I haven't blogged much this week, because it hasn't been an easy week. There have been a few thoughts I've felt moved to share, but when it came to it I just didn't feel like I could.

I've just finished the final words of Perpetua and I am so moved by the faithfulness of the Lord. Even that He had me reading this book through this week is His faithful hand on my life. It is strange that we feel so entitled to the things we do. We think it is normal, but it ought not to be. We should not feel so entitled to the life we do. Even the idea of "Spring Break." As students, we think it is our priviledge and right to have a "relaxing and fun week." The whole country has idealized the idea. And we all commit to it to some degree. Yesterday I was thinking, 'This is not how I expected to spend my spring break.' But today, I'm just shocked by my silly selfishness. Why should we deserve a spring break? Why should we expect such comfortable lives and delicate treatment? Why is it that the disciples of Christ followed Him into martyrdom, and were told by Jesus directly not to be surprised when they were hated by the world? Hated.

I receive love by so many. I turn, and I feel loved. Not because of me- trust me. Yet, when I feel pain or hurt, I reply, "I didn't expect this." Why not? Yes, the Lord is good, and I do not want to walk through life expecting bad things. But is pain, a bad thing? I'm just not sure. I want to say that my life will be touched at every corner with the blessings of the Lord- and I believe it actually will, but I don't want to declare that those blessings will always be comfortable, sweet commodities. The story of Perpetua is of a young woman, my exact age, who faced all the fears I am currently facing... though different forms. Still, I can't imagine the Lord showing me a better story to help give me courage and remind me that my life is not my own. And I ought not to grasp it, nor demand comfort. The martyrs saw their death as a blessing. Indeed, Paul considered each of his beatings, drownings, stonings, and eventual death to be the blessing and goodness of the Lord. He counted it a blessing to share in the sufferings of the Lord. The martyrs of early Christianity declared in their deaths, "God is good." Quite literally.

What is wrong with our Christianity today? Oh Lord, let me respond to whatever level of suffering you allow to touch my life, with dignity and nobility of heart, as a daughter to God, and a true bride to Jesus. Change me heart to value what You value, and to desire what You desire. Let me seek you and find you. You said ask and it will be given... let me have the courage to ask for the greatest in your eyes, not the easiest in my own.

Let whatever suffering we each taste not be wasted, but let it draw us into deeper intimacy with you, sharing in your suffering that we may be baptized in it, and taste deeper life with you. Let us seek you, and find you.. in whatever we taste today, not putting it off in hopes that tomorrow will be easier, more comfortable, less busy.


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Perpetua, by Amy Rachel Peterson

Buy it on Amazon.
Read it on Google Books (be warned, good pieces missing...)
A brief bibliographyof Perpetua and her fellow martyr, Felicitas thanks to Wikipedia.