I soaked in Psalms 56 and 57 this morning. Wow.

I told Toni (Rosemary) yesterday, I had a pregnancy dream the other day. I didn't really remember it, I just remembered I was pregnant.

She told me it typically means you're about to birth something new.

Last night, I had another. And stragenly vivid. I was in the hospital room. I remember the doctor (no one I knew). Toni was there. So was my mom, and others. I didn't feel like it was time. And I was scared. But the doctor thought it was about time. I even remember the physical pain I felt. I was still up and walking around. Toni and I walked to the bathroom and were talking in there, I was telling her I was afraid and didn't think I was ready.

I woke up with a couple thoughts. One, pregnant women are the bravest women I know. To anticipate and look forward to that pain, because they know the priceless gift it will produce. And the joy that will come right after the pain. Also, how much I still need the Lord to take away my fear of the unknown, the things He is bringing into my life that aren't meant for me to try to control. I did my senior thesis on childbirth imagery, and how much of it's power and promise is in the fact that once it is begun, it can't be stopped. I've learned a lot more recently about childbirth and how God created a woman's body to carry it out (thanks to Rob & Aime and all their studying for Cadence) - the best thing a woman can do is learn to allow her body to do what it was created for, not to rush it, or to fight it.

Father is so faithful to prepare us for the coming things, and I don't want to control any of it. I want to trust completely, in the way that takes whatever comes from His hands with a sense of resolve and of rest. I want to walk into this next season with trust from the start. I want my life to be purged of all the fear and anxiety.

Psalm 56 is all on trusting the Lord. I didn't search for it, or look up Trust in an accordance. In fact, I was still trying to process my dream when I opened up my Bible. I heard the Lord say to go to the Psalms. And as I began to read, my spirit began to drink, and my heart began to listen. Psalm 57 seems to reinforce that He is worthy of trust. He is faithful. He is perfect. And He is working out His plan.

Yesterday, I had coffee with MacKenna. I love that woman. One thing she said to me that so reinforced the very core of what God's been doing in me is, 'Katrina, just be.' Everything she said before went straight to my heart too, but her final words were like the bottom line of all God's been saying and doing.

Yesterday at church they asked those who needed a touch from God to raise their hand. I raised mine before I even knew my hand was in the air. And no one else around me did. But I realized in an instant, I didn't care. (Humility, or rather, humiliation, has been another trend lately. I find myself telling the one thing I don't want to tell, to the one person I don't want to tell it a lot lately. I'm getting over myself.) I'm in a season of transition, and I know I just need whatever I can get to press through into this new thing. I need a touch of His power. I need a breath of His mighty wind to carry away some things and clear the earth for what's to grow through the Spring.