One of my friends from UW has been accepted into the English grad programs at UCLA, Berkeley, NYU, Vanderbilt and is on a wait list at Penn State. Granted, the guy is brilliant, but having sat beside him for a large part of my last two years at UW, it makes me want to try applying. I was pretty disheartened when I didn't get in to Cambridge. Relieved, and yet crushed. I'd prayed all along that the Lord wouldn't let me get in if I wasn't supossed to go. And initially, I'd felt like applying and being open to going was my cross... there were things back home I wanted far more than a PhD. But when I felt like I lost the things at home too, I started to really hope that I'd get in...get swept away on some grand errand that required the next 3 years of my life and reminded me that I was not ordinary or overlookable. That somehow, I was investing in something big.

But even as it hurt, I was grateful to have an answer. I was even relieved partly, I still don't know if I want to go to school for another 3 years. But there is the truth that, I love being a student. I love learning. I miss being so mentally challenged and the genuine pain of learning, working and working until you finally grasp a new idea, concept, theory, or perspective. The sermon on Saturday night reminded me just how much I miss it. I know school might not be the answer, and probably isn't. I'd much rather my life look a different way then grad school, alone, for the next 3 years. But, I don't think I can just make my life look the way I want.

In particular, the one grad school I was really interested in in the states, was/ is UCLA. While researching for my undergrad thesis, I came across one author who was discussing the aspects of Romantic Literature that I was passionate about investigating... his name was Robert Maniquis, and I discovered he is a professor at UCLA. They accept 40 students to their English Graduate Program each year.

So, I guess, I'm just thinking... kind of considering... praying if this is a door I should be brave enough to knock on, even if it means that it might close on me. And Chris, if I do decide to, I will be taking you up on your offer... Congratulations on all that's opening to you, I've been convinced since our creative writing class though that you are brilliant, so I'm really not that surprised. ;)