I’ve got a ticket in my pocket and it’s whispering my name.
         I've got a ticket for the train – hear it whistling miles away.
         Miles away, miles away, my mind’s caught it all the same. 

[image source]

I've been drooling over leather jackets.  I feel like I legitimately need one now that I ride on [the back of] a bike.  Right?  A girls gotta look the part.  

I caved.  I flipped the switch.  I ... bought a kindle.

After months of carrying around 10 pound HP books in my purse, I finally decided to make the move.  I am the proud owner of a beautiful little Kindle Paperwhite.

I felt a rush of emotions after I ordered it.  Excitement.  Guilt.  Shame.  More excitement.  Confusion.  I'm a book girl - an old fashioned, hard backed, paper-smelling book girl!  I've prided myself in that for the past 20 years!  And now, I'm ascribing to the world of e-readers?!  All that is wrong in this world?!

My roomie helped me wade past the flood and remember, I'm still a book girl.  I'll always choose a hard copy at home, or when given the opportunity to relish and enjoy... but this neck of mine needs a break on the bus each day.  And now I have it, thanks to my cute little kindle.

Just in time for my train ride to Portland this evening! ;)

We're busy. Dear God we are busy!

And I can't help but think, this is the time for us.

This is the time for us to volunteer.  To throw off excuses. To be wildly passionate about something.  To follow through.  To do what we say.  To say what we feel.  To feel something for someone else.  For a stranger.

I'm going to.

Because I can't help but think this is the time.

Don't waste your life.  Don't waste your youth.

Over the last 2 months, we've visited 3 lighthouses.  The last one, I must confess we just looked at from across a parking lot, packed tightly into a car with  4 others.  But regardless, 3 lighthouses this summer and it isn't even June?  That is pretty impressive if I do say so myself.  The first lighthouse I shared some pictures from last month.  The third, as I already mentioned, was a photo snapped from inside a car. The second, however, I have a bit more to say about.  And you'll soon be able to read about it, over here.

Take a look at Uncommon, a new collaboration I am proud to be part of, along with a few good friends.

I would enjoy these in a house one day. 

I've been working on talking less.  Which hasn't been going incredibly well, per se.  What it has accomplished it seems is less blogging.

It's not so much that I feel I need to talk less, as that I think I should less often feel I have something to say.  It's been growing deeper and deeper into me - I don't know the answers.  And while I've known that for a long time, I'm seeking to actually behave accordingly.  Because giving advice, can be dangerous.  And more often than not - it can be unnecessary.  I've had some really good training over my short-lived adult life.  And I've had some great opportunities that taught me a thing or two.  And I think, a lot.  Like all the time.  I've spent years trying to learn how to s-t-o-p thinking so much!  So, I do have stuff to say.  And it's stuff I've processed through and really believe - but even still, it's my answers, and most likely not anyone else's.  I own them.  Others don't.

To put it better, I'm working on saying things that let other people continue to talk.  I'm not good at that really either.  See, I have a strong preference for people to say what they mean and mean what they say - and then stop saying it!  Hypocrite?  Yes. I know. I talk a lot - but I usually only say each thing once.  And I work hard at saying it as clear as possible the first time.  Communication is an art - and it's the one I consider my passion.  But sometimes I don't give others a lot of room to communicate.  Once I feel they've said it, I'd like to move on, keep the pace, progress the game.  I like to communicate at a sprint.

I read something in a book last week though about giving people air - air to speak, process, share, open up, really more unfold. I want to give people air...  and all too often, I don't.  It's hard to get air when you're racing.

John:  I just bought 4 broken NES systems on ebay

you're dating an engineer

These guys.  

Tonight. 

:) 

5/20

I know this from experience.  

A life lived for art is never a life wasted.

-Macklemore

Guess who's company took home First Place at the 2013 Product Runway.... 

She's a Phoenix, FYI.  I know it looks a bit terrifying in this shot.  

The theme was surreal. 

And those "feathers" are cut out of slate. 

If you don't know what I'm taking about, google "product runway".

I am sitting here falling in love with this.  Truly.  Just look at it.

It's 9am and there's a cookie in my mouth.

I don't really know how I even began it, but somehow I'm enjoying coffee and the ginger molasses cookie I bought yesterday.  For breakfast.  :/  Whoops.  

In other news, sometimes I'm a crazy psychotic beezy.  Sorry about the strawberries Beau.  :/

Again, that face.  Yes.  The "shrug".  And now, back to my previously programmed 50 hour week.

[Miss me much, and these odd episodes?]

I like my job.

There, I said it.

I like my company.  I like our projects.  I like our leadership.  I like our office.  And I like our location.  I like that I have two monitors, a fast enough computer, and plenty of resources.

I am grateful.

Via Caledonian Expedition

Life is funny.  The things we expect.  The things we hope for.  The things we plan for....
Some mornings you wake up, and it's just all, funny. 

Things I know are ridiculous, but do anyway:

Take constant photos.  Of food, people, feet, signs, skylines, big buildings from their base, cracks in the sidewalk. Really if it's something outside of my own head, it's probably in a photo someplace in my hard drive.

Drive to the bus stop.... at the end of my street.  It is less than a 10 minute walk.  But more and more often, I  grab my keys, run to my car, and drive 5 blocks down the street.  Park.  Hop out.  And walk the last three blocks.  I often wonder if some neighbor isn't watching from their kitchen table, scoffing at their lazy neighbor.  It's really not laziness.  I love the walk. I just hate it when it's "walk or coffee."  Coffee almost always wins.  Especially, if it's raining.

Lately, I drive to the bus stop at the top of the ridge - it takes me less time oddly enough to get there (though it's further) and the bus is some how a shorter route than my usual one.  And I ain't walking that huge hill each morning.  But before you judge, I walk plenty once I get downtown.

Pee every 15 minutes.  I don't know when or how it happened, but I became an old lady.  Or a toddler.  I swear, I head to the bathroom so many times a day. I think it started because I was bored at my last job and needed an excuse to get up and take mental breaks every hour or so.... now, I'm just ruined.

Read Nicholas Sparks.  There, I said it.  Loved him in high school.  I haven't been reading his books for years now, and decided to give Safe Haven a try.  It was terrible.  What happened to him?  But then again, I still finished.... in fact, I read the last 1/3 of it in one night. (Which is a big deal for me.) So, ridiculous, but still I got hooked.

April 14, 2012

 Today marks one very good year.  

wishing we hadn't put off our taxes to the very last second....  

:( 

Hours until my Beau lands back in this rainy state and I'm struggling to put my heart into work today. I'd rather be sleepy, sipping copious amounts of coffee and watching the clock (wait - doing that part already)... wandering neighborhoods and exploring or just watching movies in Beau's blacked out apartment - old crocheted blankets hung over all the windows. Awg! Work. Oh well, I get a quick coffee break to see that hairy face in a few hours... and then it's the final push to the weekend. A much needed and long-waited for date night, followed by a long weekend with the Tens as we learn how to bar tend. :)  By the end of next weekend, K & the Tens will be available for hiring for all your special events and dinner parties.  (Okay, the name needs help, and I'm sure the boys won't mind I just started a business venture for them. Beau has already mentioned it.) ;)

HOURS!!!

(miss him ^)  

4/20

In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt.

- Margaret Atwood

I wanna go

(wanted.)

I just slept for 11+ hours.   Just thought someone should know.  Good Morning sunny Saturday!

“The perfect woman, you see [is] a working-woman; not an idler; not a fine lady; 

but one who [uses] her hands and her head and her heart for the good of others.” 

— Thomas Hardy

[I've] Learn[ed] the difference between a man who flatters you and a man who compliments you. A man who spends money on you and a man who invests in you. A man who views you as property and a man who views you properly. A man who lusts after you and a man who loves you.

- (via ohlady)

Thoughts I have. 

I have a lot of them.  I wrote a post a couple weeks ago about Meg's hair.  I never had a chance to type it out of course - but it was there in written, mental form.  (note, mental.)  Her hair is luxurious.  It's amazing.  There is so much of it.  And it will hold a curl from dawn to two dusks! I see it pre-coffee from time to time and its unicorn-like-wild-glory compels me to awe and anger.

Learning.  Odd how terrifying the idea of learning something new can become as we grow older.  And exciting.  But unlike the first 18-22 years of our life, we have to choose to want to learn.  Choose to be excited.  Choose to be confident that we can learn. We psych ourselves out and then we lose out - because we've forgotten how incredible it feels in that very moment when you just discover something you had never known before! It lasts only seconds. But it's a rush to the head! I'm not talking about when someone tells you how to do it - I'm referring to the experience of struggling to comprehend, to appropriate and to apply a new concept to your daily life, be it in work, relationships, home organization or your own mental world.

 

 

 

 

3/20

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week two is through! Praise the Lord! What a busy and rough week it was too.  Long hours at work and plans most every night.  I'm looking forward to a hopefully slower week - less deadlines (perhaps) and less evening commitments.  More sleep.  Less acid reflux?  :/  I'm also hoping to put my new crockpot to good use for a meal or two this week.

Feeling my insides are being rearranged a bit - and I'm grateful, because they are in need of it.  Spring always seems to be the time when we realize not only do our closets need a good purge, but so do our hearts and minds and habits.

Hoping you all are well and sense the Spring is coming.  Love you! xoxo

K. Hope

Holy _ _ _ _!  

Whole new meaning to a flash mob.  This is beautiful! 

That's all.  Go watch. ^

I made it!  First week at the new job complete.  And what a ride it has been.  I forgot how uncomfortable it really is to start at a new company - and had no idea just how terrifying it can be too.  After a week of not sleeping, and busy days that flew by... I am exhausted.  It was sometime Thursday afternoon when I finally started to feel good and the full I can do this conviction seeped back into my brain.  When I grabbed my purse and headed for the bus, I was happy.  I had just worked an 11 hour day and I was so happy.  I nearly teared up on the bus.  I am sure there will be plenty of challenges I will face in this new workplace.  I will dislike things.  Maybe even people.  But, I like my job.  And I have a huge suspicion that it is going to stay that way.  In fact, I think as time goes, I will like it even more.  I spent all week working on those projects that I considered the best of days at my last job.  When they arose, I'd stay late, come in early, work weekends and when John would ask how my day went I'd respond with a smile, "I spent it in Photoshop."  That was code for a good day.  Most days I responded something about Excel, QuickBooks, phones.  To each their own, but that ain't my own.  I know my kind.  My kind is craft.  And my craft is writing! And now, I get to spend my days writing and designing, for an excellent company.

You guys, I have a library.  A real library - all art and business focused!  And a librarian.  In addition to all the books, there is a full wall of magazines to check out - from fashion to typography, architecture (duh) to the Harvard Review.  A wall. :)

I am happy.  I like what I'm doing - and I want to become excellent in my craft! This is a blessing I am not about to take for granted - liking my job.

Beau Beau, PLLLLLEEEEEEEEEAAAAASSSEEEEEEEEEE

Graham Cooke

‎"To say YES to Jesus we must also say no to something else. A YES is always accompanied by a no. To be a world class musician, athlete, or actor, it means you have to know what your distractions are going to be and have a plan to overcome them.

We have to affirm the need for person discipline and develop a desire for it. We have to endure hardness, learn to persist when people around us want to give up, and cultivate perseverance as a way of life. Some people call it obsession because it suits their own purpose. It's PASSION - an intense enthusiasm for something, and it requires disciplined pursuit and a focus of intention that mediocre people never attain."

[via Braden, via Linda & Laurie]

Remember how I said I was gonna celebrate?  Oh I did.  Oh I am.  :)  Last night my Beau met me in the lobby with a hug and a congratulations.  We headed to the end of the block for drinks at RN 74 before whisking to Esther's for a night of scheming and dreaming over a table of delicious and beautiful artistry.

I have reserved the next two days for cleaning and organizing my life - for resting.  In Celtic mythology and literature there is much to be said about the 'time between time' - it is dusk - it is magic - it is that intangible moment between one concrete thing and another.  Transition.  I have carved out 4 days for my time between times.  My own transition, internally before externally.  This has been such a long process!!!! And suddenly, at 5:25pm yesterday, I was no longer employed by Weaver.  I no longer answered phones or coordinated billing for hundreds of complex projects.  I no longer managed an office.

John had requested just one of my mornings, "to help you rest", he said.  He woke me up this morning, "Congratulations on your unemployment."  We drove to a new coffee shop in our sweats, picked up pastries at a famous Scandinavian bakery we had yet to visit.  My favorite part of the morning came right after that, we drove to his house.  Took off our shoes, grabbed blankets, our coffees and pastries and then he grabbed the remote.  I asked, "Are we going to watch a movie?"  (This whole morning was a surprise of course.)  "A show?"  "Yes, kind of."  The screen lit up.  Looney Tunes!  This man.  This man.  I tried to tell him a week ago about the cartoons my sister and I would watch whenever we got a chance - an old VHS full of "50 of the Greatest Cartoons."  For years, Kristin and I tried to keep a list of all the shows in order.  We never could get all of them written down.  And eventually, the movie disappeared.  (We know who.)  I have bought several DVDs in hopes that they are THAT collection, but they never quite right.  I told Beau I'd love to spend a morning just watching old cartoons sometime.  This morning, we watched Bugs heckle Fudd for an hour before heading off to brunch reservations. :)

We've been trying to get to Lola's for a breakfast for a few months now - so this part I was able to guess... the only part of the morning I figured out at all.  Afterwards, John says it was the best breakfast he's ever had, and while the man does have a penchant for hyperbole, I think this was no exaggeration.  It was the sort of breakfast where you eat twice as much as you thought possible because you can't bear to stop.  DELICIOUS.  We ordered the pancakes and the Greek Breakfast and split both before wrapping up the meal with the doughnuts (we weren't going to miss another chance, Linda!).  They were incredible with our final sips of coffee.

Now, he's off to an afternoon of meetings and I've a room to put back in order, a car to clean and a laptop on which to do a bit of surgery.  So grateful for this small window in time, this time between the times.

Goodbye, Weaver.  I shall miss you. 

I am sure at some moment, I will think I have made a mistake to leave.  

But then I will continue on; I'll remember this was best.  

I wish you the best.

X

Today, I am going to celebrate.   

Tomorrow, I am going to celebrate.  

The day after tomorrow, I think I shall celebrate.  

We should celebrate more things, more. 

Last Day. 

[Uncertainty is so uncomfortable]

Starting a new job next week, I don't know when.  I don't know what time I will wake up each day, arrive to work, head out.  I don't know what I will do or how I will like it.  I know they hired another new marketing person as well - I don't know if they are my age, younger, older - man or woman.  I don't know if they'll be my boss or right beside me on that ladder.  I know so very little about this new world I'm heading in to in just a few days.  

In a relationship that is moving forward, but that definition ("forward") is yet to be discovered.  We just know we aren't stuck.  And we know we aren't going back.  But there is a lot of unknowns in any human relationship as you build. 

I like to plan.  

Maybe I'll go do my taxes so I can at least feel like I know something about what's coming - even if it's just an approximate number on a check in the mail.  

Sometimes this is where we grow.  When we see no walls. 

Choosing to be excited.  This is what I've wanted.  It's just also really, really uncomfortable.  

But, it will be good.  

It gets better.

I have two beautiful things in my life:  a new job and an amazing relationship.  And just enough unclarity to keep me moving, learning, stretching toward these two beautiful figures in my future.  

JWCT,  look.... 

need. 

please.  

Today starts my last week with Weaver.  In fact, today means 3 days to go.  This will be my last couple times pulling up the blinds, last couple times making a pot of coffee (here), last couple times changing the server tape, sitting in on the all office meeting, and answering the phones.... praise God for that one especially!! Doing my best to finish at my best and be the greatest help I can in my final hours.  But boy - sunny blue skies outside and I sure want to check out!!