Exciting: Obedience.

I just had a definite battle in deciding how to spend my evening. It's my tendency to assume that "more, is the Lord." If there is a meeting- it's the Lord for me to be there... and if I can't go, it's because I failed in my discipline or use of time.

Tonight, I am staying home from a big meeting I'd like to be at. But I realized, I'd like to be there not because I think the Lord is waiting there for me- I'd like to be there, because not being there is going to mean getting crap from friends. Don't get me wrong, usually I am STOKED for these sort of evenings. But I'm stoked because I am stoked to meet my Maker face to face, and even more stoked to do it beside others I love and enjoy.

Tonight though, I just know that He's here for me- and not there. To be clear, I know God is omnipresent. Here's what I mean, God told me this year is about radical obedience to His voice. He told me to stay home. I decided to go and even texted a friend. I felt it immediately in my spirit. It was like a sad sigh. I texted her back immediate: "scratch that." And then, after making the decision, I felt peace. And then, excitement. I felt like God said, "I'm here. Let's steal a few minutes away together, it's been too long and not enough." AWWW. And like that, I'm lit!

So, while I am excited for what is happening tonight at the church... I am excited to have obeyed, to have chosen "Where you go, I'll go; where you stay, I'll stay." Tonight, we are staying in... studying together, and stealing little moments away.

I love Him. I love that He doesn't always tell you to do what you think you "ought" to do. He's not a system or a strategy. He's not a set of rules. He's a person. And I get to grow in a relationship with Him for ever, learning to hear His voice. Learning to respond to His voice- not the voice of the masses... even when its a wonderful mass. ;) I'm praying tonight is incredible- so incredible my heart aches to have missed it... but I'm not going to regret this decision, not tonight, He's here.

He's consistent, He never changes, But He never fails to surprise me. And I love Him for it!

Another surprise...I've been praying about what this next month is going to be about, and what I am to fast. He told me, this next month is not so much going to be a fast, as a 'sprint'... it's not so much about 'giving up' as 'taking in.' It's going to be a carb-loading season (spiritually speaking) ... which means, something big is coming after... something I'm going to need that strength for. You don't carb-load before a vacation- you carb-load before you go into a tournament, or climb a mountain, or fight a match. You carb-load when you are building muscle. (OH and how the Dennis Peacocke teachings begin to flood my mind... I think those may need some revisiting this month).

I think it's very timely that I am reading Max Lucado's Fearless. Yesterday I came face to face with some of my own timidity, and a frustration with fear. After taking a hard hit and getting a concussion on the mountain last Thursday, I returned yesterday. I was timid. I fought the mountain- I didn't go fast, I didn't take risks. I hardly practiced the skills I'd acquired last week. I wore myself out quick from all the resistance- FEAR IS TIRING. And it sucks the fun out of life (and snowboarding). About 3 weeks ago I told Bianca I didn't think I really struggled with much fear- but boy has God been pulling it out of the cracks of my being. I'm going to be fearless. And not only that, I'm going to raise my kids to be Fearless. Madison Unger I have found is an excellent example of courage and fearlessness... I don't know if I'll ever quite have her tenacity for thrills.... but I'd like to have children that know no fear like her she knows no fear. I'd like to have a marriage that knows no fear- I've been looking forward to dreaming with my husband lately. Dreaming, kind of a funny aspect of marriage to anticipate... but I am. I love dreaming. I'm learning to Dream with God- it makes me come alive, it makes me real. And I'm thinking that dreaming with my husband is going to be one of the most exciting things yet- especially since I believe God is going to accomplish great things through us and in us together. Aw, DREAMING.

LET HOPE ARISE AND DARKNESS TREMBLE.

Love you all,
katrina hope