I am sitting on my bed, snacking on fresh apples and peanut butter, listening to Laura Woodley and the rain falling on the lilac tree outside my window. My room is finally in order, and with it a small piece of my life- and I feel a little rest. I could almost cry with the clouds right now. (a good cry).

My life feels very uncertain. It's mostly just my job, but I feel this huge confusion around my life. It is MORE than my job. (yes, whether to stay or go, and if stay, what exactly that would look like? and if to go, where?) Amidst that though, I have realized lately how much I have changed over the past few years- things I like, things I miss. Driving up to Family Camp I had this strange moment, where I realized I like who I am...it was a thankful moment, I am sooo grateful for what God is doing in me, and what He's done in me. Now, the last couple weeks I'm more aware that I still am not totally certain who I am...yes, a daughter. Thats most of what I have to stand on right now.

Conflicts at work have left me asking secretly, "What have I done?" I know so much of it was not my doing, but I fear secretly it was. I was living up to workplace standards, but not up to who I know I am. I was not being selfless, a servant, a daughter in the marketplace as I know I am to be. I was holding on to my own life. How do you explain that to HR? And still, what other things outside of my hands have played a part? And how do I continue now, accepting both?

Along with this is the undercurrent of other questions- only 21, I know, but friends marrying and others seeming close, I can't help but think of that chapter in my own story- and then realizing that I have changed so much, and AM changing so much, and that I genuinely don't know whats best for me- who's best for me...more uncertainty and confusion. (notice the 45 word long sentence there!)

There is so much more, so many details that seem drifting past me downstream while I'm holding on to a branch. I am not in a crisis right now, don't worry (or maybe I am, but I know that branch is rooted deeper than the current of the river!). However, I am definitely in need of the Lord, and I DO want Him more than my next breath! This Sunday's message was so pertinent to me right now- I wanted to make sure I captured every word into my notebook. "Don't quit a job until you have a preceding word! Don't start a job until you have a preceding word!" Okay....so, I sit, and wait for Him to speak. I need one of the "Then God said.." moments in my life. This is where I actually get excited, because pastor norm explained that a "Then God moment" is what begins a presence movement, and I'd certainly love to see the Lord release a Presence movement at my work, even amidst my own recent failures. I want the Lord to come- come to my bedroom, come to my home, come to my work, come to the Gilberts' tonight! ;)

Lord, I am so grateful for all you are doing, in me and around me, and I'm grateful I have only You to grasp. Speak into the void... :)

Kim posted this quiz today, and with a few extra minutes here I decided to as well. I was surprised by the trend in my answers, as well as my result. Surprisingly, I think it's acurate. I'm definitely a touch person....let me know if you think it's acurate...and take it yourself, I want to know your results :)

You are the Sense of Touch

You are a highly sensitive and easily moved person. You love to get as close to other people as possible. Human connection is very important to you. You are also likely to be an animal lover who loves animals as much as humans. In fact, you like almost anything soft! You have expensive taste in clothes and furniture. It's all about the fabric.

Which of the Five Senses Are You?

Friday night was the beautiful Morrill-Somers wedding! Aime and I at Katy & Dusty's wedding at the Square in the Court (beautiful venue- BEAUTIFUL wedding)

The next day Dad and I loaded up the car and headed to Montana for Amanda (my second cousin)'s wedding. The drive was beautiful. We took our time getting over there, taking two days and many stops.

Our first stop was Deception Falls. It was supposed to be a "quick stop" but then I offered to take a picture for a couple- the man recognized dad and it turned out they had worked together years ago at Boeing. 20 minutes later.... lol.

Dad and I made a stop here, at the Mission of the Sacred Heart. My dad and his dad stopped here on a drive to Montana when he was 12.

The next day we stopped for gas and saw a sign for "silver Mountain" and the "longest gondola in the world." At first I was discouraging my dad from going. It was at a water park according to the sign and I thought I boat ride on some ridiculously long gondola sounded like a tourist nightmare! (granted, I've been to Venice, and unless I'm in Venice, with my man's arm around me someday, I don't want to take a gondola ride). Now, I didn't say any of this reason to my dad - and boy was I grateful for that, after I looked at the mountain and realized it was the OTHER kind of gondola....yes, like a ski lift. I told my dad on the way up and he laughed.

It was the most beautiful ride, surprised us both as we headed to the second, smaller lift, and then to a third that took us up to the forest fire lookout.


I didn't take many pictures of the wedding sadly, (I didn't want to carry my camera around so I put it in the car). It was incredibly beautiful! The next evening, we all headed into Missoula for the county fair, and the Third Day Concert. It was a really fun experience. Dad and I also had dinner at Cracker Barrel before meeting everyone at the Fairgrounds. In the gift shop we saw these Griz hats and decided to buy them to egg on my fam over there that was trying very hard to get me to come to UM and become a Griz.

The hats worked, kinda. Cort gave us no response really (typical of Cort, and it got Dad haahaa), but Uncle Jim decided to take me on a midnight tour of the campus, and then to their new house to show me just how close I'd be if I moved in with them, lol.
My cousin Tina (mother-of-the bride) and her husband Phil...who is one of my new favorite people! He still does team penning, but used to ride bulls...they have a picture of him in the Calgary Stampede, riding a Buffalo! Not only that, but they let out like 9 of them at once! SO you fall off and you aren't just running from yours....there's a few more to watch out for!! At the same time, he is the sweetest man! (and Kris & Kim- he knows Flynn- our favorite Rodeo Clown- they are good friends, he's known him since he was a teacher, and stayed with his family! Tina and I were watching bull riding and a comercial came on with Flynn in it, and Tina goes "Phil knows him" and I said, "Wait- whats his name?!" cus I recognized him and thought it might be Flynn. Sure enough, it was!)

MORE KELLY GIRLS :) I think this is the first time I've ever had a picture with both Cousin Tina, and Hope. These have always been favorite cousins of ours, and while I have been able to send a good deal of Hope growing up (note, the name ;), I didn't get much with Tina.
The last morning, I got up early and went riding with Tina. I loved it! I was surprised by how relaxed I was, seriously. Maybe I was just still part asleep. I rode Missy, Tina's team penning horse, and she rode Phil's, Mandy. Missy was a total booger that morning, and she could tell I didn't really know what I was doing, so she was running the show...and I do mean Running. She'd take off across the coral all the sudden to be right beside her best pal, Mandy, who was tied up to a post still. After a little guidance by Tina, I had earned a little respect and Missy was paying attention to me. It was a blast. I rode around the corrall for a while, practicing turning her, checking her, and ...clicking at her (? telling her to speed up, lol). Then Tina and I saddled up mandy and headed down the road. We just took a relaxed walk (which was still a challenge since Missy wanted to get'r'done, lol, slow was NOT in her vocabulary the first half of the morning and I was constantly checking her. Once she settled down, Tina and I were able to have a great talk and beautiful ride on a Montana morning....ohhhh...yep, a little hard to leave.

After a long goodbye to Uncle Jim and Aunt Joanne, and all the others, we headed out.

I created a new blog yesterday. Poetry of Presence. Here is what I said about it in my "About me:"

"I feel called to write. The question then always comes, "What?" I usually take the cop-out of 'fantasy,' but what I really mean is much more than that. I want to write stories that are birthed from the Spirit, that touch peoples' hearts and change something deep inside of them. I am called to the broken and hurting, and I know that writing will be a tool the Lord uses to bring healing and strength. So, how do I get there?

I am a Junior, about to declare my English major with a creative writing emphasis. I am dedicated to my studies, but I feel lately that there is a new level of preparation. This blog is an outlet, for my writing to begin being read (and criticized)...and I hope it begins to leak revival in it's readers. Please let me know your thoughts and responses"

The url is: www.poetryofpresence.blogspot.com and you can follow the link down to the right(in my "Sites I Frequent" list). I'll be using this blog for developing my writing, therefore you will find the different things the Lord been dropping in my Spirit, short or long, poetry or prose, as well I suspect you will find several quotes and stories from other authors which greatly impact me.

Please take the time to comment when you do read it, as that is one of the major purposes of this blog (the other purpose being it birthing something in you, the reader). Thanks guys, and that blog url is free to pass around (unlike this one which I have kept among close friends and family).

So yes, please read, comment often (and honestly), and feel free to pass it around. I have a couple fun ideas which will make this blog pretty fun for you all to read (I hope!).

Love you all :)

Bathroom Update.

So, this is what I spent Friday doing.



This little piece is what inspired the whole redecoration. I found it in a little eclectic store at Alderwood Mall. I loved it!

I love springs and fountains. At first my family might think that it is hereditary from dad (and maybe it is), but it flows from a number of words I've heard the Lord tell me. A couple yers ago (in MCs) the Lord first told me I was a garden fountain. Since then, many times He has drawn on that image in our special times where He tells me how He sees me. Furthermore, one of my "life mottos" (I guess you could call it that- I usually don't) is "Taste and see that the Lord is good" they kind of go together, my life is a spring, a fountain, for the weary to come drink from- to come drink of the Lord's goodness. I want my life to say, "Taste and see that the Lord is good!" :) I wanted the bathroom to be a place of finding real rest. It's the first thing you see in the morning, and the usually the last. I'm going to write something around the top of the shower as well....where we'll read it first thing in the morning in the shower, or in the evening in a bath. And that is pretty much what is behind this bathroom.

I also happen to think it's pretty cute :)

There are a few more details to be done- touching up the edges, and building two boxes (mom and I bought the wood Saturday and had it cut. We also picked up new light shades, I put those in yesterday....it's all coming together rather nicely. I want to go get these specific hooks for the back of the door as well.)

The beach pictures are finally up! Woohoo! They are making me sad though, because I'd really much rather be at Waverly, with these people, even in the ugly weather we have at this moment, then be sitting at my desk dealing with the stuff I am...with the person I am :(

This really was one of the best days so far this summer. We were all so sad later when we didn't get any pictures of our bonfire. It wasn't your typical bonfire either...it was our first at the Ungers. It was pleasantly backrounded (I just coined that phrase) by the crooning of Nat King Cole, and it was full of so much fun and so much peace. I loved it- we all loved it!

But after all this fun in the sun, and BEFORE we decided to head to the Ungers' we first went to CeFiore (which morgan appropriately pronounced and made me so much happier than she knows, haaahaa). This stuff is good! I think I need to branch out more though. I always get the same thing- Green Tea frozen yogurt, with granola and raspberries. However, last friday Morgan P. and I went there and I mixed green tea frozen yogurt, with the acia berry, and it was pretty tasty- PLUS I added bluberries to my usual granola and raspberries! YUM-EE!



We took at least 5 different takes of this jumping pic (notice Todd is in a different place from one to the next) and we were sooo tired by the end of it! But it was so fun! And the weather was incredible- the perfect summer temperature!

I am praying for many more days like this one, before summer is over and we all head back to school- and some of us head to MCs :) Rosie and I made a trip to the mall yesterday so I could grab anotehr can of paint (I finished the bathroom- but more on that soon!). I couldn't beleive it- school stuff is starting to get displayed- still lots of great dresses, but they are a little more fallish- and tights accompany them- also, rainboots and umbrellas were shown! (I think I might go back for the rainboots- I'd get a lot of use out of them at UW in the fall- the campus floods!) But no more talk of school, summer is still in full swing! Bonfires and beaches, bonfires and beaches...

That's right, my favorite (living) author is about to release his 14th book! I can hardly wait! Its been just about a year since his last. Not only that, but they created another screenplay from one of his older books, which will be in theaters this fall. I don't know how excited I am for it, because it's one of my less favorites of his, plus its staring Richard Gere and Diane Lance (and James Franco). We'll see I guess. I am waiting for them to create a film from his book "A Bend in the Road", I remember I LOVED that one. That, and The Wedding are two of his best books which have yet to be adapted to films. In case you are somehow unaware (I tell most people this at one point or another), Sparks also wrote "The Notebook", "A Walk to Remember", and "Message in a Bottle" which all became films of the same names. I've saved my Barnes & Noble gift card from Kim (from my birthday back in January!!), so I can use it to buy the new Sparks book. I used to love buying books, but as of late, I've realized buying books is complicated. Because once you've read it, even if you enjoyed it, you likely wont read it again (at least not anytime in the near future)....so, you don't really want to buy a book AFTER you just read it. At the same time, when I just buy books that "look good" I often end up not even liking them and wishing I hadn't. I absolutely still love to wander used book stores- dusty and crammed. But when it comes to B&N or UW Bookstore, I spend enough money buying school books I hate for ENglish classes...I now hold off on buying random books there for pleasure.

EXCEPT for favorite authors- like Sparks. I LOVE having hardbacks of his books sitting on my shelf. And same with Shakespeare, or MacDonald, and books I'll want to digest (like Bill Johnson's and Eldredge's and others). :)

Bathroom Update:


By the end of the night I had finished one entire coat of the bathroom. This was taken close to the end, as I cut it all in. It is DARK, but I think it will look great as I get to pull off all the tape and all the white trim comes out sharp :) I am excited!! I'll need to buy another can before I can finish, which is frusterating since that will be next week when I get a chance! :(

No beach today-

I had a great lunch with one of my favorite ladys, Kim Rankin! :) We meet downtown Kirkland at one of my favorite cafe's. Then, I met up with Heidi and we went to ANOTHER coffee shop. We are sitting at a table in the open window, drinking our ice tea and typing on our matching white macs :) Oh how I love this girlie across from me!!!

I still feel a little sick and am debating whether to go to my soccer game in an hour or not...oh how I HATE decisions, awwwwrrrrrr. :(

Waverly, oh Waverly!

As of late, the weather has been incredible here in Washington- and I DO mean incredible! Weeks of clear skies and warm sunshine! I have yet to make it out on a boat, but the beaches have become my second home. Today might be day 6 straight that I head to the water (pool or Waverly!). I mean might, because I have been feeling sort of sick the last couple days :( I think its the warm sunshine, which is stealing my appetite, which is then leaving me weak...which makes me want to eat even less...you see the pattern?

This weekend was so incredibly fun. I have been waiting to post about it until I could steal pictures, but since miss heiders is taking a while, I decided to use the ones on my phone.




A very exciting thing that happened this weekend:
Kristin Hale got engaged Sunday!! We were at her engagement party last night...it was all done very kristin-style :) Love her!


ps. the bathroom is still unfinished...oops.

Current Project: painting the bathroom

I bought the paint back during spring break and I finally got around to getting started yesterday. All the white has been painted, now comes the brown (hopefully in the next hour, when the spakling is finished drying.) I've decided painting the bathroom maybe the most fun, because it is small and you are done before you get tired of it, plus I get to use a brush rather than a roller on most of it.

Today I had a great few hours with my dad, a special treat for him and I these days. We got to take one of our favorite walks, through Edmonds. We first stopped in downtown Edmonds and got coffee, then we drove through some of our favorite streets. This giant white house is one of my all-time favorite houses. (I planned to post the pictures, but I cannot find the cable for my camera- I will have to add them when I find it and can upload my pics, sorry.) I have dreamed for several years about buying it someday. Sadly, they tore down the stables at the bottom of the hill and are preparing to build some houses where it once was. No one is living in the house right now (so we think), so we looped into the beautiful circular drive to take a closer look, and for me to capture a few pictures. This house has the best of everything, it's in Edmonds, it has an incredible view of the Puget Sound and the mountains, a LOT of property, it is incredible and beautiful and huge, an old Georgian style mansion with beautiful proches and big white pillars, and it used to have stables for horses- this is my dream house, or so it was before they tore down the stables and decided to cram houses at its foot. :(

After our walk we stopped at a coffee shop and got drinks. The coffee shop is in this little shopping area, that looks like an old-fashioned town. It's one of the places I remember from my youngest memories- sitting there with my dad and kris eating ice cream cones.

Then, I washed my car, wandered Fred Meyers some with my mom, and came home and folded and put away all the laudry in my room. I actually accomplished my goals for the day- cleaned my car and room- and it feels great! I even went through all the papers and mail I've been putting aside for months! I threw away a bunch of school stuff...wow, feels good.

So, on with the accomplishing of my goals...Here are some favorite pictures from our trip to Oregon... the Kite Festival, OddWater Aquarium, around the beach house, on the shore, and around town...







(that's me on top in the light grey sweater...Scott caught me taking a pic of myself with my camera, lol)

So, random thought that just reoccured...

I was updating my facebook profile for summer and I started things of all the things I love about summer- at the top of the list is ice cream, and frozen yogurt- DELICIOUS!

This led me to my next statement,

CeFiore is not pronouced "say"- it is CHAY. It is Italian. In Italian, "ce" and "ci" both are pronounced like we pronounce "che" and "chi". And in fact, they pronounce "che" as "ke" (like the beginning of 'ketchup') and "chi" as "key".....the 'h' makes the 'c' a hard 'c'.

That is all. CeFiore [chay-fee-or-ay], and yes, it is absolutely delicious!