I hope good changes are on the way- because my heart just feels astir.

You know those times where you feel unsettled, like waves are shifting below you and you'd like nothing better than to spot some solid ground to step onto? It's like I'm waiting to spot that land- and I'm not quite sure where it is, or even exactly where I want it to be. My heart is restless. I know I need to claim some peace at this moment, but it is more than just needing peace, something in my heart is shifting or preparing for a change.

It isn't uncommon for a graduate to be feeling in a season of change- and I keep reminding myself this. But, it's to the point where I don't know if I want to be surrounded by friends, or alone at each moment... it seems neither. And I feel like tears are gathering in my heart- though I know not why, nor even if they are sad. In fact, I do know they are not sad, but neither do they seem happy. It is like I cannot be really happy right now- not until something changes.

And because of this strange position, I hesitate to read, because I feel so vulnerable to whatever emotions I may come across in the book I pick up. I know I could become incredibly melancholy. I dislike tv. The same strange inbetween-ness-unknowing keeps me from being able to select any genre of music. So, I am simply sitting. Perhaps the best thing I can do right now is read some Psalms and focus on praising the Lord.

This reminds me of a recent revelation I had... last Sunday morning, driving to church I was talking with the Lord and hearing how I was needing to be re-postured. And suddenly the Lord began to speak to me about the connection between my present posture and how I was viewing my present and past- and that I needed to re-view my past so that I could be postured correctly in the present. In short, I need to speak gratefulness about where I am and where I have been- in order to posture myself correctly for the present and the future. Not the deepest revelation, but it's altering my present world.

Off to read the Psalms I go, and wait these waves out... trusting that whatever land I am approaching will be good.