Thursday, May 06, 2010

I'm still a sinner, still. 

But I'm marked by grace. 

Sometimes you cry out for God's fire, because you feel so alive and 'great' and you feel you're ready for it. Other times, you cry out when you don't feel ready for it- and you are pretty sure it's going to ruin you, but you're desperate to be consumed.... because you don't want what you are, you want Him. 

I don't know how it happened, but I looked down and saw I was holding onto my own life again. How easily we grasp at what was never meant to be our own- a life laid down. Dead with Christ, and alive IN Him. That's how I remember it, but somehow, I appear to have forgotten again. 

Lord, take it back. I'll only ruin it and make ashes from the beauty You've been faithfully creating. My life is not my own. Dream through me, love through me, speak through me... return to this tomb I call my heart, because without you there is no light and nothing beautiful grows in the dark. 

Give me grace to obey, in every moment. Give me grace to accept Your love, when I feel undeserving. Let me seek You, and all Your ways. 

1 comment:

Elsa Juliet Walker said...

Lady, we're starting to sound more and more alike haha! :) I've been realizing so much how I need Jesus too. Like for real... just as much now as I did before I was "walking with Him" but really what does even that mean? I think it's the daily decisions to walk with Him and even then.. I'm not perfect. I still need Him.

I love you.