I had one of the greatest Saturdays yesterday. I literally teared up talking to my sister when I tried to explain my feelings. I just deeply believe that this is going to be a good year. Things that have been 'hard' for years, even little things, suddenly are happening. (no, I'm not courting.)

Here is what sparked my tears:

Saturday morning, I turned off my alarm and let myself just wake up when I was ready. I was planning to go into work for most of the day, but knew I wouldn't sleep too late anyways (I wake up around 8 most days on my own I found over the holiday). I slept in. Then, had coffee and just took my time. I decided to visit the camera place I'd been referred to - afterall, it was on the way to work (kind of) and Saturdays between 10-2 are the only time I can get there (the reason I haven't the past year). For the many readers who don't know the story, he's the backround:

When I was little, my uncle started taking me out for 'photoshoots' -not with me as the model, but as the photographer. He's a great photographer and started teaching me in 5th grade how to use his cameras. I loved it. Really loved it. (surprise right? me loving something? ;) By my Junior year of high school, I was drooling over the idea of a nice camera for my upcoming trip to Italy. My parents bought me one. A month or two later, my car was broken into while I was at a basketball game, and my camera stolen from under my seat. Come Easter, I was blown away when my mom and dad's amazing dusk scavenger hunt left me with a yellow sticky note that read "Your greens turned to brown cus we bearly love you." Kim and Kris had each found $100 bills with thier names on them. I laughed, but sort of a confused laugh. Thanks mom and dad? (It was dad's perfect hand writing). My dad told me to think about it, and my whole family stared at me with curious smiles that made me realize there was more to this. After a hunt, I stood in my bedroom, holding a box for a Minolta S5. I cried (like I almost am again now). I still remember Kim saying "Oh, I didn't expect her to cry!" and Kris responding "I did." Kim teared up, Kris laughed, and my mom and dad had huge smiles and hugs. I had a brand-new camera, weeks before leaving for Italy... the trip I'd had a new camera for, and then stolen.. and then a better one bought again. My whole family had pitched in for it. I was overcome.

Two years later, it wouldn't turn on. I was in MCs and we were on the UW campus- and it just wouldn't work. I finally remembered the last time I'd used it had been when it was snowing and we'd run outside for a few pictures. It shouldn't have damaged it, but as far as anyone can figure, it did. Moisture must have got in the brain of the camera and fried it.

I haven't had my camera for the past 5 years.

This past summer I went to buy a new body for my lens and the owner of Kenmore Camera told me to first try bringing it to this man in Shoreline. Yesterday, I did. And while he wasn't able to fix it (except for around $200 he thought), he traded me for one that looked in just as great of shape as mine.. for $70.. then let me keep mine anyways for sentimental reasons. He also gave me this beautiful old case I'd been eyeing, for $10. In less than an hour, I had my camera back, working, with batteries even in it. I walked into work with the biggest smile. Suddenly, this thing I've been wanting, but not finding to be a priority for the past 5 years, happened within minutes.. a little thing, but one that I love.

After two hours of work, Kristin and I decided to skip out and go enjoy the sunshine. For her birthday, our boss bougth Kristin a longboard. She's been doing it for a couple years now. I have not. But I have wanted to. When she was picking out hers, I spotted a beautiful one of my own. Last Wednesday, my boss bought it for me.. for my birthday.

I had intended to keep it a complete secret, because I didn't want to be part of the fad. Or thought to be copying anyone. We walked into Starbucks yesterday, boards in hand, and were greeted by Conner Hallstrom. Then, Kim Rankin. lol. Honestly, it was just my pride anyways that wanted to keep it a secret. The word integrity has been haunting me the past week... being who I am, all the time, the same inside and out. I believe this will be a year of integrity for me. So there you have it- I have pride. This year, while I still intend to not become more concerned with showing people who I am and what I do.... I will also stop trying so hard to hide things, out of fear that I'll be seen as common or part of the passing fads. (I HATE fads and trends and hype.) I hate when what I love for some significant reason, becomes popular and trendy. Some of that is I hate to see precious things devalued. But much of it is still pride- and that desire to be special or prove myself significant... and I'm okay with that getting uprooted this year.

SO there you have it. I am just like all the other silly young girls- I love cameras, old leather bags, and longboarding. I'm not original. But I can tell you a story behind every thing I love - and I'll still be loving it once the crave has passed to some new pastime.

PS, longboarding along Burke Gilman trail with my sis at dusk, coffee in hand... what an amazing moment. And what a magnificent start to the year...

Here's to being who we are this year- on the inside and out-- unassuming, unstriving, unhiding...