It is true, trust is always our battle. Trusting that God is good. Trusting that He cares. Trusting that He can do it better than I can in my own efforts anyways. Trusting that He will lead me- and He will work out the end. Trusting that when I hurt- He can heal me.
It has been one of those days where you have to write out a few verses and remind yourself of them over and over, just to make it. Quite truly, it has been one of those weeks.
This is what I've found to be true: The Lord is able, willing, and longing. And in the end, He will work all things out. Don't put time restraints on when He will act, just trust, that He will.
I've been seeking answers and He won't give me a 'yes' but he also won't give me a 'no.' In fact, as I look at certain situations that appear to be no's- and I am ready to just let them be- I feel like He is saying, "wait- I didn't say no." Sometimes, we want an answer so bad, something solid to settle on, that we'd as quickly take a no to our desires as a yes..... just because it allows us to get out of the discomfort of the unknown and the waiting. I'm living in the discomfort of the unknown... so long I'm considering sending in my papers and requesting resident status at this point. I realized last night, God likes to lead me step by step. It is probably because He knows if He said 'hey- it's my plan for you to go to spot B and accomplish D' - I'd start making it happen. He'd much rather walk each step out with me- force me to stop, look in His eyes, quiet, listen, become desperate.... and eventually follow where He leads me.
He has always been faithful- and I know this is not the end, for far too many things are yet to be worked out. Aw trust. Trust, and tea, and prayer, and reading, and guarding my thoughts -- this is my life right now. I often remind myself of an admonition from Pastor Norm one Sunday morning, "If we don't quit- we win." I think we've mostly learned that if He doesn't say 'yes' we shouldn't do it- but now I'm learning that if He doesn't say 'no'- I shouldn't quit. The first lesson protects us and keeps us safe- the second lesson (perhaps learned by fewer) will release us to do great things and save us from an ordinary life. Both require trust- and great courage.
2 comments:
As someone who has been where you are right now...in that place of waiting, anxious, longing and forlorn in thought...know that it is not a desert but an oasis. Let go and let God. Enjoy not having any long-term commitments, no dependents and no worries.
:) yes.
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