of the message)
I know not all business owners feel this way - and honestly, I think a lot of people need to learn to push through the shitty stuff, learn to finish, walk away from the experience with a full story, not just a climax... but it sure feels good to know you aren't stuck in that one story forever!!
But back to travel - John and I had the trip of a lifetime, and I feel like 6 months later, it's only beginning to sink in. I hope the fruit of that trip continues to grow in us and define us. And I hope we keep taking trips. I hope we keep living an adventure. I hope we go live someplace else someday, if even for just one year. I hope we buy a bed and breakfast or open a restaurant or start a business. I hope we help our city. I hope we think up a good opportunity/solution for those facing homelessness in our community - even if it is just providing one of their basic needs. I hope we see the world and keep letting it teach us how to better see the world.
I also hope I find that job that I love. That I feel made for. That thing that makes my spirit say, this is it. This is what I went to school for - this is what I worked through all those other roles and experiences for - this is what I'm for! Most likely I'll find it by continuing to move forward... and maybe a little bit more moving around, maybe even taking a wild risk or two. Maybe more doing what I want...less doing what I've done.
People who inspire me on this: Madison Unger, Jordyn Cline, my sister, my husband. They know doing what you want isn't easy either - but they're forging paths in the direction of what burns inside them rather than disassociating from their dreams for a paycheck.
Friday, March 25, 2016
We're house training Magnolia - so every time she potties outside, she gets a treat (and a lot of excited puppy-love-talk). It's amazing how quickly you can see her getting conditioned by this sort of reward.
I think I did the same thing to myself by accident. :/
Every time I go to Lowes or Home Depot, I get an ice cream cone. EVERY TIME. If John is going to one, I often ask to come along. This is because I love flowers and plants and anything pretty to put in our garden. Or is it?
Because Krispy Kreme told me last summer that they'd decided to keep their ice cream machine running all year this time - and then I showed up one day and it was gone. They asked if I'd like a hot chocolate instead. I KID YOU NOT. Who thinks that hot chocolate is actually a great replacement for a person who wants an ice cream cone!?!? Sure, they're essentially the same thing, except one is frozen people, and I sit there licking it the whole way home, tail wagging and proud of the good girl I am for going to Home Depot. Hot chocolate? No thank you, donut man.
I haven't been to Home Depot/Lowes much this winter. And sure, that's because it's just not gardening season... but it is also because it's not Krispy Kreme ice cream season. I know it's not Krispy Kreme ice cream season, because I insisted they tell me what day their machine starts up again and that day has been marked on my calendar for months - in all caps - highlighted. Some people call that day Memorial Day- I call it "Krispy Kreme Ice Cream Day!"
I still plan to drive by regularly and ask if they've started up the machine early - and if they haven't - refuse to take any replacement (I need them to know how I feel) and drive out of the drive-thru empty-handed. I did this last spring at least 6 times. And I've done it a couple times this winter too if I'm being honest. One of my greatest strengths and flaws is an undying hope. It has tortured my heart on many occasions (and now has tortured my husband a time or too as well) - for better or worse, sometimes I just can't make it stop! And my heart hopes for ice cream!! (always.)
To me, molly moons has got nothing on Krispy Kreme soft serve swirl.
So Monday morning, May 30th you'll know where to find me and Magnolia! They give us the day off, because it's ice cream day!! Only 66 days to wait!!
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Magnolia
You guys. I got a puppy. [stay calm. stay calm.]
It's March and I can check off one of a few real goals/hopes/dreams for this year!
Almost.
You see, she's Canadian. And she's only 8 weeks old so she can't get her rabies immunization yet. And that's a problem with the CDC. Which means they turned us around at the border last week.
So we own a beautiful little girl named Magnolia. And she lives in Canada, unless the CDC will approve our request for a Confinement Agreement and let us bring her home this coming Saturday as we've requested. So, everyone, please pray for favor. :)
If they say no, we'll have to wait 2 more months to bring her home. Which is sad. But we know sadder things happen every day. And people sit waiting for answers and loves much bigger than the one we're waiting on.
Meet Magnolia...
It's March and I can check off one of a few real goals/hopes/dreams for this year!
Almost.
You see, she's Canadian. And she's only 8 weeks old so she can't get her rabies immunization yet. And that's a problem with the CDC. Which means they turned us around at the border last week.
So we own a beautiful little girl named Magnolia. And she lives in Canada, unless the CDC will approve our request for a Confinement Agreement and let us bring her home this coming Saturday as we've requested. So, everyone, please pray for favor. :)
If they say no, we'll have to wait 2 more months to bring her home. Which is sad. But we know sadder things happen every day. And people sit waiting for answers and loves much bigger than the one we're waiting on.
Meet Magnolia...
She's a Canadian Australian Shepherd.
We can't decide if we're going to call her "Noli" or "Naula" for short.
Sunday, February 28, 2016
It's raining out, a Sunday and I've got mellow love songs filling up an empty office.
I'm fighting day dreams and distractions because I just want to get this all done and get home. But my heart keeps taking off anyways. I want to get away someplace, any place with him.
I want a weekend by the coast, with books and coffee and just the two of us. No work. No house.
I'd take Portland though. Or Vancouver. Whistler. Anywhere on the islands. Ocean shores. Cannon Beach. I'll knock out a few hours of work and then I'm back to looking for cheap airbnb spots. NO - work, Kati. Work.
No, Work. No.
I need books. I need him. I need to be watching this rain fall.
I'm fighting day dreams and distractions because I just want to get this all done and get home. But my heart keeps taking off anyways. I want to get away someplace, any place with him.
I want a weekend by the coast, with books and coffee and just the two of us. No work. No house.
I'd take Portland though. Or Vancouver. Whistler. Anywhere on the islands. Ocean shores. Cannon Beach. I'll knock out a few hours of work and then I'm back to looking for cheap airbnb spots. NO - work, Kati. Work.
No, Work. No.
I need books. I need him. I need to be watching this rain fall.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Have you ever been a part of a team? Not just on a team, a part of it.
I was running downtown tonight and came to a stoplight. We were down by the waterfront and clearly no one would be coming down this street just then - I looked at the runner across the intersection from me. We made eye contact and both started running toward one another - we were going for it - both crossing from our opposite sides. I had an incredible desire to reach out my hand and give him a high five in passing. But he looked away. In that split-second connection, the amazing feeling of being part of a team had lept back to flames inside me. Tagging out - checking in - great job - go get 'em - a high five at a run.
I've been on a lot of teams over the years: on the field, the court, the classroom and the office, but being a part of a team, not so often.
It's a good feeling. I'm looking for it - also, I want to learn how to create real teams, real teamwork. Having a group of people more concerned with working hard together, building each other up, pushing each other, sharing their tricks and secrets, challenging each other, feeling free to be strong themselves; good Lord, creating with a group of people like that - getting into a tough situation together - taking on some crazy feat and walking away successful- it's sooo ridiculously good you guys!!
I think I'm going to start offering high fives to any jogger I pass when on a jog. Also, I'm gonna build myself a team. I'm going to work better at being not just a teammate - but back to being a captain.
I was running downtown tonight and came to a stoplight. We were down by the waterfront and clearly no one would be coming down this street just then - I looked at the runner across the intersection from me. We made eye contact and both started running toward one another - we were going for it - both crossing from our opposite sides. I had an incredible desire to reach out my hand and give him a high five in passing. But he looked away. In that split-second connection, the amazing feeling of being part of a team had lept back to flames inside me. Tagging out - checking in - great job - go get 'em - a high five at a run.
I've been on a lot of teams over the years: on the field, the court, the classroom and the office, but being a part of a team, not so often.
It's a good feeling. I'm looking for it - also, I want to learn how to create real teams, real teamwork. Having a group of people more concerned with working hard together, building each other up, pushing each other, sharing their tricks and secrets, challenging each other, feeling free to be strong themselves; good Lord, creating with a group of people like that - getting into a tough situation together - taking on some crazy feat and walking away successful- it's sooo ridiculously good you guys!!
I think I'm going to start offering high fives to any jogger I pass when on a jog. Also, I'm gonna build myself a team. I'm going to work better at being not just a teammate - but back to being a captain.
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Gardens
It's difficult to weed someone else's garden.
Years ago, when my mom was away for a bit, my sister decided to weed her garden. By the end it looked beautiful - clean, plenty of dark freshly turned soil.
Too much dark soil. She pulled more than some weeds.
This past weekend was filled with yard work - the good kind that leaves you achy and sore in a fulfilling way. As I pruned the lavender and hedges, and weeded through the front beds, there were several times I had to pause and think "What is that?" A master gardener might know, but I think even they have to think twice in the first days of spring. I'm no master gardener; I'm absolutely in the apprentice stage. I sat there staring at the little leaves just breaking through the soil, trying to make out the shape and recall what bulbs I've planted and where over the past couple years. Ah!! That's right! That's what that is! I thought to myself, thank goodness this is my garden, I think someone else would have pulled that. Shoot, in anyone else's garden I would have pulled that. It's difficult to weed another woman's garden. And yet, we do. The thought blazed through my mind, and began to take root.
How often do we look at another and determine what is weed and what should bloom on some sunny day? How often do you think we're actually wrong about it?
I spent the rest of the day cutting, digging and planting, feeling thankful for all those in my life that haven't tried to weed my garden for me - grateful for those who recognize that they didn't plant anything in that dirt - the ones who've been willing to show up and water for me, willing to wait years and watch, willing to keep an over-eager weeder at bay even. Thankful for those who know a thorny ugly thing is just a rose in the winter. She'll be beautiful by spring and blooming by summer.
We're all a bed of surprises, so let's agree to not weed each other's beds, okay? Chances are if you try, you'll pull out some daisies that really just needed a little sunshine and water from you. Or perhaps, just patience and a person for whom to bloom.
Maybe you think you're the exception because you're just good at reading people. Or, you're prophetic. Yeah, I've told myself that too. But I've had a few prophetic women tear me to shreds in a winter and I've still got some roses that just won't seem to bloom any more. If you're gifted in really seeing through things, look for the flowers.
PS
Feed, don't weed. ;)
Years ago, when my mom was away for a bit, my sister decided to weed her garden. By the end it looked beautiful - clean, plenty of dark freshly turned soil.
Too much dark soil. She pulled more than some weeds.
This past weekend was filled with yard work - the good kind that leaves you achy and sore in a fulfilling way. As I pruned the lavender and hedges, and weeded through the front beds, there were several times I had to pause and think "What is that?" A master gardener might know, but I think even they have to think twice in the first days of spring. I'm no master gardener; I'm absolutely in the apprentice stage. I sat there staring at the little leaves just breaking through the soil, trying to make out the shape and recall what bulbs I've planted and where over the past couple years. Ah!! That's right! That's what that is! I thought to myself, thank goodness this is my garden, I think someone else would have pulled that. Shoot, in anyone else's garden I would have pulled that. It's difficult to weed another woman's garden. And yet, we do. The thought blazed through my mind, and began to take root.
How often do we look at another and determine what is weed and what should bloom on some sunny day? How often do you think we're actually wrong about it?
I spent the rest of the day cutting, digging and planting, feeling thankful for all those in my life that haven't tried to weed my garden for me - grateful for those who recognize that they didn't plant anything in that dirt - the ones who've been willing to show up and water for me, willing to wait years and watch, willing to keep an over-eager weeder at bay even. Thankful for those who know a thorny ugly thing is just a rose in the winter. She'll be beautiful by spring and blooming by summer.
We're all a bed of surprises, so let's agree to not weed each other's beds, okay? Chances are if you try, you'll pull out some daisies that really just needed a little sunshine and water from you. Or perhaps, just patience and a person for whom to bloom.
Maybe you think you're the exception because you're just good at reading people. Or, you're prophetic. Yeah, I've told myself that too. But I've had a few prophetic women tear me to shreds in a winter and I've still got some roses that just won't seem to bloom any more. If you're gifted in really seeing through things, look for the flowers.
PS
Feed, don't weed. ;)
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Hermione Mix | Pogo & Jeesh
It would be totally normal to name a daughter Hermione. Right? Totally normal.
5 Reasons I Love Living in Maple Leaf
Having known a number of friends toying with the idea of moving toward the city, I've been considering my favorite things about living where we do. Below are five reasons I love living in Maple Leaf. They aren't mind-blowing, in fact, they're mostly very obvious, and I think these pertain to all our little neighborhoods on our edge of town:
1. Tiny Libraries - I know these are making their way out to the burbs, but tiny libraries was one of many reasons I loved living in Fremont. When they started popping up on my own street and the surrounding areas in Maple Leaf, my heart lept! I always keep books in the back of my car (books for unexpected park days, books I need to return to friends, books I'm ready to donate). Several times now I have hopped out and traded a book in the back for something appealing in the little lending library on the sidewalk.
2. Parks - My mom took us girls to a lot of parks growing up. I have such strong, happy memories when I pass by the one with all the flags halfway between Bothell and Edmonds. That's where most often we'd end up with Elise - I remember us setting our sodas in the sand so they wouldn't fall over while we enjoyed the swings. Sure enough, our teeth met a nice amount of grainy soda when we returned. We always drove to the parks though. And as a kid, I had no complaint about this, as an adult I don't either really. I love driving to a favorite park. But you know what's even better? WALKING to the park! I love that living in one of the outskirt neighborhoods of Seattle essentially means you have a park within walking distance. For us, we have two or three, but one of them is so great it's the only one we even think to go to! Maple Leaf is made by it's incredible Maple Leaf Reservoir Park!
3. Local Businesses - For us, the local businesses starts with coffee and ends with either Ace Hardware or The Maple Bar. Not because there aren't other awesome businesses (like a Vet I can't wait to visit someday soon! When have you ever heard those words before, right?), but because we LOVE these local haunts and something about buying goods from the guy who literally lives on your street is awesome! But in our little Maple Leaf town center strip, we also have accountants, a florist, a mechanic, a cake/bakery shop, two salons, until a month ago a drug store, midwives, a naturopath, a chiropractor and a dozen other shops.
4. Short(er) Commute - I decided yesterday that the only thing that sucks about Seattle, is the traffic. It seriously is ALL the time now. And it's awful; no denying it. Everything else about our green city is awesome. That being said, living on the edge of the city is a pretty nice situation. It shortens your commute into the city for work each day, while also allowing you to avoid the nasty traffic on your off days. I really like not having to sit on 45th or 50th for close to an hour any time I want to hit I-5, or go visit my parents. Where we live now, we are essentially 15 minutes to everything! (Except Bellevue and Kirkland.) And by "shorter commute" to work, I also mean we get to commute in on a bus! Sitting on a bus, instead of behind a wheel means you're spending less money and you're probably enjoying a good book. You're also walking from your bus stop to work, which is healthier for you. Of course, this is also healthier for the environment, and for the nasty Seattle traffic so everybody please get on a bus! And now that you're on a bus, read a book. Look, I am literally solving so many major US problems right now - we're all on buses and we're reading, so there's no traffic, less exhaust, and an educated, empathetic population! I'm getting t-shirts made!
5. Community - we're still figuring this one out. But I visited our Community Council Executive Board meeting this past month, and I'm happy to know there are wonderful people who have been members of this community for 30 years. Like every part of Seattle (and Washington), the neighborhood is undergoing massive changes, amidst that, it is wonderful to have long-term, committed neighbors who can hopefully help us hold on to the very best parts of who Maple Leaf has always been, while wisely adapting to how the city needs to change. Living in tight quarters with neighbors can be frustrating - it's hard to not be all up in one another's business, but it also leads to conversations and hellos and goodbyes and "Great day to work in the yard, isn't it?" across the street. When Heidi lived here, she made friends with other moms at the coffee shop. I love that (as did she). As I said, we're still figuring this one out, but I think these specific neighborhoods have a lot of promise for community and I treasure that.
1. Tiny Libraries - I know these are making their way out to the burbs, but tiny libraries was one of many reasons I loved living in Fremont. When they started popping up on my own street and the surrounding areas in Maple Leaf, my heart lept! I always keep books in the back of my car (books for unexpected park days, books I need to return to friends, books I'm ready to donate). Several times now I have hopped out and traded a book in the back for something appealing in the little lending library on the sidewalk.
2. Parks - My mom took us girls to a lot of parks growing up. I have such strong, happy memories when I pass by the one with all the flags halfway between Bothell and Edmonds. That's where most often we'd end up with Elise - I remember us setting our sodas in the sand so they wouldn't fall over while we enjoyed the swings. Sure enough, our teeth met a nice amount of grainy soda when we returned. We always drove to the parks though. And as a kid, I had no complaint about this, as an adult I don't either really. I love driving to a favorite park. But you know what's even better? WALKING to the park! I love that living in one of the outskirt neighborhoods of Seattle essentially means you have a park within walking distance. For us, we have two or three, but one of them is so great it's the only one we even think to go to! Maple Leaf is made by it's incredible Maple Leaf Reservoir Park!
3. Local Businesses - For us, the local businesses starts with coffee and ends with either Ace Hardware or The Maple Bar. Not because there aren't other awesome businesses (like a Vet I can't wait to visit someday soon! When have you ever heard those words before, right?), but because we LOVE these local haunts and something about buying goods from the guy who literally lives on your street is awesome! But in our little Maple Leaf town center strip, we also have accountants, a florist, a mechanic, a cake/bakery shop, two salons, until a month ago a drug store, midwives, a naturopath, a chiropractor and a dozen other shops.
4. Short(er) Commute - I decided yesterday that the only thing that sucks about Seattle, is the traffic. It seriously is ALL the time now. And it's awful; no denying it. Everything else about our green city is awesome. That being said, living on the edge of the city is a pretty nice situation. It shortens your commute into the city for work each day, while also allowing you to avoid the nasty traffic on your off days. I really like not having to sit on 45th or 50th for close to an hour any time I want to hit I-5, or go visit my parents. Where we live now, we are essentially 15 minutes to everything! (Except Bellevue and Kirkland.) And by "shorter commute" to work, I also mean we get to commute in on a bus! Sitting on a bus, instead of behind a wheel means you're spending less money and you're probably enjoying a good book. You're also walking from your bus stop to work, which is healthier for you. Of course, this is also healthier for the environment, and for the nasty Seattle traffic so everybody please get on a bus! And now that you're on a bus, read a book. Look, I am literally solving so many major US problems right now - we're all on buses and we're reading, so there's no traffic, less exhaust, and an educated, empathetic population! I'm getting t-shirts made!
5. Community - we're still figuring this one out. But I visited our Community Council Executive Board meeting this past month, and I'm happy to know there are wonderful people who have been members of this community for 30 years. Like every part of Seattle (and Washington), the neighborhood is undergoing massive changes, amidst that, it is wonderful to have long-term, committed neighbors who can hopefully help us hold on to the very best parts of who Maple Leaf has always been, while wisely adapting to how the city needs to change. Living in tight quarters with neighbors can be frustrating - it's hard to not be all up in one another's business, but it also leads to conversations and hellos and goodbyes and "Great day to work in the yard, isn't it?" across the street. When Heidi lived here, she made friends with other moms at the coffee shop. I love that (as did she). As I said, we're still figuring this one out, but I think these specific neighborhoods have a lot of promise for community and I treasure that.
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