We are over 1/12th of the way into 2012.  Did you realize that?  Yes.  Well, we are.  I haven't flossed enough times for it to be February already.  Nor have I practiced my violin enough.  Or written enough short stories.  So, that's how I'm doing on my goals, the written and unwritten.  How about you?

That being said, I'm thinking today about how well I let things go.  Or rather, how unwell I do.  I like to take risks, I like to love and forgive and be daring.  I'm pushing myself to be a brave person in action, not just in thought.  I'm okay with being uncomfortable - or I make myself be.  But, I'm not so good with the fallout of those things yet.  I still hate making mistakes.  I still don't forgive myself very well.  I still don't know how you just don't let those things be you... but keep moving forward uninhibited.  It feels like that's more the battle and requires more courage than any of the original choices or decisions ever did.  Letting yourself make mistakes seems to be more about after you realize you've made a mistake - it's not nearly as hard before, because you're still thinking it's not a mistake when you're making it.  Right?

I love the picture going around that says "Breathe out yesterday, breathe in today."  Being the silly girl I am sometimes, I was physically making myself do this the other day.  I started thinking, "It's really hard to exhale, before you inhale." (seriously, just breathe out right now.) So, I've begun telling myself  "Breathe in courage."  I think after that, it's a lot easier to exhale.  Let out the past.  Get over your mistakes.  Evaluate and move forward. 

That's where I'm at.  1/12 of the way through the year.  I'm right on track for some goals, I'm behind in a few others, and some I haven't even begun.  But my biggest goal for this year is to become freer, and to move forward, to live bravely - so I'm not letting the little things (or the big ones) stop me.  And while I seem to be more aware than ever that I can't just make myself feel or be certain ways... I can keep moving, and keep breathing in courage from a source beyond myself.  And maybe if I breathe in enough, I'll stop breathing out fear and frustration and start breathing out pure bravery.  And I can't help but wonder what that would do - breathing bravery on this world?