I feel so very close and so very far at once. To my dreams. To seeing the Lord's face. To some great revelation. To discovering 'that man.' To becoming who I truly am. I feel like I'm standing at a door.... like something new must be undeniably close, but unseen. Perhaps smelt. Perhaps heard. Perhaps, expected. Perhaps only awaited and hoped for.

I've never felt more hungry for all the Lord has for me, more desperate, and more undeserving. I'm just waiting. But I'm not waiting to come in a door... I think I'm waiting to walk out of one.. or for one to be opened to me. There is something far larger and greater outside then what I've seen in here. There are much higher skies, deeper oceans and stronger trees. There is more to risk, to dare, to dream... on the other side of this door.

Matthew 6... those who knock...

*knock*

I've never felt more passion in me, more secrets in my heart that I want to shout from a roof, but at the same time want to keep quiet, giving away only the smile they write on my face. I've never felt more uncontrolled, and yet more disciplined. I've never felt more aware that whether I stand or fall- the Lord's will is to be done, and if I conquer great odds and stand on dangerous mountains it will declare His glory and be the work of His hand... not the worthiness of me.

Those who seek....

"It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, and the glory of Kings to seek them out."

...Find. And until they find, they play in the game of God, a game He calls, glory. And those with courage to play, He calls Kings.