Sometimes the Lord surprises you with something small.

An unexpected treasure of a book. A phone call, letter, or just a sweet text message from a friend. An undeserved, unearned and unexpected beautiful sunrise. Running into a best friend at the mall. It is simple, and small, but exactly what you needed in that moment.

Sometimes, He surprises you with something huge.

Sunday in worship the Lord suddenly showed me how much I've become content to settle. Settle with sins in my own life, little ones that I say will change when my circumstances change. I can't settle for sin in my life. My life is hid in Christ!

And He showed me how I've settled for things I desire, not happening. That some people will never change. That some situations are just the way they are going to be. They are things I expected to see victory in, but not now. Not won through my prayers, just me. I've been longing for my husband to step into my life, so he and I could fight together for those victories - and while I cannot wait for that day - I cannot wait for that day. If He is not here now, that simply means that I have to fight alone. I don't know when I began to settle that those victories could wait, and my fight could be postponed. This isn't the time for parley, it is the time for arrows. As I said, my life is hid in Christ, and Christ knows not but victory.... victory in death, and victory in life. Victory over sin. Victory in relationships. Victory in dreams. Victory in health. Victory in generations.

He's been shattering my small living. Shattering my contentment, this haziness that has made me forget I was created to war for those I love. He's been impressing on me to pray for people the past few months, I swear more and more every day... I hardly get to read on the bus because of people coming to mind. But what good is it for me to be praying, when I've forgotten the faith that trusts He plans to move?

Yesterday, I forgot my book, and my bible. My purse was empty of things to dwell on, except for the first few verses of Romans 5, written into my moleskine so I could memorize it. It's been months and I had yet to start memorizing. Yesterday, I dwelled on it, reading it over and over, repeating it in my mind, with my eyes closed, with them opened... just praying it would get in deep. It has long been one of my life verses, and while for many years I knew it by heart, it's slipped away!!

A huge focus for me, my homegroup, and my friends in general has been maturity. What does it mean, and how do we get it?!

Maturity I've found means living in a way that says "it's not about me." And how do I get it? By getting the Word of God into my head, heart, hands, thoughts, actions, dreams, busrides, conversations!

Therefore, we have been justified by faith in God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access into the grace in which we stand, and rejoice in the hope of God's glory.

I think it was His grace that didn't let me have any more than that to memorize yesterday. How easy to skip over those two lines, and yet, how deep they need to root in my life! Justified by faith. I stand in Grace, through Jesus Christ! and I rejoice... not in my own accomplishments, or feelings and desires being met, no, in the hope of God's glory. That is what I most dwelt on. God's been rooting out of me whatever it is that doesn't like to see others get things that I don't think they deserve (the big brother from the Prodigal Son, yeah, I know). I need to rejoice in what the Father rejoices in, and it brings Him glory to give what we don't deserve. It's also no surprise I'm sure, being that my name is Hope, but I'm continually seeking out what Hope means. So often, it's used as a term that turns stubborness to hold on to selfish desires into a virtue. I've become genuinely angry about that. That is not HOPE! You have to be so careful, because the nature of hope is to hold on tight, it's to fasten, to anchor, to tie you through storms. But sometimes, that storm was meant to seperate you from what you've tied yourself to. Hope, it is trust in something that IS coming, despite what your eyes see. That is why Hope dissapointed can make you so very sick. Hope is fully convinced. And when you allow yourself to Hope in your selfish desires, you often face that disappointed. SO back to this verse, we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God! It's not something we really wish to happen, but it is something we are already rejoicing in because we above all else desire to see Him reveal His glory-- and our hope is in it, as we fully expect that it will happen. It is only a matter of time. And that comes to one of the last things God is doing in me - when you ask, how much longer do I have to wait, I'm not sure I can make it... and He only responds, wait.

I guess, in short, I am being awakened to wait. Not sleep through the night in a haze. But to wait, and fight, believing He can move at any moment, and plans to.

I did not intend to write any of that. I was just so moved by some of the practical ways that God is providing for me right now, after just having Him speak so much of this to me on Sunday, and now seeing Him doing big things on my behalf... I only came to say, sometimes He moves large mountains in a moment.