I bought books today.... happy girl.

Not only that, but I wandered the Ave in the rain. Got a mexican mocha & almond croissant from Trabant (one of Kristin & I's favorite coffee shops). After a GRE practice exam (the reason I was ON the Ave)... I sat in a cafe and ate lunch by myself.

After other errands- one of which took me through the Arboretum (*DELIGHT*) and past Luc (Linda- I was lost, and happened upon it- it looks wonderful!), I came home to find an empty house at dusk. I used my favorite mask, lit candles, made tea, and finished two of the books I've been reading (Sarah's Key and Abba's Child). Then, I just sat in silence and enjoyed the presence of God that I could feel. Then, I heard keys in the front door.

Still, I was amazed by how wonderful a full day of being alone (with strangers) felt- It used to be my daily life, but that is gone and I realize from time to time I really need that time alone to feel rested and filled up, to dream and breath, and just enjoy silence.

I've been keeping the radio in my car and not listening to my ipod on the bus the past month. Fenelon speaks a good deal on the importance of being silent... and I've been trying to find those moments to really practice it. I see some friends who I know don't listen to music in their cars, and I can note how it's affected them positively. I'm wanting to mature. I need to grow. I need to learn to love. I need to discover how to really live in the grace that's available to me. Abba's Child's final chapter points out so clearly- first we have to REALLY accept and acknowledge that we are sinful, and not just 'bad' but our entire existence is wrapped up in this ridiculous self-centeredness. Then, we need a Savior. And it's there, that passion get's birthed... as we turn to that Savior.

Boy am I aware of my selfishness. And I'm learning to turn to that Savior- to run to Him when I feel the ugliest.